Someone who is hardworking and disciplined enough to keep the same shitty job for ten years could easily make a partner happy and get satisfaction from a relationship. Too many people look at what other people have and let it make them feel hopeless when they should be looking at what they have themselves and let it make them feel empowered.
Anon is forever alone
Submitted 18 hours ago by Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://slrpnk.net/pictrs/image/bf22994c-c1f8-40af-99b0-694a2d3724ad.jpeg
Comments
FridaySteve@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
RBWells@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
Yes, I think being able to be satisfied is a life skill. If this guy can hold a job and be satisfied with it, I agree so very much that indicates he can be happy in a relationship, and can make someone else happy.
I have a sister-in-law with an objectively good life, quit work after her kid was born, my brother makes enough she doesn’t really have to, when she was in Florida she complained it was too hot, they moved to Massachusetts, but then she complained it was too cold, they moved back, in the city complained the house was too small, they moved to a big house in the suburbs well now she complains they are in the suburbs it doesn’t matter what her objective situation is, she cannot be satisfied, it’s just not in her nature.
Draegur@lemmy.zip 8 hours ago
Comparison is the thief of joy.
I feel so much better when rather than looking at what others have and wishing i had it too, instead looking at what others lack and seeing if there’s anything I can do to help them attain it.
It helps me appreciate what I do have. There are people I love who want me around. It took so long to recognize, internalize, actually feel and experience that fact instead of just … knowing it in a distant academic sense like ‘sure yeah it stands to reason that this is true i guess but i have no proof’…
Until recently, i ‘knew’ that people cared about me and wanted me around the same way a person born blind can KNOW that the wavelength and frequency of the color Blue are 450 nanometers and about 666 terahertz (heh 🤘) respectively but not have an intrinsic experience of what it’s like to see it.
it’s nice actually being able to FEEL what i only previously just numbly heard about. and now all i truly want in the world, on the deepest level, beyond petty hedonic desires, is for more other people to know what it’s like to feel loved.
zebidiah@lemmy.ca 8 hours ago
Comparison is the thief of joy
RunJun@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 hours ago
Anyone who is going through this, you have to try. You have to put effort into yourself and get used to rejection. It’s not fun but if it’s important to you then it’s important to show up.
I didn’t have my first kiss until 26. I have a wife and two kids. Just so you don’t think it was easy for me.
PlasticLove@lemmy.today 16 hours ago
Can’t.
I spent my whole life being told to not be a creep, don’t just go up to women they don’t want random men approaching them etc, they’re at the club for a good time with friends etc.
So that only leaves online dating and I’m not a 10/10 so never get a match.
frostedtrailblazer@lemmy.zip 12 minutes ago
I highly recommend using friend meeting apps, going to social events like running/biking clubs, or even going to a speed dating event in a city near you. There are countless perfect matches for you out there, but putting yourself in spaces to meet these people is what matters.
Those dating apps flag your account as likely a bot if you’re swiping “like” very often. These apps put you at the bottom of the ‘stack’ on these ‘like lists’ for women, so your account is literally never coming up for them to see you. If what you’re currently doing isn’t working it’s important to try something else, just you might do when out fishing.
exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com 49 minutes ago
don’t just go up to women they don’t want random men approaching them,
I think many people can benefit from understanding how to strike up conversations with strangers generally. If you’re already comfortable making small talk in a line, with your seat neighbor at a bar or communal table at a restaurant, talking to fellow dog owners at the dog park,v or getting to know people during a meet and greet at a conference or happy hour, swinging by a new colleague’s desk just to say hi and get to know them, you’ll get a sense of what types of interactions are comfortable and flow naturally.
If you’re not comfortable approaching men, women who are with their significant others, people clearly outside your dating age range with small talk or simple conversations, it’s hard to build the skill and experience of approaching women you’d like to date if you don’t already have the foundation of approaching people you don’t want to date.
It’s also a great way to address the actual core premise of this post, that there are a lot of lonely people who could use friend making skills too.
cevn@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
Play a sport that involves girls. Met many ladies by being above average at badminton. Does require some discipline to get gud first
trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
So that only leaves online dating and I’m not a 10/10 so never get a match.
Bullshit. That’s just toxic internet culture talking. You may have to put some effort in your profile, but it worked for me and I’m a 6 at best.
manuallybreathing@lemmy.ml 14 hours ago
So don’t be a creep, meet people as they are, don’t meet people expecting them to have sex with you
Work on yourself, go to therapy, get a hobby or read a book, join a reading group.
