captainlezbian
@captainlezbian@lemmy.world
- Comment on Anon is terminally lonely 9 hours ago:
Or you grow and mature and find someone new who you won’t do that with. I’m not some unique freak in having multiple ones who got away who could’ve been a great lifelong partner and also an amazing lifelong partner who didn’t get away.
- Comment on Anon is terminally lonely 9 hours ago:
Would you want a woman who’s similar to you in what you can offer? If so, look for one. If not, wait. Regardless, work to resolve your sources of insecurity. Your crappy job is probably why you still live with your parents and times are tough, but pursue employment that allows for more independence. If a car is necessary and you can learn, start trying to learn. If not, develop comfort with your alternative transit options or look into trying to find a way to move somewhere where transit works for you. If none of that is possible, develop skills you think would make you a desirable partner. What do you want to offer?
It’s so easy to find ourselves stuck in a hole in our lives and not understand that many of our problems are solvable. At the very least we can chip away at them.
- Comment on Coffee ☕ 9 hours ago:
If it was physical I’d understand. As an engineer I’ll takr any excuse to build something. But I also need my boss off my ass about taking another walk, I can’t think sitting still
- Comment on Anon is terminally lonely 9 hours ago:
Yeah, but you gotta make it better. Develop goals and consistently work towards them. If life feels easy you’re stagnating. If it’s only hard because it sucks, you’re stagnating. You should feel like you’re pushing and exerting more than you want. That’s not to say not resting, more understanding that it’s really easy to feel you need to spend all time not dedicated to mandatory things needs spent on rest, and that just easily becomes years of stagnating on the couch.
Every day it gets a little easier… But you gotta do it every day — that’s the hard part. But it does get easier. - Jogging Baboon from BoJack Horseman
So goals. Do you feel lonely? Start looking for community and building social skills. I know I know nobody knows how to people. It’s hard to learn. You’re going to fuck up. Do it anyways. It gets easier, because you get better. And actually assess your failures and try to learn from them. You’re building social skills like a muscle, but you’re also learning them like a skill. Have small talk with strangers and coworkers, smile at new people. But there’s no community! Have you looked? Look for things you’re interested in. Board game nights are a goat for this if they interest you. You’re sitting there chatting with new people and have something to focus on and talk about that isn’t sensitive. Ttrpgs are also great. But any hobby will do. And you don’t have to be skilled, you can just show up and say you’re new to the thing. But if you can’t find any you can start one. Put up flyers. Tell people nearby. You can just start shit. I ran an organization for over a year because I wanted it to exist in the area and it didn’t so I just started holding meetings at a bar. (And yeah be prepared for people to not show up, that’s ok, it takes time and you may not have properly gotten the word out, ask around)
Ok but what if you want your mental health to be better? Look into treatments for your issues. I have anxiety and cptsd. I got meds for the anxiety, but they were only part of the solution, because it wasn’t just physical (it’s also physical). I’d also developed unhealthy thought patterns. Learning to meditate and learning CBT techniques helped with both these issues. My wife likes acceptance therapy for her anxiety. I found that when I understand what the worst realistic scenario is for a situation I can work to cope with it and build a plan to resolve the situation rather than spiral into a panic attack and self harm about it. Regular exercise is also vital.
So yeah, it took a lot of work to go from a terrified and lonely closeted 19 year old who was at risk of failing out of college, was engaged in very disordered habits of all sorts, lived in filth, was deeply uncomfortable going to a grocery store much less a social event, and just generally was a wreck who went weeks without talking to people, to a 30 something married woman who still has plenty of issues, but they’re largely under control, whose household is generally doing ok, who doesn’t have panic attacks anymore, nor does she go 1 night a month too anxious to sleep (actually the insomnia is totally gone), and who was able to move across her country to a place she’d never been and only had one friend and within a year has a community and friends completely separate from the friend she already had (as well as integrating into that friend’s local friends). If a loser like I once was can do it, I believe that most people can too.
- Comment on Anon is terminally lonely 10 hours ago:
Yeah I struggle with that. The answer is cbt and using it to develop a secure attachment style instead of an anxious one.
- Comment on Anon is terminally lonely 10 hours ago:
I agree with all that, but I’ll also say that getting started fixing your issues first is a hugely valuable thing. If you haven’t it’s so easy to think love will solve all your problems while not even having the tools to deal with your own emotions and baggage.
