milicent_bystandr

@milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Let's play this game again⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Your laser is no longer pure, straight light; it is organic and natural, and a shoot is butting out of the side, and will eventually grow into a laser tree.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Let's play this game again⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Oh no! My number of superpowers has reduced from 0 to 0!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Let's play this game again⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  But you get no superpowers.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Let's play this game again⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Poor Will.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Let's play this game again⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Who is Will, and why did he die?
  This, of all, I wonder why.
  When he left I felt the surge
  Of pain flow though my heart and I Thought back to all the Wills I’ve known
  But none of them would cause such groan
  To splinter in my heart like this;
  I’d barely find a little moan.
  So why at last, when chance is here
  Should I cry, “Will should live!” with fear?
  I only met him once but now
  For all he is I shed a tear.
  And so I wait with baited breath
  At graveside—but with terror rings
  The note of balance, weighing kings
  And paupers on the scale; sings
  That this one’s life, return’d on wings,
  In recompense a great doom brings:
  The rest of us will meet our death.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Let's play this game again⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Perhaps the speed-up is such that they still experience a normal lifespan. As time tends to infinity, the experience speed tends to infinity.

  Most of eternity, to everyone else’s view, OP is an inanimate but immortal being whose reflexes are infinitely slow and can’t respond to anything.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨how did you and your partner change after having a baby?⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  It’s been tough on us, most of all - as others have said - from the sleep deprivation. For a while we’ve often felt like roommates who happen to be parents of the same child. That’s starting to change now. But, funnily, even in that time of feeling more apart it’s like we work together better too - we’re a better team. I think looking after the baby puts some things in perspective.

  Perhaps the biggest thing I’d advise - and that I think we’ve done well mostly - is having a mindset of family instead of romantic relationship. The romance is something wonderful within the family, rather than the family is an extra thing that comes from the romance.

  So if romance takes a back seat for a while, it’s not like, “oh no, now I have all this hard work and responsibility… one day I’ll be back to the thing I like.” Instead, where ‘couple’ used to be the most important focus of relational life, now ‘family’ is. So all that effort going into baby, baby, baby, is every step investing goodness in your family - so that builds up your relationship too.

  Sorry, maby that’s a bit confusing at the end, I don’t know how to write it well.

  ---

  To answer some questions directly,

  Does this phase eventually runs its course?

  The phase of tiredness and struggle, yes… kind of. There’s always new things to cope with with children! But the change in what your relationship looks like? No. You still have a good relationship, but what ‘good’ looks like becomes different, just like what ‘attractive’ looks like becomes different when you go from 20 to 50. Some people don’t handle it well.

  How do you find the mental fortitude to ignore the stupid bs your partner does or says?

  By recognising that you do just as much stupid bs, and by being much quicker to forgive and apologize than to judge. Also by realising your partner’s way of doing something is legitimate even when it’s not the way you’d do it, and knowing when to step back and let them - even support them - rather than butting in with how you should do it different.

  How would you describe love to your partner a year after having a baby?

  Stronger. Stronger on a deep level. We’ve fought so hard to keep our love from being bashed around by stupid bs from outside and inside, both before our child and after. But we have some re-learning to do for how to help our closeness flourish now the baby is less ever-present and all-consuming!

  Is there any way to know if you and your partner are going to make it and remain a couple after having a child?

  Probably not for certain, but there’s many things you can do / look for.

  • be a Family not a Couple. Is life just about sex and the pleasure you get from your partner? Make life about pouring your love and creative expression into your family.

  • Are you married? What holds you together in the hard times? Be truly committed to each other, “for better or for worse,” having absolutely no place for thinking about cheating or breaking up. That clear mindset of faithfulness and together-to-the-end will help you through the hard times.

  • be humble, quick to apologize, quick to forgive, quick to think your partner’s perspective is important even when it seems dumb to you at first glance.

  • how well do you make up when you argue? Can you go to bed after, even during, an argument, and know you love them? Or do you fight and break up until they admit they were wrong? Do you feel together again afterwards, or after each argument do you feel more like it’s time to leave?

  • do you have people around you? Community? Family? Does your partner have friends they can go to and bitch to, to let off steam when things in your little family of you/them/baby feel too intense? Do you have such friends? That’s often more important for women.

  • are your finances ready? And can you talk together about them? Stress from finances often causes big stress in the relationship. But even if you’re poor and financially struggling it doesn’t have to, if you know how to feel together about budgeting, and respect each others’ decisions.

  ---

  …well, I’ve rambled on long enough! Hope some of that is helpful.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Oh, I’m quite aware. My own accent is pretty RP.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Besides, they probably put commas in the wrong places over there too.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Mine too. I had to stop believing in the OED as the foremost authority on correct English!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I just figured, if Old English came from America, then those great figures must be from whom we Receive Pronunciation.

  Or are We not amused at the fantastical American origins of true English?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Of course it’s worth adding that the Oxford English Dictionary argues (argued?) that the z is proper in British English! I disagree ;-)

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Received from the great founders of England: Abraham, Isaac and Jacob Lincoln, and Lord Martin Luther King Sr I.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Oblivious, Remastered

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I cheat on as many people as I want to⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Knowledge and feelings of others. Sometimes coming out with everything all at once is a bit overwhelming for others, as their everything would be for us; and sometimes saying everything in our natural way triggers hurt feelings in others (often due to subtle misunderstandings and expectations), as their way might to us.

  I agree with the general principle of being open and honest, and then not having to hide yourself.

  ---

  Also: my keyboard keeps correcting words to ‘kissing’ today. Is Google trying to tell me something?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Och! Ye kennae use thir flag withut chenging thae langgage to theis.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  We did. Famously we lost and you got to go your own way and stop paying us taxes.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  ‘kulla’, or ‘kullar’ for the Americans

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  “By presidential decree, it will no longer be called ‘American English’ and ‘British English’, it will be ‘American American’ and ‘English American’.”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Bouston Teua Puarty

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Ah, one more way in which post-colonial America and Mao’s China are similar.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  America

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  In the Black Panther they talk about the “heart-shaped 'erb,” and it sounds so strange to me, I always think it should then be “'art-shaped 'erb!”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Speak American⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I thought in Aus and other international areas the Z was considered correct spelling, even though most of the rest follows British convention?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I'm baffled⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  It’s a cold, and it’s a broken calenduyah.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What's the worst spelling you've seen?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Wow. So maybe it wasn’t an “I’m so new and unique” Traighdiegh. I wonder what the history of Eighmee Street is.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What's the worst spelling you've seen?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  JaXin would, I believe, be a normal Chinese name - but pronounced quite differently!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What's the worst spelling you've seen?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Do you also regularly visit 1885 in a steam-powered flying time machine?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What's the worst spelling you've seen?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Wow. Yeah, definitely good to be gracious in that situation!

  Another is, some cultures, not too far from home - like Irish and Welsh - have names written in ways that look Traighdiegh to English, but are the correct/traditional way to spell it for that culture.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What's the worst spelling you've seen?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Apology not necessary.