frostedtrailblazer

@frostedtrailblazer@lemmy.zip

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon questions the epidemic⁩ ⁨⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  because you think it’s the 1950s, your advice is boomer level ‘go to a their office and shake their hand and you will get a job’.

  Some things change, some things remain the same. In person interactions haven’t changed that much.

  Also, my advice was tailored specific to the person I was talking to. He said he did hiking, my advice went off the fact he has no problem going out in public places already as a hobby. That’s huge compared to many people online that will say they go out, but really just go to work, the gym, do grocery pick-up, and go home and get surprised when they don’t meet women when their day to day doesn’t even put them near anyone.

  No, that’s not how anything works in 2020s. They will call the cops on you and ask you to leave.

  Making eye contact with someone in the grocery store will get the cops called on you? That’s not gonna happen in a hiking group like in the example I first gave. Really though, no one is calling the cops on you for making eye contact. Staring at people? Yeah that’s weird. But mutual eye contact isn’t staring.

  Women are much more friendly than you’re giving them credit for here. If you’re anxious or nervous around a woman, and she personally struggles with anxiety or nervousness then you will trigger that in her. I know this because I was anxious and nervous since about not coming across as weird, which just made the woman I interacted with uncomfortable since I was not comfortable around them. It clicked for me that I was the problem when I encountered a few women that didn’t have those anxiety issues but I still did.

  So if you can work on your anxiety revolving around being around women, then that makes it significantly easier to interact with them. To need to know that you have good intentions and trust that they will see that, because the ones you would want to know will see that.

  My advice would be to give up and enjoy life because dating and mating is systematically fucked due to social media addiction. And the numbers around it mean you have a < 10% chance of someone who isn’t social media brain-fucked, and all the stats on the issue are insane and unreasonable and that’s why everyone is so unhappy.

  I would venture to say the amount of people that are not terminally on/affect by social media is significantly higher than 10% of people. I would put that number closer to 40%. Depending on the area you live it could be higher or lower, time of day depending as well. If you genuinely go walking around your local town you’ll notice a lot of people that are not just holed up all day absorbing the rot of social media that seeks to prey on our emotions.

  Not my job to fix anyone else

  It’s not. But is it your job to shoot down actionable advice without offering an alternative then? Let them try and fail or succeed.

  nor my job to work like a dog to ‘appeal’ to people who expect the ‘average’ guy to by over 6’ and make 2x median wage

  Height and wages do not matter when it comes to finding your ideal partner. Would you want to be with someone that thinks less of you for your height or how much you make? You probably wouldn’t, therefore those kinds of people were never a good match for you and they did you a service by filtering themselves out of your dating pool.

  You don’t need to be a certain height or making a certain amount of money to be attractive to your ideal matches. Your ideal matches would like you at your height whatever it is and for whatever you make. That might not be a ton of people, but if it’s even 1% of the population that could be an ideal match, then that’s could be as many as 100 people in a town of 10,000. So, you just need to encounter just one of these 100 people near you. The real odds may be much higher than 1% as well, maybe 5-10% of the local population could be a great match for instance. Therefore, your best bet is to be out in a space where you could encounter one of these ideal matches.

  Let them be miserable. I’d rather be alone and invest in myself and be happy, which I have been doing for 8 years and it’s fucking awesome. Image spending your money on shit you enjoy rather than spending it on dating where it goes down a blackhole of someone else’s insatiable greed and self-imposed misery?

  Who’s to say they’ll be miserable? They could find an ideal match and live their happily ever after. That’s great that you are happy as you are, but not everyone would want to follow the same path as you. I think more guys should put themselves in a space to be their best selves when they are dating, as their struggles will not be automatically fixed just by being in a relationship.

  Why would a guy not be enjoying himself while on a date? That doesn’t sound like a waste of money to me. Maybe if it’s a date where there’s no connection, but at that point you’re just paying for the nice meal that you had.

  You can choose to date people with tempered wants. I don’t think there’s an inherent issue with dreaming for better, so long as neither of you are constantly dipping into debt to have a lifestyle that’s unaffordable. I’m not sure where self-imposed misery is coming from here, unless you mean that the other person has not been worked through issues of their own. I think most wants are normal; both men and women can succumb to greed though as with any vice if not tempered.

  But you can’t convince horny young dudes that getting laid will solve all their problems, and more than you can convince single women that a rich handsome guy will solve all theirs. They have to make the choice themselves to be happy now rather than endlessly daydreaming about some ideal future that won’t ever come.

