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Anon thinks there is a bicurious double standard

⁨953⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works⁩ to ⁨greentext@sh.itjust.works⁩

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/21e11b03-d065-4a02-8c76-fec8edbc07c7.png

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  • GeriatricGambino@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    When I was fairly younger, I was in a relationship with a woman who told me that if she were to learn that I had sex with a man, especially bottoming but also topping (she didn’t use those terms, she used bad terms), then she would feel disgusted and betrayed and would never feel attracted to me again or see me as a man before I said to her that I was disappointed in her, that she had internalised homophobia and that she was a massive hypocrite. Her self proclaimed best male friend presented to the world as flamingly gay, and she was openly bi herself, not as in “I would totally fuck women cause I like the idea of it”, bus as in she had fucked women before and would do it again. Apparently she deserves to be fucked by a real man, which apparently bi men are not. So…yeah, you can be a loudly proclaimed ally AND a member of the LGBTQ community yourself, and still be a disgusting homophobe right alongside the best of bigots.

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    • hushable@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I have a similar story to share.

      When I was in my early 20s I briefly dated a girl who told me she was having feelings for another woman and was being curious, she eventually broke up with me in order to be with her, but we remained good friends after that.

      Eventually she came out as a lesbian and when I told her that I was bi she immediately ended our friendship all even yelled some slurs at me.

      AFAIK she’s married with a guy and has kids now

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      • davidagain@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Wow, that’s some intense double standards there.

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      • dragonfucker@lemmy.nz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Maybe calling women lesbians instead of gay allows people to be homophobic while accepting lesbians. After all, the word was invented by men who thought women couldn’t be gay the way men can.

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      • GeriatricGambino@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Sorry you had to experience this bullshit. I think people like that lack the emotional intelligence to see other people as equals. Instead they only value them as much as whatever personal satisfaction they extract out of them. Intrinsically you’ve lost nothing of value that day, but I know the sudden betrayal of the friendship you thought you had can be shocking and hurtful.

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      • vivalapivo@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Eventually she came out as a lesbian and when I told her that I was bi she immediately ended our friendship

        Can’t really imagine it. Even stubborn homophobes do not end friendship over someone coming out. A lot of them just become curious and eventually accepting. Am not LGBTQ+ though, so my judgement is kinda not reliable, but still.

        The woman you’re talking about is exceptionally weird and she can go fuck herself

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    • StrixUralensis@tarte.nuage-libre.fr ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Image

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    • vivalapivo@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Apparently she deserves to be fucked by a real man, which apparently bi men are not.

      I would categorize it as a weird fetish and leave her by herself with it

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    • blarghly@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Honestly, while the exact way your ex handled the situation probably wasn’t ideal, this notion is really just an extension of the sexual puritanism that created homophobia in the first place. Imo, we should just accept that people’s sexual desires are what they are. If someone is turned off by bi guys, that’s fine - she doesn’t have to date them. Just like it is perfectly fine to be turned off by people with red hair, or people with annoying laughs, or people who are skinnier or fatter than whatever your personal preference is. Some people aren’t interested in shy people. Some people aren’t interested in dumb people. Some people aren’t interested in poor people. Does it suck when someone you like isn’t interested in you because of something you can’t control? Yes! But at the same time, people’s sexual preferences are also largely outside their control. So why demonize them for them?

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      • GeriatricGambino@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Ugh… Thanks for whiteknighting my ex’s being biphobic with your moral relativism.

        First of all I don’t know why you felt the need to inject sexual puritanism into the conversation, it’s not really a thing culturally in present day France, especially not in me or my exes mindset or social circles.

        Second, don’t give me this your mileage may vary bullshit, some things are objectively bad. Having preferences is fine. Being phobic against a group of people is not. It’s fine to be more easily attracted to tall people, or short, or green eyed, or mixed raced or whatever physical characteristic, as long as it doesn’t turn into a fetish, and I won’t get into that whole other subject. But being repulsed or disliking an entire group of people because of a not morally wrong trait, is objectively wrong and textbook definition of being phobic. Being attracted more easily/often to white people with blue eyes and dimples rather than black people is fine, you like what you like. But being repulsed by all black people, or gingers, or Asians, for the sole reason they are black, or ginger, or Asian, is not. And no, nobody said you owe some random person a shag, just because they’re from a minority. But questioning why someone is repulsed by the entirety of group of people is legitimate. If there’s something universally morally wrong with a group, like fucking Nazis, it’s fine being repulsed. If there’s a rational reason to reject someone, like not wanting to get a in a relationship with a firefighter cause you don’t want a partner who may die in a fire one day, or your sexual orientation is not compatible, then it’s fine rejecting them but not disliking or being repulsed by them. If the only reason you dislike or are repulsed by a group of people is irrational, like they’re a different race or different sexual orientation, then it’s textbook bigotry/phobia, and that’s objectively wrong.

