Um, no. I am an old Xer lady and we know men can be bi too. And like the ladies… sexuality is on a continuum. Some people just love to canoodle with young beautiful bodies no matter what flavor… and as we get older, old beautiful kind considerate people.
Anon thinks there is a bicurious double standard
Submitted 17 hours ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/21e11b03-d065-4a02-8c76-fec8edbc07c7.png
Comments
Lucelu2@lemmy.zip 27 minutes ago
stringere@sh.itjust.works 1 hour ago
I wouldn’t consider a woman that drops a guy for this reason to be a progressive.
Pacattack57@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
Anon wants that BUSSY without social stigmas. Based and gay.
drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world 27 minutes ago
People like this are the progressive version of evangelicals. And like with Christianity they don’t get called out enough to keep it from becoming a major problem.
Villainizing male sexuality is why we have a whole new generation boys heading into alt right circles and so far the response has been a variant of telling them to ‘man up.’ And its going to get a lot worse before it gets even a little better.
Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 4 hours ago
The funniest part about this to me is that the AIDs epidemic actually forced medical researchers to accept that sometimes guys have sex with other guys, and they even created the term “Men who have Sex with Men” or MSM to cover this fact, since they aren’t necessarily gay or bi.
Like, society needs to get over this. Sometimes people have sex with other people. Sometimes they happen to be different genders, sometimes they’re the same. It only means whatever it means to the people fucking and little else
IndustryStandard@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
Did they say no homo first?
Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 2 hours ago
No but they kept their socks on so it’s good
GeriatricGambino@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
When I was fairly younger, I was in a relationship with a woman who told me that if she were to learn that I had sex with a man, especially bottoming but also topping (she didn’t use those terms, she used bad terms), then she would feel disgusted and betrayed and would never feel attracted to me again or see me as a man before I said to her that I was disappointed in her, that she had internalised homophobia and that she was a massive hypocrite. Her self proclaimed best male friend presented to the world as flamingly gay, and she was openly bi herself, not as in “I would totally fuck women cause I like the idea of it”, bus as in she had fucked women before and would do it again. Apparently she deserves to be fucked by a real man, which apparently bi men are not. So…yeah, you can be a loudly proclaimed ally AND a member of the LGBTQ community yourself, and still be a disgusting homophobe right alongside the best of bigots.
hushable@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
I have a similar story to share.
When I was in my early 20s I briefly dated a girl who told me she was having feelings for another woman and was being curious, she eventually broke up with me in order to be with her, but we remained good friends after that.
Eventually she came out as a lesbian and when I told her that I was bi she immediately ended our friendship all even yelled some slurs at me.
AFAIK she’s married with a guy and has kids now
davidagain@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
Wow, that’s some intense double standards there.
GeriatricGambino@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
Sorry you had to experience this bullshit. I think people like that lack the emotional intelligence to see other people as equals. Instead they only value them as much as whatever personal satisfaction they extract out of them. Intrinsically you’ve lost nothing of value that day, but I know the sudden betrayal of the friendship you thought you had can be shocking and hurtful.
dragonfucker@lemmy.nz 8 hours ago
Maybe calling women lesbians instead of gay allows people to be homophobic while accepting lesbians. After all, the word was invented by men who thought women couldn’t be gay the way men can.
vivalapivo@lemmy.today 10 hours ago
Eventually she came out as a lesbian and when I told her that I was bi she immediately ended our friendship
Can’t really imagine it. Even stubborn homophobes do not end friendship over someone coming out. A lot of them just become curious and eventually accepting. Am not LGBTQ+ though, so my judgement is kinda not reliable, but still.
The woman you’re talking about is exceptionally weird and she can go fuck herself
blarghly@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
Honestly, while the exact way your ex handled the situation probably wasn’t ideal, this notion is really just an extension of the sexual puritanism that created homophobia in the first place. Imo, we should just accept that people’s sexual desires are what they are. If someone is turned off by bi guys, that’s fine - she doesn’t have to date them. Just like it is perfectly fine to be turned off by people with red hair, or people with annoying laughs, or people who are skinnier or fatter than whatever your personal preference is. Some people aren’t interested in shy people. Some people aren’t interested in dumb people. Some people aren’t interested in poor people. Does it suck when someone you like isn’t interested in you because of something you can’t control? Yes! But at the same time, people’s sexual preferences are also largely outside their control. So why demonize them for them?
