Abyssian
@Abyssian@lemmy.world
- Comment on 6 hours ago:
This is fucked up and should be tagged NSFW or just plain deleted. That isn’t a mother vise-grip. It’s a male. And it’s about to put it’s nut in that poor innocent little wrench.
- Comment on And Miss The Opportunity To Tap That Ass? 6 hours ago:
“And why was God a swan?”
- Comment on Elden Ring Journal - Today I got my first hand job! 1 day ago:
Hmm… I don’t see it.
- Comment on Elden Ring Journal - Today I got my first hand job! 1 day ago:
Ahh, thank you. :)
- Comment on Elden Ring Journal - Today I got my first hand job! 1 day ago:
After 20 or so hours I decided to check through mods. Didn’t want to change the game much, but couldn’t pass up the loot goblin mod that shows almost all the loot in regions you have a map for on your map.
I was just running around being fucking awesome for a while. I smacked a Glintstone Dragon with magic until it ran away crying. I made it to Ranni’s room and we made love. I killed a big orange wolf by a graveyard. I made it up that hill to the stupid fucking Sauron’s Eye tower and stabbed all the people praying to it to death. I was less awesome doing that. I did die several times.
Then I remembered seeing a big dome thingy from a cliff top and ran back to check that out. But when I got to the bottom I saw some guys who needed stabbed, so I went the other way and found the Study Hall.
I fucked that right up. I managed to smack the witchybitch boss until she teleported away a few times… but after her last teleport away I picked up the nice staff then climbed up to the rafters and killed some rats. I knew she’d teleported away again, but I couldn’t find her. I ran back through the place to the beginning and… nothing. I spent like 40 minutes running through the place looking for other doors or ladders, and finally noticed on the bottom level there seemed to be some water under the balcony, and looking I noticed a shiny little loot spot out on the water. So I jumped down. And died.
I had like 50k souls from my adventures, which would have been 2 level ups. Walking back to get them I called the first lift down, but then noticed there’s water under that too. I remembered some catacomb or something where you had to jump through that opening. So with no thinking I decided I must have died the first time because it was too high, and jumped in. And of course died. Without bothering to ride the lift to get my souls back. :/
After I got pissed and gave up for the minute I looked it up and the wiki described riding an elevator up to fight the witchboss in some big circley area. I guess I somehow missed seeing the elevator at all.
I’mma to vent by beating her to death now so I at least have her soul.
- Comment on Elden Ring Journal - Today I got my first hand job! 1 day ago:
I’m new to Lemmy and tried to go to /c/soulslike and it told me I’m stupid and spit on me. I’m guessing maybe it’s because it’s not in the lemmy.world instance I use and so all of this is sort of a pain in the ass.
- Comment on This Is Why I Sit Down To Pee Pee 1 day ago:
Hah, I’ve literally been there. Imagine a 9’x9’ prison cell with two men, steel bunk “beds”, and a solid steel toilet. Also, you’re high on suboxone because there’s not much else to do in prison.
You’re a grown man, standing facing the toilet with wiener in hand, with another grown man’s head like 3 feet behind your ass. Standing there for what feels like eternity. And you’re thinking “Oh shit. He’s going to think I don’t know how to piss or something. This is weird. His head is way too close to my ass. Fuck, I’d better not fart. I forgot how pain killers and shit can make you unable to piss. It’s got to be the sub I took. I have to go so bad but I don’t know how to make it work. I did forget how to pee!”
And as you panic, your bunkie finally says something like “What the fuck, dude? Did you forget how to piss?” and all of your fears come true.
- Submitted 1 day ago to games@lemmy.world | 10 comments
- Comment on I don't think I need to bother translating... 1 day ago:
You really think a lot of very weird guys aren’t showing up just for the heart shaped pink pony… ass and sex rod? I have no idea what that product could be, but it’s pink, has a horsey, a rod, and a heart/ass.
The last few months has me pretty certain that half the people on the internet want to fuck horses now for some weird reason. I’m sure they’d be all about this.
- Comment on Gotta shit the right way 2 days ago:
Hah. I was suckered in to agreeing to be the store manager for a convenience store (basic gas station with snacks, fairly small property) in downtown Denver during a huge heroin/fentanyl boom a decade or so back. On the average day we’d collect over 40 used syringes people just left laying around the lot.
One day a cashier was changing the trash bags at the pump-side trash cans and had a syringe go through her hand. Had to send her out for several bloodwork tests and buy industrial gloves for trash bag handling… someone was apparantly at a gas pump likely actively filling their car and decided since they had 2 minutes to kill they might as well shoot up. That or shot up on the way and pitched the needle when they paused. Crazy shit either way.
But there was also real crazy shit. Someone’s dope fiend constipation broke lose in the men’s room one day. This person managed to shit all over the toilet. Seat, back, plumbing, everything. And the shit continued up the wall behind the toilet, covered most of the sink, mirror, floor… like someone opened several gallon jugs of liquid shit that smelled worse than anything I could have imagined and flung it over everything in the room. I had to take a mop and just keep dipping it into the mop water then gently slopping it against the poosplosion to re-liquify it and get it to run down the drain in the room. It took 2 days and gallons of chemicals trying to wash the stank away before people stopped complaining any time someone went in there.
Another day someone actually ODd and died shooting up in that same men’s room. The store was designed to have the manager’s office door and the bathroom doors facing each other across a narrow hall. I had to call my regional manager and tell him I wasn’t going to be able to make it to a meeting because there was a corpse on a stretcher blocking me from leaving my office and the paramedics seemed to be in no hurry to move him from there.
