There’s only one way: Anon should simulate fainting like the mom and then explain that god told them they have to break up.
Loosing my religion
Submitted 2 weeks ago by slaacaa@lemmy.world to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/fcb1a3a8-5fbb-4e35-9448-080cc094f24c.png
Comments
VaalaVasaVarde@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
VitoRobles@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
Nothing pisses religious nutjobs more than telling them that God spoke to you and said you were holier than they are.
agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
“You guys need a priest to tell you what God wants? Why, he doesn’t check in with you personally? What did you do to piss him off?”
frog@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
Speak it in Latin and claim you don’t know what Latin even is. Then use Google Translate like some time later and tell her.
If she ask any questions just say the usual, “God works in mysterious ways”, “maybe this is a test from God like in the book of Job”, or “are you questioning my faith or yours?”
QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Babble nonsense. They call it “speaking in tongues” and think it’s super legit
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
I’d wake up and say “God says that he’s pissed that you keep doing dangerous stuff, and expecting Him to pull your sorry asses out of the fire. He says it ends now, and you’re on your own. If you pass out in the hot summer sun, you’re going to die, and your constant annoyances mean that your place in heaven is not secure. He’s not real thrilled about have to live in close proximity, whee you’ll be dropping by every day for coffee. He thinks Satan ought be able to settle y’all down a bit. Just something to think about…oh yeah, Sweetie? We’re over. Bye!”
JackbyDev@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
“I think the demon attached itself from you. If God favored you then He’d protect you from them, I think someone in your family is harboring a Dark Presence. We’re unequally yoked.”
chronicledmonocle@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
As someone who grew up in a conservative, Baptist home, I can tell you that this 100% isn’t the most insane thing I’ve heard or seen, but it falls right in line.
bridgeenjoyer@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Insane how grown ass adults believe in absolute fairy tales written by the rich/kings to keep the lower classes subservient. In 2026.
I’d love to ask someone in the 1940s what they’d think of 2026. I bet they’d think we were all living on other planets and half cyborg by now. But nah. Trillionaires.
paranoia@feddit.dk 2 weeks ago
I feel like a trillionaire in 2026 would not be that surprising to someone from the 1940s, considering they had billionaires back then too.
Phantaloons@piefed.zip 2 weeks ago
My cousin wouldn’t let his daughter watch Wicked because they whisper a spell during the movie.
I literally asked “Are you fucking serious?”
The query went right by his perception of me questioning his sanity as if I was making a remark in regards to the film itself.
“Yeah, man. You gotta be careful these days.”
chronicledmonocle@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
My parents nearly didn’t let me read or watch Harry Potter “cuz witchcraft”. There is a lot of stupid out there.
Phantaloons@piefed.zip 2 weeks ago
Yep. My mom is the last thing I hold any level of doubt for. I let her have her Christian thises and thats and I indulge her just enough to keep her happy. She was and is a great, loving mother who deserves to go out comfortably, and I’m seeing to it.
.. but the very week she’s gone, the filter is off and is never going back on. No one else deserves it and it literally sucks the life out of me to nod along to someone else’s insanity when they’re around. It’s draining.
I have to wash off with NetGeo documentaries, Nova episodes and Twain essays after every visit.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
I think my father in law still believes Hurricane Katrina was a punishment to the people of New Orleans from God Himself. I’ve never heard him say similar things about other natural disasters though.
chronicledmonocle@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
My parents told me that the Clinton’s, Gates family, and other influential people go to masquerade parties where they murder babies and wear their skin ask masks. And they were 100% serious.
In the world of Epstein Island revelations, there is some fucked up stuff out there, but I’m pretty sure we’d know if people were mass slaughtering babies for fun.
Gloomy@mander.xyz 2 weeks ago
this 100% isn’t the most insane thing I’ve heard or seen
What would that be then?
chronicledmonocle@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I have a few:
- When looking at the video feed from a night vision camera, my parents tried to convince me the white specs floating around were angels and souls watching over is (it was dust in the air refracting the infrared)
- Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton are part of a baby murdering cult were they skin baby faces to wear as masquerade masks
- Bill Gates is building COVID-19 nanites and putting them in the vaccines
- The whole QAnon conspiracy stuff they REALLY got into
- My wife and I are being controlled by the devil and now our kids are damned because we got them vaccinated, since it’s “The Mark of the Beast”.