GeriatricGambino@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
Ugh… Thanks for whiteknighting my ex’s being biphobic with your moral relativism.
First of all I don’t know why you felt the need to inject sexual puritanism into the conversation, it’s not really a thing culturally in present day France, especially not in me or my exes mindset or social circles.
Second, don’t give me this your mileage may vary bullshit, some things are objectively bad. Having preferences is fine. Being phobic against a group of people is not. It’s fine to be more easily attracted to tall people, or short, or green eyed, or mixed raced or whatever physical characteristic, as long as it doesn’t turn into a fetish, and I won’t get into that whole other subject. But being repulsed or disliking an entire group of people because of a not morally wrong trait, is objectively wrong and textbook definition of being phobic. Being attracted more easily/often to white people with blue eyes and dimples rather than black people is fine, you like what you like. But being repulsed by all black people, or gingers, or Asians, for the sole reason they are black, or ginger, or Asian, is not. And no, nobody said you owe some random person a shag, just because they’re from a minority. But questioning why someone is repulsed by the entirety of group of people is legitimate. If there’s something universally morally wrong with a group, like fucking Nazis, it’s fine being repulsed. If there’s a rational reason to reject someone, like not wanting to get a in a relationship with a firefighter cause you don’t want a partner who may die in a fire one day, or your sexual orientation is not compatible, then it’s fine rejecting them but not disliking or being repulsed by them. If the only reason you dislike or are repulsed by a group of people is irrational, like they’re a different race or different sexual orientation, then it’s textbook bigotry/phobia, and that’s objectively wrong.
So to go back to the story with my ex; being a bisexual man is not a visual or physical trait. So if you’re a woman who likes having sex with men, and you were to reject or feel disgust for a man you otherwise are attracted to and enjoy having sex with, for the only reason that you can deal with the idea/image of him having sex with other men in the past, that’s textbook biphobia and homophobia, and that’s objectively wrong. If you feel so disturbed by this hypothetical, you feel the need to ask me, your partner at the time, a self declared straight man you are in a committed relationship with, if I hid sexual experiences with men from you, to assuage your irrational fears, you’re being biphobic and that’s just wrong. Again, if you’re a woman having sex with men, and don’t trust bisexual men because you think they will cheat with men, guess what, still biphobic, still wrong. Nobody’s demonizing anybody, moral relativism sucks, some things are in fact objectively wrong.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
IME this is incredibly common.
I had a bi girlfriend who was also super uncomfortable with the idea of me being with another man.
StrixUralensis@tarte.nuage-libre.fr 12 hours ago
vivalapivo@lemmy.today 10 hours ago
Apparently she deserves to be fucked by a real man, which apparently bi men are not.
I would categorize it as a weird fetish and leave her by herself with it
Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
There’s a streamer who I use to follow. Use to because she slowly went alt right. Anyway, one of her hangups with partners was refusing to date any man she suspected of being bi because she didn’t want a penis that was up an ass in her. She also believes that most men are bisexual. She probably only dates men who are vocally homophobic.
Lucelu2@lemmy.zip 26 minutes ago
So, she refuses anal… does she also refuse oral?
itslilith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 hours ago
Easy solution, only date bottoms
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
She also believes that most men are bisexual.
It’s funny, because I see so much bi-erasure among gay friends. The idea that every dude is a 6 on the Kinsey Scale and just suffering through straight sex because they don’t know any better is stubbornly resilient.
Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 46 minutes ago
I mean, yeah. Most men are probably somewhat bi, but the idea that most men will seek out other men or even admit to not being repulsed by other men laughable.
