how do people who like small talk plan on being in sustained meaningful relationships what are you gonna do “hi honey nice weather we’re having huh?”
my plan is to be too busy kissing my partner at all times to say anything
do you think freewill truly exists?
Submitted 2 months ago by Goku@sh.itjust.works to [deleted]
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/86346738-f24e-4e23-b781-4c7c87afbf08.png
Comments
Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 1 month ago
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 month ago
How Shakespearian. “Stop his mouth with a kiss.”
“And another kiss.”
“Keep going! More kisses, least he open his mouth and opine on the weather.”
Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 1 month ago
a year in the horror dawns upon you
you have trained your partner to engage in small talk to get kissed
genevieve@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 month ago
Spouse and I ponder the mysteries of life and the universe while we’re cuddling.
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 month ago
Sounds pretty good :-)
Scott_of_the_Arctic@lemmy.world 1 month ago
My partner and I both understand that free will doesn’t exist but it’s better for everyone if we pretend it does. And yes, a lot of our conversations are a bit like that.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 1 month ago
Free will is the choice. Just because “particles have rules, you’re made of particles” doesn’t mean you didn’t have a choice. It’s just that the thing we’ve been calling “free will” is a little different than we thought.
0x0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
I know that free will doesn’t exist and I wouldn’t choose to have it any other way
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 month ago
Too bad. I chose for free will to exist, and I’m happy with my decision.
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 month ago
Too bad you don’t have the free will to change that ;-)
hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
Pretty much yeah.
the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world 2 months ago
There is nothing wrong with silence, also my partner and I always have something to talk about that isn’t small talk. We have been together for 22 yrs. We have a lifetimes worth of shared experiences to converse about.
saltnotsugar@lemm.ee 2 months ago
Hey baby I brought home some dinner-
“Husband. Thy presence brings thoughts of philosophical questions.”
Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.spankmonkey@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
But is that becsuse you are choosing to, or because of destiny?
Initiateofthevoid@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
It’s because the burrito is getting cold.
LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Well see life itself is a burrito. If you don’t make sure you have cheese and sour cream, well seasoned proteins, beans the way you like, delicious rice, maybe a bit of salsa and always hot sauce it just isn’t fulfilled.
Some people are happy with spicier sarcasm in their lives, others more mild. But if you don’t have a good foundation to wrap it all up in it’ll fall to pieces.
It’s not deep, it’s just a burrito
exasperation@lemm.ee 2 months ago
I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
But pray tell doth the burrito quality as a sandwich
LanguageIsCool@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Hi honey did you see today’s shitposts memes?
SethTaylor@lemmy.world 1 month ago
That sounds great, actually
ynthrepic@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Daily life is what daily life is all about.
I do think I’d potentially be happier with a partner who I could speak philosophy and politics with, but if we couldn’t also function simply navigating running a household and raising our family, then we really couldn’t be anything more than friends with benefits long term. Not that that would be a bad thing. It just depends on how you want to move your life.
EndlessNightmare@reddthat.com 1 month ago
I love these sorts of conversations.
tetris11@feddit.uk 1 month ago
Alright: for how much money would you eat a teaspoon of shit?
orize@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
I would eat shit for a down payment of the house I would want and manage to pay back with interest.
yesman@lemmy.world 2 months ago
So this person thinks they can choose small talk? curious.
EvolvedTurtle@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I mean You can hate small talk with strangers and co workers but still enjoy small talk with your partner
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 month ago
“How’s the weather, Bob?”
“Please! My wife asks me that in the bedroom! Not you, here, at the water cooler.”
Psionicsickness@reddthat.com 1 month ago
Why the fuck does everyone want to be in sustained meaningful relationships?
loonsun@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
Because relatedness is a fundamental psychological need and sustained meaningful relationships are the best way to achieve that
Psionicsickness@reddthat.com 1 month ago
Can get that from a chat at the bar. Sustained meaningful relationships are the best way to lead to depression and severe physiological trauma. Fuck that shit.
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 month ago
Because they’re wonderful! And because you love someone.
