[deleted]
I just assume no one is interested in me ever, no matter how nice they are to me. I also go out of my way to avoid contact with humans in the first place.
[deleted]
Submitted 2 weeks ago by TheBat@lemmy.world to [deleted]
Comments
Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
skeezix@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
This is the way.
Emi@ani.social 2 weeks ago
Mood
dingus@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Lioffproxy@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I think is normal.
HuntressHimbo@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
This is a pattern that if applied broadly feels guaranteed to spiral into the opposite of the desired outcome.
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Be rude as a rule to men
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Men interpret what was once ‘rude’ as normal behavior
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Stepping positively outside the new normal gets interpreted as possible sexual interest
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Now you are required to be even ruder baseline to avoid misinterpretation, and men just get treated worse socially.
mienshao@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
[deleted]morphballganon@mtgzone.com 2 weeks ago
They’re describing a well-understood sociological phenomenon. Sorry you’re so triggered by actual human psychology
HuntressHimbo@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
I can’t fathom being so sensitive and so chronically online that you need to post a genuine Response to a fucking jokey post about girls needing to be a little mean to make creepy dudes go away.
Oh no, I’ve replied to a meme in a non-hostile way without downvoting it and boosted its platform visibility. How dare I?
If you ever wonder, “Why am I single? Why won’t someone date me?” It’s because you say stupid shit like this. You’re not a victim, dude, so stop acting like one.
Engaged, but appreciate the concern for my dating life.
MissJinx@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It’s not about being rude it’s about not being nice, specially in professional settings. It’s sad but it’s true. But also, like everything else, there are exceptions but we can never know
HuntressHimbo@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
It’s not about being rude it’s about not being nice
The first words are ‘I’m always a little mean’ so I think rude counts. I understand the motivation for doing this, but this is a strategy that the more it is applied the less it works. The core issue is men taking small deviations from their expected social treatment as flirting, and I think that moving the expectation lower by being meaner means that it will take less ‘nice’ to accidentally communicate interest, thereby making it worse in the end.
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Diddlydee@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
Same reason I’mean to women. I wouldn’t want them thinking I want to sleep with them.
lectricleopard@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I feel you. Ill do something nice, like open a door and smile, then immediately turn and ignore them.
Brickhead92@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
When someone thanks me for holding the door, I let them know I wasn’t holding open for them. I was holding it those people coming and point to someone way too far away to hold a door open for.
1984@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
As a guy, I do the same. I try to make women feel as bad as possible so they leave me alone. Because its all about how i feel. Im the main character.
Nalivai@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
You think you’re cooking with this reverse meme, but you’re actually doing “where is my straight pride” bullshit. People do live like that. On average, men are already like that.
1984@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
Not the men I know. I think men are awesome. But if you dont, I understand you dont like my cooking. :)
anon_8675309@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I hate when a woman is mean to me for doing something nice like holding the door because she thinks I want to sleep with her. No ma’am, I don’t. I was just being nice. My wife has all that other stuff covered.
Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I’m just happy that around me, everyone just holds doors for everyone else, regardless of gender. Guys hold open doors for guys. Girls hold open doors for guys. It’s not weird.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
Unless I’m carrying something, holding a door open for me usually just messes up my rhythm and makes me more uncomfortable from the sudden need to acknowledge a favor rather than just spacing out and walking.
dingus@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Sad thing is that having a spouse doesn’t at all stop a hell of a lot of people. To be clear, I’m not saying this is limited to men…all genders do this. I’ve personally never understood why. If you don’t want to be with your significant other, break up with them. It’s a zillion times worse to betray their trust and intimacy and then break up anyway when they find out.
butwhyishischinabook@piefed.social 2 weeks ago
Yeah I get the message here but the US just a femcel meme.
GreenBeanMachine@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
The problem is that a lot of women are really terrible at giving the right signals, and men are really bad at reading them.
And because men are the ones that pursue women traditionally, what do you expect them to do?
If they think there’s even a small chance, they will make the move, because they know if they don’t, even if that woman likes them, she will never ever make the first move.
The problem is the traditional approach to romance and the fact that women rarely pursue the men they like.
mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
If they think there’s even a small chance, they will make the move, because they know if they don’t, even if that woman likes them, she will never ever make the first move.
Or in my case, I find out after the fact that she wanted me to make a move, and I was continuously dismissing her hints because I didn’t want to be creepy and/or ruin a good friendship if I was misreading the situation. My best friend of like 4 years ended up pissed when I started dating someone new, because she had been hoping I would ask her out. Like bitch, why didn’t you say that when I was single?
blarghly@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Relevant
OP is getting a lot of downvotes. I assume, from straight guys who are offended at this notion. As a straight guy myself, I understand their frustration. But straight up (ha!) - if you are a straight guy who is pissed off by this message, you are fucking up.
