Thinking of my partner is terrible motivation when I’m mid-set. I just want to leave and go hang out. This feels like it’s a little transactional
Anon's lil bro goes through his first break up
Submitted 3 days ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/9289f86b-8d0f-4113-afb2-13fae6a89bb0.png
Comments
Gullible@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 days ago
I mean, have you seen dating advice in 2026?
Everything is ultra transactional. I date actively. Most ladies I meet… simple care about what I can provide for them in terms of money and entertainment… they don’t care about much else.
10-20 years ago women I met used to care way less about that stuff and more about our common interests and values and building a relationship. Now the game is more about resource-extraction and people tend to view prospective partners purely in these terms.
Gullible@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
It legitimately sounds like you saw a prostitute without intending to. Which- people can be sex workers and that’s fine, but finding that sort of language bleeding into the everyday is a faux pas, to say the least. I personally haven’t met anyone that far gone, but I’ve seen plenty of people interested in only money and entertainment, which seems less unsightly to me. An interest in living life is the barest minimum for seeking someone, after all
Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 3 days ago
The kid may still come around some day, but it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better.
I have no idea what it feels like to be a horny teenage boy roiding up to get muscles, but I can say for a fact that messaging girls and having nothing to show but a muscled-up body and roid-induced anger isn’t going to work the way he seems to think it will. When I used dating sites, seeing a guy’s shirtless, muscled profile pic was always a turn off, if not a red flag in itself. Include the picture if you want, but put it amongst all the other normal pics you might have, because seeing it as a default pic smells of desperation. If that’s what you want to put out, don’t be surprised when your only responses are from shallow people (if you’re lucky) and (if you’re unlucky) catfishers that can sense your need for validation from a mile away.
This isn’t hating on muscle bros. I’m sure there are plenty of good guys that just like exercise, or who get caught up in the idea that big muscles are what women want to see. But when they get burned by shallow women and/or scammers that just want to use them, it often reinforces misogynist beliefs, making the cycle of manosphere nonsense harder to escape from.
Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
When I used dating sites, seeing a guy’s shirtless, muscled profile pic was always a turn off, if not a red flag in itself.
I always felt this way too. Not only did I assume they would nit pick my body, because they seem to want perfection, I couldnt help but imagine they would at some point scare me if they ever got upset with me.
A friend of mine had a 17 year old son who just got broken up with for the first time. My son, was only 5 at the time, but the teen said to me, “make sure you teach him how to handle a breakup, I wasnt expecting any of this”. He shortly after tried to tell me the earth is flat, with split screen tiktoks as his reference. So, we know what road he was on. The kid was angry, confused, and hurt. It made me very sad. Ive now opened the conversation with my 13 year old about dating and break ups just recently. Im do my best to prepare him.
The chances you meet your life partner in the first shot is SO low. Everyone gets broken up with at some point, best to be prepared for it.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 days ago
I’m a guy. when I posted gym shirtless dude bro pics, I got way more attention. Often from women who said on their profiles they ‘weren’t into guys who most gym selfies’.
People’s behavior is what matters. People will chase what gets them rewards. In dating the point is to get sexual attention.
wpb@lemmy.world 2 days ago
There’s a big distinction between people’s self-image and their behavior. One’s confidence in telling a story doesn’t come from its adherence to reality, but from its internal coherence. It’s why, in user interviews, you stay away from questions like “how do you generally use feature xyz?” but rather ask things like “tell me about the last time that you did xyz”. It’s an unavoidable aspect of talking about yourself, and I’m not calling anyone a liar, but it’s something to keep in mind when talking abt stuff like this.
Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
The gym bros would do a lot better if they focused on full body, rather than gains on certain muscle groups. No girl really wants a guy whose pecs are bigger than her breasts.
No one cares how much you can bench other than other gym bros, it’s such a weird exercise to focus on. Why not curl or squat weight? At least some women are into big legs or biceps.
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca 2 days ago
I like the implication that women with big breasts are more willing to date gymbros because they still have bigger breasts than the pec, and that women with small breasts are relegated to dating only scrawny guys. Hilarious mental picture.
RaphaelSchmitz@feddit.org 2 days ago
Because that’s seen as less manly.
Which is kinda the opposite of ironic, because obviously, manly things are things men like.
Imagine a man’s reaction to a breakup would be to get into things women like, like exfoliating, trimming your eyebrows, etc. People would probably be like “He’s so much better without her”.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 days ago
gym bros care about what other gym bros care about.
That’s true of any culture. I am a cyclist. I get endless shit from other cyclists about my ‘old’ bikes, not knowing my FTP, wearing ‘cheap’ kit, etc. For a lot of people everything is about bragging rights and showing off they are better than you either based on physical performance or equipment.
Banana@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Pics with a pet cat were always green flags, and pics doing an activity
CADmonkey@lemmy.world 2 days ago
The most attention I ever got from a pic on an online dating profile was when my main pic was me on a unicycle.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 days ago
statistically men with cats are not desirable. My cat died last year and my matches went way up. Lots of women who would match with me would ask me to get rid of my cat and even when who I met and dated IRL, were very hostile/suspicious that I had a cat.
You may prefer cats… but my dating experience has show me that women overwhelmingly dislike them. I also have a dog… my dog gets nothing but positive responses. Nobody has asked me to get rid of my dog or been weird around my dog when they met her.
rumba@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
Dungeon Crawler Carl montage coming right up…
exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
When I used dating sites, seeing a guy’s shirtless, muscled profile pic was always a turn off, if not a red flag in itself.