  Treating people as a means to an end, rather than an end in and of themselves is something that tempered souls will avoid. Happiness is something that isn’t entirely dependent on others, but can be amplified by them. Rather than daydreaming, people should be working on themselves to be in a space that gives others room to enter.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon questions the epidemic⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩:

  What’s nonsense about it? Tell me what specific parts of what I said are nonsense to you? I took the time to write out a thoughtful reply to the other person, you can do the same here.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon questions the epidemic⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  You also gotta pre-emptively accept the possibility that youll NEVER meet friends or a partner who wants to be associated with you despite your best efforts. It is a possibility and there is nothing wrong with you if that happens to you and youre a kind, quiet , peaceful person. It is what it is

  I don’t believe that you need to accept a reality where you’ll never meet friends or a partner that want to be associated with you. By definition alone I would even say they are not friends and that is not a partner. Real people that would accept you as you are - are out there.

  Even on the basis of probability, if only 1% of the people in this world were like that, that’s still at least 80,000,000 of people out there. Let’s say you just cared about that 1% of people in your local area - that’s still 100 people in a town of 10,000. And that’s just off a worst case scenario, the real odds would be much greater than 1% of people.

  Human-Human relationships are sort of an ‘It Is Whatt It Is’ Type Of Affair these days. You can do everything kindly and to your best efforts to meet other like-minded people …and everyone can still not want to be your friend or lover.

  Many people like to play safe bets in life. They know that the people they know already have been at least decent to them, so you have a bit of a higher hurdle when meeting new people or breaking the mould. Even one new friend opens up many potential doors since you’re no longer perceived as a complete unknown, you have someone that vouches for you.

  When you move to a new city or are starting fresh, generally that’s when you have the hardest time finding people since you’re leaving your existing social safety net. Sometimes, it can help a lot if you have family or friends from back home that could try to introduce you to some people in your new area.

  Genuinely, there are some places that would be more difficult to make friends if your hobbies aren’t so common in that area.

  be surrounded with a million admirers and fake friends. It is what it is.

  Imo, it’s better to live a life surrounded by a few people of high quality than just trying to impress people that don’t care about you and your wellbeing.

  'Sadly it is what it is BUT At least you tried ’

  Avoiding burn out in the struggle to find your found family makes sense, but I encourage you to not let your wings dampen before you have the chance to soar either - lest you live with regrets. I encourage you to take breaks when things don’t work out, but keep searching for people that value you.

  I wish you the best on your journey ahead. Don’t be afraid to change things up if circumstances allow, truly sometimes you can find another version of the life you want to live in another place. I’m just here to pass along some advice since I’ve been down these roads before. 🫂

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon questions the epidemic⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  written by somebody who has absolutely zero real-life experience.

  Make up whatever reality suits you about me man.

  if you do that, women will say that you can’t just let people “be nice” and have to take everything up as a flirting opportunity.

  You don’t have to flirt with everyone making eye contact with you. Intention is what matters, intending just to flirt doesn’t usually come across as you being genuinely interested in them as an individual.

  If someone holds eye contact with you in a friendly way in a store, saying hi to them will probably make them feel better more often than not. Asking them about why they’re out and about gives them room to talk and choose if they want to carry a conversation with you. If they want to keep the conversation going, they certainly might and possibly even bounce it back by asking what’s got you out and about.

  You have to remember body language matters a lot for in person conversations as well. So if they’re looking at their phone or looking around like they want out of the conversation then definitely take that as a sign to let it go. Tempered body language of your own can convey a lot on its own as well. Such as not coming across as too desperate for their attention.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨SBA #231 Sins and Virtues⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  And even if solitude, it’s still pushing onwards, waiting for tomorrow to bring better days so its children can one day take root.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨SBA #231 Sins and Virtues⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  A tree moves towards the sky with a goal of growing and providing for the next generation of trees. Plus it connects with its neighbors through the roots it spreads.

  While it is grounded it’s not complacent.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon questions the epidemic⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  There might be public postings already out there listed at a local community college, community center, or city website for public events near you. If you post a meet up, do so with the intent of just bringing people to together and having fun, doing so with just intent of meeting women should come second. If you meet people that you vibe with then for sure invite them to more hikes or other shared activities.

  Hosting Partifuls could help a lot to get things off the ground as well. My friend does those all of the time even for the most mundane things and lots of friends and acquaintances will show up and bring friends along.

