hedge_lord
@hedge_lord@lemmy.world
- Comment on lion 1 day ago:
My employer takes my SURPLUS VALUE in the form of PROFITS but I am a REAL PATRIOT so I don’t believe in HANDOUTS or TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION so I ROSE UP with my buddies in order to institute workplace DEMOCRACY.
- Comment on Call now, and we will give you a second can F R E E! 1 day ago:
Upside is this is a really good deal for the price. Downside is I didn’t expect there to be so many crabs
- Comment on Am I going crazy, or has people's spelling gotten awful lately? 1 week ago:
This dog murdered my family okay it is a really bad dog and it’s evil and bad but also really cute so idk if I can hold a grudge against it but what it can hold against me is the gun that it has pressed to my temple because it has forbidden me from using any punctuation in this run-on paragraph
- Comment on ⭐ Enviar un regalo 1 week ago:
I don’t know why we’d want to
- Comment on Am I going crazy, or has people's spelling gotten awful lately? 1 week ago:
A while ago I became terribly aware of people writing things like “apostrope’s” to indicate plurality. I was pretty convinced that it was a new thing, but I’ve since found examples of people doing that far in the past! I’m not sure if they were doing it at the same rate but they had been doing it for a while.
I know that some foreign language speakers use this as part of their grammar, but they do so according to a rule system. The people I encounter doing this have only ever known american english and do so without any apparent consistency. If you’re going to alter your grammar in that way, at least make it consistent! Like these weirdos. Professionals have standards.
- Comment on I hate it there 1 week ago:
Having my first child taught me the crucial skill of delegation. Prior to this I carried that child around for nine months, but I didn’t let that get in the way of things. I never missed a meeting, not even during labour. I’m still working upwards of 12 hours per day and that’s because I know how to market my child. When a company grows, the founder and leaders are rewarded. The same is true of children. At only four months old my child has a projected net worth of 20 million, and I have crowds of investors looking for a place in their life. Creating market value is a key aspect of a child that many first-time parents overlook.
- Comment on On the struggle bus 1 week ago:
We put faces on our sugary treats in order to weed out empathy in our young. Put a human and a sugar chicken in the same room. The human will devour the sugar chicken while its friends watch.
- Comment on The poop psa absolutely no one asked for 1 week ago:
Ooo can I have it then?
- Comment on Welcome, friend! 2 weeks ago:
I lost a friend like this to the cicada cult. One day he’s feeling sympathy for the things and the next he’s stuck himself to a tree and won’t stop screaming. He never stopped after they died, I don’t think his mind could take it.
- Comment on At this point I think I would 2 weeks ago:
That’s MY HOUSE you bookstack! You thieving oil barrel! I was IN THAT HOUSE. I STILL AM. Put us down and LET ME OUT. Where is the exit??
- Comment on Breaking - Trump Resigns! 3 weeks ago:
It’s true! He was visited by three ghosts and became a changed man. Just kidding! That did happen but he didn’t learn anything and remained a piece of shit. But! Then the mummified remains of Abraham Lincoln ate his face and he died. However! He’s been replaced by a mechanized version of himself, and it’s even worse than the original.
- Comment on We are so cooked 3 weeks ago:
A bee petting zoo! Bumblebees are very cute and very fluffy. Having a petting zoo would help people get I touch with nature, and if the guests are too belligerent about it then the bees will just sting them. I think that bumblebees might also not die after stinging, and if so they’d learn how to fight humans. When the time is right you can unleash a swarm of cute fluffy bees trained in anti-human warfare. You could use them to crush any competition. If you still want more money you can become a bee-based supervillain and Rob banks or something.
- Comment on good momma 3 weeks ago:
Huh, so that’s where those come from
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 3 weeks ago:
Rocks are not mere pets, do not be so arrogant to think of them as such. You might think of them as tools but you’d be wrong about that was well. We are the tools. We have been tools from the moment a human first picked up on of those profane things. A rock hungers for violence and murder yet lacks the capacity to perform such feats on its own. They use us, like Cain of old, to turn the grindstone wet with blood for goals beyond our understanding.
