Nangijala

@Nangijala@feddit.dk

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon is an introvert⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I’m not sure if I communicated things properly in my first comment, but based on yours, it almost sounds like you think I’m a foreigner, which I’m not! :D I’m Danish born and bred. Sorry if I was unclear, but that was kind of the point of my original comment, that I’m somewhat of an outgoing person in a hyper introverted society.

  I will also say that while I do crave social connections, I’m not interested in meeting new people just for the sake of it.

  I have plenty of good friends and a nice social network. The thing is that the closest friend to me lives an hour away. The furthest one lives on a different continent. I have often joked that the closer friend I am to someone, the further away they live.

  So for me, the goal is to just become friendly with neighbors. Not to go out and join a bunch of clubs or festivals or go to pubs and meet people there.

  When it comes to alcohol, I would be cool with having neighbors over for a beer in the garden or something like that, but I’m not going partying with people who are “functional” alcoholics. I have seen my fair share of people who’ve ended up on that trajectory, and that’s not the type of mess I want to invite into my life.

  As for joining clubs and such, there isn’t a lot of interesting clubs in my area and those that seem interesting are at least an hour away. And that’s part of the problem, because the people I’d potentially meet there, will most likely also live far away and then I have done nothing but add to the list of friends who live too far away for casual, neighborly relationships.

  I think your suggestions are fine for someone who just moved to Denmark and have zero network and just needs to get out there and look for anything and everything to build a foundation on. That’s not me, though xD

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon is an introvert⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I am aware of that. The thing about Danes is that we aren’t inclined to have communities. In some places, communities are easier to build than others, but Danes are generally uninterested in putting time and energy into community stuff. Which I understand. On one side, we just arent a social people and on the other side our jobs are mentally draining so many people just want to go home at the end of the day and scroll their phone, eat some food and watch a film or play video games.

  There isn’t much power left to do community stuff on the side. I think a lot of people would like to have a lively community, but barely any want to put in the work, so it is often up to the few to keep something going and then maybe people will show up and enjoy what you spent time, money and effort on, but they will also leave when the fun part is over or when they get bored and they won’t help cleaning up either.

  My boyfriend used to be a chairman in a little hobby organization for years and he did so much for that organization and people did fuck all to help him out. When he left, they had to get four or five people to take care of the full responsibility he had taken on because not one person could be bothered to do everything he had done on his own.

  I have heard similar stories from friends and colleagues who try to keep their local community alive. One trains football for local kids and the neighborhood parents don’t do anything to help out. He gets nothing out of it other than the kids getting to have comradery, but it’s basically an unpaid part time job he’s taken on because he believes in community even if the community doesn’t think they need to do their part.

  Where I grew up, we were actually blessed to have good neighbors on our road, but we also lived very isolated in the countryside and actually needed each other more than the people needed one another in the village. Both our families also happened to be newcomers from other parts of the country and that automatically excluded us from the wider community in the area.

  I really am not kidding when I’m saying that unless you grew up with people in an area, you will be friendless. That goes for local communities too. You can’t move into a neighborhood and expect to become a part of it even if you put in the effort. You can be lucky to be accepted, but don’t expect it.

  It is a very common thing for Danish immigrants, refugees and those who come here for work, to complain about how closed off Danes are. How it is like standing in front of a fortress when you’re trying to get to know a Dane.

  That’s why making baked goods or asking for favors probably wouldn’t yield any other results than my neighbors reluctantly accepting to help and then go back to their house and close the door when it’s over.

  Because I have definitely considered the baked goods thing, but hopped away from that idea, because you do not just come knocking at somebody’s house unless it’s an emergency.

