Is or is not talking about how your days went considered small talk? I literally don’t know now. I’d say it’s small talk.
Small talk is a way to gauge someone’s mood before going for the bigger discussions
do you think freewill truly exists?
Submitted 1 day ago by Goku@sh.itjust.works to [deleted]
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/86346738-f24e-4e23-b781-4c7c87afbf08.png
Comments
RedAggroBest@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 hour ago
I think so? Perhaps it’s small talk as long as it remains small. “Hi honey, what did you find out about the coefficient of friction in the graviton chamber after interviewing that nazi scientist, and does it mean we have to uproot our family and travel to a new country again?” is probably not small talk, unless it’s answered by, “oh, yeah, friction’s quite big, it’s all fine; can I have some toast?”
ynthrepic@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
Daily life is what daily life is all about.
I do think I’d potentially be happier with a partner who I could speak philosophy and politics with, but if we couldn’t also function simply navigating running a household and raising our family, then we really couldn’t be anything more than friends with benefits long term. Not that that would be a bad thing. It just depends on how you want to move your life.
DamienGramatacus@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
Asking someone you love “How was your day?” is a meaningful question. Small talk is bullshit time wasting between randos or acquaintances.
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 hour ago
“Lovely weather today, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, makes me feel like picnics,”
is expressing feelings to each other, affirming a shared worldview in which sunny weather is good, and affirming the value of each others’ feelings and potential plans.
Just because the real meaning is hidden, doesn’t negate the value.
starman2112@sh.itjust.works 1 hour ago
Anyone down for a sustained meaningful relationship? I’d really like to discuss the comparisons and contrasts between Happy Meal toys and gambling
Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 21 minutes ago
No, because you can just ask and pay for the one you want.
minorkeys@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
Need for small talk suggests the contents of your thoughts revolves around topics and depth of thought suitable for small talk, I wish you the best in finding someone similar who can appreciate its value to your life. I’ll be elsewhere and hope you wish me the same luck.
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 hour ago
I’m afraid you’ve missed the point. Smalltalk is about maintaining and strengthening relationship, which involves knowing about each others’ lives and feelings. And it does double duty: taking the time to ask and listen is a way to express that the other person is important enough to you - i.e. to express love.
It’s not the only way, and many of us don’t do well at smalltalk, but it’s a valuable way. And,
your thoughts revolves around topics and depth of thought suitable for small talk
Indeed! It means your thoughts have time for the other person’s life and feelings.
minorkeys@lemmy.world 28 minutes ago
For many, small talk does not strengthen or maintain a relationship. It is something that works for some people. Others endure it for the sake of the one who does but it doesn’t hold the same role for them and is not a necessity to have a loving and healthy relationship for everyone. Just as we express and receive love differently, small talk doesn’t serve the same role in everyone’s life. If it does for you, that’s great, hopefully you’re getting what you need.
As for the double duty, that is true of all communication, whether small or not. As noted above, it may be an expression of love for some people, but it’s far from universal.
Not everyone finds the smaller, and often repetitive, experiences of their day to be important or valuable and people are perfectly capable of having time for the other person’s life and feelings without the focus being those topics or experiences.
It sounds like you value smalltalk in your life but may not accept that it isn’t as widespread as you seem to imply. I don’t doubt it does what you claim for yourself and others you know.
CalipherJones@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
In this moment you are euphoric.
m3t00@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
FourWaveforms@lemm.ee 8 hours ago
after you get through all the asking each other stuff to get to know each other’s histories etc phase, it’s okay to just not talk all the time
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 hour ago
It’s not just histories and facts, though. Sure, you don’t have to talk all the time, but sharing feelings and connection, in a relaxing way, through small talk, helps maintain and build that connection. More important for some people than others.
Plesiohedron@lemmy.cafe 2 hours ago
I think it half-exists. I speak from a deep inspection of will performed while meditating.