I remember back in highschool, a guy being so defensive, he would even describe what another guy looked like. I’m a straight guy, but I don’t have any issues being able to describe another guy as conventionally attractive.
pyre@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
bi-/homophobic steamer went alt right you say?
sounds like she didn’t really “go” alt right as much as she came out as alt right. phrasing intended.
EldenLord@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
Her pronouns became alt/right you say?
Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
True, but that’s semantics and I wasn’t going to write an essay on my phone.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 1 hour ago
Do the men she fucks not wash their junk?
zaphod@sopuli.xyz 3 hours ago
She probably only dates men who are vocally homophobic.
You mean the ones who’re in the closet?
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
what about her ass?
Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
The less I know about her opinions on sex, the better. She seemed to believe any outrageous sex act was more common than it probably was and decry the loss of common sense.
MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 6 hours ago
I’m just saying: as a guy, this is not the only double standard, and not the only thing that people see as “you did it once so you’re $thing forever” that guys go through.
It’s probably one of the most notable though.
As men, we deal with a lot of judgemental shit and we’re expected to deal with it “like a man”… Whatever the fuck that means.
Another good example of this is crying. If you have a mental breakdown and fall into a crying fit, people will brand you as a cry baby or some shit, and that will stay with you for a long ass time.
There’s so much more. I don’t have time to think of, nor detail any of it. Any fellas that have examples, I invite you too add them in reply. Ladies, you can too. And anyone else can, honestly; let’s not forget our non-binary family.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 1 hour ago
I’ve had two relationships with women immediately go downhill after I cried in front of them. It was like someone flipped a switch and turned off any physical attraction they had to me.
rekabis@lemmy.ca 58 minutes ago
I’ve had two relationships with women immediately go downhill after I cried in front of them. It was like someone flipped a switch and turned off any physical attraction they had to me.
Can absolutely confirm this, myself. Never let them see you vulnerable, unless you want to drive them away.
blarghly@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
[deleted]Jax@sh.itjust.works 4 hours ago
have your mental breakdown
You defeated your own point
tiny_iota@endlesstalk.org 3 hours ago
my nephew was murdered, I helped raise him as a teenager while my brother was in the military. I cried in front of my “friends” and they judged me. They are no longer my friends. Terrible people. just like you
Agent641@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
It makes me bifurious
Dasus@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
I chuckled under my breath
Lemminary@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
I exhaled a little more air than usual through my nose
SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 3 hours ago
At least your not bifurcated.
ThePyroPython@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
Bread makes you fat?!
Vreyan31@reddthat.com 3 hours ago
I think the difference is the perceived energy barrier if one wanted to fool around on their partner if they a bi vs het.
A bi guy could, hypothetically, find a guy on grindr pretty much on a whim if he wanted to. This is a much lower barrier than straight guys face unless they seek a sex worker. If you are a woman in the early stages of dating someone, where you don’t know yet how much you can trust a guy, if a guy tells you he is bi that can come off as a higher cheating risk than a straight guy.
Straight guys dating a bi-girl don’t have a similar perceived risk increase. Early in the relationship, guys may not even see the potential of a bi-girl hooking up with a girl as ‘cheating’, vs a bonus for his enjoyment. But also - finding a new girl to date is considered harder than finding an interested guy. So the ‘cheating’ risk doesn’t feel that much higher for guys dating a bi-girl compared to a straight girl; he may feel like he is still mostly competing against other guys.
Is this fair or even realistic? No, this is based on perceived stereotypes rather than the behaviors and character of individuals.
But this plays out at a stage of dating where people don’t know each other well yet and are relying on heuristics.
lmagitem@lemmy.zip 44 minutes ago
So they prefer to be with someone who would cheat at the first occasion but the occasion is hard to find than someone who has no problem to find a occasion but decides not to?
I’d rather be disappointed early than wasting years on a scumbag
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
It’s also that gay sex is gross, and lesbian sex is ‘hot’.
Lucelu2@lemmy.zip 21 minutes ago
Sorry, female pedos are as repulsive and degenerate as male pedos. All the stories of kiddie diddlers that are female teachers or nannies make me ill and inspire violence (which I refrain from) but they deserve to be locked up…for good.
rekabis@lemmy.ca 1 hour ago
how many people agonize about female pedophiles vs male pedophiles?
