[deleted]
60 hour work week. That’s your problem right there.
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Submitted 2 weeks ago by Toasted_Breakfast@lemmy.today to [deleted]
Comments
DioramaOfShit@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
seriously. even single a 60 hour workweek is going to leave you with zero time to take care of yourself, let alone children.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
I’m doing 54, no kids, still utterly fucked.
exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
even single
It’s worth pointing out that coupling up often buys *more" leisure time, at least before kids. Many household tasks benefit from volume where doubling the output doesn’t actually double the work to be done (cooking, laundry) or where combining households basically consolidates two tasks into one (bills, cleaning, home maintenance).
I didn’t have all that much free time when I was single, but those dual income/no kids years were glorious.
aceshigh@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
A possible challenge is that some men struggle to cut their salary because their job title, salary, lifestyle is a big part of their identity. Take that away and who are they?
dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Idk, kids are pretty effective at making it clear that you are now the household NPC lol. Or at least that you’ve transitioned to a role as a supporting character.
2nd kid really hammered that one home.
arrow74@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
You know what makes cutting my salary hard? Everything is far too expensive. Kids even more so.
Alfredolin@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
60 hours work week is not normal. Imho even 40 hours work week is too much. With that cleared, everything gets easier.
Toasted_Breakfast@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
Ya it’s not forever. Just till Jan them I am done with an Internship I am working on
Th3D3k0y@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
You are doing 60 hours a week on an internship?
NegentropicBoy@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Hang in there. Then ease up on yourself.
Flamekebab@piefed.social 2 weeks ago
Can anyone handle a 60 hour work week? That’s insane.
mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
I did it for six months straight around 7-8 years ago, and then on and off as required since.
I was fine with it when I was enjoying work and my work had variety in it - I could do my regular day with a bit of OT in the office, then go build stuff with my hands for a few hours in the shop.
At another job after that, 60s were more difficult because it was work from home, but I still did them as required because I could set my own schedule for the OT and half the time I was drinking and gaming simultaneously (some of the tasks required me to do something and wait on the computer to do compute). But still, the variety of work was key - I had to be able to change tasks and spend at least 10 hours on something that was interesting and different.
A 60 hour work week is stupid, imo. It takes up far too much of your personal time. Like anything, you can do it for a period of time, but it isn’t sustainable as it starts to eat into other aspects of your life.
It’s taken me nearly a year to transition away from a 50 hour standard week and constantly feeling like I should be working more. I had to learn how to just sit at home and do nothing, like drinking a coffee watching dawn come for ten minutes uninterrupted.
idk just sharing my experience. summary is that it’s possible short term if you enjoy it, but you need specific circumstances to be met. I was lucky my job gave me autonomy and flexibility, it wouldn’t have worked otherwise. and obviously I got paid overtime, I’m not working for free. and at both jobs I felt like I was appropriately compensated. I quit the first job when they stopped compensating me appropriately. I toned down the extra work at the second in the same situation.
Tujio@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I did 70+ pretty regularly back when I was young. Probably couldn’t sustain it now, though.
Flamekebab@piefed.social 2 weeks ago
I think I prefer my horror stories to have monsters in them.
MuttMutt@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Same. Did 72.5 hours in a 5.5 day workweek (Saturday was 5 hours) when I was 18. Also had an hour commute to and from the jobsite. We paved (concrete) right around 3 miles of road that week.
Got done bought a set of tires, got home, showered and crashed for about 16 hours. Was awake for a couple hours on Sunday and slept another 12 hours then went back to work Monday morning.
AllHailTheSheep@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
yes many do. I’m a college student and between classes and work 60 hours is pretty normal for most of us during the semester.
now once you add a social life, family, etc on top it becomes almost impossible pretty quick.
innermachine@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I used to regularly work 55-60 hour weeks. For a while between 2 jobs then at one. After a decade or so I have a house and work 45 hours a week on average, I keep feeling like I should work more as the bills are still tough but fuck I don’t miss working more than I do. If u have to do it, it doesn’t seem as bad than if you don’t. Perspective matters a lot.
