It’s such a dichotomy. Women get catcalled every day and feel uncomfortable and harassed. Understandable. The average man gets catcalled a handful of times in his life and cherishes those moments almost as much as their children’s births.
Anon orders food
Submitted 1 day ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
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Comments
sin_free_for_00_days@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
Mac@mander.xyz 1 day ago
Women drown in the ocean whereas men die of thirst in the desert.
This is obviously an overgeneralization, but it matches the experience of many.
BastingChemina@slrpnk.net 21 hours ago
I heard a similar analogy, men are in a desert, women in a swamp. In both cases they struggle to find drinkable water.
MountingSuspicion@reddthat.com 1 day ago
I think the difference is that this isn’t catcalling. If women’s compliments towards men were the same as men’s compliments towards women, I think men would also dislike it. Don’t get me wrong, I recognize that men don’t get compliments often, and often they stick with them, but generally those are complements and not catcalls.
damnedfurry@lemmy.world 1 day ago
If women’s compliments towards men were the same as men’s compliments towards women, I think men would also dislike it.
Nah.
Every time I’ve ever heard of an experiment where indignant women do/say to men the exact same things that they hate getting from men, they’re always astonished to see the men’s reactions as practically universally positive:
If the goal of the experiment was to make men feel the weird combination of creeped-out and ashamed that comes with everyday objectification, then the experiment failed. Instead, these fellas look flattered and expectant. You can practically see them plotting the nearest route to the cheapest hotel.
SnortsGarlicPowder@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
Eh being 14 and an adult woman shouting out of a cat at me to get my cock out I feel is about as gross and threatening as it would be if the genders were reversed.
refurbishedrefurbisher@lemmy.sdf.org 13 hours ago
Kind of gross and threatening even as an adult TBH.
Chev@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Catcalling ≠ Complimenting
Catcalling is about letting the other know, that you want to fuck or harass them.
Complimenting is about verbalising beauty without any other expectations towards the other person.
mosiacmango@lemm.ee 23 hours ago
There is an old idiom that goes “everything about sex except sex. That’s about power.”
Catcalling is about expressing power over someone else bodt and life. It’s a veiled threat, coached in sexual terms. No one doing it actually expects to have sex afterwards. Its about sayihg “i can force sex on you. I can take control of you.”
A lot of the men engaging in it above are doing it because of peer pressure, normalized misogyny and the “thrill” of getting an acknowledgement of that power by scaring women. I dont think most of them want to attack women outright to begin with, but it normalizes mixing sex with violence and dehumanizing woman.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 day ago
As someone who’s been catcalled many many times while presenting female and once while presenting male (by women). Yeah tbh it felt similarly threatening. When you’re walking alone in the dark all big burly and bearded and just hear a voice calling out sexualizing you it’s scary. Like in retrospect now I can recognize that it was probably a drunk/high/low inhibitioned young woman displaying the confidence of youth when surrounded by friends. But I was scared because if she’s comfortable doing this she probably knows something I don’t if she chooses to escalate.
GoodLuckToFriends@lemmy.today 21 hours ago
When you’re walking alone in the dark all big burly and bearded and just hear a voice calling out sexualizing you it’s scary
The fear is from the group dynamics more than anything else. Gender almost plays no part in it. Age plays almost no part in it. There are several stories about a group of teens attacking a lone adult, and it goes just about as you’d expect. Anyone who is alone and suddenly becomes the focus of attention by a group will (and probably should) become worried, whereas if you’re in a group the (that is, your) reaction can be anything from ignoring to playing along because you have less to fear. All of us can imagine the difference between walking in a group or by yourself when getting catcalled. Most of us have probably seen the difference.
drascus@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
My god if I could just get one compliment I could die happy.
sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
I like your username, and you have great taste in Lemmy instances.
TheBat@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Live long you absolute potato
Owlboi@lemm.ee 21 hours ago
women get so much attention its like theyre drowning. men get so little its like theyre starving in the desert.
truly ironic
SuperDuperKool@lemmy.cafe 1 day ago
Maybe you do you creep
Jyek@sh.itjust.works 22 hours ago
Girls have a super power they can use to live rent free in any guy’s head rent free pretty much eternally. All they need to do is catch them off guard with a compliment.
