Another one for today

Comments

• monkeyslikebananas2@lemmy.world ⁨30⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

  Guys I think she wants me. :\

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• karashta@piefed.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  As just a random guy, I might conflate their kindness for interest because I get so little attention and positive reinforcement. No one is there telling us we are beautiful or talented or smart or whatever with any frequency, even if you have these qualities.

  Your full attention already feels like more than a kindness. And the additional, actual, kindness can be taken for interest because of the paucity of people interested in “random guy”. 

  I don’t think women are wholly wrong for getting this type of attitude. It has to be frustrating and draining constantly fending off suitors when you just wanted a normal nice chat or something.

  Just thought I’d share my older man perspective.

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  • forrgott@lemmy.zip ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Not just suitors, I’m afraid. The vast majority of the women you will meet in your life have been the victim of some form of sexual harassment, if not outright assault or rape.

    So, yeah, it’s disheartening but I totally agree with your perspective on this.

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  • smeenz@lemmy.nz ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    TIL the word ‘paucity’

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  • N0t_5ure@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I think it may be a little more complex than this. I’m a man that was quite good looking in my youth. I got fat and ugly in middle age, and became invisible to women. Now, at 60, I’m in the best physical shape of my life, have largely recovered my looks, I dress nicely, and am blown away about how differently I am treated by women now, especially women over 40. I regularly get compliments about my appearance, and due to the halo effect I seem to collect compliments on nearly everything I do. Having been invisible to women for more than a decade, it feels a little strange to be showered with attention.

    That said, not every woman wants the same thing from me, but they do all seem to want my attention, including married women, oddly enough. They want to feel pretty, feel desired, even if they aren’t going to act on those feelings. I frequently get women showing clear signs of interest (intentionally putting themselves in my orbit, mirroring my behavior, initiating physical touch, etc., etc.) in an effort to draw a response from me, even women who are not in a position to follow through on their actions. These are not women just being kind or benignly friendly. Here is one recent example. I was at a friend’s birthday party, and was approached by a woman I had met in dance class. She was moderately flirty during the the course of our conversation, and asked if I were seeing anyone, as she had noted seeing me regularly with one of my female friends. Our conversation ended with her stating that she was looking forward to seeing me in class. At the next class, she wore a sexy black cocktail dress, which was a bit out of character for her. For me, she was showing clear and unmistakable signs of interest. However, when talking, she mentions her husband in passing, which made me wonder what the hell was going on. I later learned that her husband is in the late stages of pancreatic cancer. My takeaway from this experience is that she was trying to elicit my interest to bask in the glow of my male attention, and that she probably isn’t looking to step out on him (which is something that I wouldn’t engage with).

    In the last 6 months, I’ve had many other similar experiences, where women are definitely seeking my attention in circumstances where they have no intention of following through. It feels good to be desired, whether you are a man or a woman, and if a woman is constantly drawing romantic interest “accidentally”, it’s worth it for her to consider what energy she is putting out.

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    • surewhynotlem@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Fat ugly chicks get raped too.

      Your train of thought falls apart when you realize one thing: the bar for “attractiveness” is infinitely higher for men than women. Women don’t need to be “putting out energy”. All they need to do is exist at the right place at the right time.

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• Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I just assume no one is interested in me ever, no matter how nice they are to me. I also go out of my way to avoid contact with humans in the first place.

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  • Emi@ani.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

    Mood

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  • skeezix@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    This is the way.

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• HuntressHimbo@lemmy.zip ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  This is a pattern that if applied broadly feels guaranteed to spiral into the opposite of the desired outcome.

  1. Be rude as a rule to men

  2. Men interpret what was once ‘rude’ as normal behavior

  3. Stepping positively outside the new normal gets interpreted as possible sexual interest

  4. Now you are required to be even ruder baseline to avoid misinterpretation, and men just get treated worse socially.

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  • mienshao@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I can’t fathom being so sensitive and so chronically online that you need to post a genuine Response to a fucking jokey post about girls needing to be a little mean to make creepy dudes go away.

    If you ever wonder, “Why am I single? Why won’t someone date me?” It’s because you say stupid shit like this. You’re not a victim, dude, so stop acting like one.

    Please downvote and block me if you disagree, I need less stupid in my life.

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    • morphballganon@mtgzone.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      They’re describing a well-understood sociological phenomenon. Sorry you’re so triggered by actual human psychology

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    • usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      I see you’re already on step 4

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    • HuntressHimbo@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      I can’t fathom being so sensitive and so chronically online that you need to post a genuine Response to a fucking jokey post about girls needing to be a little mean to make creepy dudes go away.

      Oh no, I’ve replied to a meme in a non-hostile way without downvoting it and boosted its platform visibility. How dare I?