  For getting your foot in the door, it’s a lot of putting yourself in the right spaces to meet people. If you don’t have an issue actually connecting, then that’s a great start. I’d advise trying friend finding apps too since the pressure is offloaded on those compared to strictly dating apps. Lots of women want to find guys they could at least be friends with first before committing to dating. You remove a lot of the barriers of pressure when meeting up doesn’t have to be a date, but can be if you both are connecting. ———

  Fair enough, this is basically a more succinct and less explicit version of my final conclusion lol. That’s kinda the plan, but most women I talk to (irl or online) seem to indicate that is socially unacceptable now too.

  I feel where you go matters, what time you go matters, and not forcing the interaction matters for this. If you go to a woman dominated space and are confident and cool headed about it, just that and being dressed the part for being there could have you being checked out by women. Probably less a bookstore, more a ‘healthy’ lunch spot or outdoor/indoor mall. After their first coffee and before lunch? You’re golden. Specifically during/after lunch? Golden. After dinner? Generally fine.

  Which actually probably helps the bar being on the floor btw, all the guys afraid of making women uncomfortable and being creepy are not approaching them because they complained and we listened, now the only guys approaching women in public are the ones who don’t care about creeping them out, because they didn’t listen. I’m not saying that’s the whole problem but it has to be some %.

  You gotta believe and know that you’re coming with pure intentions; if you get caught up in the anxiety of not trying to look weird/creepy it’ll just come off that way instead imo. Out in the world, woman are way more chill than online makes women out to be. There are certainly a number of women that are reasonably wary, due to weirdos with no respect boundaries, but if you look, act, and are friendly then you definitely will meet woman that have been looking for someone like that.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon questions the epidemic⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  You need to find a trail hiking group. You don’t need to change hobbies it sounds like. Try organizing a hike in your area and invite people to come along if you can’t find any. You’ll meet people quickly doing that.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Leaves are much rarer than gold, at least on a cosmic scale.

  So if an alien life form came to our planet looking trade, then an autumn leaf could be seen as more valuable to them than gold.

  Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to invest heavily into timber so I can make money hand over first on some aliens.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Feeling sad⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I think it’s fair to say you’ll have sufficient opportunities to make friends, not necessarily that all of them will be how we expect them to be. Looking is important, making friends with people that have friends can help quite a lot too. Being in the right space of mind to be a good and caring friend will take you far, although our experience may vary.

  My twenties didn’t go quite how I thought they would when I was younger, but I still spent the time I had in ways that mattered to me.

  Sometimes where we are isn’t the right place for us to grow. Sometimes it’s the people we’re allowing into our lives be a good or bad influence on us. Sometimes it’s our coping mechanisms that push the people that care away.

  I feel that meeting the people that our right for us often means putting yourself out there and being a bit uncomfortable in a new space. That can be in the form of joining a D&D group, a running club, a book club, friend finding websites/apps, or even having penpals.

  One of my best friends meets new people every day hosting Partiful events. He’s sending them out to acquaintances, and seeing how many people show up even for the most mundane things. The act of friendship can be one-sided quite a bit at first, I feel, where you’re often the one perusing the friendships or hosting events, but occasionally you’ll meet the right people and things will click into place.

  One friend can often be how you make other friends, since they may invite you to events with some of their other friends and those friends’ friends.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Feeling sad⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I feel media often portrays high school as a glamorous time, but for many people it was anything but that. Life afterwards picked up significantly more for me, especially when I went to college and made friends there.

  I had trouble navigating the world around me when I was younger. Taking a philosophy course helped me out to be able to parse through some of the things I grew up hearing but didn’t resonate with me. I would recommend signing up for a guided meditation class or seminar, as it could help with grounding yourself at the least I feel.

  I encourage you to join any clubs that sound appealing to you or even try to start a club of your own if none of the ones out there sound fun.

  Life does get better, I feel. Even small changes in everyday can build up to something meaningful when you look back at how far you have come and will go.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨🎶I keep dancing on my own🎶⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  I feel it’s funny precisely because of how it betrays your expectations with the setup. If it happened to you, outside of the comic, it’d leave a sour taste but probably laughing a bit in a ‘did that just happen?’ kind of way.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon's lil bro goes through his first break up⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I think identity politics is a bit of a separate conversation. Even the term itself is a bit broad and difficult to ascribe to one thing or another. Do I think some people make one thing or another their entire personality? Oh 100%. And it’s something that’s beyond just politics as well.