        So to go back to the story with my ex; being a bisexual man is not a visual or physical trait. So if you’re a woman who likes having sex with men, and you were to reject or feel disgust for a man you otherwise are attracted to and enjoy having sex with, for the only reason that you can deal with the idea/image of him having sex with other men in the past, that’s textbook biphobia and homophobia, and that’s objectively wrong. If you feel so disturbed by this hypothetical, you feel the need to ask me, your partner at the time, a self declared straight man you are in a committed relationship with, if I hid sexual experiences with men from you, to assuage your irrational fears, you’re being biphobic and that’s just wrong. Again, if you’re a woman having sex with men, and don’t trust bisexual men because you think they will cheat with men, guess what, still biphobic, still wrong. Nobody’s demonizing anybody, moral relativism sucks, some things are in fact objectively wrong.

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    • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      IME this is incredibly common.

      I had a bi girlfriend who was also super uncomfortable with the idea of me being with another man.

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      • GeriatricGambino@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I don’t know how common it is, but I’ve had several past girlfriends express internalised homophobia against gay men, bisexuals or lesbians, and that’s too damn high a number since as french leftist, I don’t harmonize with conservative women. When I was younger I was naive or dumb enough to think that we would both grow as people in the relationship and some of my values would rub up on them. Now that would an instant curtain call for me, you can grow up as person in your own time, I have better things to do.

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      • deathbird@mander.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I had a bi girlfriend who wanted me to be bi. I’ve seen it go every which way. I’m not sure what the overall social trend is, but people are individuals and can defy your hopes and expectations of them in strange ways, for better or for worse.

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  • SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Fucking a twink is the manliness thing a man can do and if anyone wants to disagree with that I’ll fuck you too and I’m straight as fuck.

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    • zaphod@sopuli.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Twinks are feminine, so fucking a twink is also feminine and that’s gay. The manliest thing you can do is fuck the manliest guy you can find.

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      • SethTaylor@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Coincidentally, that is also what you should on your first day in prison. Or so they told me, I dunno

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      • 0x0@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        The manliest thing you can do is being fucked by Kronar.

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    • Skullgrid@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xxiK6Z4eXs&t=202s

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      • otacon239@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Been looking for this recently. Thank you!

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    • IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I’m sorry, but you are completely wrong

      ;)

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    • dumbass@leminal.space ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Reminds me of this stand up bit.

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      • Noodle07@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I just want to fuck a bloke, man

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    • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Image

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  • Eiri@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Initial reaction: there’s no way that’s real

    After reading the comments: what the fuck

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    • blarghly@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Very strange you haven’t absorbed this concept yet. “Bi women are straight but bi men are gay” is one of the most common tropes in the larger culture’s conception of sexual identity.

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      • Eiri@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I don’t mean to brag, but I have an astonishing lack of culture.

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      • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        bisexual women are hot

        bisexual men are gross.

        that’s the underlying assumption.

        homosexuality is considered positive/attractive among women, and normalized. a woman doesn’t become less woman for being with a woman.

        however, works the opposite for a guy. homosexuality makes a man less manly, or something.

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    • romanticremedy@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I am shocked too wtf. I feel bad for men who went through that BS.

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  • Agent641@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    It makes me bifurious

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    • Dasus@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I chuckled under my breath

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      • Lemminary@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I exhaled a little more air than usual through my nose

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    • ThePyroPython@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Bread makes you fat?!

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    • SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      At least your not bifurcated.

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  • idiomaddict@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I’m in my mid thirties, and I’m a bi woman who tends to go for bi men. I was once chatting about one of my exes with my dad and same aged stepsister, when she expressed deep surprise that I would be willing to date a man who had dated a man. My dad agreed, which is par for the course, but I could not for the life of me get a believable answer from my stepsister as to why that would be a dealbreaker.

    She had been part of the GSA in one of the most progressive towns in America and was at that time in first cohort of women to join a previously men-only fraternity at her college, so she definitely falls under the progressive umbrella.

    I literally can’t think of a reason except for donating blood, but that wasn’t it.

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    • Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I mean you kinda said the reason yourself: “[she] join[ed] a previously men-only fraternity at her college”. Of course I’m only speculating.

      The people she surrounded herself with probably thought that way and thus she thought that way. Most people do not think critically about their beliefs very much, yes even most progressives are just progressives because of the people around them.

