Currently sitting on my toilet trying to be quiet and this damn thing is making my ass sound like a brass only orchestra
Here you go, a quiet toilet with built in tp holder. And its free.
Is there a reason why toilets are made out of one of the most resonating materials possible while also being made in a shape that makes a small fart sound like a damn trombone?
Submitted 4 days ago by ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world to [deleted]
Comments
Kenny2999@lemmy.world 4 days ago
fonix232@fedia.io 4 days ago
But if I take a shit in the forest and the bear hears it, do I get to meet the pope?
Kenny2999@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Thats what the stick is for. Best bet is to hit him in the papal tiara or zucchetto.
OwOarchist@pawb.social 3 days ago
No, but you do get to meet Saint Peter.
hakunawazo@lemmy.world 3 days ago
That’s advanced yoga to reach the toilet paper during business there.
ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 4 days ago
I’d love this if winter wasn’t a thing 😭
Kenny2999@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Its even quiter in the winter. Fewer mosquitos too.
Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
I had to use stuff like that as a kid on holidays (youpee) and you’re lucky if you 1) don’t step in it (other people use it too with various success) 2) don’t shit on your legs 3) holds the balance, but it will invariably stink like hell and good luck torching your butt.
quick_snail@feddit.nl 3 days ago
Midgits be pissed
SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 3 days ago
Own it. I installed an amp and a reverb pedal in my toilet.
swab148@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 days ago
Get a delay and a wah, homemade didgeridoo
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 3 days ago
I got a whammy bar
TargaryenTKE@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?
hperrin@lemmy.ca 4 days ago
Because porcelain, in the shape of a bowl, is incredibly good at staying relatively clean and being easy to clean when it eventually does get dirty. Those are the most important properties you want for something that you literally shit into.
Kolanaki@pawb.social 4 days ago
Couldn’t enamled metal work just as well? It’s not like you shit into bare porcelain; it’s enamaled.
Regna@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Enamel can get chipped and scratched, and if you don’t clean it regularly it will stain and disintegrate.
Source: rented places with enameled bathtubs and sinks.
StaticFalconar@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Part of me thinks metal would.only transmit sound even better than porcelain.
hperrin@lemmy.ca 3 days ago
Yeah, you can buy metal toilets. They have them in prisons, usually. I think people don’t buy them because they don’t like the look. I certainly wouldn’t want a metal toilet.
T156@lemmy.world 4 days ago
It also usually self-cleans quite nicely through the flushing mechanism. Hence the noise, since it pushes water down the sides to clean it.
P00ptart@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Tell that to the hard water in my town. I’ve tried everything short of a water softener (rental) and basically all it does is delay the rings from one week to about 2 1/2.
Aneb@lemmy.world 2 days ago
No thanks /s
quick_snail@feddit.nl 3 days ago
Nah, that’s important for something you eat out of.
Something you shit into can be dirty. It doesn’t need to be clean to accept the next shit.
hperrin@lemmy.ca 3 days ago
You don’t eat out of your toilet?
SirSamuel@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Rules to live by:
- Don’t be embarrassed by your body, nor the sounds and smells it makes. We are creatures of matter, not ethereal beings of light
- The toilet is a sacred place where social mores are relaxed. Just don’t talk to other people while you’re relieving yourself or getting your dick sucked
- Seriously, why are you on the phone in the bathroom? I’m trying to read in here!
- Wash your hands
- If you see someone leave a bathroom without washing their hands, and you see that person soon after with a group of people, it is your solemn doody to walk up to their companion, point at them with a fully extended arm, and say slightly louder than socially acceptable “THEY DIDN’T WASH THEIR HANDS”. Walk away with no other comment
quick_snail@feddit.nl 3 days ago
- But courtesy flush
- But you’re allowed to communicate to the dick sucker. Communication is very important in sex
- But I’m also using my phone to read
- But use soapbtoo
- But also slap their face before walking away
SirSamuel@lemmy.world 3 days ago
I did #5 (the embarrassing, not the slapping) to some high school kid in a mall a has been doing some work at. Dude used the original and walked right out. When i came out he was chatting up what looked like a classmate or friend. So I walked by them, close enough to say a quick aside to the girl, and walked on. Pointed directly at him and said “he didn’t wash his hands” and left to the sound of her laughing at him. Or me. Dunno. He wasn’t laughing tho
(I’m a middle-aged construction worker with a wedding ring and resting tired bastard face)
RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 2 days ago
You could shit into a open pit latrine or something.
I mean, there’s only so many ways to contain water and catch waste efficiently.
Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world 2 days ago
As a gardener, I’m a militant advocate of compost toilets. And usually they don’t make you sound like an big old diesel engine.
GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 2 days ago
as a gardener you should know the dangers of using human waste as composting.
Abyssian@lemmy.world 3 days ago
You have no idea the relative luxury you’re currently complaining about. Try a solid stainless steel prison toilet. They’re torturously cold to sit on in the winter, and also shorter with a higher water level.
