saltnotsugar

@saltnotsugar@lemm.ee

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨OK so which is it?⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Crocodiles: Oh YEAH?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨*fliiiinnnnnggg*.⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Bring forward the baby artillery if you PLEASE sir.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I always hope for a horsey⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Jumpyhorse! I choose YOU!!! Use jump attack!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The joy of quitting a shit job with an asshole boss⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  This is true. The other company can ask HR to consult the big book of grudges to determine if there are indeed grudges.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Pull to enter, you say?⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I would just stand there looking lost just to see how many more signs could be put up.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Japan can't seem to catch a break⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Why didn’t they just switch the dudes to kilts?!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨You mean it gets worse?⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Well look on the bright side…there’s probably a bright side!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Running monkey⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Poor monkey is trying to catch his bus.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨There's nothing better than the⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Is it affordable or is it one of those “price upon request” things?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Stop this tomfoolery at once⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Image

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How to hold onto a subway pole⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Everything is a training opportunity if you have the commitment of a Jedi.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Your brain thinks...⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  You know, it’s amazing how much you can learn in Lemmy.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Do I look like a rock, motherfucker? Do I look like a fucking island?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Like a bridge over MOTHERFUCKIN water, I will lay YOUR ASS down.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Honey Badger hates silly meetings⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I prefer to do a fistfight over text.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨do you think freewill truly exists?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Hey baby I brought home some dinner-
  “Husband. Thy presence brings thoughts of philosophical questions.”
  Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨work is easy⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I once showed up 8 hours late for work. My boss wanted our team to have three eight hour shifts but he kept changing the start times and team members so much no one knew when anyone else was working unless they checked the schedule. When I showed up that day I realized I should have worked the previous shift, and another manager asked what I was still doing there. I picked up a clip board and told him I need to check some things. Basically I just stopped in front of various things, nodded slowly, then drew a picture. My boss saw me and said I was a shining example of what to do.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Toilet Time⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Me to the picture: Forgive me lass. Imma drop a ten pounder in a five pound hole.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨As my southern inlaws used to say, "cut that light on".⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Drill sergeant: Everyone’s boobs better be at the position of attention!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Good morning here is a terrible idea.⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I remember the call of the Hot Crossed Buns.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Let's play this game again⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  You are now the sexiest thing alive to birds, so they will constantly hit on you.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Let's play this game again⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Alas I must make my living in Philly in the cheesesteak mines.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Let's play this game again⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Ability to make cheese at will.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Get your own⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I would love an overly vague preview of a series:
  THIS SUMMER. A show some critics call “a television show” is coming back with a mysterious problem. A new protagonist will appear, or is he an antagonist? Set in the lovely landscape of a place that is pretty nice, and music that was definitely recorded, we follow the characters who are certainly up to something.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Served cold⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Dentist: You eating at least 3 hotdogs a day?
  Me: Uhhh…yeah.
  Dentist: Lies.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨And gay men. I'm sorry. I'm weak for it⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  The (pumpkin) spice must flow! He who controls Dune controls the (pumpkin) spice!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Oop⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Woopsie! Looks like we’re at war with…Portugal. Should be interesting.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What more you want?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Nuclear missile command picks up the phone: You have a collect call from…THE CROODS…press 1 to accept the charges.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Mar-AI-lyn Monroe⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Take her strong hand!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Explains crossfit⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Waterboarded alien: Okay! In 2026, people will greet each other with wiggling arms and say “Rubber!!! Tiiiiiiime!”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Do it, I promise⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  …Hey!