My parents are estranged now. You can imagine why.
psycho_driver@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Tell her you’re a demon sent to attack her vagina.
agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Then you’ll have to face off against Pillowpants, and I didn’t think you’re ready for that
M137@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
Man this made me laugh, thank you!
ZombieCyborgFromOuterSpace@piefed.ca 2 weeks ago
“Listen, your mon had a heatstroke. This isn’t a demonic attack. It’s common knowledge that this happens when doing hard work in extreme heat. I can’t be with someone who’s family believes that demons are behind common medical conditions. In other words: your family is insane and I can’t date you anymore. Bye”
bedwyr@piefed.ca 2 weeks ago
How dare you sir, don’t deny my faith! /s
ZombieCyborgFromOuterSpace@piefed.ca 2 weeks ago
“I’m not denying you faith. Go be crazy. I don’t care. I just don’t want to deal with it. "
Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I’d probably talk to the girl and see if she holds the same beliefs. She’s Christian, yes, but there are plenty of people raised in such families that use the term out of familiarity, but don’t share the extreme views of their parents.
Though with that said, even if the girl isn’t off the deep end, I’d understand that having her parents as potential in-laws could be a bridge too far.
Mikina@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
I remember playing this 3 day LARP, the kind with pre-written in-depth characters and story that is played over 3 days strait in characeter, in Wild West setting, where I played a Trapper that was about to marry someone from the local village, my family was married into but my parents died shortly after.
It eventually turned out that the whole village is a cult that eats people to keep some kind of evil imprisoned, and I still can’t forget the nights spent trying to reasonably argue and discuss with my fiance that it’s definitely not ok and we should just leave.
I obviously never had to have discussions like this in real life, but it was pretty interesting how extremely futile it is. They have so many arguments you can’t say anything against. Once they start with “But this is our purpose given to us by God, if we don’t do this the whole world will end”, or “It was God’s will”, you really don’t have much to say to that to get through.
Of course, it was just a LARP and she played her character well, but now I can pretty vividly imagine that talking to someone who’s so much into anything like that is extremely difficult, to the point of being futile.
(I managed to convince her to leave, the winning argument was “Your grandmother tried to poison me, here is proof”, lol).
rumschlumpel@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
The thing with RPG worlds is, when the characters are saying these kinds of things there’s a good chance that this is actually and demonstrably how that RPG world works and they’re not just a bunch of grifters.
Mikina@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
Oh, it was definitely how that world worked, and she played that role really well.
But, the experience (especially in multi-day nonstop LARPs, where you immerse into the world and your character really extensively) is pretty indistinguishable from real-life. At least in how you perceive it. For the few days, your life has these problems now. And you just accept it and get into it, and don’t even consider a difference between real and “imaginary” problems. It’s hard to describe, tbh.
I was not trying to imply that any of the involved people were grifters, I was mostly talking about the experience of being in a situation like that, where you have to actually talk to someone like that. I’m pretty sure that there wouldn’t be much of a difference between talking to someone who can roleplay well and has spend two days in their character, vs. talking to someone who spent most of their life being indoctrinated like this.
Or rather, the problem-solving part of it. I had literal days in that world to figure out how to approach this, what to say so it would work in that situation, how to argue with her. I didn’t come up with anything that would work, and things that I came up with were swiftly rebated by fanatic religious speeches. Just like she had a pretty easy time of coming up with arguments I couldn’t say much against, that would still be perfectly in-character, as she told me after the LARP.
EDIT: I may have misunderstood your comment, sorry :D. Yes, you are right, it was how the world worked - we did eventually all died because some kind of evil has been awakened, lol. But that doesn’t change anything about the experience of having to argue with someone who’s indoctrinated in a cult vs. you, who don’t believe in stuff like that. It’s difficult. From my point of view, they were grifters, because I had no indication of proof of what they are saying, so I did my best to figure out what to do or say, and I couldn’t come up with anything.
Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Everyone is going with the satanism or whatever non-Christian antics they are coming up with.
That’s too easy.
Study some Bible verses and understand the tenents of the religion. Learn enough about the family to find something you can use. Then break up with her by saying her family are heretics and state that reason. Tell her they’re all going to hell and close the door tight. Never talk to her again.
Padit@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
It schisma time!!!