So bizarre that people would do that. When I was single and on social media and on dating websites (before smartphones), I did want to show off a bit that I worked out, but I had the discretion to, like, wear a T-shirt or a polo in the right lighting to show that I had strong looking forearms and a hint that there’s something pretty solid under that shirt. Actually taking my shirt off would have felt way too desperate, and besides, just isn’t something that I’d naturally have a picture of myself in.
Just seems to be a mix of validation-seeking insecurity and confidence in one’s own muscles. Seems like a lot to unpack, and that combination probably doesn’t really send a message that “becoming intimate with me is going to be a rewarding and fulfilling time.”
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Or it’s what gets you more/better matches.
mo_lave@reddthat.com 2 days ago
Zacryon@feddit.org 2 days ago
Guys need to learn how to deal with their emotions. Repressing them does not make them go away.
Go to therapy. It saves and improves lifes.
grinning_serpent@lemmy.world 1 day ago
It’s really easy to say “go to therapy,” but that ignores the realities of accessing it.
It’s not cheap. There’s long waits involved. It’s very likely your first therapist or even first few therapists won’t be a good fit and you’ll need to shop around. Sometimes you get lucky and you find a good fit on the first try. And sometimes you find a hundred bucks in a gutter, too.
I view “get therapy” as a mid-term goal. It’s something that you should be working on but it’s not something that fixes things right now.
k0e3@lemmy.ca 2 days ago
Off topic, but what do I do when my kids go through their first break up? I never asked my parents for romantic advice—which I think is quite common in Asian families such as mine—so I would have no idea what to say if one day one of my boys came to me crying about some stupid little girl that broke their hearts. Any Lemmy dads with sound advice?
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 days ago
don’t give them advice. just listen to them. don’t try to ‘fix’ things. just allow them to figure it out on their own.
k0e3@lemmy.ca 2 days ago
Thanks friend. I was scared that I would do the ol’, “you know when I was your age…” I’ll definitely listen and acknowledge their feelings without judging or trying to correct them.
Pacattack57@lemmy.world 2 days ago
One of my first jobs was an Avid tutor where we give guided tutoring to the students. We’re not allowed to show them how to do something we have to ask them guided questions like “what do your notes say about that?” Or “when the problem says this, what’s the next step your teacher told you to take?”
I thought it was stupid at the time but now that I’m an adult I find myself using it in normal conversations. It’s helps people get out of their head and kind of look at a problem head on and keeps you from yapping. It doesn’t really work with my 5 year old but my 8 year old it works really well. Try doing this with any issue they have and you’ll help them a lot
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 days ago
got show that horse where the water is, so to speak.
nullspace@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Anon forgot about the posting of random incel-coded anime “motivation” clips on their social media.
Wirlocke@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 days ago
Could be worse, my older brother had his fiance dump him and he went from feminist democrat to manosphere MAGA.
Serinus@lemmy.world 3 days ago
So after he lost he committed to losing? What would you call someone like that?
Mac@mander.xyz 3 days ago
an Incel. The manosphere lures them in by making all the problems belong to the woman.
r_se_random@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
Depending on how far out he’s gone, be kinder to him. I have had a few friends who went into the manosphere after their breakups. And, some of them came back. During our chats, one of the things that kept coming back was how easy the manosphere makes it to channel their anger.
For someone in an emotionally vulnerable state, it can get hard to figure out when they moved from, “Fuck her, I want to focus on myself” to “its all women’s fault”.
Tbf, couple of them really kept going deeper into that cesspool and now I have no contact with them 😅, so ymmv.
taygaloocat@leminal.space 2 days ago
It’s true, the manosphere can look quite tantalizing when you’ve got no support network.
Wirlocke@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 days ago
I’m in a weird state with him currently. See I was going in the opposite trajectory, I used to be one of those atheism-is-my-personality skeptics and a “rational” centrist in high school. Around the same time my brother was going down the pipeline I discovered I was trans and reconnecting with my emotions opened my eyes on a lot of subjects.
He didn’t have an explosive reaction but he insisted I postpone HRT until we “know for sure”. I said he’s welcome to help me explore the topic but I was still doing HRT until I’m convinced otherwise. He never got back to me which just tells me he would’ve dragged his feet and put my transition on pause.
Shortly after that incident I moved to another state for unrelated reasons and he has not once called me. After 2 years I visited my hometown for a week around Christmas and he didn’t even stop by to see me.
To be honest I don’t know if he’s even still manosphere MAGA, I know next to nothing about him since we last spoke. I could make an effort to contact him myself but after not even saying hi during Christmas when he knew I was visiting I don’t know if I even care anymore.
yakko@feddit.uk 3 days ago
Jesus, he really wanted to prove the Joker right I guess
nylo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
one bad day?
birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 days ago
My condolences.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 days ago
worse for who, you?
what if he is happier that way?
frostedtrailblazer@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
I don’t think anyone IV dripping a culture that feeds into a person’s anger is going to going to be happier or feeling a sense of purpose and fulfillment. There’s a difference between just being a gym bro and listening to influencers that make money off of playing into your insecurities.
I question how attached they were to a feminist identity either though if a breakup shook the identity off of them.
Signtist@bookwyr.me 2 days ago
Of course the manosphere gave him a sense of purpose. That’s what it was designed to do - to prey on men who don’t have enough of a support network, and sell them a false promise to improve their lives in exchange for them spreading hate and propaganda, which in turn attracts more men to the trap. It’s just a mix between an MLM and a cult. Having a sense of purpose and fulfillment doesn’t mean you made the right choice, it just means someone got you to believe you did.