Why? Because it’s the truth. Go outside, go touch some grass, and observe how women interact with each other (or with obviously gender non-conforming people). They hug as soon as they meet. They give each other compliments. They ask for contact info and proactively make plans to spend time together. In the context of this post, this is what is meant by “treating them like a human”. It isn’t just basic respect. It is giving them a feeling of warmth, support, and acceptance.
So if you’re a guy, and you feel like the world is cold, unsupportive, and unwelcoming - great! Here is some validation of that feeling! You are right! Enjoy the ego boost!
But also - now you know this information. And this is good, because even though it feels bad to know that half the planet doesnt trust you by default while they trust the other half implicitly, it also points you in the right direction for solving your problem.
Here’s the thing. Women do, in fact, like to fuck. Even with men?? Yes! But what they don’t like is dealing with the emotional turmoil of guys who want to fuck them that they don’t want to fuck back. This could come in two forms:
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The guy who asks them out, clearly a bundle of nerves that could explode into rage or tears at any moment. A lot has been said about how women have legitimate fears about men becoming violent or vindictive when they are turned down, but I don’t think this is worth focusing on, because we’re all very nice people here who wouldn’t do anything to hurt someone else even if we feel bad about getting rejected. However, I think it is also important to keep in mind that most women are nice and they feel bad about making someone feel bad by rejecting them. And so if you ask a woman out and will clearly feel bad if she rejects you, then when she rejects you she will also feel bad, which is an emotional load on her, and she doesn’t like that.
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The guy who never asks them out, but who is clearly into them. The guy who always shows up, sticks by her side at every moment, laughs too hard at all of her jokes. This guy is annoying. Maybe if he just asked her out when they first met, she’d be into him, but he just keeps hanging around, making her constantly feel his now-unwanted attraction. But she can’t tell him to go away, or that she isn’t interested in him, because then she would feel like a presumptuous bitch. So she feels stuck, always trying to shake this guy off or avoid him whenever he shows up.
So the solution is simple. Don’t be those guys. Literally all you need to do is not pin your self worth to whether or not any particular girl likes you. If your see a girl you are interested in, then go say hi and have a normal fucking conversation. Then, at a point in time when it wouldn’t be awkward as fuck, just say “hey, btw, I think you’re gorgous/adorable/super interesting/a total baddie/the girl with the best hair here. Wanna go out sometime?” If she says yes, great! Maybe she even wants to make out right now! If she says no, also great, you have a new friend and you can release whatever nerves you had about whether or not an attractive stranger likes you.
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P1k1e@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I’m old, so I’m sure this will be discounted as my experience being disconnected from a younger one but here it is anyway.
If a woman is truly interested in you, she WILL pursue you. Emotional Availability, if you don’t know what it is look it up and BECOME it, it’ll change your life, is the most important first step. Probably save you from a heart attack as well.
Ever seen a mid looking guy with a bombshell? It’s not just money, sometimes folks just like each other’s vibes, and women are less visually stimulated than men. You are seen even when you’re not trying or paying attention, and your vibe is everything.
Lastly the day you no longer NEED a woman in your life, one will find you. Find a way to be happy alone, and you’ll never want for company again. Works wonders for cats
blarghly@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Lastly the day you no longer NEED a woman in your life, one will find you. Find a way to be happy alone, and you’ll never want for company again. Works wonders for cats
I don’t disagree with the other things you said, but this analogy is a flop. I wanna pet cats because they are fluffy, not because they arent needy. As evidence, I submit the fact that I also like petting dogs.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
So go ahead, be a single grumpy bitch, because some men try to hit on you.
I dream that a woman would hit on me.
Probably could improve your chances by not using sexist language like bitch.
beejboytyson@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
That’s is 100 percent untrue. Women makes themselves available to the men the like. To the men that they don’t they swipe left. She’s only being mean to the ugugs. Might be us… medium.com/…/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-yo…
monkeyslikebananas2@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Guys I think she wants me. :\
frog@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
She is negging you Bro
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Women want to be pursued.
grubberneonbelly@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Playing hard to get
mfed1122@discuss.tchncs.de 2 weeks ago
Gender war content is shitty and to be downvoted regardless of whether it is true or false
OriginEnergySux@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Phew, sounds like i made the right choice being a sexist misogynist
TheBat@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
sexist misogynist
As opposed to?