What makes this statement even more horrifying is that more and more evidence is emerging that - like with cross-gender rape between adults - rates of pedophilia in the general population seems to be about 50/50 between the genders.
As in, it is equally as likely for a child to be preyed upon by a woman as a man.
And society doesn’t give two shits about female pedophiles or their victims. Hell, if the pedophile gets pregnant, the government will even gleefully re-victimize the victim on a monthly basis the moment they hit adulthood by forcing them to pay child support to their rapist.
Now, for the purest example of anti-male gender bigotry, examine the fury and outrage if the genders were reversed.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
Early in the relationship, guys may not even see the potential of a bi-girl hooking up with a girl as ‘cheating’, vs a bonus for his enjoyment.
Oh boy is that a land-mine I’ve stepped on.
A real, “wait I don’t understand what do you mean you’re in love with her?” moment that rang my bell back in my 20s. And then they ran off and got married. Which… hey, at some point how can you even be mad? They were clearly very happy together. Still sort of sucks to find out your spoke was actually a third wheel.
jsomae@lemmy.ml 2 hours ago
Women will leave him? I’m surprised to hear this.
inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
I’m not. I’ve seen it happen many times to friends. Straight girls can make out drunk at a bar/party and that’s the end of it, but two men doing so are absolutely and irreversiblly gay.
It’s just yet another facet of gender enforcement and cishet normalization. Heck during the first season of Love is Blind an engaged couple breaks up because he admitted to his fiance that he has slept with men before. Not that reality TV relationships are real relationships, but there are vast majority of women who see it as a deal breaker.
Unless of course you’re just doubting anon talks to women at all. In which case, yeah… sus… 😒
jsomae@lemmy.ml 1 hour ago
I assumed anon is a woman, based on the picture.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
In my experience, gay men are much more poly-curious than straight women. And there’s definitely a lingering existential “what if my man’s gay and he leaves me for another dude?” dread that I’ve seen more than one straight woman grapple with, particularly if the guy they’re with is pushing 2+ on the Kinsey scale.
Tag in the Reddit-style “Dump him, he’s not good for you!” social media vibe, and you’ll get women who end a relationship because they would rather do the breaking-up than be on the receiving end.
Eiri@lemmy.ca 10 hours ago
Initial reaction: there’s no way that’s real
After reading the comments: what the fuck
blarghly@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
Very strange you haven’t absorbed this concept yet. “Bi women are straight but bi men are gay” is one of the most common tropes in the larger culture’s conception of sexual identity.
Eiri@lemmy.ca 4 hours ago
I don’t mean to brag, but I have an astonishing lack of culture.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
bisexual women are hot
bisexual men are gross.
that’s the underlying assumption.
homosexuality is considered positive/attractive among women, and normalized. a woman doesn’t become less woman for being with a woman.
however, works the opposite for a guy. homosexuality makes a man less manly, or something.
romanticremedy@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 hours ago
I am shocked too wtf. I feel bad for men who went through that BS.
SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 16 hours ago
Fucking a twink is the manliness thing a man can do and if anyone wants to disagree with that I’ll fuck you too and I’m straight as fuck.
zaphod@sopuli.xyz 10 hours ago
Twinks are feminine, so fucking a twink is also feminine and that’s gay. The manliest thing you can do is fuck the manliest guy you can find.
SethTaylor@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
Coincidentally, that is also what you should on your first day in prison. Or so they told me, I dunno
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 hours ago
IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
I’m sorry, but you are completely wrong
;)
Skullgrid@lemmy.world 16 hours ago
otacon239@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
Been looking for this recently. Thank you!
dumbass@leminal.space 16 hours ago
Noodle07@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
I just want to fuck a bloke, man
VinnyDaCat@lemmy.world 10 hours ago
My current girlfriend is cool with it, but she’s absolutely fantastic about pretty much everything.
One of my exs on the other hand was a bit more aggressive and weird about it. She had a lot of toxic masculinity beliefs going on.