A guy will keep a shirt until it literally disintegrates if one time a girl said “that color looks good on you.” Pretty much every guy that wears a particular cologne, wears that cologne because at some point a girl said he smelled nice. It’s not even a horny brain thing I don’t think. It’s just that guys get so few compliments on their appearance that every single one is massively precious to them.
aeshna_cyanea@lemm.ee 17 hours ago
girls would do this more often but there’s always the (justified tbh) fear that the guy will take it the wrong way and get weird about it :(
QuantumSparkles@sh.itjust.works 12 minutes ago
It goes both ways I think too. Guys wouldn’t obsess over the idea that a single compliment might be flirting if they were more used to compliments in general from both sexes. On the other hand some guys are so afraid of misreading a compliment or normal friendliness that they can’t tell when someone actually is flirting. I sort of think there need to be more voices out there meant to speak directly to men and masc people about social literacy that aren’t trying to turn them into hateful, violent, incel republicans.
ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 16 hours ago
It’s absolutely justified fear. For every one guy who will just take it as a sweet compliment, there are ten guys who will think “she wants the D!”
Aviandelight@mander.xyz 22 hours ago
I’ve always bought my husband red shirts because I think he looks good in a bold red color. About 17 years of marriage before he finally told me he doesn’t really care for the color, that he just wants to look good for me.
Agent641@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
“You smell so nice” - a gay female co-worker. I was wearing a new cologne that I purchased for myself. It was very expensive so I’m glad I chose well
chiliedogg@lemmy.world 16 hours ago
I was told blue looks good on me by a girl.
10 years later, most of my shirts are blue.
peetabix@sh.itjust.works 6 hours ago
I hope she wasn’t colour blind 😬
TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
Purple for me. Fortunately I like it too.
Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
Turns out she was making a BJ joke and occasionally lies awake cringing at the joke that everyone missed.
Nangijala@feddit.dk 8 hours ago
I give my man compliments all the time. He calls me silly and pretends he doesn’t care, but I think it is working. Have been running a semi-non stop compliment campaign since Covid where I tell him how beautiful his hair is in the hopes he will cut it less. It’s been a good while since he last came home looking like a sheep after shearing. Summer is approaching, though, so I’m bracing myself for him getting the idea to visit the barber and have him mutilate those beautiful locks of his. It should be crime, honestly.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 6 hours ago
It’s such a cruel thing that compliments from partners don’t feel the same as compliments from strangers. My wife has been telling me parts of my body are attractive for agres, but I didn’t really internalize it until I heard it from others as well.
Nangijala@feddit.dk 1 hour ago
It’s the same phenomena as when your parents try to give you good advice but you will only listen to it if it comes from the mouths of “outsiders”.
Example: my boyfriend tried to get me into Tool for ages and I was very indifferent to it. Then my closest colleague starts playing Tool at work and I’m like “omg this music is awesome” and I go home and tell my bf about this amazing new band I have gotten into and he just gets so offended like “I literally tried to get you into it for years wtf”. We laugh about it sometimes.
Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 1 day ago
Anon’s tombstone:
“She really liked my voice.”
jaschen@lemm.ee 15 hours ago
Everytime the cashier flips the tablet over before a tip, they say a compliment. I always tip more than I usually do.
Agent641@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
They got you good
BillibusMaximus@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
In 1998, the young lady working the cash register at the taco bell near where I worked told me I have really pretty eyes. So I have that going for me, which is nice.
Empricorn@feddit.nl 1 day ago
The same thing happened to me, only it was at a Carl’s Jr! Rejoice, for we have pretty eyes! (At least according to 2 random fast-food workers)
idiomaddict@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I (afab) intentionally give my male friends and coworkers lots of non sexual compliments, and it’s been a mixed bag for people I don’t know well. I genuinely love men’s business wear, so I frequently go for a comment about what they’re wearing (think “I like your shirt” or “that’s a cool pattern,” not “that shirt makes your eyes pop” or “you look sexy in that shirt”), and about a third of the time, they still seem to think I’m coming on to them. Since I got married and wear my wedding ring, that’s down to about a quarter.
Pregnenolone@lemmy.world 1 day ago
non-sexual
“You look sexy in that shirt”
I mean…
idiomaddict@lemmy.world 1 day ago
That’s an example of a compliment I don’t give. I’m not trying to start something I don’t want to finish and I don’t want to finish anything.
gmtom@lemmy.world 23 hours ago
I don’t remember basically anyone from my secondary schoold other than my 4 close freinds and this one girl that randomly asked me for a hug one day, said I give really good hugs, then basically never spoke to me again.
azalty@jlai.lu 6 hours ago
🤗 hugs!