__ghost__@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
It’s not impossible and not sustainable. A 12/5 or 10/6 is considered “normal” in my industry/company. It’s toxic af but a lot workplaces in the US bake in competition as either an incentive for compensation. Some teams have a mandatory oncall rotation that fits that schedule if not slightly more
The number of people replying anecdotally to this and other comments make me think it’s a lot more pervasive than I’d assumed. Young people in particular are being encouraged to work these kinds of hours to “get ahead” or “show initiative” in the hopes they don’t get laid off or overlooked for promotions
I personally work it and I cannot handle it. The second I’m home my brain is done, only have time to do some mild (unhealthy usually) mental decompression and sleep poorly lol
Flamekebab@piefed.social 2 weeks ago
I’ve no doubt it happens. My point was that it’s a terrible in so many ways. It’s such a simplistic approach to work - more hours doesn’t scale. It’s a great way to damage a company’s workforce and ruin people’s lives at the same time. Synergy!
Pacattack57@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
You have to make time for yourself boss. You need to set boundaries with your job as well. 60 hours is too much.
l_isqof@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Well said, as that is what I do.
But god, it’s hard to set those boundaries so many times… Compromising on pay is one option, but it is certainly not great. Having said so, priorities did change when we had the kids.
mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
mate you can’t do 60s in this situation, that’s a no-children person’s game
frog_brawler@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Chiming in as a dude in his 40’s without kids.
I’m not working 60 hours either. 45 is average.
cuboc@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
As others have stated: lose the 60 hour work week. That was insane when you were young and crazier as you get older. In 20 years the only people who remember your effort for your boss, are your children because you were never there for them.
An advice from my father in law that always stayed with me: if you can, try to find a job far enough to enable you to flip the mental switch from employee to house father and back, but nearby enough to not waste time commuting. He used to need 30 minutes for that. I need a 15 minute bicycle ride.
Also: long walks, running in the weekends and a few beers every night. Not proud of the latter.
l_isqof@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I stuck with 0% beer, as some brands are not as bad these days. Sacrifices we do for the kids…
Mothra@mander.xyz 2 weeks ago
Considering you mention affairs and divorce I’m going to presume you have a relationship you are not happy with.
I can absolutely relate to being exhausted after work. But it’s the job you do more than the hours. I’ve had energy after a 50hr week, yet felt absolutely drained in other jobs with just 30hrs.
Catch 22 then, because you can’t improve your relationship if you are reduced to a zombie, and your relationship is supposed to help ground you against the drains of daily life.
The ideal answer would be to talk things with a professional therapist. Not sure if you are in a position to do that. Second best is, talk things calmly with your partner and see if it is possible to cut down hours of work, perhaps move somewhere more affordable, change your job, in order for you both to have more time enjoy yourselves and your family. It sounds like you can do without, but it is important.
SolidShake@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Pro tip. Work 40 hours a week.
ilinamorato@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
This. It might be financially difficult, but you know what’s harder financially? Mental breakdowns, hospital stays, divorce cases, jail time. All of those are on the table when you work that much. Quit your job if you can, take as long a vacation as you can afford, remember why you enjoy your family’s company, and then ease your way back into working—at a reasonable schedule.
It’s not a cure-all. You probably still need therapy (there are places that offer grants and assistance with counseling). But a good work-life balance makes everything else feel like something you can handle.
rrrurboatlibad@lemdro.id 2 weeks ago
I resisted marriage counseling, but my amazing wife patiently persisted in a non-threatening way. It’s been great. I feel like I got my teammate back. If you read, check the research work on love by the Gottmans. Very useful for me and easy read/listen.