MrShankles@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
You get it. Insidious “mustard seeds”, if so needed. You can’t always logic someone quickly, it takes a lot of time to even consider changing any core beliefs. But I really value my time. So it’s either worth it, or I’m taking the path of least resistance… aka, “your family’s the devil and you didn’t even know. Sorry, God certainly loves YOU though. And maybe we woulda worked in a different life, but until then; bye and god bless”
QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Any adult who believes in Magick, God, angels, or demons has growing up to do.
Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
I didn’t believe in demons until 2016.
Knightfox@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Unfortunately we don’t need demons, humans are bad enough as is.
Knightfox@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Genuine question, no judgement, but why did you spell it Magick in this instance?
QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I used to be spiritual and got used to spelling it with a K.
I realized it was all bullshit. I thought I knew sacred knowledge and that the spells weren’t working because I wasn’t good enough…
I realized I’d never be good enough and that the guy who was teaching me magic was using it as an excuse to get high (he claimed we were doing sacred rituals that increases our magic power… we were fucking drinking DXM)
Magnum@infosec.pub 2 weeks ago
He’s a dev, he’s used to imagemagick.org
Axolotl_cpp@feddit.it 1 week ago
Magick come from Wicca, it’s actually a very nice religion and there is not even a centralized entity, heck, the religion itself does not even claim to be the right one but that every religion (wicca included) is a human interpretation of some high power
Sharkticon@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
I was once invited to a pool party by a girl back when I was a freshman at college. When I got there they were baptizing people.
There was free food though so I stuck around.
Knightfox@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Freshmen year of college is all about maximizing the amount of free stuff you can get, especially food.
supernicepojo@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Get on floor, walk the dinosaur
abbadon420@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
They don’t believe in dinosaurs though.
kat_angstrom@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Get on the floor, walk the demonsaur
mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Heathens
ferrule@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Oddly, the two super churchy women I’ve “been with” ended up leaving the church afterwards. Maybe OP should do a little 🫰🤌🤏 to her 🍑 and see what happens.
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
This dude knows how to do it
NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
God, emoji are so tainted. Before reading this comment, I thought it was going to be AI slop…
ferrule@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I might be a brain in a vat, but I know how to make a woman cry out to God with just my fingers…and then they deconvert.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
“I really like you, but you and your family are religiously insane so I think we should see other people. I’m gonna try to see someone with a grip on reality, and you should try to see a professional”
imetators@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Fake/gay analysis: true and straight. Source: dated religious girl who’s mother was a religious lunatic. Super fucking likely to happen
HugeNerd@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
*whose
Waterpumpee@lemmus.org 2 weeks ago
I just asked if she really believes in all this. Answer was not really but you know, family ties and the community is nice.
Mulligrubs@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
This is not unusual in my opinion. In my childhood, I attended Catholic, Baptist, and Assembly of God churches, and this would not have raised any eyebrows. Especially Assembly of God.
If the people only knew what they are supporting with their tax dollars (in USA, churches pay no taxes)! It’s obscene and frankly ridiculous. The farther you go in the church, the crazier things are.
And make no mistake, they will kill you.
JDPoZ@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
[deleted]MrsDoyle@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
My sister got involved in a Pentecostal church and I became fascinated by speaking in tongues. It was such obvious bullshit, and she could never explain it (“The pastor says it’s the divine spirit, bla bla bla…”). So I looked it up.
In the Bible “speaking in tongues” was like a universal translator. The Christians were preaching to a multilingual crowd. There was a mighty wind (lol) and flames appeared over the preachers’ heads.
From Acts: “And at this sound the multitude came together, and they were bewildered, because each one was hearing them speak in his own language.”
But now because this is a fairy tale that didn’t happen, it’s morphed into gabbling nonsense that no-one understands.
nickiwest@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
My mom recently changed to a non-denominational church because the local Assembly of God (the church she raised me in) is somehow getting it wrong.
Her new pastor has a degree from Liberty University. I am intimately familiar with the teachings of the A/G. I honestly don’t even want to know what the new church is telling her.
Mulligrubs@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Speaking in tongues was a source of constant amusement for me, and probably the only thing I enjoyed about the church. “Shambala lala guu!”
Then, someone else used their Magic Bird powers to “translate”.
vantablack@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
speaking in tongues is just christian keysmashing
QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Republicans claim public school teaches our kids to be atheists. That would be so based if it were true.
Children should be taught faerie tales are fiction.
Mulligrubs@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Ironically, I went to Assembly of God school, which definitely impacted me and resulted in my atheism.