The real issue I have is that a lot of them think its hot, along with some of the other things I may have been into at one point. It’s a bit of a struggle to explain that I’m not asking for more, I’m just being transparent to avoid a potential bombshell being dropped in the future. I don’t have the energy for a polycule, to bother with a third, or anything in the lifestyle anymore.
Bennyboybumberchums@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
Ive said it once, Ive said it a thousand times. No one pushes toxic masculinity like women do.
heyWhatsay@slrpnk.net 8 hours ago
If everyone just embraced being queer, everything would be ok. Sex and relationships can barely survive identity politics, old school or new.
idiomaddict@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
I’m in my mid thirties, and I’m a bi woman who tends to go for bi men. I was once chatting about one of my exes with my dad and same aged stepsister, when she expressed deep surprise that I would be willing to date a man who had dated a man. My dad agreed, which is par for the course, but I could not for the life of me get a believable answer from my stepsister as to why that would be a dealbreaker.
She had been part of the GSA in one of the most progressive towns in America and was at that time in first cohort of women to join a previously men-only fraternity at her college, so she definitely falls under the progressive umbrella.
I literally can’t think of a reason except for donating blood, but that wasn’t it.
plyth@feddit.org 4 hours ago
Just shows how deeply ingrained power relations are in society with an unproportional low complementing awareness and reflection about it.
IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 17 hours ago
good news, those red flags are getting out of your way.
better then gone than polluting your potential partner pool.
lonefighter@sh.itjust.works 13 hours ago
I’m a woman who is straight AF, not a bicurious-bone in my body that I’ve discovered yet, and I’m having a casual fling with a bisexual dude. It doesn’t bother me at all, he’s hot as fuck, sweet as hell, we have a good time together, and I have better things to do with my life than sit around and brood about the gender of his previous partners.
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
Bi men here, progressive women are not like that. Only “progressive” (read: plays lip service to some popular cause, until it’s popular, often are TERFs etc.) do that, and you just need to skip on them, for more than one reason. I almost dated one, she turned out to be a “progressive” anti-abortionist, because “babies are people too”, and “you can just use contraception”.
Gladaed@feddit.org 7 hours ago
“Straight” just cause you are in a relationship with a member of another sex doesn’t make you straight.
TheFerrango@lemmings.world 12 hours ago
FAKE: anon thinks girls are real GAY: anon wants to fuck a twink
peoflor@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
Heteropatriarchal system
LainTrain@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 hours ago
It’s definitely a thing but i doubt it’s progressive women who are perpetuating it.
Rakonat@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
While I there is a kernel of truth about the whole gay men stereotype I can’t say I ever met a girl who would date or dumped a guy if she learned he had a bi/gay phase. The only thing that comes close was the guy who got dumped cause he cheated on his gf with her gay best friend.
Hell I had a girl actually try to hook up with me because she heard a rumor I did something with a twink (I hadn’t) and wanted set up some weird love triangle with her bi twink friend. I backed away from that one cause it was clear the guy crushed bad for her and there was no way that relationship was going to end with everyone walking away content.
RumorsOfLove@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 hours ago
Maybe being gay is a weakness. If a woman wants a strong husband, is that regressive?
ryedaft@sh.itjust.works 14 hours ago
Yes, that was an episode of Insecure.
Gullible@sh.itjust.works 13 hours ago
There are legitimate reasons for avoiding bi people in a straight relationship. Straight folks use contraceptives a fair bit more frequently than gay folks, for instance, leading to lower sti rates. Risk of infection is a legitimate concern and an awkward conversation in a fledgling relationship.
But, from what I’ve seen, it’s largely just not understanding how you’re meant to act in a relationship with a bi person and ingrained bigotry. Everyone is at least a little jealous, but you can’t remove your partner from the entire populace. Half is a big ask but doable. 100% is just abuse. Despite the world becoming safer and more accepting, we’re still dumb animals that ping ancient and irrelevant instruction sets, and ostracism is one of the oldest.
Rumo161@feddit.org 16 minutes ago
This post is bi-reasiure