latenightnoir
@latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone
- Comment on oh cool 1 week ago:
Apep… I mean… I get why they’d want to extinguish the sun, I can’t imagine they had a good time in grade school with a name like “Apep…”
- Comment on Doot doot 1 week ago:
So, lemme get this steaight: first they ache like bastards, and now they also induce anxiety. I say we boycott bones.
- Comment on The Mothman 2 weeks ago:
Which would explain why most of the face-to-face sightings happened during the night! Can you imagine trying to be taken seriously while looking like that?
- Comment on tall tails 2 weeks ago:
All dinosaurs had beaver tails, got it!
- Comment on sponge dna 3 weeks ago:
Total Virgo…
- Comment on 3 weeks ago:
Oooooh, this explains a lot about my love life!
- Comment on Know Your Kites! 3 weeks ago:
The one on the right looks like the one on the left if it went through 15 years of QA in start-ups.
- Comment on "Read lit" Me: 3 weeks ago:
That honestly sounds like a fun time! Would probably mean I’d become completely desensitised from it in a sexy way, but I do love me some playful sarcasm!
Glad you’ve managed to find someone with a compatible dynamic in these aspects, it’s lovely having a partner with whom you can laugh at the Absurd!
- Comment on "Read lit" Me: 4 weeks ago:
For the right person, I’d splurge on the dental work!=))
- Comment on "Read lit" Me: 4 weeks ago:
So it’s all just… sexy goofy sarcasm? Oh, crap. I’ve been doing that for a llllooooong, long time without realising it might be interpreted as flirting.
- Comment on "Read lit" Me: 4 weeks ago:
Well, tbf, this’d work on me as well should a flame of the womanly persuasion present it to me (alongside explicit stipulations that “I do, indeed, want you for the sex, Mr. Bond,” signed in triplicate)
- Comment on "Read lit" Me: 4 weeks ago:
“Hey, there hunka’-hunka’, wanna go somewhere more private so I can show you my Ancient Greeks?😏😏”
Full disclaimer, I’m a barely-social straight guy, I wouldn’t know flirting if it cracked my teeth with a piece of wood.
- Comment on "Read lit" Me: 4 weeks ago:
Incidentally, best way to deal with Epicureans! Smile awkwardly and exeunt whenever possible!
- Comment on Anon hires a goth chick 4 weeks ago:
Hey, sorry for the late reply, Life™ happened and I kept missing the notification.
Personally, through trial and error, I’ve come to the conclusion that do, indeed, need those aspects in a relationship, but the degrees in which they’re present aren’t as relevant! Gonna go into TMI, probably, but as a concrete example, I won’t say “no” of someone isn’t actively into the Grotesque, but they liked something of Giger’s, or Beksiński’s when I showed them! There’s at least the potential for exploration there, which is a lot of fun in and of itself!
Otherwise, I think that each and every individual has their own very specific set of needs and acceptable compromises, which is why I think we’re both correct! In that, literally, any which way someone goes about something is ok, as long as their potential interest gets full respect, honesty and openness at the end of the day. And even regardless of result, but that’s besides the point.
As far as being open to friendship while pursuing romantic relationships, that doesn’t work for me personally, because I look for very different things when looking for partners compared to when I’m allowing friendships to happen - different dynamics, different investments, different intentions, and generally looking for people who, like me, are actively seeking romantic stuff, means it usually makes friendships mutually untenable afterwards. If there’s the possibility and a friendship develops naturally and without uncomfortable difficulties, of course I won’t say “no” to it, though!
- Comment on Anon is a fact checker 5 weeks ago:
Well, crap… don’t have nearly enough hair for that…
- Comment on Anon is a fact checker 5 weeks ago:
That’s if one assumes that the loneliness is caused solely by a lack of romantic connection, yes.
Personally, I’m lacking in the friendship and acceptance department as well, and sex most certainly isn’t a part of either of those.
- Comment on Anon is sick fuck 5 weeks ago:
Beyond gross, this is just… I don’t even think we have a word for how entirely fucked up this is, to be very honest.
- Comment on Anon is a fact checker 5 weeks ago:
Yeah, totally! Getting my dick wet is precisely the kind of emotional and intellectual connection I’m missing! The penis is my data transfer cable.
- Comment on Anon is sick fuck 5 weeks ago:
What in the name of holy science is this shit…
- Comment on Anon hires a goth chick 5 weeks ago:
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt in 34 years of existing on this planet, it’s that feelings can’t be controlled - we can only control our actions, but good luck swimming against the current of what the heart desires. If someone wants to make friends, then that will be the intent. If someone wants a relationship, making friends will never suffice. And it’s ok to go out there with the intent of finding a partner specifically!