Also, my relatives were Baptist and totally wacko for Jerry Falwell, who founded Liberty.
They don’t speak in tongues, but they do share a lot with Assembly of God, like their Apocalyptic obsession. My family was positive they were going to be swept up into Heaven by angels while the Jesus army murders everybody. Should be pretty cool.
rizzothesmall@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
My master, Satan, says we should have premarital sex immediately
It’s a win either way
deathbird@mander.xyz 2 weeks ago
Fake: Anon has gf Gay: Convoluted break-up fantasy to explain why he can’t get with girls integrates his actual religious trauma from his own homophobic fundy household growing up
MrSmith@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Religious people are all nuts, just the degree varies a little bit.
Gullible@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Everyone is nuts. Religious people just far more uniformly
Apytele@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Honestly this is it. It’s why it’s so stabilizing especially to a medium sized community (too small you get cults, too big you get institutionalization). Everybody agreeing to be weird in a specific way at a specific time at regular intervals has a lot of benefits, literal health benefits even. You definitely get some real fucked up outlier behavior but religion doesn’t have widespread stating power throughout generations for no reason.
j5y7@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Not me. I remembered an umbrella!
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I dated a religious girl for three years. Her mom was a pastor at a small church. She was a regular practicing Christian. Definitely had some habits and customs I wasn’t used to. I mostly just nodded along and was polite.
Never really caused us problems long term. We ended up breaking up after our jobs pulled us in different directions. We’re still good friends and we regularly keep in touch.
Someone claiming to have a GF on 4chan - especially in 2026 - is extremely sus. Sounds fake and/or gay to me. Don’t take it too seriously.
DeepDown@leminal.space 2 weeks ago
It’s a spectrum. Yeah most are normies but in the bible belt and suicide belt regions of the US you get some certified wackjobs who think every obvious fuckup is a “supernatural attack”
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
in the bible belt and suicide belt regions of the US you get some certified wackjobs
Some of the most certifiable radicals I’ve had the dubious honor of meeting were in California and NY. The center of the county has it’s share, but for the most part it’s just background noise. You listen to church radio because it’s what’s on. You celebrate Christmas because the city puts up a big tree and throws some public parties.
People can be superstitious with or without a formal religious membership. And they can be Christian outside of the red states.
Mulligrubs@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Most are normies? I’ll need some kind of source for that, my life experience says otherwise.
Stern@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
She ain’t a red flag she a whole chinese military parade.
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Hmm i don’t think demons would attack the most favoured by God. Or rather, not in that way - demons are supposed to be packaged up with every time that YOU sin, they can’t just randomly go “TURN EVIL! TURN EVIL! TURN EVIL!”
Tyrq@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
They can if you have a persecution fetish
carrylex@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Claming demonic attacks without the popes approval? Well that’s sounds like a reason for a excommunication…
Etterra@discuss.online 2 weeks ago
They’re probably not Catholic. This is peak American evangelical crazy right here.
GraniteM@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Literally the same interaction between religion and reality as The Spirit Catches You And You Fall Down. Except without the language and cultural discontinuity.
Quexotic@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Anon should just tell the parable of the drowning man and then just say, that’s why I’m breaking up with you.
QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
What is the parable of the drowning man?
Quexotic@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Lol. I see what you did there. Very clever.
Nangijala@feddit.dk 2 weeks ago
I once managed to get heatstroke in a air-conditioned car in the middle east. May not have been demonic possession, but sure as shit felt like it xD the heat down there is metal af. Ten minutes outside is life threatening. Put some things into perspective for my Scandinavian ass.
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
Impossible challenge: have a greentext without it being about a ‘girl’
Tyrq@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
fake: anon talks to a girl
gay: self explanatorymnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
What about a grill?
idiomaddict@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
There’s the one about a fan, but that’s also kind of about a girl
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
I’ve heard you can filter with them
wrinkledoo@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Throw a brick out the window and dive after it, never to be seen again.
mlekar@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Well … a lot Christians love to suffer. It’s rooted in the faith that life is suffering
echodot@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
But does she think her parents are nut jobs, it would be a rare family whose child completely agrees with the views of the parent especially when the views of the parent are so, er, disconnected from reality.
My parents are religious nuts, doesn’t mean I am.
zaphod@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
When Anon breaks up with her they will claim he was a demon send to test their faith.