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      • Bennyboybumberchums@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        So, this woman is an asshole and you big brained your way to blaming men for it??? lol Did you get a temp ban from Reddit or something?

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      • idiomaddict@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Tbh, the fraternity was pretty inclusive. It wasn’t required that they go coed, they just decided to. I do wonder what she’s like now that she’s a lot further removed from her hometown, but I know she’s at least still heavily anti-trump.

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    • StrixUralensis@tarte.nuage-libre.fr ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I literally can’t think of a reason except for donating blood, but that wasn’t it.

      What is the correlation between donating blood and being homophobic ?

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      • thecoffeehobbit@sopuli.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Gay and bi men are often excluded from donating due to higher HIV risk I believe.

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      • idiomaddict@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        For a long time (at least through the late 2010s and possibly still now, I’m no longer a good candidate to donate for other reasons), you couldn’t donate if you were a man who had sex with men (MSM) or if you had had sex with a MSM recently (6 months-2 years). Your own condom use was irrelevant.

        I did once decide to stick with hands only with someone because I had an appointment to donate blood later that week. My stepsister wasn’t aware of that restriction though and I can’t imagine it’s the presiding reason why a lot of even queer women aren’t interested in bi men, given the demographics of blood donation.

        There are a lot of wild things that preclude you from donating blood depending on where you live though, including time spent in the UK during the mad cow disease spike, even if you were a vegan. I understand that blood donation organizations are working with such large numbers and such a small margin for error that they would rather exclude a thousand good candidates than let one bad candidate donate, but it ends up being extremely discriminatory. I looked for some recent numbers, and it is true that even today the majority of new HIV cases occur in MSM or people who have sex with MSM, but given how widespread HIV suppression treatment is (in the US), correct condom usage reduces that risk to nearly zero.

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    • TheDoozer@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      It may be a byproduct of some dating issues from before her time dating that got passed down to her. Namely, that lots of gay men were in the closet, and ended up leaving their wife/girlfriend when they came out. And that could have carried through to women thinking it was that, because it’s easier to think the person leaving you doesn’t want women, not just doesn’t want you.

      Hopefully that mentality just disappears on its own after awhile. I think it’s already on its way out.

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  • IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    good news, those red flags are getting out of your way.

    better then gone than polluting your potential partner pool.

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    • riwo@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      taking the post at plain value, it would be a lot cooler if less people were homophobic against bi men. i dont want all the assholes to stay away from me, i want the to be decent people.

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      • gaybriel_fr_br@jlai.lu ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        So just throw gay men under the bus? Because this whole thing is just homophobia.

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  • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    The funniest part about this to me is that the AIDs epidemic actually forced medical researchers to accept that sometimes guys have sex with other guys, and they even created the term “Men who have Sex with Men” or MSM to cover this fact, since they aren’t necessarily gay or bi.

    Like, society needs to get over this. Sometimes people have sex with other people. Sometimes they happen to be different genders, sometimes they’re the same. It only means whatever it means to the people fucking and little else

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    • IndustryStandard@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Did they say no homo first?

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      • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        No but they kept their socks on so it’s good

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      • krunklom@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        The no homo spell kills aids.

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  • MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I’m just saying: as a guy, this is not the only double standard, and not the only thing that people see as “you did it once so you’re $thing forever” that guys go through.

    It’s probably one of the most notable though.

    As men, we deal with a lot of judgemental shit and we’re expected to deal with it “like a man”… Whatever the fuck that means.

    Another good example of this is crying. If you have a mental breakdown and fall into a crying fit, people will brand you as a cry baby or some shit, and that will stay with you for a long ass time.

    There’s so much more. I don’t have time to think of, nor detail any of it. Any fellas that have examples, I invite you too add them in reply. Ladies, you can too. And anyone else can, honestly; let’s not forget our non-binary family.

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    • lightnsfw@reddthat.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I’ve had two relationships with women immediately go downhill after I cried in front of them. It was like someone flipped a switch and turned off any physical attraction they had to me.

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      • rekabis@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I’ve had two relationships with women immediately go downhill after I cried in front of them. It was like someone flipped a switch and turned off any physical attraction they had to me.

        Can absolutely confirm this, myself. Never let them see you vulnerable, unless you want to drive them away.

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      • resipsaloquitur@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I’ve discovered that emotional availability means you’re available to mirror her emotions. If she’s mad, you better get mad. If she’s sad, you better get sad.

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      • HK65@sopuli.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Those women need to grow up.