      If you ever wonder, “Why am I single? Why won’t someone date me?” It’s because you say stupid shit like this. You’re not a victim, dude, so stop acting like one.

      Engaged, but appreciate the concern for my dating life.

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• Diddlydee@feddit.uk ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Same reason I’mean to women. I wouldn’t want them thinking I want to sleep with them.

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  • lectricleopard@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

    I feel you. Ill do something nice, like open a door and smile, then immediately turn and ignore them.

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    • Brickhead92@lemmy.world ⁨35⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

      When someone thanks me for holding the door, I let them know I wasn’t holding open for them. I was holding it those people coming and point to someone way too far away to hold a door open for.

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• A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  So many upset men triggered by this lol

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  • forrgott@lemmy.zip ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    It scares me to think how many other guys around me are predators. And it absolutely infuriates me to think about how long society has normalized this type of behavior.

    I don’t care how horny I am - that’s my own damn problem to solve. Period.

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    • A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      100% agreed. Ive known too many men in the past who felt otherwise.

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  • mienshao@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    For fucking REAL! These triggered little dudes in the top comments saying “this will spiral to the opposite of the desired outcome” — like stfu bitch, it👏was👏a👏joke👏

    This doesn’t require analysis. It’s not that serious. Men can be creepy as fuck, so sometimes women be mean to get men to Go Away. It’s not deep, it was obviously meant in a jokey way, and it takes a very special kind of chronically online loser male to be offended by something like this.

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    • HuntressHimbo@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Conversely if you are this triggered by a neutral response to a shitpost maybe switch to a social media that just doesn’t allow replies?

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    • ButteryMonkey@piefed.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

      I like going through all the posts like these so I can tag people who whine about how men have it so hard or whatever incel nonsense they spout to derail. I always end up with at least 5 new users tagged (across a spectrum of descriptors). They just.. there are so many of them.. everywhere..

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    • A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      💯

      If you’re bothered by this, you just might be part of the Problem

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• FireRetardant@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Jokes on you I’m into that shit

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• Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I feel like if a guy wants to know if a woman is interested explicit relations, he should just come out and ask, and if the answer is no, he should accept it. Why can’t clear and direct communication be a thing?

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  • gray@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

    Most people want this, but some people (usually men) really don’t handle rejection well

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  • usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    There’s safety in being indirect (you can retreat into the ambiguity), and there’s the “handshake” aspect of it too where it can prove they understand you on a deeper level than what’s explicitly on the surface.

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  • polotype@lemmy.ml ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Well it’s a heluva lot more awkward once they know you thiught you could get with’em now isn’t it ?

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    • Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca ⁨57⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

      I don’t find it awkward at all. If someone’s not into me, they are not into me. I’ll respect their wishes, keep any further conversation with them brief and at acquaintance level, and move on with my life. We all have preferences, and I’m not interested in being fixated on someone that turns me down. There are plenty of other people in the world. My life peaceful and I am ok with being alone and doing my own thing.

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    • HikingVet@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      And?

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  • HikingVet@lemmy.ca ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Why can’t clear and direct communication be a thing?

    Because for the most part people assume everyone is on their wavelength. Put it online and the problem compounds due to context being stripped away.

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    • FireRetardant@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      In my experience men are much more clear when they like someone than women are. Men are less likely to make it a “game”. Men are more likely too push it even when rejected I won’t deny that, but women have done the same as well.

      My buddy recently got a new gf. He offered to go outside and start her car and clear the snow off of it. She no please don’t do that you aren’t even dressed yet. So he didn’t do it then she came home and expressed she was upset he didn’t try harder to do it anyway. They took that as a lesson and he pushes a little more on stuff like that but he also asked her to not say no directly like that and make it easier for him to insist.

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  • VeganBtw@piefed.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I think we all wish for this, no? It’s just that a fraction of people are creeps and they will creep.

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• HikingVet@lemmy.ca ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Something about drinking poison and expecting the other to die comes to mind.

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• ramenshaman@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  That lipstick with that shirt tho

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• HenriVolney@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Reminds me of the meme that goes something like : “she’s not into you. She’s hot and you’re horny, no the same thing.”

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• ruplicant@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Well, since I can’t see the difference, I make advances on no one. I hated all the moments I was made aware that a woman who I was attracted to had an interest in me, though - it was always to late

  But yes, most men are creeps or even worse, and women have to protect themselves. Couldn’t imagine being in their shoes

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  • Gonzako@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I’ll be honest, just disregard all these kind of posts and just be sincere and unregarded about the world at large. Neither feminist nor right wing dating advice will get you anywhere, you’ll just go advancing their agenda.

    Just move forward in live, whatever that means to you; act like the world is going to acomodate you and it’ll most likely will (tho, this assumes you have secured a source of income, capitalist society and such).

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• Alloi@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  not me, i just assume you think im a special lil guy

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