There is a spark of energy that arises from my mysterious depths, that preceeds choice. I dunno where it comes from. Like I said, mysterious depths.
The spark enters this world and takes its form from it. Becomes a choice. Taking form from formlessness like breath blown into a flute. Or a player’s will injected into a videogame.
ynthrepic@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
That “spark” is whatever consciousness is in the end I think. Everything else is subject to direct inspection and can be found to be deterministic or emergent, not actually subject to any kind of “will”. I speak also from insights gained while meditating (or doing psychedelics 🤗)
akademy@lemm.ee 6 hours ago
So, you just HAVE to talk?
Do you hate silence?
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 hour ago
andybytes@programming.dev 3 hours ago
Shhhhhhh…
Korne127@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Like yeah, exactly. With the right person, you can talk for hours and hours about all kinds of stuff that interests you.
Takios@discuss.tchncs.de 1 day ago
with the right person you can also be quiet with for hours
Aviscii@lemmy.world 1 day ago
This! Silence is so much better than unnecessary and forced talking
ameancow@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Absolutely, but you don’t get to that point by not ever “small talking” along the way. Small-talk is how we express to each other how we feel, how we want to be talked to, what we notice around us and so on. It’s a critical component to socializing. Conversations between human beings doesn’t play out narratively like in media and movies, there’s no “point” to conversing with someone you’re close to, you’re just sharing shit.
PunnyName@lemmy.world 1 day ago
But also meaningless bullshit. That does not denote a bad relationship.
jballs@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Exactly. I can’t remember where I heard this - it might have been a podcast like RadioLab or something else - but it was talking about how happily married, intelligent couples talk to each other .
It turns out, it’s not usually super deep, intelligent conversations. The vast majority of conversations are just meaningless bullshit. Most of the time, couples aren’t even really talking to each other, but they’re just kind of thinking aloud. Stupid stuff like, “I swear I saw a dozen blue Volkswagens today.”
It turns out that people who are comfortable with each other don’t need to have deep conversations all the time. They can just relax, unwind, and be themselves.
Kacarott@aussie.zone 1 day ago
The way I understand “Smalltalk” is not whether the subject matter is “serious enough” but rather whether either party actually has any interest in it, or if it is a polite nicety to avoid awkward silence.
Discussing the weather in a car ride with a coworker is smalltalk, contemplating with a friend how one might conquer the world using ant-controlling super powers is not.
Strider@lemmy.world 17 hours ago
Indeed I can confirm.
Just a few days ago I pondered the life of plants and asked my wife how she thinks the death of a plant is defined if for animals (including humans of course) it’s mostly the heartbeat.
So when is a plant dead?
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 hour ago
When you see its little planty soul waft up to heaven.
LanguageIsCool@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Talk about the stuff that interests you, you know, the small stuff
essell@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Small stuff doesn’t really interest me, or my partner.
Doesn’t mean we’re incapable of discussing dinner plans or cleaning schedules.
M137@lemmy.world 1 day ago
For hours, every day, for years or decades? That has never happened.
curiousaur@reddthat.com 2 hours ago
Well do you?
psmgx@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
ITT we ask the autistic to self identify
hedge_lord@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
I REFRAIN FROM THE PRACTICE OF UTILIZING MINISCULE SPEECH. EACH AND EVERY INSTANCE OF MY EXPRESSION IS VAST AND VERBOSE AND MAXIMAL.
HugeNerd@lemmy.ca 11 hours ago
Not spelled like that, no.
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 hour ago
Hey, that’s racist. Freewill’s ancestors were enslaved and abused for generations, now they’re free so his parents, William and Wilhimina, named him Freewill to celebrate his freedom!
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
Fuckin’ got 'em.
Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 7 hours ago
how do people who like small talk plan on being in sustained meaningful relationships what are you gonna do “hi honey nice weather we’re having huh?”
my plan is to be too busy kissing my partner at all times to say anything
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 hour ago
How Shakespearian. “Stop his mouth with a kiss.”