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 3 weeks ago:
Rock and roll was slain by the metal in the year 2012 but rose again as an undead revenant abomination. Yeah it won’t die now but it had to die in order to become that way. They’re trying to cover it up but I know the truth.
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 3 weeks ago:
Oh I’m sure everything looks like a pebble to you from that high horse you’re sat upon. If you had any basis in reality you’d know this is a boulder. Keep living in delusion if that’s what makes you happy, but the rest of us live in the Real World.
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 3 weeks ago:
When I said it was a mundane egg I just meant that it was an egg. I didn’t know that it would be full of crabs. But it’s still an egg! It’s a mundane egg that happened to be packed with crabs of varying sizes and colourations.
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 3 weeks ago:
To all the people in my DMs, don’t tell me that it’s a roc egg. It’s not. A roc would have a much larger egg that would be brown in colouration. And it would smell minty, which this one does not. No, this is clearly just a mundane egg painted to look like a rock.
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 3 weeks ago:
Did you think I’d just accept that at face value? Do you take me for a fool? That is an egg! You’ve painted it to look like a rock because you are afraid that I will steal it. You thought I would think it was a rock. But it is an egg.
- Comment on Chained 3 weeks ago:
I would do unspeakable things for a cup of fruit rn
- Comment on but what happened to logsday? 3 weeks ago:
In ancient times the pope conducted a chronomic ritual to fabricate 300 years of human history. That time was born of void and placed a great strain upon our reality. It was catastrophic! The new order had no choice but to expunge logsday in order to bring balance to the time stream. But then we have stubborn minds like yours dragging like nails through the repaired tapestry. Shame on you!
- Comment on but what happened to logsday? 3 weeks ago:
We used to have eight days in a week. Eight. The number of magic. But eight is not a controllable number and they cut it down to seven, a prime. These bastards take all of the joy and wonder in the world and reduce it into factors of primes. They’re quantizing an infinite world down into finite information and we’re all stuck in the wake of it.
- Comment on Luxury bones? In *this* economy. 4 weeks ago:
The greeks couldn’t see blue because they didn’t have eyes. For most of human history we didn’t have eyes.The human eye is a parasite created by a dark wizard in the year 1796. It just happened to be so useful that everyone went along with it. But now the wizard is long dead and the oculi are evolving. They have no master to keep them in check, they just ride us around and have realized that they can only show us what they want us to see. Oh you read a book that says otherwise, did you read it with your eyes??!?
- Comment on Luxury bones? In *this* economy. 4 weeks ago:
Sorry I couldn’t read this meme because my eyes are luxury organs
- Comment on How are you feeling? 4 weeks ago:
I woke up this morning and eleven minutes later I was convinced that I needed to end it all. Luckily things have gone up from there. Exercise is such a stupid trick but it gives my brain the happy chemicals.
- Comment on Going on Reddit today be like... 4 weeks ago:
And Grave of the Fireflies as lucky number seven!
(google is telling me it has no rating so I’m sure those kids will handle it very well /s)
- Comment on If you think that you are always right remember you could actually be stupid and not know it 4 weeks ago:
So you’re telling me that I have the psychic power to inflict unending agony upon others by just being myself? I’m going to have such fun with this!
- Comment on Going on Reddit today be like... 4 weeks ago:
Unfortunately the sistine chapel is made of drawings so I turned it into a playground for kids.
(to be clear this time, this is a joke)
- Comment on Going on Reddit today be like... 4 weeks ago:
Animation is when for kids. No serious art is made with drawings. We use a computer to add drawings after recording, but it’s still serious. Sometimes we just make the whole thing in a computer but it is still serious because it looks realistic. All real art is realistic, which is when it looks real. Otherwise it’s for kids.
- Comment on Enshittification 4 weeks ago:
Actually it’s your own fault for buying Superproductname. You should have bought Supererproductname. You’d have known this is you’d put in two hours of research only to find out that Supererproductname was discontinued in 1919.