  One of my colleagues attempted the baked goods thing in her neighborhood at one point and was quickly deterred because the neighbors didn’t react well to it.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon is an introvert⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  You aren’t wrong! Only problem is that I don’t know how to drive a motorcycle and we don’t have mountains in my country xD

  But in all seriousness, I genuinely think they don’t want to know us, and I want to respect that. Maybe they will warm up to us eventually or maybe we will remain strangers, but I’ll continue to smile and wave whenever I see them. So far the only living beings who’s given a fuck about us are local birds, who use our garden for nesting, a neighbor’s dog who spent the first three months of us living here, barking at us everytime it saw us and a neighbor kid who was super chatty about princesses one day when we were out gardening.

  The dog doesn’t even come over to look at us anymore. I’m actually starting to miss him barking at me every single day. The only time he came out barking recently was when a delivery guy came to drop off a new fridge for my boyfriend. Then all of a sudden, Mr Dog could bark. The driver was scared, while I was low key jealous. Like bruh, at least he acknowledges that you exist, mate. Do you know how devastating it is to move in and getting used to this big dog greeting you everyday and then one day, all of a sudden, he just stops giving a fuck about you and ignores your presence??? It’s bad enough that the human neighbors pretend I don’t exist, but now even the guard dog is like: bitch, you boring.

  Dx

  My boyfriend thinks its awesome that our neighbors don’t care about us and would hate my dream scenario of casually inviting people over for a beer or coke on the veranda and chatting about whatever.

  It’s not like I want people to run through our house all the time and us never getting any privacy, but I would like to have spontaneous chats over the hedge a couple of times a month at least. Even every second month would be cool. But you can’t force people to want to what you want, so eh.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon is an introvert⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  While not the stereotypical extrovert, I experience the opposite in my country.

  I think, on a world wide scale, I would be considered very introverted, but by Danish standards I’m too social. I’ve become more introverted over time because it is too exhausting trying to get something going with people around me. Danes make all their friends in their youth and then they close the gates at 30 and never allow in any other new friendships or acquaintances ever again. And if they do, it’s against their will.

  We moved into a new neighborhood five months ago, and I still don’t know anyone. Our closest neighbors have politely demonstrated that they desire to not know me despite my attempts at getting to know them and I am self aware enough to know when to just let it go and avoid thing becoming uncomfortable.

  It really sucks, because I always dreamed of having good relationships with my neighbors and inviting people over for cook outs or something. But Danes are hermit crabs.

  I had it confirmed when I befriended a Ukrainian refugee who told me that in the two years he had been a refugee in Denmark, I had literally been the only Dane to bother to get to know him and been friendly and open to him. Told him that I’m also a very shitty Dane.

  So yeah, I dunno what it’s like to be an introvert stuck in an extrovert society. But I do know what it’s like to be extroverted introvert in a hyper introverted society and that sucks as well, because you end up becoming very, very lonely if you don’t hit the jackpot with evergreen friendships when you still have your milk teeth.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨borger⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Unpleasant shocks are what I meant. English is my second language so sometimes I get terms wrong. But yeah, I wouldn’t want to have an electronic device close to my ears when I’m getting drenched.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨borger⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  It also sounds weirdo to me. How would someone was their hair with headphones on? Unless, by headphones, they actually mean ear buds. Then again, I would be afraid of getting electrocuted or some shit. Even if they were supposedly waterproof.

  And burgers are shit food on the best of days anyway. They are what you eat when everything else is closed and you forgot to buy groceries.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Wavelengths⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  And magenta is a lie Dx

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Wildfire Griffin⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I went to my local bookshop the other day to look for The Hobbit and there was not even the slightest shadow of Tolkien anywhere.

  Instead the entire English fiction section was wall to wall shit like this. Fantasy porn for women.

  I mean, I know that this particular “creation” is AI, but even the human-made fantasy/sci-fi porn is so bad, lifeless and paint by numbers the same story over and over, that it might as well be AI.

  It is a particularly dystopian experience to step into a modern day book shop and all fantasy literature is just shit like this.

  I’m part of the problem because I spent a good number of years not really buying and reading books and most books I interacted with were audiobooks when I was out on walks.