  Like you said though there are plenty of people that are probably nuts, who only hold onto a label to be part of some ‘counter culture’ group or another. People who don’t really have strong moral convictions aside from wanting to have an audience and would leave their current position in a heartbeat if the spotlight was pulled from them.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Bill to raise minimum wage to $25 an hour will be introduced in Senate⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Or ditch the minimum wage and implement a Universal Basic Income (UBI) at the Federal level (or State level!!). If there’s UBI, the minimum wage doesn’t have to be there which technically could make labor more competitive in general, plus you don’t have to rely on your job to get your basic needs met.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon's lil bro goes through his first break up⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I don’t think anyone IV dripping a culture that feeds into a person’s anger is going to going to be happier or feeling a sense of purpose and fulfillment. There’s a difference between just being a gym bro and listening to influencers that make money off of playing into your insecurities.

  I question how attached they were to a feminist identity either though if a breakup shook the identity off of them.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon judges Karl⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Black and white thinking doesn’t make sense here. The initial premise you give that liberals really only want private ownership for everything all of the time doesn’t line up with reality, especially in regards to younger people that are more liberal and left leaning.

  I believe there are more people that can look around at their local community and see “yeah maybe that wasn’t such a good idea that we let private equity bankrupt X local chain to offload their debts”.

  Many people can see there is some nuance of “okay maybe this specific situation we should have had more barriers to prevent”. Less or no corporate landownership is a direct fix to corporate landlords, imo.

  Congrats, you are most likely NOT a liberal.

  I believe you, or perhaps your peers, would still call me a liberal for several reasons. Certainly people on the completely opposite side of the aisle would label me a liberal. The first is that I’m not against the premise of capitalism, the an incentive based economic structure, but moreso the implementation and near-complete disregard of any sort of balancing mechanism. I don’t believe in the nonsense that is spouted as “free market capitalism”, but instead a form of modified capitalism with UBI and unions to put power back into the hands of workers instead of the corporate owners.

  Oh yeah, such a disagreeable thing for non-liberals, huh? Very controversial, we socialists want to have EVERYTHING public, NO EXCEPTIONS! No, actually no.

  Many of your peers differ from your view. Many people I’ve spoken with wanted no forms of private control and no private businesses. I’ve heard many variations of “You lease from the government and then your lease is up”.

  Yup, that’s definitely not a thing a liberal would say.

  I’m a left-leaning liberal, it’s not mutually exclusive. Someone that’s strictly pro-corporate and no government intervention, (e.g., someone right leaning) might be opposed to those things.

  I think you’ll find that the biggest difference between me and someone else that wants the same things for people (UBI, childcare, housing, etc.) is the means in which those goals are achieved. I believe in a multifaceted approach of promoting unionization, working towards collective bargaining agreements, promoting left-leaning politicians at all levels of government, and voting for incremental change along the way as well.

  Some people, online specifically, would rather people check out from all or any of those steps of working towards bringing positive change.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon judges Karl⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  The terms are not mutually exclusive, you can want more things to be publicly owned or operated but still want some forms of private ownership such as in the case of owning a home.

  Do I think corporations should own the land for corporate enterprises or even for apartment buildings? Fuck no, that should be public since the land owners are incompetent and will try to generate a profit on things like hospitals, low income housing, or forcing out all of the good restaurants in the community.

  Individual ownership for private use I don’t see a problem with though, such as home ownership, at least for one house. Although I see that as an incentive that should be there to encourage and reward work. Transportation could be mostly solved by a better public transit system that was connected.

  Medical care, insurance, social security, childcare expenses, and many more could be covered by taxes, at least taxes on corporations. Yet alone having something like a Universal Basic Income to cover people’s daily expenses. There could be better union protections and such but I feel that’s branching the conversation off a bit much.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon judges Karl⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I’d also chime in that definition change and can mean very different things in different places. It’s a bit silly how frequently I see other left leaning people, purely online, demonize anyone using liberal as a label.

  To me it comes off as a bit manufactured, it’s far too abundant on spaces like Reddit and certain Lemmy instances, yet near complete absent from offline discourse.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon judges Karl⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  It really depends on how you define things; a black and white definition doesn’t account for scenarios where one could logically be both leftist and liberal. So it’s not exactly nonsense.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Just animal noises⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I’m personally in the boat of seeing kids as adding to one’s life rather than draining it and making dreams rather than taking them away. But having kids is something my partner and I want. My only other dream is to ever own the roof over my head, but that’s not totally likely.