“And another kiss.”
“Keep going! More kisses, least he open his mouth and opine on the weather.”
Hadriscus@lemm.ee 12 hours ago
I do exactly this ! Hi honey how was your day ? Kids were restless ? Ok. Does that affect your stance on education through play ? is punishment sometimes advisable ? you haven’t read your copy of Foucault’s Discipl… hey where are you going ?.. baby ??
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 hour ago
“I’ll be right back, I forgot my stack of research notes in the kitchen! Do you need citations?”
Signtist@lemm.ee 1 day ago
My wife and I will sit in the same room for hours and never speak a word to each other. We only talk when we have something to say, and we’re both happy with that relationship. My sister thinks we’re crazy, but we like it quiet.
Gloomy@mander.xyz 1 day ago
My steppairents are like this and beeing them, at a meal table and have nobody say anything for 20 Minutes is so fucking wired. I am getting used to it, but it’s still off as fuck.
MinorLaceration@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I’m interested to know the dynamic that causes two step parents to be together like that. Is it one parent and one step parent or a step parent that remarried and now you have a step step parent?
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 1 day ago
No, we just stfu when we don’t have anything interesting to talk about. It’s not complicated.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 20 hours ago
Why do you think small talk isn’t interesting? Sharing neat things that happened during the day is small talk. Talking about your hobbies is small talk. Talking about cool movies and TV shows is small talk. All interesting topics.
myliltoehurts@lemm.ee 14 hours ago
Is talking about your hobbies and interests really small talk? I always attributed small talk to the like of “how is it going? Fine thanks and you? Fine too thanks oh damn crap/great weather we are having huh?”
artichoke99@lemm.ee 20 hours ago
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 9 hours ago
Because a great deal of it isn’t interesting. I have to listen to all the ancient dudes I sit next too talk about the most innane crap all day long. I don’t need that when I get home too.
Lv_InSaNe_vL@lemmy.world 10 hours ago
So like when you get home from a normal and boring day at work you just walk into your house in silence and sit down?
No “hey honey how are you” or anything like that?
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 10 hours ago
I would love to walk into my house in silence and just sit down. I’m usually stressed AF when I get home and the last thing I want to do is talk to someone. Unfortunately I rent from a couple of retirees who spend all day camped out in their living room watching TV and it’s impossible to enter the house without going through there and having to have a tedious conversation with them about what their dog did today or whatever stupid thing.
genevieve@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 hours ago
Spouse and I ponder the mysteries of life and the universe while we’re cuddling.
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 hour ago
Sounds pretty good :-)
wpb@lemmy.world 1 day ago
“Such weather we’re having huh?”
Truly peak romance
ameancow@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
The current state of society is: “Ugh I can’t believe this cashier is talking about the weather when I’m in a hurry to get back on the internet to complain about how lonely I am and how hard it is to make friends and date.”
wpb@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
You’re probably joking, but know that there’s a subset of us that gets pathologically anxious and confused by small talk. Autistic people for example. Different folks, different strokes. Not everyone deals well with talking about the weather, and that’s ok. There’s billions who do deal well with it, and that’s ok too! Be a mensch and talk to them instead.
Zenith@lemm.ee 1 day ago
But at least it’s a conversation you can work with “oh yeah it’s so nice we should go do X” or “yeah it’s crazy out there, we should stay in and watch a movie and snuggle” the point of small talk is to open avenues of conversation… I think people just don’t know how to have conversations anymore and chalk it up to “not liking small talk”
ameancow@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
People will also say something stupid about the weather or news or whatever just because they want to express to you that they’re friendly and open to converse. Ignoring “small talk” from a stranger is like actively rejecting someone’s desire to connect.
Which is fine, if you’re as antisocial and spiteful against “casual life” like everyone in this post is pretending to be and you love it and you’re happy, that’s great. Say “just put it in the bag” and get out of there.
