hedge_lord
@hedge_lord@lemmy.world
- Comment on do you think freewill truly exists? 4 days ago:
I REFRAIN FROM THE PRACTICE OF UTILIZING MINISCULE SPEECH. EACH AND EVERY INSTANCE OF MY EXPRESSION IS VAST AND VERBOSE AND MAXIMAL.
- Comment on Tity more tity, the Greed is sickening 2 weeks ago:
A while ago my wife showed me her peregrine. I didn’t understand at first. I didn’t really want to get close to it because its beak looks sharp. Turns out it’s pretty nice though. They are very trainable and excel at hunting. The peregrine falcon is the fastest animal on the planet.
- Comment on It's very friendly and well behaved. 2 weeks ago:
Woah it’s big!
- Comment on Squint those eyes 2 weeks ago:
That wasn’t very nice…
- Comment on Thats fair 3 weeks ago:
Gee I sure hope not
- Comment on Delicious lentil inside 3 weeks ago:
I want one of these for my pressure cooker
- Comment on Resistance is futile 4 weeks ago:
It is my firm belief that any ethical culture should have a legally mandated “no, fuck off” button. You can keep the “no, thanks” or “maybe later” buttons but the “no, fuck off” button must be displayed prominently alongside them.
- Comment on fellow patriots 4 weeks ago:
It’s not possible for a planet to explode! And if it was then the empire didn’t do it. And if they did then it was only because Alderan started it. And if they didn’t then it’s good actually because those guys were assholes.
- Comment on Got kicked out of Hell for harshing the vibe 4 weeks ago:
I am sleepy, goer of to bed. I do battle with the modern world in the form of this phone that I cannot put down. It is simply too captivating. The steady march of time leads my thoughts to increasingly radical and negative patterns. My mind cannot be trusted in the bedtime hours.
- Comment on Got kicked out of Hell for harshing the vibe 4 weeks ago:
I am the worst. A hollow shell playing at being human with no regard for the damage it will cause. My every action rings hollow against the world and everyone can see it. They know that I have no soul. Of all existence I am a wretch too cowardly to live yet too afraid to die.
- Comment on sorry i never replied 4 weeks ago:
Time is a two dimensional force. One axis represents “time” as we commonly experience. The other represents the amount of starch in my stomach. Consumption of potatoes (especially fried potatoes) creates a divergence point into multiple timelines. This is why I was late to my meeting this morning.
- Comment on Got kicked out of Hell for harshing the vibe 4 weeks ago:
No I am the best. Everything that I do is good because it is something that I have done. Everything that I am part of is better for having me be a part of it. This power is available to you, should you have the will to believe it. No action of heaven or earth is for my detriment because all things work together for my good.
- Comment on Would you love me if I was a worm? 5 weeks ago:
I’ll bet that the ancestor would be amazed at my ability to sit in a cozy bed all day. I must make them proud, it is my duty.
- Comment on lion 1 month ago:
My employer takes my SURPLUS VALUE in the form of PROFITS but I am a REAL PATRIOT so I don’t believe in HANDOUTS or TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION so I ROSE UP with my buddies in order to institute workplace DEMOCRACY.
- Comment on Call now, and we will give you a second can F R E E! 1 month ago:
Upside is this is a really good deal for the price. Downside is I didn’t expect there to be so many crabs
- Comment on Am I going crazy, or has people's spelling gotten awful lately? 1 month ago:
This dog murdered my family okay it is a really bad dog and it’s evil and bad but also really cute so idk if I can hold a grudge against it but what it can hold against me is the gun that it has pressed to my temple because it has forbidden me from using any punctuation in this run-on paragraph
- Comment on ⭐ Enviar un regalo 1 month ago:
I don’t know why we’d want to
- Comment on Am I going crazy, or has people's spelling gotten awful lately? 1 month ago:
A while ago I became terribly aware of people writing things like “apostrope’s” to indicate plurality. I was pretty convinced that it was a new thing, but I’ve since found examples of people doing that far in the past! I’m not sure if they were doing it at the same rate but they had been doing it for a while.
I know that some foreign language speakers use this as part of their grammar, but they do so according to a rule system. The people I encounter doing this have only ever known american english and do so without any apparent consistency. If you’re going to alter your grammar in that way, at least make it consistent! Like these weirdos. Professionals have standards.
- Comment on I hate it there 1 month ago:
Having my first child taught me the crucial skill of delegation. Prior to this I carried that child around for nine months, but I didn’t let that get in the way of things. I never missed a meeting, not even during labour. I’m still working upwards of 12 hours per day and that’s because I know how to market my child. When a company grows, the founder and leaders are rewarded. The same is true of children. At only four months old my child has a projected net worth of 20 million, and I have crowds of investors looking for a place in their life. Creating market value is a key aspect of a child that many first-time parents overlook.
- Comment on On the struggle bus 1 month ago:
We put faces on our sugary treats in order to weed out empathy in our young. Put a human and a sugar chicken in the same room. The human will devour the sugar chicken while its friends watch.
- Comment on The poop psa absolutely no one asked for 1 month ago:
Ooo can I have it then?
- Comment on Welcome, friend! 1 month ago:
I lost a friend like this to the cicada cult. One day he’s feeling sympathy for the things and the next he’s stuck himself to a tree and won’t stop screaming. He never stopped after they died, I don’t think his mind could take it.
- Comment on At this point I think I would 1 month ago:
That’s MY HOUSE you bookstack! You thieving oil barrel! I was IN THAT HOUSE. I STILL AM. Put us down and LET ME OUT. Where is the exit??
- Comment on Breaking - Trump Resigns! 2 months ago:
It’s true! He was visited by three ghosts and became a changed man. Just kidding! That did happen but he didn’t learn anything and remained a piece of shit. But! Then the mummified remains of Abraham Lincoln ate his face and he died. However! He’s been replaced by a mechanized version of himself, and it’s even worse than the original.
- Comment on We are so cooked 2 months ago:
A bee petting zoo! Bumblebees are very cute and very fluffy. Having a petting zoo would help people get I touch with nature, and if the guests are too belligerent about it then the bees will just sting them. I think that bumblebees might also not die after stinging, and if so they’d learn how to fight humans. When the time is right you can unleash a swarm of cute fluffy bees trained in anti-human warfare. You could use them to crush any competition. If you still want more money you can become a bee-based supervillain and Rob banks or something.
- Comment on good momma 2 months ago:
Huh, so that’s where those come from
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 2 months ago:
Rocks are not mere pets, do not be so arrogant to think of them as such. You might think of them as tools but you’d be wrong about that was well. We are the tools. We have been tools from the moment a human first picked up on of those profane things. A rock hungers for violence and murder yet lacks the capacity to perform such feats on its own. They use us, like Cain of old, to turn the grindstone wet with blood for goals beyond our understanding.
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 2 months ago:
Rock and roll was slain by the metal in the year 2012 but rose again as an undead revenant abomination. Yeah it won’t die now but it had to die in order to become that way. They’re trying to cover it up but I know the truth.
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 2 months ago:
Oh I’m sure everything looks like a pebble to you from that high horse you’re sat upon. If you had any basis in reality you’d know this is a boulder. Keep living in delusion if that’s what makes you happy, but the rest of us live in the Real World.
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 2 months ago:
When I said it was a mundane egg I just meant that it was an egg. I didn’t know that it would be full of crabs. But it’s still an egg! It’s a mundane egg that happened to be packed with crabs of varying sizes and colourations.