Blackmist@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
titanicx@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
The fuck you working 60 hours. Jesus Christ. Go see your family and fuck off work.
whoisearth@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
When you die and reach the pearly gates is God really gonna be like “yeah I see you missed your kids soccer games but man in 2024 you really got those deliverables done for your work!”
Blackmist@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
Those shareholders really appreciated that sacrifice.
HeerlijkeDrop@thebrainbin.org 2 weeks ago
Maybe they wouldn't be able to afford rent otherwise?
titanicx@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Then move to a cheaper place, or get a better job.
CharlesDarwin@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Some companies cut employees as a basic threat and the implication is that others pick up the slack.
Sanctus@anarchist.nexus 2 weeks ago
We aren’t. In the US capital has robbed us of anything resembling a family focused life.
aceshigh@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
By slowing down. Downsizing. Simplifying. Changing the environment. Maybe therapy. Maybe a support group. Maybe cutting your salary by 25%. But it sounds like you have a kid, so your options are limited - I wouldn’t recommend alcohol, gambling etc.
fancy-straw-simple@piefed.ca 2 weeks ago
I don't understand how other middle age men have time for an affair.
exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
I couldn’t imagine putting in the effort to even try to be attractive and build a connection with someone else, much less in a way that I’d have to hide from my wife and kids.
answersplease77@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
is paying prostitues for sex considerd affairs? asking for a friend
Kyrgizion@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I don’t.
I just recently lost my IT job of 10 years. Things are looking extremely grim.
So escapism in the form of weed & late night gaming after the family has gone to sleep.
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
escapism in the form of weed & late night gaming after the family has gone to sleep.
I second this! Whatchu been playing?
Kyrgizion@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Been going through games that have been on my backlog for, in some cases, a decade. Recently finished Shadow of Morder & Shadow of War. Currently playing Dying Light. My pc at the time could never handle it, Techland’s games are usually a bit ahead of their time graphically.
veni_vedi_veni@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I really appreciate that unexpected response.
whoisearth@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Please take this for the dark joke but as someone who has been in Corporate IT for 25 years, congrats on losing your job!
Quexotic@infosec.pub 2 weeks ago
I handle it by aggressively treating my depression and suicidal ideation so that I can be there for my kids next year.
pinball_wizard@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
As someone whose father probably had to do the same - it has meant so much to me, that he did. You have a lot to be proud of.
__ghost__@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
Good on you for taking care of yourself. Hope you’re doing well
Sunsofold@lemmings.world 2 weeks ago
You should not be working 60 hours. No one should be. Being over-employed is just as harmful to your life as being unemployed, sometimes more so. You need time to do the things you originally went to work to be able to afford doing, otherwise what’s the point?
ameancow@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Open communication back up in your relationship and get over that first hump of stress and emotions that you’re avoiding from this communication.
You may want to get a therapist first to help you formulate what your needs and problems are. No time for therapy? MAKE FUCKING TIME. Jesus christ, who is going to help take care of anyone if you collapse mentally or physically. If you get diagnosed with cancer tomorrow, I fucking guarantee you will make time to go get your chemotherapy or leeches or whatever the country’s new health plans are like.
A mental health crash can be AS BAD as cancer, it has high levels of lethality and can leave lasting harm on you that never goes away, and ruins your plans for a better future.
So what cultural norm or image of yourself are you preserving by pretending to be stoic and invincible? Who are you protecting? What is your end game? You have to ask yourself some harder questions than you’ve been so you can prioritize getting healthier and reorganizing your life.
Likely you have a lot more options and solutions available to you to make the grind less soul-crushing but you can’t see those options because your soul is crushed. You have to repair one little thing at a time so you can get to a high enough place to see more options, and this is hard as fuck to do alone. Get your partner onboard with you or get a therapist or both or you will risk losing everything.
Veedem@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It’s tough dude. I have a shorter work week, so I’m in a slightly better position but young kids definitely make it challenging. The bedtime routine stuff is exceptionally frustrating as you start to resent the time being consumed by it.