  But genuinely, fuck this is sad. Bookshops practically have turned into bored housemom shops. Fantasy porn, cook books and the occasional biography about a topical famous person whom women would find interesting.

  The kids section is hidden away in the back of the store and there’s seemingly no incentive for men to visit the shop. Probably because men generally don’t read anymore. I know one man around my age who reads. One.

  And us women don’t really read either, but those who do, read fantasy porn Dx

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Wildfire Griffin⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  You are too pure for this world 💖

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anyone get this?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I have definitely been the only one in the room to realize that the person everybody likes, is a snake.

  Were I the first and only person in ghe world to realize this? No, definitely not. But in that particular constellation of people in one specific room at one specific time, I was and it fucking sucked everytime it happened.

  There have also been plenty of times where I was the one to figure out late that someone was shitty because I kept believing in the best of them, and that also sucks.

  Can’t judge people who don’t catch on early to someone being a shit person.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon reads horror⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  That the thing, though. IT steals your memories, so the intimacy was supposed to bond the kids together forever so that they wouldn’t forget one another (they do anyway), but to me it makes no sense, when Bev is the only one who’s intimate with everybody and the boys aren’t intimate with one another.

  Then again, I think there could have been other way to get the same point across. They do a blood oath as well and I think that could have served a similar purpose if the kids had all mixed blood like the vikings and become bloodbrothers/sister and symbolically carried a part of each other in their veins forever.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon reads horror⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  It’s not a terrible book. The stories and descriptions about Derry through time are really well written and fun world building in my opinion.

  I just think the book was a bit too long and also had a couple of elements that were too silly.

  I haven’t read every king book ever, but currently, I think Misery is his best book. While he likes to have big casts and writing about communities, he’s absolutely at his best when he is stuck with two interesting characters who play off one another in a battle of wills.

  But yeah, IT is far from a bad book, but in my opinion a bit overrated in popculture.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon reads horror⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I went into IT with an open mind and was prepared for that scene. Kept thinking that it probably made a lot of sense since many King fans had said it had a very beautiful reason behind it.

  Then I get to it. And it’s just stupid. Genuinely stupid.

  The kids are scared of forgetting each other, because that is the power of IT. It makes people forget as they grow up.

  So they want to do something meaningful to remember each other. And Bev is like: y’all can fuck me.

  And I am over here like: how are the boys supposed to remember each other if they only fuck you? If that scene was supposed to make a lick of sense, the kids would have an orgy with each other and not just the boys lining up to have sex with one girl.

  I can go along with weird and uncomfortable ideas in books if they make sense. In this case, it made no sense. But people either seem to defend it because they just go along with the premise or they defend King because he was high or some shit.

  I’m not defending bad storytelling. IT has a lot of cool concepts in it and no one can write about small communities like King can, but I’m not gonna pretend like the kids having sex is some clever narrative device. It’s very, very stupid.

  I also think the Turtle is goofy af.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Green herons⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  They were my favourite heron when I was a kid. Used to love nature documentaries and everytime the green backed heron popped up, I was thrilled. They look so pretty, yet so strange, so comical, yet so elegant.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Which grass?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Reminds me of when I was going on my friend’s computer one time and asked for the password and she said: my password

  Me: yeah, what is it?

  Her: my password

  Me: I know, but what is your password?

  Her: my password is my password

  Me: ???

  Chaotic af. We ended up agreeing that her password was genius and definitely idiot proof. 🤡

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Mint⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  This is a sadness for me, because I really want bamboo I’m my garden, but am hesitant to go through with it for obvious reasons. Almost all the plants I love grow like weeds to the point of it no longer being charming 😭

  We planted native honeysuckle as a hedge instead. They grow like weeds too, but at least they will smell nice all the way through summer and autumn, so eh.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Mint⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Demonic thing to say 😭

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Mint⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  That’s why I planted mine in a plant box instead of in tue garden directly.

