RBWells
@RBWells@lemmy.world
- Comment on Feeding my family alone is expensive. I can't afford to feed all of y'all. 1 hour ago:
I do host thanksgiving for more than 20 usually, we do an all-comers meal, whoever wants to come to eat can. It’s fun and I enjoy it and yep everyone brings something but even so it is expensive for certain. Legitimately thankful that we can do this for everyone. But even when I was younger people coming to Thanksgiving brought something, is that not a usual expectation if you are going to a party? At least bring wine or ice or something.
- Comment on The ancient Greeks or Chinese should have already had words for this. 2 days ago:
I am good at design, can visualize how something will look when it’s done but no don’t SEE in my mind like that when I imagine how things look. It’s a different sort of knowing. Cannot hold an image and rotate it in my mind and absolutely can’t read a map that isn’t facing the right way, there is a blindness.
Surely not antphasic because I do see in dreams, same as through eyes. And I do KNOW how things look when they aren’t in front of me, and can know what imaginary things might look like too, but it doesn’t at all feel like seeing it with my eyes.
Love reading. Love love love it, learned when I was very young, same age I was learning to talk, actually, like a language not a skill. And I do have an internal ear, when I remember music I hear it in my mind and it is so much like hearing it in my ears. Imagining how something looks does not feel the same as seeing it.
- Comment on Racism restaurant 5 days ago:
It’s a good grilled cheese cheese, and the standard cheese on Cuban Cheese Toast here. Taste slightly sharper than the yellow one. Good also for queso dip in a pinch. There is also a Swiss flavor white American cheese, that also gets used because it melts better than real Swiss. Not good.
And no they aren’t cheese, though made of mostly cheese, they are “pasteurized processed cheese food”.
- Comment on Is it gay to have pleasurable sex with your wife? 1 week ago:
Competence and intelligence are attractive, you aren’t elitist, that is so reasonable. Not saying there’s nothing wrong with you, I don’t know you. But wanting someone competent that you can talk to, that is a normal thing to need.
- Comment on People who don't wear earphones outside - why, and what do you do instead? 1 week ago:
I bike to work and walk to anything close (have electric bike so that is my 1-6 mile ride usually, and under a mile I use my feet.). A Run though, that I only do for exercise, and not if I can avoid it.
Car, I have one but my kid takes it to university so I don’t usually get to drive it. And I do prefer moving at a human pace, and not having to park the car.
- Comment on What's the name of this 80s song sang by a solo female singer? I only remember her saying "nothing really maaaa-tters" or "nothing truly maaaatt-ers". Has a vibe like I Feel For You by Chaka Kahn 1 week ago:
Jump for my love by the Pointer sisters? That has the super high pitched yoo oo oo at the end (that honestly kind of ruins it) and bouncy dancy lady singing song
- Comment on People who don't wear earphones outside - why, and what do you do instead? 1 week ago:
I like music, love music, keep it on in the house and car but do not like headphones and wouldn’t dare use them on a walk or run because I’d get run over by a car.
I like the sound of the city, the birds singing, the crows cawing, kids yelling, even the distant sirens and LOVE the distant music of parties, so much. Cars going by with music. Incidental sound is engaging IMO not boring.
- Comment on Native Americans? 1 week ago:
Where I grew up, the Hispanic people were the white people, everyone had Spanish background of some sort, the mayor was Hispanic, I had no idea that was any sort of a difference. Until I visited California and saw the discrimination against Mexicans, because they LOOKED native, not European. Like, my maternal grandpa was probably part Mexican but pale as fuck, my paternal grandpa allegedly French & English but short stature and tan complexion. None of this registered as any sort of difference to me.
Latin American Hispanics are at least partly indigenous to the Americas, yes. So yes you can be Hispanic and of European heritage (España) or, more commonly, Hispanic of the Americas (because of the conquistadores). I don’t think straight indigenous not Spanish speaking and from the Americas is Hispanic.
So yes, to your question - a lot of people speak Spanish but their ancestors would have been Mayan or Zapotec, or something. Yes. Millions.
- Comment on Why do Republicans hate the poor so much? 2 weeks ago:
My ex MIL is great in a lot of ways but I think a good example of a middle income conservative person with a disdain for the poor. She personally used welfare to go to school and become a nurse but in her mind this was exceptional - welfare she thinks holds people back (just not her, somehow). She doesn’t hate the poor, she just thinks they are doing it to themselves. Because she managed to make it.