You have to be a part of a community to meet people. You can’t just hang out on the internet posting about how unfair it all is, and expect anything to magically change
take care
FridaySteve@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
You’ve reduced your options to online dating or hooking up with club girls. I’d start by expanding those options.
fckreddit@lemmy.ml 15 hours ago
Online dating has also been poisoned by creepy dudes. A lady I matched to on Bumble told me that when she matched to some guy and when the dude realized they lived close enough, he wanted to have a quick one night stand with her. Now, this dude was supposedly a surgeon. So, it makes things difficult for all of us, who are looking for something more stable and long term.
pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 hours ago
I find it hard to find people though. I do my regular activity and hobbies and go about my life, I make friends but they’re mostly guys. I’m also not the type to ask every cute girl out. Idk, I still got one more year at school so maybe something will happen
fuckwit_mcbumcrumble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 hours ago
School is a great place to meet people organically. Talk to your class mates. Even if they’re not a girl you want to talk to maybe they know someone.
Outside of school sadly dating apps are the only way to meet people. And they’re not good.
MeThisGuy@feddit.nl 16 hours ago
be the change you want to see in the world, and yourself
baines@lemmy.cafe 17 hours ago
yea but have you done the sex?
Denvil@lemmy.ml 16 hours ago
Idk about you all, but I do the sex SO often, I have an entire drawer full of magnum condoms because I use them so often I need a stockpile
Corridor8031@lemmy.ml 12 hours ago
how did you meet?
TipsyMcGee@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 hours ago
That’s amazing job stability for a waiter in a sushi place, if that’s real.
The cynic in me says that OP being lonely despite being so empathetic and easy to sympathize with is a rhetorical device.
But on face value, on the off chance that it’s real, it’s clear OP was a constant in the couple’s life, and no doubt a positive one since they kept coming back. It’s not just a sad story, because at least OP gets to be someone to someone else, and that’s something.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
i mean, the japanese steakhouse my dad loved, they had most of the same staff from when they opened til when they closed 20 years later. we got to know the sushi chefs and everything, he was that regular.
MML@sh.itjust.works 4 hours ago
And now we have shitty corporate places, isn’t it just fantastic.
orbituary@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 hours ago
This is a huge deal. Truly. Male loneliness in particular is a swollen lithium battery ready to be poked. I doubt it will be addressed correctly. I have no idea how to fix it and infinite empathy for anyone, male or female, going through this.
rumba@lemmy.zip 1 hour ago
It’s messy AF
Guys are afraid of rejection, but also not great at making themselves more appealing candidates. That whole woman chooses the bear thing is real, even if, in general, we’re not worse than the bear.
From the woman’s standpoint, if they let the guy in and get knocked up, they might end up having to raise the kid and maybe deal with some asshole for 20 years. Statistically, they have more to lose.
It’s even harder when you’re young because you don’t want someone with kids, or issues, or baggage, but then being uncharismatic and mediocre is seriously underrated baggage.
We need male boot camps for loneliness with counselors and coaches. Help people work on their empathy, see what the other side sees and figure out how to work toward improvement to the point where they can find what they’re looking for.
Soapbox@lemmy.zip 1 hour ago
The new season of King of the Hill, S14E9 “No Hank Left Behind” nailed that boot camp thing. Starts off as an Andrew Tate parody, ends with Hank teaching a bunch of near incels the error of their ways.
red_bull_of_juarez@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 hours ago
I also wonder what a correct approach would be. When I was young, I was very lonely. It took a long time for me to realize that I was the problem. Actually, now that I think about it, what would probably help a lot is therapy being broadly available to anyone. Talking to other people, especially trained professionals, and listening to their opinions is so incredibly helpful. Only spending time inside your own head or online is super toxic and nothing good ever comes from that.
taygaloocat@leminal.space 12 hours ago
I know he’s a right-wing nut job now but I found Jordan Peterson really helpful in my youth. “Clean up your room”, “dress like the person you went to be”, “happiness is fleeting, and suffering requires constant meaning”.
His old stuff was simple and straight forward, good lessons for a lost young man
apotheosical@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
This isn’t a complete solution, but joining groups for interaction is a start. Book clubs, game clubs, sports, movie clubs, whatever it is as long as it’s social and in person. Put up a flyer on community noticeboards for an activity you like, alternatively.
Volunteering can also help. Being part of a community, being seen and contributing can make all the difference to starting the process.
This isn’t a solution to depression or any mental health issue. It’s a possible way to begin creating connection though.
Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 5 hours ago
I doubt it will be addressed correctly
Anything you want to talk about, my dms are open.
orbituary@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 hours ago
Dude, I’m fine. I’m worried for others. Thanks, though!
shneancy@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
oh it is not getting addresses correctly.
there’re many grifters out there taking advantage of lonely men - they promise turning into a chad and getting laid… if you just buy this course of mine and oh btw its a subscription model website.
then there’s 4chan and the infinite sea of incels with their various pills pushing people further into feeling like victims oppressed by women (a nifty distraction from the real problem of society’s constant push towards individuality and capitalism’s constant battle to destroy public spaces) and giving up on even trying to get out of their homes. once you see yourself as an incel being pathetic becomes a personality trait, and internalising that can make getting out of that hole incredibly difficult.
women obviously are also affected but their bonds between each other seem stronger, maybe because they are allowed to hug each other without being called slurs.
so yeah, the problem is being address in all the wrong ways. even the talk of man specific societal issues is incredibly rare outside of the grifter spun narratives to get you to buy their courses or reinforce your feelings of being pathetic.
most people are focused on women’s rights - which yeah, they should - but i don’t think those two issues are disconnected. after all, the more lonely the men, the more it’s the “women’s fault”, the more hateful they are towards them, the worse both problems get.
now how do we get out of this pit?
Quexotic@infosec.pub 12 hours ago
I think it got poked by the right in the '24 elections and its continually stoked by social media. I hear there’s even a Luddite movement on response to it.
This is of course a vast oversimplification of a complex interplay of factors, but here we are, looking down the barrel of a political movement that’s taking full advantage of our isolation.
I feel for the lonely. I remember being alone.
davidgro@lemmy.world 10 hours ago
Just recently I was imagining a dating site that doesn’t use profiles, just randomly matches people with compatible age and gender settings (weighted by proximity and how long they have waited for a match) and trying to think through how it might work.
There would have to be a penalty for rejecting a match before setting up a date or for cancelling on them, such as a delay before being able to request another match (and maybe double the delay each consecutive time)
Anyway this would eliminate the whole ‘5% of men get 90% of dates’ thing (whatever the real numbers are) - after requesting a match eventually everyone would get one. There would of course have to be a report system for actual problem people. And likely straight women would get dates much faster (more frequently) than straight men, but still more evenly distributed.
RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
We’ve lost our “village”, those third spaces that provided extended family and friends networks. American “self-reliance” has generated a separated society that has stripped a lot of the support and social network we used to have in favor of a job, a home separate from extended family, and a standalone family unit on their own against the world. Too hard to meet new people, too few clubs, too little money to get into a lot of hobbies, too little free time to spend it on anything other than rest and trying to stay sane.
Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 7 hours ago
We are slowly turning into Japan
I think I’m turning Japanese I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so…
FreeAZ@sopuli.xyz 2 hours ago
Except Japan is at least better than the US when it comes to things like health care, public infrastructure, prison conditions, etc.
We’re getting all the worst parts of other countries without the few benefits, not like that “benefit” is unique to stressful work cultures anyway.
LittleBorat3@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
You are, now work till 8 and get drunk with your boss later.
FiskFisk33@startrek.website 17 hours ago
actual emotionally mature 4chan take, no way!
cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 11 hours ago
Fake: No way hes working for such a long time as a server in a sushi restaurant
Gay: Anon is probably gay in denial and therefore still single.
Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 7 hours ago
I thought it was fake because pregnant women avoid Sushi usually.
gmtom@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
Relatable.
I’ve had a friend go through 3 long term relationships, get married and have a kid since the last time I went on a date.
finitebanjo@piefed.world 17 hours ago
I'll see your indescribable emotion and raise you another:
I do not and have never empathized with this mindset. I understand wanting to help people and have a support network, but pairing up and breeding, like animals, to create an ever increasing amount of suffering just doesn't do it for me.
phdepressed@sh.itjust.works 16 hours ago
Life is a lot more than suffering. There is a joy in human connections. Friends, family, partners, and children.
It’s alright if partners and/or children aren’t for you (even family) but its weirder to be entirely unable to empathize with a desire for human connections and life goals (which vary).
finitebanjo@piefed.world 13 hours ago
I understand desire for human connections and life goals, I just don't understand envy for marriage and children. Those should result from a good thing going on, not be a primary motivator.
Fizz@lemmy.nz 16 hours ago
Of course you dont empathize because you arent empathizing. YOU think its suffering, but if you empathize with the person do you think they think of it as suffering? Love is beautiful and raising kids can be very rewarding.
finitebanjo@piefed.world 13 hours ago
It feels weird that your argument is "this world is devoid of suffering." I just can't accept that as good faith.
someacnt@sh.itjust.works 9 hours ago
I mean, what do I do when everyone dislikes me, due to my innate quality? Life is so unfair sometimes…
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
Idk what OP is doing wrong, but in my experience bartenders and service workers are always hooking up - with each other, with patrons, at after work social engagements…
The job sort of requires you to be social, to be friendly, to engage with strangers, and to empathize with other people.
That’s not to say the relationships last. Plenty of drama in the service industry, too. Lots of substance abuse. Lots of cheating. Lots of traveling, boom and bust with the economic tides, and risk taking for better or worse.
But the idea that you’re just a bartender for ten years and nothing is happening in your life is crazy.