I have no issues with drugs and responsible adult fun times, but addiction is pure hell.
- Comment on Gotta shit the right way 2 days ago:
It’s not to be classy, it’s just an accessible, flat, nonporous surface that can typically be accessed privately when out and about in public.
Karens tend to get pissy when you start cutting lines on restaurant tables or store counters. Pretty much everyone loves you if you just walk in to the restaurant kitchen and start cutting lines on those tables, but in this economy the bathroom stall is really the only choice for most of us.
- Comment on Gotta shit the right way 2 days ago:
Glad to hear he’s trying to keep up with the latest medical advances in shitting. ^^
- Comment on Gotta shit the right way 2 days ago:
You misspelled it, the brochure I got says it’s called “Analeurysm”, and is the certified medical practice of releasing all the toxins your body otherwise pulls from the air through osmosis and accumulates for no real reason through your anus.
I heard about from the health blogger who sells me snake oil wellness shakes. To be honest, I was a bit skeptical at first, but I asked my Chiropractor when I took my 6 week old infant child in for the adjustment of the newborn, soft, still malleable and forming bones in his back that he’d told me the week before all babies need so they don’t develop crickets and he assured me that Analeurysm is 100% legit and even hooked me up with the brochure at a discount.
I try to always follow the latest medical science, and Chiropractors are legally allowed to call themselves doctors, so we can all be sure they know their medical science and are all straight shooters who can be trusted al your infant’s spine, the latest breakthroughs in shitting, and all of our money. 👍
- Comment on Gotta shit the right way 2 days ago:
How else do you force it out at quick as possible? Takes concentration. You need to close your mouth and push out with your poo muscles while simultaneously trying to force air out of your closed mouth. As illustrated this advanced shitting can make your entire face turn very read, then get super pale. It’s because all of the toxins are leaving with the poo.
- Comment on the Pope uses his teeth to eat food 3 days ago:
Oh that’s amazing, the special didn’t really get in to how it happens for the privacy of the Pope’s pepe.
I guess life really does find a way. <3
- Comment on What, all of you? 3 days ago:
I’m not banned on Tesseract, because I’m a big dick and the Tesseract dev loves big dicks.
- Comment on the Pope uses his teeth to eat food 3 days ago:
But I just don’t care if any of them survive? It’s not like any of you are real people anyway. Now stop stalling and get jumping.
- Comment on the Pope uses his teeth to eat food 4 days ago:
That’s what I thought too, but it’s more like the Cardinals are full adults and the Pope is the Queen of the hive. The Cardinals are all male, and they pamper the Pope, but once the Pope dies they all get together and decide which one will gender swap and become their next Queen. Then they cut off his penis and give him a new hat.
Nature is so strange and beautiful.
- Comment on the Pope uses his teeth to eat food 4 days ago:
That’s not true, the a flock of Cardinals gathers around him and chews up food then spits the mashed food into his mouth. You should watch the National Geographic special on it, it’s really quite amazing.
- Comment on the Pope uses his teeth to eat food 4 days ago:
God, I wish everyone would jump off a cliff. I’d hit up a pharmacy and a Lamborghini dealership and be living my best life way before I even figured out wtf happened to everyone. Hell, I’d likely be so continually high on a cocktail of chemicals that I’d be having lively conversations and not fully realize I was the only real person left.
- Comment on Why is AOC a big deal? She just speaks common sense and calls out absurdity. Have we really gone that far off the rails where we don't do it ourselves? 4 days ago:
I guess OP asked a stupid question.
Anyway, she’s also kind of an ass about things and she’s attractive so most people want to do sex with her.
- Comment on Fucking AC still not here 😮💨🤬 4 days ago:
Of course not, it’s generated by the sun and not cocaine.
- Comment on It's a service I provide 4 days ago:
Yeah, his fiance eats everyone’s pickle.
- Comment on Had to fight off the twinks for this bread 4 days ago:
Fixed it for you.
- Comment on Yeah now that you mention it 4 days ago:
If it’s omniscient hindsight it could be extremely useful.
“Yesterday when we were attacked we could have blah blah blah.”
“But physics doesn’t work that way!”
“Seems like it actually does.”
“Oh, wow. We should figure that out.”
- Comment on I warned you 4 days ago:
It’s getting tough to pass the Old Knowledge on, Gen Z doesn’t seem able to grasp why someone would make websites like lemon party and meat spin, or why enough other people would find it funny to hide links to them in enough things that they psychologically scarred an entire generation of us when the web was new.
- Comment on I warned you 4 days ago:
At least it’s full grown, unlike the ones his brother was caught enjoying.
- Comment on Do it now!!!!! 4 days ago:
9am on a Tuesday on the US East Coast is when you think the mods are sleeping?
Hmm… good call. Prolly not asleep, but since they’re mods they’re starting to get busy at their job of shooting brown people and unarmed protestors.
- Comment on Anon tries dating apps 4 days ago:
Dumb women with low standards for our strong white trash base, make sure smart people never meet each other, and for the attractive minors who sign up lying about their ages… well, you know they go to new Presidential sex dungeo… I mean… The “East Wing.”
- Comment on Anon tries dating apps 4 days ago:
I think it’s more that the entire business model of dating apps means they profit from people staying single and looking, not finding long term relationships.