I think that’s the fundamental difference between conservative and progressive, honestly. She thinks she personally should get whatever advantage, but if someone else gets it that’s cheating, basically. Even though she was IN that situation she blames others who are.
For me (and I think most people) the life experience of being poor and homeless have me perspective and empathy for those who are in that situation now, and Is like them to get more than I did so they can get established.
- Comment on How do you beat post-work floppiness? 2 weeks ago:
I go pretty much straight from work to yoga, make supper at a civilized hour afterwards, and take Wednesdays off workouts to, as you say, flop.
Gardening I do in the morning before work.
Cooking I do because others depend on me, that’s been true for 30 years now, before that I didn’t remember to eat, just when hungry. Don’t keep junk in the house if it tempts you, make your easy stuff healthier. Hummus, boil eggs on the weekends so you have those, fruit, bagged salad greens, make it easier to eat nutritious food.
I want to say suck it up and go to the gym, you will be glad you did. 9-5 is pretty nice hours, here it’s 8-5 or 9-6. Exercise is one non-negotiable for me. I have gotten up at 5 to run when that was the only option, and have gone to the gym at 20:30 after night classes after work when that was the only option. You will feel better if you just GO and work out even if you don’t want to.
Habit>willpower. Commit to 6 weeks, and by then your schedule will probably settle out. Personally I put exercise ahead of healthy eating because I know my body.
- Comment on [deleted] 2 weeks ago:
It’s hard for everyone. 60 hours of work week sounds like you need a new job. That’s not something that can be sustained over the long haul and I don’t think it leaves you time for an affair or drinking habit. In terms of practical changes: Transition your kid to 9pm bedtime, get help with the cooking and hire someone to clean each week if you have to work that much and can’t do anything about it for now.
My husband has a busy season - during this time I do more of the household stuff because he is working 9-9 six days a week. I have a busy season too - during this time I don’t try to cook every day, husband helps out more.
But all year we get help with cleaning, every other week.
- Comment on How Old We're You when You Learned the Word, "Fascist"? 2 weeks ago:
I don’t remember but do remember my dad calling me an anarchist when I was very, very young. Like maybe 4 or 5.
- Comment on Anon likes a girl 2 weeks ago:
It’s funny though - a guy my size is still stronger than me and guys shorter than me often still outmass me and are stronger than me, it’s strange that it’s so hyperfocused on height.
Husband is my height but outweighs me by 50-60lb and can lift 2x what I can on my best day. I’m literally smaller and weaker, lol, despite being neither small nor weak.
- Comment on Anon likes a girl 2 weeks ago:
I have found lots of guys don’t want to date anyone as tall or taller than them (or one guy who fetishized it, which was so not better) it’s certainly not just women driving this preference.
But can’t say that being tall as a lady has ever really kept me from finding partners, and the short guys I know in real life also do fine, so I think this is usually more of a weak preference not a criteria.
- Comment on what is the best fruit to leave in a fridge? 2 weeks ago:
Apples stay nice in the refrigerator, figs do, berries, grapes, citrus.
But I think what you need more is a checklist? So that it doesn’t matter if your fruit this week is in the fridge or on the counter.
- Comment on Anon gets his life in order 2 weeks ago:
Yeah, no. That is not what I signed up for.
We do lift each other up, it’s not a one way thing. Can advise, and do, and he does with me too. So sure, I am willing to make suggestions and he always wants me to do stuff like style his wardrobe, do all the interior design, etc., yeah I’m down, my eye is better. He plans all the trips, his mom was a travel agent.
But would not dream of using sex as a lever, because I want sex for sex.
And I sure as fuck don’t want another kid, I want a partner.
- Comment on When kids come trick-or-treating, what happens if I choose trick? 3 weeks ago:
Relevant song. And a good one.
- Comment on And what car did you learn in? 3 weeks ago:
I learned in a car with automatic transmission first, but had to drive both and prefer (strongly prefer) a manual transmission.
Worst one ever - The Van. The shifter was about a meter long, the gears were so hard to find, and I had to drive it in tight spaces.
Best one ever, my current Honda from 2014. Absolutely glorious.
- Comment on What's the best way to ease getting back in shape after years of little to no exercise? 4 weeks ago:
Walking is a very good start, yes. And start slow.