Yeah, they can also go horribly wrong. I think that’s true of just about everything good - the more good it is, the worse it hurts when it goes wrong. But get it right, and it’s amazing.
qarbone@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I think everyone needs to recalibrate what ‘small talk’ is.
Some people are acting so opposed to small talk, as if it requires writing an essay on why you love a list of pop culture influencers and reality stars.
Sabata11792@ani.social 2 months ago
Bold of you to assume I can form and maintain a relationship.
SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 month ago
My partner and I have surprisingly little in common when it comes to interests. I like a lot of nerd stuff: homelab, 3d printing, robotics, brewing, welding, woodworking, sci-fi, etc. They like not nerd stuff: copaganda shows, murder porn (podcasts and documentaries), dog training, cooking, etc. I like metal, they like jangly indie, we both like punk. We both love cats.
We also both hate small talk, so we only discuss what we find to be pertinent or interesting. Since we have a lot of individual interests, we actually have a lot to talk about. We just had a really great conversation on using Docker or a VM to circumvent some silly online testing issues.
Tattorack@lemmy.world 1 month ago
But that would be great! Let’s start an awesome exploration of a very existential topic. Certainly better and more interesting that talking about shopping.
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 month ago
Well, but if the other person did some shopping, do you care how it went? They might.
“How was the shopping?”
“Ugh, this idiot cut me off in the aisles so many times, I feel so frustrated.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. Like, does his existence even matter? Perhaps he’s a figment of our collective imagination. It’s so maddening to think your own brain is creating fictions that cut you off in the aisle.”
“I know, right? It made me wonder what if I’m the figment in his imagination! It’s such a depressing thought. I need a hug.”
*hug*
minorkeys@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Only for those who spend time engaged with existential topics rather than shopping though.
praxis_jack@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Yes.
Clinicallydepressedpoochie@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Kinda just hoping they love me for who I am and not some forced version of myself that makes me feel like a complete ass.
socsa@piefed.social 2 months ago
I mean yeah kind of. I like having these kinds of conversations far more than boilerplate smalltalk.
VitoRobles@lemmy.today 2 months ago
Do you… Like stuff?
socsa@piefed.social 2 months ago
Not really. I'm pretty obnoxious, but I own it.
Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 months ago
We would share comfortable silences and not feel the need to talk at all.
obvs@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I don’t think it matters.
I honestly don’t think it’s a meaningful question.
YoFrodo@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Man I really hate AI ‘upscaled’ images like this. It still looks bad! A JPEG artifact image and an AI ‘shitscaled’ image are both shit, just in different ways.
the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world 2 months ago
And upscaling and image of text of all things, you could write out the text in less time than it would take to do this dumb upscaling shit.
minorkeys@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Need for small talk suggests the contents of your thoughts revolves around topics and depth of thought suitable for small talk, I wish you the best in finding someone similar who can appreciate its value to your life. I’ll be elsewhere and hope you wish me the same luck.
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 1 month ago
I’m afraid you’ve missed the point. Smalltalk is about maintaining and strengthening relationship, which involves knowing about each others’ lives and feelings. And it does double duty: taking the time to ask and listen is a way to express that the other person is important enough to you - i.e. to express love.
It’s not the only way, and many of us don’t do well at smalltalk, but it’s a valuable way. And,
your thoughts revolves around topics and depth of thought suitable for small talk
Indeed! It means your thoughts have time for the other person’s life and feelings.
minorkeys@lemmy.world 1 month ago
For many, small talk does not strengthen or maintain a relationship. It is something that works for some people. Others endure it for the sake of the one who does but it doesn’t hold the same role for them and is not a necessity to have a loving and healthy relationship for everyone. Just as we express and receive love differently, small talk doesn’t serve the same role in everyone’s life. If it does for you, that’s great, hopefully you’re getting what you need.
As for the double duty, that is true of all communication, whether small or not. As noted above, it may be an expression of love for some people, but it’s far from universal.
Not everyone finds the smaller, and often repetitive, experiences of their day to be important or valuable and people are perfectly capable of having time for the other person’s life and feelings without the focus being those topics or experiences.
It sounds like you value smalltalk in your life but may not accept that it isn’t as widespread as you seem to imply. I don’t doubt it does what you claim for yourself and others you know.