GeeDubHayduke@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
I’ve received two compliments from women out of the blue in my life. The first time was when a coworker told me i had a nice voice and should do voice acting for anime. That was 2006.
The second was another coworker said “at least you’re cute” to some offhand joke i made. That was 2018.
At that rate, I expect another nice comment around 2032 or so.
Hadriscus@lemm.ee 2 hours ago
I had a girl compliment my voice too ! I was maybe 17, had her on the phone, she was a friend’s friend. Then we met and she ostensibly lost all her excitement
GeeDubHayduke@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 hours ago
Oof, that hurts.
x00z@lemmy.world 1 day ago
The data indicates 12 years which would be 2030.
That’s a lot more optimistic!
GeeDubHayduke@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
I’m assuming that there’ll be an additional wait period. They are experiencing heavy call volume at this time.
qarbone@lemmy.world 1 day ago
It’s austerity now, so we can probably expect a bit of deflation on the compliment market, pushing back projected compliment growth rates.
aeshna_cyanea@lemm.ee 17 hours ago
omg my last one was in 2018 as well. besties
sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
I’m not a woman, but I think you type nicely.
GeeDubHayduke@lemmy.dbzer0.com 23 hours ago
Thanks, sugar!
Lv_InSaNe_vL@lemmy.world 1 day ago
One time a buddy and I were out drinking and on our way out he ran into a childhood friend. So while they were catching up I was just leaning against a table and listening to their conversation and people watching.
A pretty attractive woman came up to me, looked me dead in the eyes, and said “you’d be more attractive if you had some self-confidence”, and then walked out of the bar.
I think about that every day. Because I have never in my life been told I need “more confidence” (actually, it’s usually the opposite haha).
zaphod@sopuli.xyz 22 hours ago
Maybe she wanted you to approach her, you ignored her “signals” and the only reason that could be, at least from her point of view, was that you lacked confidence.
Hadriscus@lemm.ee 14 hours ago
Aahhh… so, that morse code…??
Lv_InSaNe_vL@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
Yeah I assumed so. It was a few years ago so we probably talked for a bit at the bar (I am not allowed to go get drinks by myself cause I’ll end up talking to strangers for 45 mins haha) but I don’t remember her from any other point in the night.
Idk it was just really strange haha
Isthisreddit@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
Shit like that, I’d probably not read too much into it. Some girls just like to fuck with people (people have been trolling before trolling was an internet term). She probably left laughing how she fucked with your head (yeah, some beautiful girls are fucking deeply ugly on the inside, and vice versa)
JokeDeity@lemm.ee 1 day ago
I’m not saying anything about right or wrong or societies roles, but I don’t even think it’s hyperbole to say my wife has been complimented thousands of times more then I have in our lives. It’s incredibly rare for me to get a compliment from a stranger, and even then it’s usually from other guys saying they like some item I’m wearing. It really does feel fucking incredible when it happens because it’s so insanely rare. And not to toot my own horn too much, but I’m not that bad looking, so I can’t imagine what it’s like for people with less fortune than I have in their appearance.
VitoRobles@lemmy.today 1 day ago
Same. I still think about the older gentleman who randomly told me my glasses had a cool icon on them. Made me glow for days.
blady_blah@lemmy.world 1 day ago
It’s crazy how few times in an average man’s life he gets real compliments on clothing or looks. It happens so rarely most of us can tell you about the times even when they’re 20 years ago.
Glytch@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Speaking from first hand experience: try growing a handlebar mustache (if you can). If you groom it well you will get complimented all the time. I’m a fairly generic looking guy without the stache, and almost never got complimented on my looks before I grew it.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Similarly if you grow a John brown beard but condition it that worked for me as a 18 year old but that was 12 years ago so ymmv
Muttonstache also works
other_cat@lemmy.zip 22 hours ago
I try to be mindful of this (I compliment people fairly frequently when I’m out of the house), and I still find that I don’t really ‘notice’ men as much as women (I am asexual, so it is not an attraction thing either.) I think it’s because a lot of women’s clothing is varied, lots of different and interesting patterns and color combinations and cuts and styles. Men’s fashion tends to be pretty… similar? The times I remember noticing and complimenting men has usually been when they’ve worn a t-shirt with an anime or something I like on it. One time I saw a guy with these really cool, vibrant sleeve tattoos too and I mentioned how much I like those.
