There’s a difference between having had sex and not being lonely… If these idiots would stop equating being lonely to not getting laid there wouldn’t be so much resistance to the idea that there is a problem. Yeah, not being able to find someone to have sex with sucks but there’s a whole lot of other shit missing that comes before that. If your only problem is not getting laid you’re not lonely you’re horny.
Anon is a fact checker
Submitted 1 day ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/93b8f2ed-cd57-4de9-bfc0-4e00212ab328.jpeg
Comments
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 7 hours ago
TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today 6 hours ago
If these idiots would stop equating being lonely to not getting laid there wouldn’t be so much resistance to the idea that there is a problem.
The problem is that the vast majority of the time whenever you logically breakdown the actual complaints being put forth by people supporting the idea of a “male loneliness epidemic” they usually boil down to “i deserve sex”, or some other misogynistic ideology centered around blaming others for their misanthropy.
Once you start asking questions like who is responsible for male loneliness? What’s the solution for male loneliness? Why are we specifying it as a gender specific epidemic? If there are so many men unified in loneliness, why not just befriend each other…?
Usually the answers themselves will just be accusations of misandry or just beligerence. And then if they actually engage with any kind of honesty or self reflection, you will usually get down to “I deserve female companionship”…but it’s totally not about sex. But also there’s a difference between female friends and having a girlfriend… But it’s totally not about sex.
FauxLiving@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
It isn’t a male loneliness epidemic, it’s a loneliness epidemic. You’re never going to get satisfying answers to your questions if you accept the framing that it’s a male loneliness epidemic.
It’s a loneliness epidemic for everyone.
Focusing on the arguments of people who have no understanding of the topic and are just spreading toxicity is pointless; but pretending that there isn’t a loneliness epidemic because it’s used to power some incel memes is contributing to the apathy about this issue which is causing harm to both men and women.
Randomgal@lemmy.ca 7 hours ago
They must have never heard of hookers.
Dasus@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
Instead of “having been married” and “having had sex”, maybe measure the amount actually spent in relationships and their quality.
If a large portion of men don’t have the skills to be in a relationship despite having the skills to find one, then the data showed here in greentext means jack shit.
Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Anon conflates the desire for a more involved and expanded social life with just having sex, thereby perfectly explaining their lack of a more involved and expanded social life.
Catoblepas@piefed.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
That’s definitely a decent chunk of what people in the media who talk about the ‘male loneliness epidemic’ are talking about, though. I don’t think I’ve read a single article about it that doesn’t devote time to how little sex young men allegedly aren’t having.
dumbass@leminal.space 1 day ago
Maybe he just wants to hang out with the boys and fuck! Didn’t think about that did ya?
qarbone@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
Is that an Andrew Tate wojak?
cheloxin@lemmy.ml 6 hours ago
THAT’S it. I knew it looked vaguely familiar and couldn’t figure out why
Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 1 day ago
Yea everyone knows as soon as you have sex once you never feel lonely again.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 7 hours ago
I mean… I’ve had sex and I never feel lonely.
Could also be because I’m severely introverted and probably autistic though…
bigfondue@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Seems like a lot of incels really believe it though
Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 1 day ago
Indeed, which may actually be the source of their problems, or at least one of them.
Rachelhazideas@lemmy.world 1 day ago
This entire post is precisely the problem. The fact that everyone here is conflating sex with mental health support is the reason why men’s mental health isn’t being taken seriously.
Men are not socialized to, and even actively discouraged from being emotionally vulnerable with each other.
We won’t need men doing more fucking, we need men to sit down together and talk about their depression, and we need other men to be supportive and not downplay these conversations with sexist or homophobic slurs.
exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 hours ago
The fact that everyone here is conflating sex with mental health support is the reason why men’s mental health isn’t being taken seriously.
The comments are taking the lead from the greentext that forms the basis for this post, and taking any greentext seriously is basically the original sin here.
shawn1122@sh.itjust.works 19 hours ago
Exactly what I interpreted from this too. Posting a bunch of stats on sex and marriage as if they’re a remedy for loneliness ignores the fact that people absolutely can feel lonely while having both.
Men do absolutely need to be better with each other but women do perpetuate this also.
The modern concept of masculinity is completely broken. Long ago it used to be about being a protector, now it’s about anger, dominance, power, emotional dysregulation, resource hoarding (most of which provide little benefit to society at large).
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 18 hours ago
A co-worker keept telling me he knows what’s wrong with me and that I just need to fuck. I so wanted to strangle him, because I’d imagine that would make you less focused.
Another keeps insisting I grab (a married co-worker) by the pussy.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 7 hours ago
Does your job not have an HR department or something? I’m fairly easygoing but encouraging sexual assault is over the line.
Cataphract@lemmy.ml 13 hours ago
those are co-workers though, everyone has stupid co-workers. It’s like that whole “you can’t choose your family” thing but corporatized.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
we need men to sit down together and talk about their depression
I have a friend who hosts a men’s support group through his Brazilian Jujitsu Dojo. And I think the fact that this club exists is great for everyone involved. But holy shit is it depressing to visit a club full of guys who are just harping on their depression.