I try to find pockets of me time. On a day off, I try to find that hour to play some Xbox and just unwind. At work, I try to read or catch up on a TV show on my break. Just pockets of using the mind differently.
obsoleteacct@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Middle aged family man here. The way I think most “handle it” is by having less on their plate and balancing work and life in a different way than you’re describing.
- For me the most important factor is partnership. My wife and I split up our responsibilities equitably and we each play our roles well. We’re also flexible enough to cover and support each other when needed. If you can’t do that for each other you don’t have a partnership.
- The second most important thing is a strong support system. We intentionally moved to a place where we have a lot of family close by before starting our own family. My inlaws make it possible for my wife and I to each work a 40 to 50 hour week while ensuring our kids have a rich home life and don’t miss out on anything. That doesn’t have to be family though. It could be a mix of school and after care, or a church, or friends, but if you don’t have some support system you will eventually collapse under the weight.
- Pick your battles. It’s OK to have takeout or heat up a frozen dinner if you don’t have the bandwidth to cook sometimes. My house is always clean and sanitary, but it’s also constantly messy.
- Like many things in life there is an element of attitude to it. If you give in to defeatism it’s easy to spiral. If you view your family or home life a weight on your shoulders you’re doomed. That should be the wind at your back. That should be the stuff that lifts you up. That’s entirely on you to sort out. IMO you should probably talk to someone about it.
Overall What your describing is that you’ve built your life in a way that doesn’t work for you. And to your point a lot of men who do that opt for solutions that make it worse (affairs, substance abuse, etc…). You’re not going to wake up tomorrow and things are suddenly better. At the very least , you need to take active steps to find a better job or work out a different balance of responsibilites with your partner.
Good luck, stay strong, I’m rooting for you.
rrrurboatlibad@lemdro.id 2 weeks ago
Concur with this post. It is hard though. Good news, the pain doesn’t last forever, but the reward/pride of having made it through intact does last. You can do it brother. Don’t give up
tomkatt@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
For me the most important factor is partnership. My wife and I split up our responsibilities equitably and we each play our roles well. We’re also flexible enough to cover and support each other when needed. If you can’t do that for each other you don’t have a partnership.
This is a big one. Like… I can cook, but I hate doing it. My wife went to culinary school in her youth and enjoys it. So she does nearly all the cooking, and I generally take care of dishes and laundry. She does the periodic sweeping, and I’m more inclined to mop and/or vacuum, take out trash, and general maintenance stuff. I handle our finances for the most part, but I don’t keep up on news and info well. She has time to keep up on financial, political, and tech sector news and keeps me informed on anything important so I’m aware of things going on that could potentially affect us financially. We’ve got a balance of chores that works for us, and doesn’t leave either of us annoyed or exhausted.
AgentOrangesicle@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
No society should expect it’s people to maintain such a life. You are a victim of a social disease in which resources are shunted upward - to those that already maintain wealth.
davidagain@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
This is true, but not in any way helpful.
AgentOrangesicle@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Yeah, I just want to get people on the same page before we go French on the oligarchy.
l_isqof@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Kudos for talking up, mate. Great starting point.
We do share your pain.
etherphon@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Idk how anyone handles anything, we’ve somehow turned this beautiful world into an absolute nightmare.
Evotech@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
60 hour weeks yikes
I work 37.5
Try that
some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Even that’s a struggle, and that’s the “normal” amount of work. 60 is like, wtf? You will burn out eventually, OP!
NastyNative@mander.xyz 2 weeks ago
Why are you cooking and cleaning after a 60 hr work week? I work 40 hrs and dont do any of that. I have offered to get a house cleaner to help her and she refused. Where is your partner? Do they work 60hrs as well that they cant help? You are headed to an early grave on this schedule!