OriginEnergySux@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Sorry typo, i meant sexy misogynist
StarvingMartist@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
A racist misandrist, obviously
GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
it’s ok.
I’m a little mean to bitches because if you treat them like women they think they can be mean to you.
Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
That sounds like equality of treatment and we all know that isn’t fair to some.
A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
So many upset men triggered by this lol
forrgott@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
It scares me to think how many other guys around me are predators. And it absolutely infuriates me to think about how long society has normalized this type of behavior.
I don’t care how horny I am - that’s my own damn problem to solve. Period.
Soulg@ani.social 2 weeks ago
None of that has anything to do with the obvious rage bait post
A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
100% agreed. Ive known too many men in the past who felt otherwise.
mienshao@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
[deleted]HuntressHimbo@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Conversely if you are this triggered by a neutral response to a shitpost maybe switch to a social media that just doesn’t allow replies?
ButteryMonkey@piefed.social 2 weeks ago
I like going through all the posts like these so I can tag people who whine about how men have it so hard or whatever incel nonsense they spout to derail. I always end up with at least 5 new users tagged (across a spectrum of descriptors). They just.. there are so many of them.. everywhere..
despite_velasquez@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I do deradicalisation work with men I find IRL or online, I think there’s a better way for men, but they’re actively pyoped into voting and acting against their own interests.
Can’t express how many of them (at least in my country) point to memes like this as “see, feminism just wants to shame men, it’s not about equality, I’m gonna vote for (insert Christofascist that wants Handmaiden’s Tale IRL) because he ‘stands up for my rights’”.
The creeps that you mention don’t care that you’re mean to them, they also can’t be convinced to change their political stance, they’re irrecoverable misogynists.
Unless you plan to form an armed paramilitary of radfems (which would be cool), I see yelling about “triggered men” as a pretty bad political strategy, because it alienates exactly the guys that are on the fence and could be convinced to abandon internalised misogyny and become feminists. Feminists already don’t get triggered by this, creeps don’t care.
A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
💯
If you’re bothered by this, you just might be part of the Problem
Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
I feel like if a guy wants to know if a woman is interested explicit relations, he should just come out and ask, and if the answer is no, he should accept it. Why can’t clear and direct communication be a thing?
gray@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
Most people want this, but some people (usually men) really don’t handle rejection well
Zexks@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
No not “most people” many will claim so and immediately start playing games
usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
There’s safety in being indirect (you can retreat into the ambiguity), and there’s the “handshake” aspect of it too where it can prove they understand you on a deeper level than what’s explicitly on the surface.
polotype@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
Well it’s a heluva lot more awkward once they know you thiught you could get with’em now isn’t it ?
Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
I don’t find it awkward at all. If someone’s not into me, they are not into me. I’ll respect their wishes, keep any further conversation with them brief and at acquaintance level, and move on with my life. We all have preferences, and I’m not interested in being fixated on someone that turns me down. There are plenty of other people in the world. My life peaceful and I am ok with being alone and doing my own thing.
HikingVet@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Why can’t clear and direct communication be a thing?
Because for the most part people assume everyone is on their wavelength. Put it online and the problem compounds due to context being stripped away.
FireRetardant@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
In my experience men are much more clear when they like someone than women are. Men are less likely to make it a “game”. Men are more likely too push it even when rejected I won’t deny that, but women have done the same as well.
My buddy recently got a new gf. He offered to go outside and start her car and clear the snow off of it. She no please don’t do that you aren’t even dressed yet. So he didn’t do it then she came home and expressed she was upset he didn’t try harder to do it anyway. They took that as a lesson and he pushes a little more on stuff like that but he also asked her to not say no directly like that and make it easier for him to insist.
VeganBtw@piefed.social 2 weeks ago
I think we all wish for this, no? It’s just that a fraction of people are creeps and they will creep.
Luvs2Spuj@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I have those random realisations on the theme of ‘hey that woman who was on my sofa last month wanted to have sex with me’
Make sure you’re really mean else I may not notice.
qevlarr@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Even worse, “hey that woman has given me no signals whatsoever but I think she’s hot so who knows, she might want to sleep with me, let’s escalate and find out, what’s the worst that can happen”
HikingVet@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Something about drinking poison and expecting the other to die comes to mind.
vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Ha jokes on you I’m too autistic to know if you are being mean or not. Now do you want to hear me ramble about random shit for two hours straight till I stop because physically can’t talk anymore? There is only one answer and you don’t have a choice, this ain’t Fallout 1.
FireRetardant@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Jokes on you I’m into that shit
AeonFelis@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Joke’s on you, we’ll just interpret your slight meanness as flirtatious teasing.
jaschen306@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Don’t flatter yourself, cupcake.