I do agree with you in that one should know what one wants out of a relationship, the important things. As you’ve said, reproductive trajectory, goals, dreams, ideals, beliefs, lifestyle, these are all vital aspects. But it’s also ok if someone has more aspects on that list, my “vital” may look vastly different from anyone else’s “vital.” For instance, I delve into the abstracts as well. I need someone creative in my life, I need someone who understands hardships and doesn’t treat them as “just smile more, bro, you’ll get over it.” I need someone who understands their feelings, who works with and around them instead of trying to deny or control them. And I need someone who’s into weird shit, into grim and grotesque shit, because those are a large part of my life, of who I am.
Point is, it’s ok to want a relationship and not friendship! It’s ok to want specifics! As long as one goes out there with openness and honesty, and treats everyone with the respect all life deserves, without wanting or expecting someone to change for them, then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with however one chooses to go about things. All methods require an amount of compromise, one just has to decide what kind of compromise one is willing and capable to make!
But that’s just it, openness, honesty and respect are VITAL. Be open to knowing a person on their own terms, just as you would like to be known. Be honest, always, about what you want, how you feel (or don’t feel!), and respect everyone’s right to define who they want to be without imposing who you’d want them to be.
- Comment on Anon hires a goth chick 5 weeks ago:
I’d approached this very subject in therapy. My problem was being worried about my standards, because I’ve been looking for something so very specific in a partner, that even my therapist was surprised that I managed to find people who fit the bill. But my therapist highlighted that I did, indeed, manage to have several partners who matched my intent during the almost two decades since I’ve started doing this whole Relationship™ deal, and I’m a weird fucker looking for likewise weird fuckers!
@Whostosay is 100% correct. There are over 8 billion individuals on this planet at the moment, and humanity isn’t THAT creative for there to be no common ground between us. It’s statistically improbable for there to not be at least someone who matches you. Sure, it may take a long while to find such people if your standards are very specific (I usually spend several years solo between partners due to this, plus I don’t do hook-ups, one-night-stands or fwb stuff because they do nothing for me), but there ARE people out there who fit the bill.
Take a chance! Go out into the world and shoot your shot! Post a “seeking partner” post online, be honest and specific, go on dating apps with the specific intent of looking for who YOU want and stop focusing on a high-score! Like, what he hell do you have to lose, y’know? Just be 100% honest about it, both with yourself and potential interests! Are you socially awkward and anxious? Then TELL THEM! Worst case scenario, they’ll react like a sociopathic douchebag with zero empathy, in which case they will have dodged that bullet for you! But the best case scenario is that they’ll be able to empathise and will see that you are a human being with a heart, with thoughts and feelings, and they’ll not only appreciate your honesty, but they may even find your awkwardness comforting and endearing (the only people who have zero doubts about anything are those who are lying to themselves and to everyone around them).
And in the meantime, have fun! Pick up hobbies, read random books, spend hours topic-jumping on the internet, develop weird fixations, go for long walks, whatever! Keep busy and live your life!
P.s.: and before anyone thinks I’m just a confident person, I have news for you: I even second-guess the way I wipe my ass. But I just… get over it! I don’t know how else to put this, accept your doubts, accept that they’re there, then do it anyway! Maybe you’ll fuck up, but then you’ll have earnt a good life lesson if you look at it with honesty!
- Comment on Evolution: 🖕 5 weeks ago:
Can we wear these if we don’t have balance issues? Asking for a friend.
- Comment on Anon puts himself out there 1 month ago:
ActorTron 5000
- Comment on Bonk. 1 month ago:
“Oy! What’s the big idea, can’t you see I’m enjoying my mea-dammit, fell for it again…”
- Comment on I present you: the Boden Seal 1 month ago:
Everybody knows fur is a Deep State psyop, this is image is clearly fake. Nice try, the Government!
- Comment on I should call her. 1 month ago:
…hmmmmmm…
- Comment on Anon watches The Office 1 month ago:
The sort of shit which makes one age 30-40 years in a couple of seconds.
- Comment on bonk 1 month ago:
All of these names sound like old timey insults…
- Comment on Discuss: 2 months ago:
Probably just an engine glitch. Delayed spawning of the birb, which means we’re seeing the Z buffer when the birb model spawns. Happens all the time, nothing Major - push to Prod.
- Comment on US education 2 months ago:
“Ey, look! We gotta publish this book by the end of the week and the thermodynamics guy already wasted so much time that we’re behind schedule! Pretend those people were morons, alright?! Now, c’mon, get to writing, you’re on preface duty after that!”