You need people, we all do, and we deteriorate rapidly without people. But romantic relationships are really easy to screw up by being emotionally unhealthy
- Comment on Anon is terminally lonely 10 hours ago:
It can also force you to confront your issues rather than just staring at them cowering. Every acid trip I’ve had has included about an hour of my brain sitting me down and going “ok, real talk Cap, here’s something you’ve been up to that’s hurting you and/or others.” It also forced me to really confront the feelings I’d been strong in the face of. It also forces you to rethink and reevaluate situations. And all that was semi recreational
- Comment on Frying chicken? Taking a leak? It's a mystery. 🤔 12 hours ago:
Yes
- Comment on Coffee ☕ 12 hours ago:
I don’t understand why they don’t just accept free walks
- Comment on Anon has a hobby 1 day ago:
I’ve met women who’d fantasize about doing this
- Comment on Do most comedians invite heclers to their shows? And they go over the bit so it seems sporadic? And get them more views or clicks or whatever? Kind of like a magician does with a plant? 1 day ago:
No, but you may practice with one. Especially low skill (new at it) comedians tend to really suck at dealing with hecklers. That said, if you’re seeing a heckler in a clip, the comedian probably specializes in it (and as such it’s known that it’s ok to try to best them) or hired a plant. Many clubs will kick you out for heckling, especially when a performer is a bigger draw. Even relatively big names can really suck at dealing with heckling. This is partly because when you aren’t getting good responses from the audience you tend to get unsure, shaky, and struggle with everything. Real hecklers usually are going after someone who’s started flopping.
- Comment on Human experimentation, one way or the other. 2 days ago:
They’re just attempting an R strategy
- Comment on Solid advice 2 days ago:
It’s also a good way to ensure you dont oversleep your alarm. Just make sure it’s about 8 hours before waking up, not right before bed if those are different
- Comment on When people recommend Brave browser. 2 days ago:
My only issue with batocera is that GameCube was broken out of the box and I haven’t had the time to figure out how to fix it
- Comment on fighting evil by moonlight 3 days ago:
A diversity of tactics is worthwhile, but indiscriminate violence or even insufficiently targeted violence is fucking stupid. The state will demonize us, but that’s an opportunity to be openly and visibly in the right and to reduce trust in state narratives
- Comment on Is it weird for parents to keep saying "I love you", then asks "Do you love me?" 4 days ago:
Your mom needs therapy. I’m certain of this because my mom needed the same therapy. It’s insecurity in attachment and feeling like she’s not succeeded as a parent
- Comment on Gaysadilla 4 days ago:
We have traditional foods?
I’m gay because I want to eat pussy not because I eat tofu
- Comment on so many want the body they dont have 4 days ago:
As a skinny chick, yeah that is how it sometimes goes.
- Comment on opportunities 4 days ago:
Cool, I’ll take an ottoman style cannon. The seige of Constantinople was still medieval even if it was the last thing to be medieval.
- Comment on With regards to cutlery, do you prefer a spoon or a fork for eating cake? 4 days ago:
I don’t. Preferences set one up for disappointment. I simply use what is offered or whichever has more clean.
Forks for ice cream fresh from the freezer though, they break into it better
- Comment on A sudden epiphany. 4 days ago:
As an engineer from a family of engineers, yeah i wholeheartedly believe that you learned better people skills from the criminally insane than engineers. I had a real tough time learning people skills and emotional resilience
- Comment on 5 days ago:
I’d love to meet Crystal Beth
- Comment on Number 1 🏥 5 days ago:
Hold my beer, gonna go learn some shit.
May have to steal that one in the future lol
- Comment on Closely look at the picture 6 days ago:
Win win
- Comment on a girl can never be hyperfeminine/sexual, chaotic, unfiltered online without ulterior motives allegations 6 days ago:
Ah I interpreted reaching out to strangers more broadly as including going to places where it’s normal and expected behavior to pursue strangers for sex.
Dick pics I’ve just always assumed were about power like catcalling.
- Comment on a girl can never be hyperfeminine/sexual, chaotic, unfiltered online without ulterior motives allegations 6 days ago:
I also think it’s just that some (especially young adult) people are very sex motivated, and due to various factors young women like that are often treated as abnormalities rather than within the expected variation of humanity.
- Comment on a girl can never be hyperfeminine/sexual, chaotic, unfiltered online without ulterior motives allegations 6 days ago:
Reddit has worse but it’s more contained imo. Most of lemmy browses all so we’re all just here with each other as opposed to having people cordoned off onto the red pill and female dating strategy vs trollx and similar communities.
Women reddit is the main thing I miss
- Comment on a girl can never be hyperfeminine/sexual, chaotic, unfiltered online without ulterior motives allegations 6 days ago:
I mean, yes. The human touch is excellent for stuff like sexting and erp with strangers on the internet. But also, that’s what hookups are.
- Comment on Everytime 6 days ago:
Both of these are regional. Growing up in Ohio awnings were rare. And in some states ac is more or less common. I know in Washington’s Puget Sound region it’s more or less only in new construction because before the past decade or so it’s been mild all year.
- Comment on 13,492% sudden interest increase in local Alabama news station 6 days ago:
Yeah the thing about alt subcultures being particularly common in such areas is reak