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    • blarghly@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
      [deleted]
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      • Duamerthrax@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I’m glad I’m not your friend.

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      • tiny_iota@endlesstalk.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        my nephew was murdered, I helped raise him as a teenager while my brother was in the military. I cried in front of my “friends” and they judged me. They are no longer my friends. Terrible people. just like you

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      • Jax@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        have your mental breakdown

        You defeated your own point

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    • 0x0@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      The Reprieve community is a good place for guys to vent.

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  • Auth@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I’ve seen so many cases of staunch progressive groups weaponize a guys sexuality as soon as they have a falling out with him. Its like these people never believed what they were saying. People are so spineless and have no morals.

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    • dermanus@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      My favourite is the ones who scream about slut shaming then use “virgin” as an insult.

      Although that seems to have fallen out of fashion lately.

      That specific insult I mean, not hypocrisy.

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      • damnedfurry@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        It’s not out of fashion at all, “virgin” just became “incel”. The intent is identical.

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      • buttnugget@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        People always say stuff to me like, “You definitely live with your parents”. That one is super common. Like, who cares? It’s weird for me personally because I moved out over 20 years ago, but nothing wrong if I did live with my folks. It’s a world as hard as stone out there.

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    • ssfckdt@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      In my older age I’ve come to the realization that a lot of people join movements just to belong, not because they actually hold the conviction. I think in fact there are people who aren’t capable of even having a conviction, just bouncing between whatever expressive habits are most convenient socially

      You see it with things like politics and religion too

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      • Auth@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Its hard to be morally consistent. But not impossible.

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      • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Absolutely. There are also people who are just contrarians and will define their current views as the opposite of what’s currently accepted.

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    • SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      With leftists and progressives the louder they are about their beliefs and virtues the less they actually follow those through. Just like with religious people, it’s just virtue signaling.

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    • GreenShimada@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Sadly, this is a human trait overall. It’s deep in the lizard brain section from early in our evolution.

      If someone is part of a group and then does something seen as against the interest of the group (or groupthink, really) then any tiny little thing can become a trait leveraged against them. Either the person on the outs basically accepts demotion on the social ladder and hopes for re-acceptance from the group as subservient to everyone, or they’re just out for good. It’s one of our worst traits from a rational perspective, it’s violent and irrational monkey-brain shit, and likely made for small homogeneous, tight-knit groups that could count on each other to survive harsh environmental conditions.

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  • lonefighter@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I’m a woman who is straight AF, not a bicurious-bone in my body that I’ve discovered yet, and I’m having a casual fling with a bisexual dude. It doesn’t bother me at all, he’s hot as fuck, sweet as hell, we have a good time together, and I have better things to do with my life than sit around and brood about the gender of his previous partners.

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    • HasturInYellow@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      But why do you care? Why does it matter? How does it affect you in any material way?

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  • drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    People like this are the progressive version of evangelicals. And like with Christianity they don’t get called out enough to keep it from becoming a major problem.

    Villainizing male sexuality is why we have a whole new generation boys heading into alt right circles and so far the response has been a variant of telling them to ‘man up.’ And its going to get a lot worse before it gets even a little better.

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    • krunklom@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      This is the root of the problem with much of the discussion around male identity online.

      Women finally, and rightfully, gained a voice, and plenty of dudes listened. Many of them, not really understanding feminism as an academic discipline or having any real sympathy towards any aspect of being a man, used that voice to point of the many issues faced by women in the world and to fight for women.

      Where this falls apart is that because of the lack of real understanding regarding feminism and the concept of patriarchy, a lot of it boiled down to “shut up, the women are talking” and “we don’t care about your problems”

      None of this makes the problems away, none of this is really geared towards equality, and much of it is just switching the genders on deeply toxic patriarchal power structures that were used to oppress women for centuries.

      When you think about how stupid 90% of the people involved on both sides of this discourse online are, it’s of little surprise so many women went looking for easy answers from hucksters who pitched exploitation and oppression as empowerment.

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    • abbotsbury@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      they don’t get called out enough to keep it from becoming a major problem.

      idk man 9 times out of 10 I hear someone talking about progressives, they’re exclusively referring to the most hypocritical ones. Like, when does anyone talk about the normal progressives that just want good things for everyone? That’s boring.

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    • ssfckdt@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      OMG i’ve been saying this for years and every time I get bashed for it

      Because you can’t suggest that the (liberal/left/blue/prog/nonfash) aren’t perfect or are doing something wrong

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  • stringere@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I wouldn’t consider a woman that drops a guy for this reason to be a progressive.