  I feel that having kids would not seem as daunting for more people if we had real safety nets to support people that would even consider being parents. Such as free daycare, a basic income, universal healthcare, and stipends specifically to pay for costs associated with kids like for diapers, bottles, books, ever changing clothes sizes, etc.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨New York lawmakers endorse Governor's plan to reduce car insurance premiums by making it harder for crash victims to seek compensation⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Hear me out, they could just offer a non-profit insurance option through the state; this would make private companies need to be offering better benefits to consumers to stay competitive. There is no need to remove baseline benefits for people at all.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Agreed, unless the system itself is changed, at the state level, within each state, to use a different voting system. Which is worth pursuing btw, and something Alaska and Maine have both pulled off.

  I’m so tired of seeing people getting mad about the two party system, but not even bringing up the fact we can totally change the system to use a form of Ranked Choice Voting, just by getting signatures to put it on the ballot! Well at least for over half the states this method works.

  People’s energy would be much better spent advocating for groups like the Equal Vote Coalition or Fair Vote. Both of those groups desperately need volunteers and could actually use the social media advocacy given they are getting single digit support on Fediverse sites currently.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Accelerationism won’t get you what you want, it just ensures authoritarians are in power no matter what. Historically, these people don’t care about redistributing squat.

  Focused changed at a local level can actually bear fruit and can be scaled up. Social programs can already create an economic floor, even under our current capitalist system. For instance, Universal Basic Income implemented at a state level or federal level would solve the economic woes people encounter.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  What a refreshing conclusion to the story, it’s nice to read about these positive outcomes where the couple grows from the experience.

  Open communication is one of the core things that makes relationships last imo.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What common American habits do people find quietly annoying?⁩ ⁨⁨8⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I feel it’s a bit tacky as a first question, but if I’m not asking it at some point I personally feel like I’m not making a real effort to know someone.

  For a lot of people I think it’s just their go-to ice breaker since most people have a job or some kind of education they are involved in.

  I personally really enjoy hearing about many people jobs since they really open my eyes to a different lifestyles and working environments out there, or I might get the scoop on workplace drama stories.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Is there a "buy nothing" community on Lemmy? Or an anti-consumerism comm?⁩ ⁨⁨8⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  You can trust a name like Mantis Toboggon.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Wish I was her⁩ ⁨⁨8⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I disagree that they don’t apply, since there is a subjective discussion, the issue is we’re talking about something very abstract like it’s always black and white when reality has a lot of grey.

  How are we defining knowing better here?

  If we’re saying the leader knows that that there is information they don’t know, but they act like they do know that information then that can lead to trust issues.

  If a leader doesn’t know that they don’t know something, then you would hope they have the capacity to learn and are willing to learn new pieces of information so that they can be more informed.

  In either case though, you expect them to act based on the information in front of them that they are familiar with. If you bring up new information, in a low stakes setting, they should be open to receiving that new information.

  If you bring up new information in a high stakes setting, that can catch some leaders off-guard since in theory they have had time to review all of the present information before a setting was high stakes. If for some reason the ‘facts table’ being used is wrong or outdated then I believe discreetly bringing this information up to the leader in these situations can be beneficial but I would leave the judgment call to them for what information to go off of.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Wish I was her⁩ ⁨⁨8⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  There’s lot of examples I can think of where it can be go both ways.

  In an sport for instance the optimal play can be worse if not everyone is on the same page, so sometimes the decent play where everyone is on the same same page is the one a leader would want to be pushing for.

  In an emergency, having a leader giving directions to keep people calm and organized can matter even if it’s not the optimal way of handling things. The opposite can be true too there though, for example if a leader is trying to have people put out a fire with a rag, water, or a broom when a fire extinguisher in present then the individual that thinks to grab and use the fire extinguisher could be demonstrating that there are times when it makes sense to override the leader.

  The leader above is still doing the right thing by tackling the problem the only way they know how in the moment, but as individuals we need to be able to know when we should go along with the plan the leader puts forward or when to break from that plan.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Wish I was her⁩ ⁨⁨8⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I think they’re half right.

  I feel it can be more important to be confident than right, in the moment, but once that moment is over you want to correct yourself and let others know that you were wrong about x, y, or z.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Goodnight Video⁩ ⁨⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Let your memes be dreams <3