Not that I’m saying it’s men’s faults–men’s casual fashion seems to really stake itself on being ‘plain’ and ‘simple’. All the t-shirts look the same, just in different solid colors. Plain jeans are plain jeans. Cargo shorts are cargo shorts. It’s easy to let your eyes sort of slide past it without registering much. Almost like social camouflage!
My husband wears a lot of 90s nostalgia t-shirts and he gets compliments on them!
I’m pretty average looking but I have a cool looking cloak and I get a compliment literally every time I wear it because it pops. It’s different.
Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 21 hours ago
As a wearer of nerdy t-shirts, i appreciate you! 😁
sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
And honestly, I’m happier that way. The less I’m noticed, the happier I am, generally speaking. I’m an introvert and feel obligated to spend some “social energy” whenever a random stranger says something to me. They might compliment my kid or ask about something I’m wearing or whatever, and I need to respond to that in some socially appropriate form.
I’m not socially anxious or awkward or anything, I just don’t like putting in the effort. So I generally avoid the things that would lead to random social interaction.
SnortsGarlicPowder@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
2 I have had 2 on the exact same shirt. I have no idea where that shirt is and it is my favourite shirt because of those compliments.
Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
I’ve received a lot of compliments on my voice in life, Nicknames for it throughout school, i didn’t have a period of voice cracking, literally woke up one day and my voice was different (scared the shit out of my parents that morning).
I hate my voice 🙃
LaLuzDelSol@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Everyone hates their voice haha just know it sounds different to other people than it does to you.
azalty@jlai.lu 6 hours ago
I feel like I prefer the voice I hear in my head than the voice I hear when I record myself :(
{|The voices in my head 👀}
Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 23 hours ago
I did a lot of clubbing in the '90s. Once, a beautiful girl came up to me and said: “You’re gorgeous” and then ran off. Thing is, though, I was in my early 30s at the time and she looked about 16. So, obviously, I didn’t pursue her or try and make a thing of it, or follow up. But that’s stuck with me for over 20 years. I can still hear it in my head.
OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 1 day ago
Damn people are lonelier than me?
RogueBanana@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
There’s always someone happier than you in the same way there’s always someone more miserable than you.
Empricorn@feddit.nl 1 day ago
But there will never be anyone more you than you.
AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I must be a heck of a lot more “attractive,” than I think I am. I’m male, and 44 y/o. I get a random compliment from strangers about once every month or two.
drascus@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
A girl once told me I am not horrific to look at. God that fucked me up lol.
Lesrid@lemm.ee 1 day ago
A woman at a house party saw my driver’s license after she asked for proof that I have two middle names and two last names. She saw my photo and said: “your neck doesn’t look anywhere near as long in real life” I knew it was a compliment, and I’ll never forget it.
MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Where’s the greentext?
Bonje@lemmy.world 1 day ago
My eyebrows got complimented back in high school. I ran out of the room red-faced mid class (it was during a science lab, and it’s been 10 years).
Nasan@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
Tangentially related, I was ordering food at a Wendy’s and the cashier out of the blue asked if I had ever been in a long distance relationship. I said no, but I knew people that had and if the relationship was strong enough, it would work out in the end. Hope things worked out for her.
daggermoon@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I think back to a compliment I recieved once. Probably one of my more pleasant memories.
pan0wski@infosec.pub 1 day ago
When I was in elementary school, a girl who was generally mean to me and everyone else told me I have nice teeth. That was over 10 years ago and I still vividly remember it.
Kolanaki@pawb.social 1 day ago
Nothing makes me stfu faster than singing in my car and having someone walk by, knock on the window and tell me they think I sound good.
ameancow@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I could never count the number of times in my life I thought people were laughing with me. They weren’t.
papertowels@lemmy.one 1 day ago
Almost a decade ago a random gal walking down the street with her friends told me that she liked my boots.
Now I don’t hold back compliments cuz as long as it’s clear there’s no creepy strings attached, it doesn’t hurt and it can make someone’s day :)
SomGye@dormi.zone 1 day ago
Only time I’ve ever been “hit on” was when a really old lady (over 65 at least) at a local Moose club called me a “cutie”… Back when I was maybe 14 or 15. Even my past partners didn’t give me compliments.
chronicledmonocle@lemmy.world 57 minutes ago
“If I wasn’t a lesbian, I’d 100% date you”
Normally, I’d write this off as someone “letting me down easy”, but this was my best friend in High school that I knew for years, so I know the sentiment was genuine.