Apytele@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I wanna know where the other social supports are. If neither of you have family that give a fuck where are her mom friends and where are your dad friends so you guys can pool childcare? (There are also other configurations, the gendered model is just the most common).
33550336@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
You are just overworked and therefore tired. 60h plus kids? It’s a matter of time when your physical and metal health collapse. First thing to do, consider how to move to a 40h per week job. My 4 year old and 1,5 year old sons sleep at 8 or 9 p.m. Could you change the kids habits so you all could go to sleep earlier and thus get more sleep?
saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Just some random advice that has helped me. I don’t work as many hours but maybe this could help you:
- My wife and I give each other 2 hours breaks on the weekend or “slow” days if they happen. This makes an insane difference. Having that time feels like a mini vacation. Even smaller breaks can help a ton.
- Simple dinners (30min max to prep and cook) help a lot. Meal prep if you have time or buy meals that you just need to pop in the oven. Not awesome but better than spending a ton of time in the kitchen.
- Make at least one plan for yourself a week. Something like meeting a friend for lunch can help me to look forward to something.
- Having either my wife or myself look after the baby helps ensure the other person can get some work or cleaning done. When we both are with the baby all the time it will mean more work later.
- Some days just suck but it’s not always going to be that way.
Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
53 here and I’m just rolling with the punches. Hopefully these will be the good old days
lando55@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
I like this attitude. It reminds me of how I get through some days at work by remembering that it’s all for the fam.
Still, it will be nice to look back on the good old days (now) from a comfortable chair in a quiet house many years from now :D
jballs@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Any sort of normal life while working 60 hours a week isn’t going to be easy. I don’t think being a family man is the problem here. Maybe consider looking for another job that isn’t as demanding?
Toasted_Breakfast@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
The problem is I have an Internship for a graduate program that’s required for licensure I need to elevate my job to the next level. This nightmare will end, and honestly you are right. The moment I get 2 days off again and only work 40 hours a week things will stabilize. I’m just hating life right now and when my daughter had a meltdown in Costco because I wouldn’t get the cinnamon toast crunch? Bro… It makes me want to rip my hair out. What’s left of it anyway
oftenawake@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
I have four kids - thankfully I’m not in the USA. Trust me here? The meltdown isn’t about the cinnamon toast and neither do you have to buy it. Your own rage also isn’t about cinnamon toast, or your kid - these are the triggers not the cause.
Make sure you let your kids know that you love them and you care. Be on their side emotionally, even as you’re saying no to something. Direct your rage at predatory capitalism for your exhaustion, not your kid! They will forget the cinnamon toast but they won’t forget that you were angry with them if it happens a lot. Your relationship with your children is precious and delicate, and not worth wrecking for any amount of money.
Good luck, you are stronger than you know!
Delphia@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Theres a reason dads make hobbies out of their yard, grilling and DIY.I have to do this shit anyway, it can either be what stops me from doing what I want or I can find the happiness and satisfaction in it.
My relaxation time might be ten minutes having a coffee in the back yard with the garden and lawn looking immaculate but it would have been 2 hours work to get it to “done” but 3 to get it to “perfect” because ultimately what was I gonna do with that hour? Watch some Youtube videos I only half give a fuck about or play a video game I’m mediocre at. Once you figure out you can also run a smoker while you do those chores at the end of the day everyone gets ribs.
BlameThePeacock@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
It’s a fucking struggle right now, and It’s not supposed to be like this.
You shouldn’t have to work a full time job, and take care of the house, and take care of the kids. Neither should the wife/partner.
The fact that it requires two working parents at this point to afford life is the problem. There’s enough to go around even if just one parent was participating in the economy, if it was distributed more fairly.
The pendulum has swung too far on capitalism, and it’s sucking the vast majority of people dry just to feed itself. There’s a reason why birthrates have jumped off a cliff.