If you don’t grab ahold of Mr. Winky before sitting down he’s going to be bobbing in the water you’re shitting into. Make sure you grab from the base of the balls, of they’re just going to plié down into the icy water too.
NotMyOldRedditName@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Like why even make them like that other than punishment. They dont need to be like that.
I get their prisoners and all, but have to hold your dick or it falls in the water seems like its above and beyond.
Abyssian@lemmy.world 2 days ago
No clue. A whole lot of the things they do are pretty crazy. It’s definitely something more people should know more about.
We all hear “innocent until proven guilty” so many times and see things like CSI online where they do super magic science to make sure they got the right person. That isn’t how the US works. You don’t get a CSI team. You don’t even get someone looking for evidence. The only way to get someone investigating the scene all looking for things that prove you didn’t commit a crime or to show someone else was there is if you have the money to pay for a good lawyer and then even more to give them for them to hire someone to do that for you. And if it’s something that could be a big piece of evidence but it would need CSI science stuff done? You have to pay a lab to do that too.
If you can’t afford a lawyer, you get a “public defender.” Their name is a lie. Almost none of them try to actually defend anyone. They’re being paid some base amount and forced to do it. The real reason behind it is so there is someone to push through and file the legal paperwork that needs done on your end. That is all.
If you have a public defender, and you tell them that your cellphone or something from your place has evidence proving you had nothing to do with this crime they are not going to try to find that thing and look. That is not their job. They are not an investigator you are paying to do that. If your lucky they will inform the police. Unless the police hear something big and important, they are just going to brush it off. Everyone insists they’re really innocent. They don’t care.
Sit there for 18 months waiting for this to all somehow get cleared up. You didn’t do anything wrong. Well, not this thing at least. You’re an American. You’re innocent until proven guilty. That’s how it’s supposed to work. It’s not how it works at all. 95%+ of people end up pleaing to a lesser charge. Only 5% of so of cases go to trial. Because they don’t want you to go to trial. They leave in you in jail for months to years threatening you with decades in prison. Then eventually your public defender comes in and says you’re lucky and the Prosecutor is offering you a crazy deal and instead of the 20 years they’ve been threatening you with for almost 2 years now if you plea guilty to some lesser thing they will make it 5 years instead. After a while that sounds like a blessing. Better than 2 years sitting there hearing 20 over and over. A lot of the time if someone denies that they’ll come back and offer 3. Maybe even 2 and time serves counts so you walk out in 18 days.
Pretty much everyone takes the deal. The deal means you’re pleaing guilty. You did nothing wrong, and you’re not a felon for life. Because you were poor. That’s how the system works here. “Innocent until proven guilty” is for the rich. They can hire investigators and lawyers. They can pay for ‘expert witnesses’ to come in and testify how in their expert opinion as a whatever it couldn’t have been them. It’s literally paying people to come testify that they’re innocent. Rich people get to do that and pretty much always make it doubtful enough they get off.
Poor people are targeted. Cops, prosecutes, judges all want great looking arrest and conviction numbers. People who can’t afford to defend themselves are easier. They take a plea deal, and that means they’re saying they’re guilty of something, and that means they’re convicted.
Then there’s the fun of the for-profit prison system where everything from phone calls to boxers to soap to toilet paper can cost you money. If you don’t have someone on the outside providing a whole lot of money, you live in rags. Everything costs money, and lots of money. The for-profit prisons are paif by the govs for each filthy criminal in a bed there, then they make extra contracting with phone companies, and vendors, and anything they can. They sell places the right to sell you overpriced shit.
Oh, and they sell you. Check out the 13th Amendment. If you’ve been convicted of a crime, any crime, it’s legal for them to use you as slave labor. Tons of companies do it. They pay prisoners some insane amount like $1/hr to spend 40 hours/wk boxing up shit at some warehouse they have located inside the prison. If the prison tells you to go do some job and you say no, they can and will punish you for that. You are a slave and you do as told.
CmdrShepard49@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Don’t forget the part where your cellmate is laying on his bunk 3 feet away with not a damn thing separating you.
ParlimentOfDoom@piefed.zip 3 days ago
The thing that makes it echoy is what makes it easier to clean.
Strider@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Because it’s beautiful.
Omgpwnies@lemmy.world 2 days ago
ass only orchestra
Indeed
Krusty@quokk.au 4 days ago
Oh look, a shit post.
bluetoofs@piefed.social 2 days ago
All hail the butt trumpets.
Crackhappy@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Ask my father, he has never triumphed as loud and as long as he ever has on a steel one as he has on a ceramic one. He was a music teacher, so the resonance is important to him.
Diddlydee@feddit.uk 4 days ago
I’m presuming triumphed is a misspelling of trumped rather than some obscure colloquialism.