When you get high at night, go for a walk. Night walk is lovely.
Also whenever you think about it, stand on one foot, sounds odd but it’s good for your body. Little exercise breaks, go up the stairs and back down a couple of times.
Mostly I want to say - building a habit takes six weeks. Force yourself every day for six weeks. After that it gets easier because you will feel better on a day you exercise, than a day you don’t, and because you will have found the time of day that works. Habit works a lot better than willpower, but you have to power your way through those first few weeks. Commit to six weeks of daily something. Push ups, walking, whatever.
- Comment on Are you even old enough to remember number 1? 4 weeks ago:
- Comment on How do I finally get a long term career and become financially independent? 4 weeks ago:
That is so young to worry about a career. What jobs have you been applying to? There are other ways to get into trades, if that’s what you want. Or just working at the grocery store, they seem to want to promote men so much more than women. All the managers at the ones around here started as baggers, all are dudes. If there is a Whole Foods, they have programs to learn butchering, cheese mongering, pizza making, baking.
But get a job first, any job. My kids all started out working at the skating rink, crap job but it’s so much easier to get a job when you have a job. Will your parents let you stay there and save money?
- Comment on Where is modern Punk? 4 weeks ago:
You know, I thought it was gone, spent my youth watching bands in garages and stuff, didn’t hear much about that anymore, community radio station still around.
But then my high schooler asked me to take her to a show in a church. A what? But we went and oh my goodness underground music is absolutely still around. There was a mosh pit, I wished I’d brought earplugs, way too loud for the space but there was a punk band, a speed metal band, and the band she went to see was the headliner - all local bands. It is still there, you just aren’t part of that world anymore.
- Comment on 4 weeks ago:
I mean, so are nuts, olives, plenty of foods are high in fat. I don’t think it was mayonnaise making people fat.l, it’s from way before the 80s. (And BTW, people are fatter now, at least where I live.) I can make mayonnaise at home, it’s food, and hasn’t ever made me fat.
The prevalence of obesity in American adults (age 20–74, both genders) rose from 15.0% in 1976–1980, to 23.3% in 1988–1994, and to 30.9% in 1999–2000. 40.3% in 1994.
- Comment on 4 weeks ago:
Better crisping & browning because butter has water in it. I do this too.
- Comment on 4 weeks ago:
I do, they just think it’s an unrealistic world, not a bad one. Something that could never happen here.
- Comment on Is it really worth the BS for a couple more years? 4 weeks ago:
We had a guy come talk to us about this at work, a researcher. The way he explained it was that staying healthy let you have more years that feel good, getting old more slowly doesn’t necessarily mean you will live longer, but live without disease then get something that kills you fast.
So that if, for example, you live to 80, get old at 70, not 50, so that you don’t have to be old for 30 years. That’s the point of the whole longevity push and it is actually working, people are aging more slowly.
- Comment on When did people start saying "have a good rest of your day" 4 weeks ago:
I have been saying that for about 40 years, can’t be the only one.
- Comment on Anon checks up on a childhood friend 5 weeks ago:
And at 40 and 45, since there wasn’t birth control.
I was honestly surprised when I looked at a genealogy site, so many of my ancestresses got married at 28-30, I guess reading Little House on the Prairie when I was a kid made me think all those women of old times married young but nope, that did not seem to be the case.
- Comment on Anon checks up on a childhood friend 5 weeks ago:
Yes and there are no guarantees anyway, even if you are younger. My dad died when I was 16, he wasn’t old. I had some when young then some when older, it’s different for sure, more resources less energy but certainly better emotional regulation, less easily annoyed does help.
Congratulations!
- Comment on Anon is forever alone 5 weeks ago:
Yes, I think being able to be satisfied is a life skill. If this guy can hold a job and be satisfied with it, I agree so very much that indicates he can be happy in a relationship, and can make someone else happy.
I have a sister-in-law with an objectively good life, quit work after her kid was born, my brother makes enough she doesn’t really have to, when she was in Florida she complained it was too hot, they moved to Massachusetts, but then she complained it was too cold, they moved back, in the city complained the house was too small, they moved to a big house in the suburbs well now she complains they are in the suburbs it doesn’t matter what her objective situation is, she cannot be satisfied, it’s just not in her nature.