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  • VinnyDaCat@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    My current girlfriend is cool with it, but she’s absolutely fantastic about pretty much everything.

    One of my exs on the other hand was a bit more aggressive and weird about it. She had a lot of toxic masculinity beliefs going on.

    The real issue I have is that a lot of them think its hot, along with some of the other things I may have been into at one point. It’s a bit of a struggle to explain that I’m not asking for more, I’m just being transparent to avoid a potential bombshell being dropped in the future. I don’t have the energy for a polycule, to bother with a third, or anything in the lifestyle anymore.

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  • Pacattack57@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Anon wants that BUSSY without social stigmas. Based and gay.

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  • JackbyDev@programming.dev ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    There is a weird bias against bisexual men in media. Someone I knew even once said she didn’t believe bisexual men existed, all men are either straight or gay. For me self identification is important. If someone tells me they’re straight but I believe they’re bisexual, I’m going to call them straight.

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  • Ileftreddit@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I am a straight white man and I can’t even weigh in on this issue because if I defend the bi ppl ill get a stigma attached to me

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  • Duamerthrax@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    There’s a streamer who I use to follow. Use to because she slowly went alt right. Anyway, one of her hangups with partners was refusing to date any man she suspected of being bi because she didn’t want a penis that was up an ass in her. She also believes that most men are bisexual. She probably only dates men who are vocally homophobic.

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  • heyWhatsay@slrpnk.net ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    If everyone just embraced being queer, everything would be ok. Sex and relationships can barely survive identity politics, old school or new.

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  • LainTrain@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    It’s definitely a thing but i doubt it’s progressive women who are perpetuating it.

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  • nutsack@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    i do wild shit to make the girls im dating lose attraction for me all the time. burping constantly, saying the word “COCKS” when i sneeze, crying about wall-e. who cares?

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  • TheFerrango@lemmings.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    FAKE: anon thinks girls are real GAY: anon wants to fuck a twink

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  • Rakonat@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    While I there is a kernel of truth about the whole gay men stereotype I can’t say I ever met a girl who would date or dumped a guy if she learned he had a bi/gay phase. The only thing that comes close was the guy who got dumped cause he cheated on his gf with her gay best friend.

    Hell I had a girl actually try to hook up with me because she heard a rumor I did something with a twink (I hadn’t) and wanted set up some weird love triangle with her bi twink friend. I backed away from that one cause it was clear the guy crushed bad for her and there was no way that relationship was going to end with everyone walking away content.

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  • Vreyan31@reddthat.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I think the difference is the perceived energy barrier if one wanted to fool around on their partner if they a bi vs het.

    A bi guy could, hypothetically, find a guy on grindr pretty much on a whim if he wanted to. This is a much lower barrier than straight guys face unless they seek a sex worker. If you are a woman in the early stages of dating someone, where you don’t know yet how much you can trust a guy, if a guy tells you he is bi that can come off as a higher cheating risk than a straight guy.

    Straight guys dating a bi-girl don’t have a similar perceived risk increase. Early in the relationship, guys may not even see the potential of a bi-girl hooking up with a girl as ‘cheating’, vs a bonus for his enjoyment. But also - finding a new girl to date is considered harder than finding an interested guy. So the ‘cheating’ risk doesn’t feel that much higher for guys dating a bi-girl compared to a straight girl; he may feel like he is still mostly competing against other guys.

    Is this fair or even realistic? No, this is based on perceived stereotypes rather than the behaviors and character of individuals.

    But this plays out at a stage of dating where people don’t know each other well yet and are relying on heuristics.

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  • Gladaed@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    “Straight” just cause you are in a relationship with a member of another sex doesn’t make you straight.

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  • ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Bi men here, progressive women are not like that. Only “progressive” (read: plays lip service to some popular cause, until it’s popular, often are TERFs etc.) do that, and you just need to skip on them, for more than one reason. I almost dated one, she turned out to be a “progressive” anti-abortionist, because “babies are people too”, and “you can just use contraception”.

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  • Lucelu2@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Um, no. I am an old Xer lady and we know men can be bi too. And like the ladies… sexuality is on a continuum. Some people just love to canoodle with young beautiful bodies no matter what flavor… and as we get older, old beautiful kind considerate people.

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  • switcheroo@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    If he’s a hot twink, then yeah no that’d be fine with me. Perfectly understandable.

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  • jsomae@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Women will leave him? I’m surprised to hear this.

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  • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Jim Jeffries talked about this topic in his new Netflix special that came out last week.

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  • plyth@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Just shows how deeply ingrained power relations are in society with an unproportional low complementing awareness and reflection about it.

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