Crackhappy@lemmy.world 4 days ago
It’s a silly pun, don’t think about it too loud.
farmgineer@nord.pub 2 days ago
Especially before I knew I had gluten issues and was shitting 6+ times a day, I experienced a variety of materials across countries. Even toilets made entirely of plastic/polymers have basically the same issue. My second “real” rental in japand, and one of my in-laws, had those. Doesn’t really change much.
(The “real” above is because I lived in share houses a couple of times)
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Yes they’re made of pure trombonium.
factoid: Three toilet improvements were invented in the late 1800s by Thomas Crapper, including the floating ballcock.
some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Floating ballcock, patented? I may be violating Mr. Crapper’s IP right now
Alvaro@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 days ago
It is to teach people to be proud and loud
driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br 2 days ago
Look at this rich mf with a brass toilet
remon@ani.social 4 days ago
The material and shape serve the primary function. Reducing noise probably wasn’t a factor while designing it, as it doesn’t really matter.
ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Idk if I’d say it doesn’t matter as blowing the butt trumpet has been an embarrassing thing for millennia but I get from an engineering standpoint it’s negligible
remon@ani.social 4 days ago
Everyone of farts, if you want to be embarrassed about it, that’s really on you. It’s not a problem that requires a technical solution.
tigermountain@lemmy.world 3 days ago
I once used a really nice bidet on a vacation to Europe. It wasn’t the cheap ones that are offered in the US that are basically just toilet seat attachments, everything was built in. It was porcelain but the sides were stainless steel. There was no handle to flush the toilet, but when you sat down and let your arms hang by your side you would feel a slight protrusion on the right side that your fingers would naturally press and out popped a remote control that would start the cleaning process. You could select the water temperature, the spraying pattern, the air dry temperature and a couple of other things. There was no toilet paper involved at all and you would be completely clean and dry afterwards. It was also self cleaning, and pretty much soundproof. I started my session with a loud fart and it was barely audible. Oh, and when we first checked into the room there were rose petals in the water in the toilet. So quiet toilets are out there but they cost multiple thousands of dollars. But they’re worth every penny.
ayyy@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
Is this a regional US thing or something? Because where I live in California I can walk into any local big box hardware store or Costco and walk out with an integrated bidet toilet, not just a retrofit lid. It’s been like that for 10 years now.
Cort@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Not uncommon to find available to buy just uncommon that they are actually bought/installed. The retrofit options are vastly cheaper and mean you don’t have to replace a functioning toilet.
They also make stand alone bidets which would sit next to a toilet, but they’re even less common due to space constraints.
quick_snail@feddit.nl 3 days ago
US toilets are about as antiquated as our trains. Trapped in the 1950s
tigermountain@lemmy.world 3 days ago
What I’ve read is that they tried a couple of times to introduce bidets to US consumers but the majority of them thought they were too weird. I’m going out on a limb here and say this has something to do with conservative religious beliefs and that spraying water on your ass to clean it will somehow lead to something sinful.
Buffalox@lemmy.world 4 days ago
The hard surface is resonant but also easier to clean.
If you can figure out a non resonant material that is suitable for the job, you could be very rich very fast.Sharkticon@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
Entertainment
wador@lemmy.zip 3 days ago
Well, it’s not like it’s made of wood and have strings
ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 3 days ago
I’m not shitting in Pinocchio
Vandals_handle@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Do you think Pinocchio farts would sound more like a woodwind instead of a trombone?
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 3 days ago
New idea, combination toilet/egg slicer
Honytawk@discuss.tchncs.de 4 days ago
Get one of those NASA space toilets where the suction acts as a muffler.
FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 4 days ago
You already got your answer, so I’m gonna be sarcastic… sorry.
It’s a skill issue, stop playing the brown notes.
FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world 4 days ago
That’s part of the fun!
MolochAlter@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Yes, comedy.
NoneOfUrBusiness@fedia.io 4 days ago
You've already gotten your answer, but also I mean at some point you gotta own your farts.
BagOfHeavyStones@piefed.social 4 days ago
I wonder if they make a tool similar to a straw but with a tapered end so you could ‘let the air out’ quietly…
Apytele@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
Archimedes@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
Attach a kazzoo
HerbalGamer@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
There’s buttplugs with a through-hole like that so yes.
quick_snail@feddit.nl 3 days ago
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
amio@lemmy.world 4 days ago
(A rusty one?)
The simple answer is, porcelain is fairly durable, nonreactive and, well, smooth. You don’t want a material that’s prone to sticking in any way. The shape needs to be a certain way for the water to do away with… things.
That sucks when you have one of the THBPLTPLTBPHLTHLPTHPLTPPL ones in company, though.
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 4 days ago
It also needs to be cheaply mass producible. So making stuff from literal dirt is a pretty smart idea.
gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 days ago
Shit and piss, mostly, I don’t know what else you put into toilets
Ooh and sick and blood occasionally
Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
Try that in a wood toilet.
amio@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Did you accidentally get the wrong post here? Or are we playing Jeopardy or something