CalipherJones@lemmy.world 1 month ago
In this moment you are euphoric.
doingthestuff@lemy.lol 1 month ago
My speech is deep. My beard is neck.
plyth@feddit.org 1 month ago
The couples that argue all the time, they hate smalltalk. Just tell him to bring out the trash.
barsoap@lemm.ee 1 month ago
To a (modern) compatibilist, free will is the capacity to respond to the same stimulus with different reactions, i.e. it’s equivalent to the cybernetic concept of degrees of freedom. As such, answer:
“You can poke a ball-point pen and it’s going to do the same thing, over and over again: Extend and retract the lead. It is predictable because its internal complexity is below the threshold of chaos.” Then proceed to poke them in the arm to see how many reactions they have to that. Mentally prepare for a tickle fight.
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 1 month ago
I hate talking small. I’m not good at it. It’s one of the reasons I have a limited number of profound friendships rather than being liked by everybody. I’m an introvert. I’m ok with that. My partner can chat when we see each other after work because when we’re talking about the kitties doing something cute or what we wanna have for dinner that’s not small talk. That’s talking about things with very low impact or consequences.
qarbone@lemmy.world 1 month ago
when we’re talking about the kitties doing something cute or what we wanna have for dinner that’s not small talk.
What else do you imagine is part of “small talk”?
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 1 month ago
No. Small talk is what you do with people who are unfamiliar. It’s not the bits you exchange with someone who is intimate. That’s just catching up. Small talk takes effort for an introvert (which I am). Catching up is just shooting the breeze.
lunarul@lemmy.world 1 month ago
talking about things with very low impact or consequences
Isn’t that the definition of small talk?
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 1 month ago
No. Small talk is what you do with people who are unfamiliar. It’s not the bits you exchange with someone who is intimate. That’s just catching up. Small talk takes effort for an introvert (which I am). Catching up is just shooting the breeze.
psx_crab@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
That is small talk though.
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 1 month ago
No. Small talk is what you do with people who are unfamiliar. It’s not the bits you exchange with someone who is intimate. That’s just catching up. Small talk takes effort for an introvert (which I am). Catching up is just shooting the breeze.
iii@mander.xyz 1 month ago
I think that’s smalltalk
iii@mander.xyz 1 month ago
No. Small talk is what you do with people who are unfamiliar. It’s not the bits you exchange with someone who is intimate. That’s just catching up. Small talk takes effort for an introvert (which I am). Catching up is just shooting the breeze.
gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 2 months ago
I think the point is more to filter out people quickly who you couldn’t be in a sustainable relationship with anyways.
I don’t mind it as much as i used to anymore. But ten years ago, i consistently associated “small-talk” people with people who were superficial and wouldn’t comprehend important issues should they ever come up anyways.
Also i’m not sure how right i was about that.
Soleos@lemmy.world 2 months ago
You need a bit balance of everything. I used to be snooty about small-talk. Eventually I started noticing that the most personable people, who make someone new feel welcome, included, and who make you feel like you’re noticed and worth remembering through recalling basic personal details–these people have excellent small-talk skills.
I think part of why small-talk often feels pointless is because people don’t enter into it intentionally, with purpose. If you go into it with purpose, like creating a good social experience for others, or building/maintaining 2nd/3rd order social connections in a humanizing way, it feels a lot different. Like anything, it’s still exhausting after a certain amount.
m3t00@lemmy.world 1 month ago
got a neighbor can’t control his motor mouth. last time he came to my door i said ‘what the fuck do you want’ and closed/locked the door. not too bright. he yelled through the door, ‘I only want to talk’. hahaha fuck off
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tiramichu@lemm.ee 1 month ago
Tough one. I’d probably end up being the person who just kept politely listening while trying to shut down the conversation amicably like “well anyway” and “I must get cooking dinner now” and “my plants need moisturising” or something.
Neighbours are extremely high on the list of people I want to avoid pissing off, because a neighbour with a grudge against you could be an absolute nightmare (especially when you live in a townhouse and share walls)
m3t00@lemmy.world 1 month ago
let him in once. talked non-stop for nearly 2 hours. unstable. out.