Yerbouti@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Phew the comments here. Chill out people, it’s a meme. And seeing the new “alpha-male” era we are in, she’s not wrong.
A_Chilean_Cyborg@feddit.cl 2 weeks ago
That’s why we don’t live in a nice world, people are and people are shit to each other.
MissJinx@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
As a woman I have to say this is true. If you smile there will be at least one “funny” or “nice” message in the end of the day
ruplicant@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Well, since I can’t see the difference, I make advances on no one. I hated all the moments I was made aware that a woman who I was attracted to had an interest in me, though - it was always to late
But yes, most men are creeps or even worse, and women have to protect themselves. Couldn’t imagine being in their shoes
agent_nycto@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
And if a man is nice to a woman, or other men, people think he wants to sleep with them. So we should all be mean to each other just to be safe, because that’s easier than changing our collective attitudes towards men, sexuality, and men’s emotions.
Uh… Bitch…? Sorry had to throw that in there just in case.
HenriVolney@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Reminds me of the meme that goes something like : “she’s not into you. She’s hot and you’re horny, no the same thing.”
Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Just another person to ignore. The world is full of them.
qevlarr@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
ITT: men who don’t get it at all
ramenshaman@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
That lipstick with that shirt tho
icelimit@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
I just thought she had an interesting necklace =\
Agent641@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I kinda like being treated mean.
karashta@piefed.social 2 weeks ago
As just a random guy, I might conflate their kindness for interest because I get so little attention and positive reinforcement. No one is there telling us we are beautiful or talented or smart or whatever with any frequency, even if you have these qualities.
Your full attention already feels like more than a kindness. And the additional, actual, kindness can be taken for interest because of the paucity of people interested in “random guy”.
I don’t think women are wholly wrong for getting this type of attitude. It has to be frustrating and draining constantly fending off suitors when you just wanted a normal nice chat or something.
Just thought I’d share my older man perspective.
forrgott@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Not just suitors, I’m afraid. The vast majority of the women you will meet in your life have been the victim of some form of sexual harassment, if not outright assault or rape.
So, yeah, it’s disheartening but I totally agree with your perspective on this.
smeenz@lemmy.nz 2 weeks ago
TIL the word ‘paucity’
tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
The pau- root meaning few/little is the same as in pauper
www.etymonline.com/word/*pau-#etymonline_v_52622
N0t_5ure@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I think it may be a little more complex than this. I’m a man that was quite good looking in my youth. I got fat and ugly in middle age, and became invisible to women. Now, at 60, I’m in the best physical shape of my life, have largely recovered my looks, I dress nicely, and am blown away about how differently I am treated by women now, especially women over 40. I regularly get compliments about my appearance, and due to the halo effect I seem to collect compliments on nearly everything I do. Having been invisible to women for more than a decade, it feels a little strange to be showered with attention.
That said, not every woman wants the same thing from me, but they do all seem to want my attention, including married women, oddly enough. They want to feel pretty, feel desired, even if they aren’t going to act on those feelings. I frequently get women showing clear signs of interest (intentionally putting themselves in my orbit, mirroring my behavior, initiating physical touch, etc., etc.) in an effort to draw a response from me, even women who are not in a position to follow through on their actions. These are not women just being kind or benignly friendly. Here is one recent example. I was at a friend’s birthday party, and was approached by a woman I had met in dance class. She was moderately flirty during the the course of our conversation, and asked if I were seeing anyone, as she had noted seeing me regularly with one of my female friends. Our conversation ended with her stating that she was looking forward to seeing me in class. At the next class, she wore a sexy black cocktail dress, which was a bit out of character for her. For me, she was showing clear and unmistakable signs of interest. However, when talking, she mentions her husband in passing, which made me wonder what the hell was going on. I later learned that her husband is in the late stages of pancreatic cancer. My takeaway from this experience is that she was trying to elicit my interest to bask in the glow of my male attention, and that she probably isn’t looking to step out on him (which is something that I wouldn’t engage with).
In the last 6 months, I’ve had many other similar experiences, where women are definitely seeking my attention in circumstances where they have no intention of following through. It feels good to be desired, whether you are a man or a woman, and if a woman is constantly drawing romantic interest “accidentally”, it’s worth it for her to consider what energy she is putting out.
surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Fat ugly chicks get raped too.
Your train of thought falls apart when you realize one thing: the bar for “attractiveness” is infinitely higher for men than women. Women don’t need to be “putting out energy”. All they need to do is exist at the right place at the right time.