DrFistington@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
This. To the max. Honestly I Derrick Drink, but more importantly, I’ve made sure to learn the game that all these rich shitheads play. Wait until the market dips in January/February during the cyclical sell off, then invest. It doesn’t have to be a lot, but research, find solid picks, for either dividends or price per share growth, and invest. Honestly at this point I’d avoid the AI b******* and unless Nvidia dips down to 120 again I’m staying away. What you can be assured of is that the following things are going to happen people are going to want rare earth minerals for several reasons people are going to want to go to space because a space is awesome and b there’s a lot of potential out there and see there are certain stocks that are just always good to have. Buy a proctor & Gamble it cost a bunch now but it will essentially never be a bad investment and the dividend is very nice. Nokia drops below $5 again buy it up. Everybody’s telling me I was an idiot for saying this years ago when it was like $2 a share. Nvidia just bought a billion dollar share in Nokia and their shares shot up to $7 but more importantly their patent portfolio is fantastic and they have a very good dividend considering the very low price of entry for the stock itself.
Rocket lab. If it drops to $40 a share below f****** buy The shit out of it. It’s going to the moon, I told people that when it was $10 a share and it’s already been up to 70 this year. it’s still true
You can also feel good because you’re investing in a direct competitor to SpaceX and the plus side is the rockets don’t blow up every f****** launch. Europe is avoiding SpaceX like the plague. Rocket Labs business is set to grow exponentially, especially with the defunding of NASA.
Enroll different everybody has their own opinions more importantly everybody works in their own industry and has information and insight that will give you an advantage if you just hone in on what you want to focus on.
Cryptocurrency is a pipe dream and it’s really just a way to funnel funds without any type of transparency which is why the current regime is latching on to it.
Hedging cryptocurrency is never a bad idea. Wait till gold drops by into it.
Other than that enjoy your friends and your family build relationships and strengthen them. you may need alibis or you may need a gunner.
Teppichbrand@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
Not sure if this is good advice. by joining the gamble, you’re (micro-)fueling the global suicide machine that’s causing all this. Someone has to earn the money that you make, and it’s usually either by destruction, exploitation or scamming.
I try to break free from all this stuff by downsizing. Second hand clothes, Repair Café, holidays at youth hostels like 40 km from my home, meeting/making local friends and very important: raising your kids to not be spoiled, entitled, materialistic cunts. That’s the power of No, thank you.
It’s so calming to switch to a lower gear and find happiness in baking a cake from handpicked apples than another TV and holiday in Asia.
corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
So, “capitalism sucks, but I’ve got a system[tm]: Buy low, sell high!”
That’s your plan? Orwell had a horse on his Animal Farm, too.
partial_accumen@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I have a small portfolio of space company stocks and keep them as a reminder to avoid active investing.
My boring old Total Market (essentially S&P500) index funds have done much better in the same time as my space stocks.
Every time the market spikes for gold (as it is now), I run the projects to see if I would have been better off in gold than buying equities instead. Gold has never once shown to be the better investment as vehicle for appreciation.
howrar@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
I wouldn’t place my bets on any individual stock/asset. You need to do a lot of research and have a lot of money to invest before that can be a safe decision. Instead, put your money in broad market ETFs, which is effectively just a bet on capitalism. Then either capitalism wins and you also win, or capitalism loses and you still win. But make sure you have an emergency fund first because not having that is one of the few ways that you can lose while capitalism wins.
IronBird@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
people really do over-complicate this whole investing thing, just operate on a wider timeline, utlize a modicum of common sense, and know what you trade. shit is easy as fuck, there’s a reason every investorbro out there thinks they’re a god…as long as it’s a bull market (money printer is in full swing) all these rich cunts across the country are just gambling with their every paycheck leveraged to the tits.
learn how the system works and you can take their $ real fucking easy, or if you want to be “ethical” you can also just read some Buffet/Munger and use the system as it was supposed designed.
the game is rigged, either learn how it works or stay stuck in the labor trap till you die.