The problem is most of these people who act like people talking about “last night’s game” are NPC’s in the Matrix and they would NEVER stoop to the level of talking about sports or weather… are the same people who will race home to post their manifestos about how lonely they are and how society is crumbling and how they wish they lived somewhere walkable with community and how hard dating is.
Our cognitive dissonance as a species is maxing out.
lunarul@lemmy.world 1 day ago
we should go do X
we should stay in and watch a movie and snuggle
That’s not small talk, that’s planning what to do today. You can open the same conversation with “hey, what do you want to do today?”
krashmo@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I think it’s more about your expectation from interactions with strangers. I will tolerate a ton of weather talk from my wife but if the guy taking my order at 5 Guys tries the same thing it’s not going to be as well received.
dragonfucker@lemmy.nz 1 day ago
the point of small talk is to open avenues of conversation
If you’re married to someone, all avenues of conversation should be open the minute you’ve both said hi. If you need to talk about the weather before you decide what to get for dinner, with your spouse, then your marriage is a failure.
ameancow@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Lotta folks on both sides of this conversation who have never been in a long-term relationship.
zer0bitz@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
Why does the image look like AI generated? How the letters are so fucked up?
Grostleton@lemm.ee 12 hours ago
Took a picture of their monitor with a phone camera that uses AI image enhancement
shadow_figurine@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
Might have been corrupted through a bunch of screenshots and then restored by ai
Tattorack@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
But that would be great! Let’s start an awesome exploration of a very existential topic. Certainly better and more interesting that talking about shopping.
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 hour ago
Well, but if the other person did some shopping, do you care how it went? They might.
“How was the shopping?”
“Ugh, this idiot cut me off in the aisles so many times, I feel so frustrated.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. Like, does his existence even matter? Perhaps he’s a figment of our collective imagination. It’s so maddening to think your own brain is creating fictions that cut you off in the aisle.”
“I know, right? It made me wonder what if I’m the figment in his imagination! It’s such a depressing thought. I need a hug.”
*hug*
minorkeys@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
Only for those who spend time engaged with existential topics rather than shopping though.
EvolvedTurtle@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
I mean You can hate small talk with strangers and co workers but still enjoy small talk with your partner
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 hour ago
“How’s the weather, Bob?”
“Please! My wife asks me that in the bedroom! Not you, here, at the water cooler.”
OccamsRazer@lemmy.world 1 day ago
It’s not small talk, because i actually care how my wife’s day was.
BallShapedMan@lemmy.world 1 day ago
My wife asks how my day was “great, or good, or whatever” then I ask how her day was she usually stops talking before bedtime. Works for both of us!
praxis_jack@lemmy.world 10 hours ago
Yes.
NONE_dc@lemmy.world 1 day ago
When I say “I hate small talk” I actually mean “please Shut up, Im really anxious and I don’t know what to respond to you other that nodding and «Thats crazy»”
mr_satan@lemm.ee 19 hours ago
The real answer is it doesn’t matter. I feel like I have free will hence I have free will for all meaningful intents and purposes.
Neither argument can be proven and even if it’s an illusion, it’s strong enough to make the truth irrelevant.
Lazhward@lemmy.world 18 hours ago
Meaningful.
The clue is in meaningful.
SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 minutes ago
My partner and I have surprisingly little in common when it comes to interests. I like a lot of nerd stuff: homelab, 3d printing, robotics, brewing, welding, woodworking, sci-fi, etc. They like not nerd stuff: copaganda shows, murder porn (podcasts and documentaries), dog training, cooking, etc. I like metal, they like jangly indie, we both like punk. We both love cats.
We also both hate small talk, so we only discuss what we find to be pertinent or interesting. Since we have a lot of individual interests, we actually have a lot to talk about. We just had a really great conversation on using Docker or a VM to circumvent some silly online testing issues.