  I used to have them in plant boxes on the balcony when we lived in a ghetto in a bigger city and the only reason they ended up eventually dying after a reign of Terror in every single plant box on my balcony for a couple years, was because I got depression and forgot to water them during a particularly toasty summer. We are talking three months on scorching heat and no water before they finally admitted defeat.

  There is no plant I fear and respect more than mint.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon works out the question to the final solution⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  One act is inherently sadistic, the other isn’t. It’s very simple.

  I’m still a big fan of the scenario where you take baby Hitler and give him a lovely childhood and set him on a positive path instead the path he ended up on. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if Putin had had and safe and loving childhood as well. The shit he went through in his formative years are directly tied to the creature we are all witnessing and suffering from today.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon works out the question to the final solution⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  He isn’t inept. He does it on purpose and uses autism as a shield.

  He’s the type of person who revels in making other people uncomfortable (especially women) because he’s very immature and going through his “poke the bear” phase.

  We all go through that phase to some extent, where we push back against the world to see how far we can go before the world slaps back and teaches us how to behave. Some kids to grafitti on walls, others shoplift once or twice, some spew edgy opinions, others refuses to listen to authority figures etc etc. But at some point most people grow out of it and settle into the world and become more mature.

  Some people, however, feel the need to go further than others and poke the bear extra hard. Sometimes they wake up after a slap, other times they don’t, because they never mature enough to settle in to society. They keep being “rebels” to provoke a reaction because it gives them a thrill. Makes them feel somehow important or different and thus better than the rest of us.

  It’s a very sad way to live and some people get stuck living like that and never grow out of it. Hopefully, this Anon will mature eventually and forever cringe when he looks back at this period of his life. But his autism has nothing to do with this behavior he is displaying. It’s just a way for him to not hold himself accountable for his bad behavior, as people like him are apt to do.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon works out the question to the final solution⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I love how he uses autism as a shield for edgy, anti-social behavior.

  This phase will be something he either grows out of and later cringe at or he’s 45 years old and a lost cause.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Unappreciated in my own lifetime⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Should’ve started drooling right after.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon is a stoic⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Holy shit, I needed that laugh.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨And toxic in large amounts!⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Oh yeah? Well technically some really expensive coffee brands that people pay a lot for have coffee beans that went through the digestive systems of lemur-lookalike creatures, so you’re paying tons to drink poo water.

  Also bananas and tomatoes are berries.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Forensic Poetry⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Thank you for the explanation! I thought that when people referred to cannabis, they always referred to its euphoric properties so I got a bit confused, haha.

  I remember having one of these plants growing in my backyard because we had cockatiels when I was a kid and we would throw the leftover seeds in the backyard when they were up for new feed. Sometimes the leftover seeds would turn into plants and rather quickly, we had a 2 meters tall cannabis plant in the backyard which made my dad freak the fuck out and chop it down as soon as ne found out what that plant was. It was a very impressive plant, but probably not an infamous female.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Forensic Poetry⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Ignoramus here: what’s the difference?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon found a plot hole⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  Batman is not a man bat hybrid :(

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨She only wanted the ring bros⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  I’m Danish and can confirm. I grew up in a family full of babies and all the dads were always super involved. All the friends I have, who have little ones, the dads are involved. Only one of them has a situation where the mom is mostly on baby duty, but that’s because dad has a job that requires him to travel for work for months at the time. When he’s home, he’s very much a hands on dad. Men love being dads. At least where I live.

  The only times I hear about hands off dads is when it’s America and Middle Eastern countries.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon needs a good response⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  There is some context missing which makes it hard to give solid advice.

  I do think, though, that the internet probably isn’t the best place to seek relationship advice unless you have already made up your mind that you’re leaving and you just need the final push.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Normies⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  It had taken me years to be at peace with the notion that some people love Maroon 5 and think Adam Levine’s voice is angelic.

  Thankfully, none of the Maroon 5 fans I know are Bateman coded, but I did date a guy who unironocally worshipped Billy Ray Cyrus and he was probably the biggest psycho I have ever known.