Like, we all need a time and a place to unload. But we do also need a time and a place to have some fun. The best thing for my depression, getting out of college, was hanging with people my age and doing social activities together. BBQs, dance halls, board game nights, house parties, concerts and clubs - all great for relaxing and socializing.
we need other men to be supportive and not downplay these conversations with sexist or homophobic slurs
Also nice when people can feel safe to joke and laugh with each other.
nectar45@lemmy.zip 7 hours ago
“3.3% of men are virgin by age 30”
Cool! I am special
WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 7 hours ago
look ma’! I’m special!
WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 7 hours ago
look ma’! I’m special!
WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 7 hours ago
extra: like you always told me!
latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
Yeah, totally! Getting my dick wet is precisely the kind of emotional and intellectual connection I’m missing! The penis is my data transfer cable.
happydoors@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
Maybe Avatar was onto something….
latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 hours ago
Well, crap… don’t have nearly enough hair for that…
0ops@piefed.zip 1 day ago
The penis is my data transfer cable.
That could almost be a CAKE lyric
BobsonDuggnut@lemmynsfw.com 8 hours ago
It could give new meaning to the phrase, “you’ve got male!”
SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 1 day ago
[USB Connection sound]
Remember to safely unmount
Blooper@lemmynsfw.com 9 hours ago
You mean pull out just after the handshake packets get sent?
rumschlumpel@feddit.org 1 day ago
TBF, they seem closely correlated. Unless you or your partner are asexual or very religious, it seems unlikely that you’ll find the emotional intimacy we expect from romantic relationships but won’t get any sex.
latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
That’s if one assumes that the loneliness is caused solely by a lack of romantic connection, yes.
Personally, I’m lacking in the friendship and acceptance department as well, and sex most certainly isn’t a part of either of those.
shawn1122@sh.itjust.works 18 hours ago
Strongly disagree. I’ve met far too many young men that see sex as a means to an often self serving end. Sex is a means of expressing love towards another person, it’s not meant for self gratification. Seeing it that way is a recipe to have a lot of meaningless sex only to be left wondering why you feel so empty.
Theres a reason women generally don’t climax from being jackhammered or even from clitoral stimualtion if they’re in any way uncomfortable. They’re coded for that emotional connection as a prerequisite for good sex. We are coded that way too but modern culture has painted that type of vulnerability as “unmanly”.
In my view, a good emotional connection creates the necessary conditions for good sex. But you don’t need good sex to have a strong emotional connection.
rooroo@feddit.org 14 hours ago
Honestly the people that make me feel not lonely are not the ones I have sex with. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket; that’s how you end up in a codependent mess. Loneliness isn’t about romantic partners only, and friendships can be the most fulfilling things.
Doc_Crankenstein@slrpnk.net 22 hours ago
This is such a toxic mentality. If you can’t get emotional intimacy in a romantic relationship without sex then you have problems you need to work on.
HalfSalesman@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
I almost was in the 3.3%… dodged it by only a few years.
Then I went without for a long while after though because I mistakenly thought any sex I’d have after that would probably be equally mediocre and it wasn’t worth the effort. Realized that was stupid and I was missing out. Now I’m trying hard to get into a sexual relationship of some kind again with some minor success in the form of occasional one night stands. They’re OK fun. I think my autism makes it hard to maintain the relationships though beyond one or two nights. My masking inevitably slips a little and I say or do something cringe or rude.
I’m bi I’ve been contemplating getting on Grindr to explore my homo side a bit more but from what I hear that’s basically nothing but one night stands…
FauxLiving@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
It’s okay to be different and that often comes with struggles. But it sounds like you’re trying to attack the problem with yourself and not just giving up and being angry about the world.
Sex is fun, but it doesn’t cure loneliness. If you’re looking for a longer term solution then start looking to build lasting relationships, be open about having autism and you’ll find that the people you end up meeting will be going into things with you with a bit more understanding and empathy than if you just try, and fail, masking.
And, as always, a therapist is very useful when you’re trying to make a big change in your life. Having someone who is both educated in psychology and an unbiased observer can really help you see and understand things that you’d otherwise miss.
HalfSalesman@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
Only problem is every time I’ve been open about my autism with a person I was attracted to immediately up front their interest starts to slowly fade. Its not immediate, but I suspect they start framing everything I say or do as part of my autism and I think they lose interest because of that. Though its impossible to know, and it might be coincidence or I’m seeing patterns where there are none. So I tend to keep it to myself with in person interactions more these days.
beeple@slrpnk.net 6 hours ago
Go to FEELD bro :3
fckreddit@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
How does having sex once same as not being lonely? Sure I am lonely and virgin. But, I could just as easily be not virgin and still lonely AF.
Frozengyro@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Yea, I would imagine a 30-40 yo virgin may end up getting a sex worker. having sex with a sex worker doesn’t really reduce loneliness.
MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de 1 day ago
Some just gotta have sex before they can acknowlege that it might not be all their lif is missing. Teenage hormones are so over-the-top, its a wonder so many of these men live long enough to voice their beliefs from the older age brackets.
pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 hours ago
TIL I’m like in the 10%
AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
- That is sex. You can have all the sex you want and still be lonely.
- Those stats are probably the “we asked some people” kind which means everyone who had their first relationship at 24 will say that “oh yeah technically i was with that random girl in grade school so you know what lets say its 12”
yermaw@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
She went to a different school you wouldn’t know her
just_an_average_joe@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
What are stats on suicide rate for men? Or depression? Wouldn’t those be much better indicator than whether or not they had sex or marriage?
Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
Depends if you are on 4chan of not
rumschlumpel@feddit.org 14 hours ago
Lots of people have depression or suicidal thoughts while in relationships, though.
Salamanderwizard@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Shit. I’ve fucked before and felt even more alone than I did before it.
shawn1122@sh.itjust.works 18 hours ago
With modern contraceptive technology we can have sex thats completely meaningless, where both parties are trying to achieve a deeper connection (to something, not even necessarily to each other) and misguidedly hope it can be achieved through a simple release.
bstix@feddit.dk 15 hours ago
It doesn’t have to be meaningless. It’s perfectly meaningful to have innocent fun with somebody else.
Jankatarch@lemmy.world 1 day ago
“Male loneliness epidemic” is about male friendships more than anything no?
grrgyle@slrpnk.net 1 day ago
That’s definitely one sense, and the one that’s actually an issue. But I’ve read enough headlines and yt subject lines to pick up on there also being some muddying of the waters with romantic female companionship. Or rather lack thereof as being a key part of the crisis.
workerONE@lemmy.world 1 day ago
“premarital sex” also known as sex
mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
yeah but it was a one night stand so you know it made them feel extra less lonely
ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
>It’s not just about getting laid (though that’s part of it.) >It’s also about friends >But even in the “getting laid” part, it’s moreso about a real emotional connection in conjunction with the sex, I believe they’re called “relationships.” >while some is just incels, it’s also normal people >If we had more Third Spaces that aren’t centered around booze and money, it’d go a long way to helping the issue >it’s not just men.
bathing_in_bismuth@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
The “while some is just incels” in your code comment part had me for a while, genuinely made me think of programming
tetris11@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
16.8? jesus.
I wanna see some breakdowns of these stats by country
rumschlumpel@feddit.org 1 day ago
Yeah. Even if we assume that the average age was 1 or 2 years higher when I was that age, there’s no way that the numbers in my highschool class where anywhere close to that. Out of like 16 guys, I know of only a couple who even had a girlfriend while in school, which is probably more likely than casual sex at that age.
abbadon420@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
The number seems about right to me. Puberty starts at 12-ish, so does sexual exploration.
Allero@lemmy.today 1 day ago
Plenty could have relationships outside school that they didn’t talk much about.
I had my first time at 16, and my classmates weren’t even remotely aware of how rich of a sexual life I already had, or that I had it at all.
Mom knew of relationships, but didn’t know much further, either.
RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
Imo sounds about right, people were getting mighty horny around that time and started having sex. Few years earlier even
Eiri@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
Is it usually earlier in the US? Sounds a bit on the high side for where I live too.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
I lost my v card at either 16 or 17, I forget which year exactly…
So yeah, 16.8 makes sense as an average.
ruuster13@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
“Male loneliness epidemic” = “all lives matter.” Though counterintuitive, they both attempt to bring increased attention to men on an issue that is already universal. There is a loneliness epidemic conversation you could join.
Endymion_Mallorn@kbin.melroy.org 1 day ago
Yup. the sexual loneliness epidemic is easing up, because we're all fighting back to 'normal'. But ask most men this simple question: how many non-sexual friends do you have in your life that you communicate with more than once a week?
Fizz@lemmy.nz 1 day ago
Those stats cannot be right.
sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
They also want to capture the “lonely man” demographic and make them feel like it’s not their fault, engage them and get their clicks/dollars.
nutsack@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 hours ago
people don’t go out anymore ok
curiousaur@reddthat.com 7 hours ago
But those 3.3 percent are really upset about it.
Matriks404@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Shit, 4 more years and I will be in 10%.
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 1 day ago
15% is still quite bad tbh
nectar45@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
This is terrible news…
RedSnt@feddit.dk 1 day ago
Imma make that 15.1%
FauxLiving@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
Just to be clear, there is a loneliness epidemic: hhs.gov/…/surgeon-general-social-connection-advis…
Dunking on incels who equate loneliness with a lack of sex and ascribing the “male loneliness epidemic” to being a meme made up by chronically online social media users is a mistake.
Everyone is experiencing loneliness.
Just because women suffer in silence while some men turn to antisocial behavior doesn’t mean that this is a problem that’s fabricated or only affecting men.
If you’re resistant to believing that this is a real problem because the people making noise about it on social media are primarily men then you’re ignoring reality.