The answer is Wallace. Every old dude with a desk near me has been a solid guy who shuts the fuck up and always makes coffee before I get in.
Time to make your decesion
Submitted 3 days ago by Mickey7@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/196d36d6-eed1-4791-a64d-2b7cd6dc7fd7.jpeg
Comments
wolfpack86@lemmy.world 3 days ago
tatterdemalion@programming.dev 2 days ago
There is always an exception. One of my older coworkers once came in to work with a sprained ankle. I asked why and he said he got it from kicking a dog, with zero remorse in his expression. I wish I had not asked. I knew he was weird but that detail cemented my opinion of him.
fine_sandy_bottom@discuss.tchncs.de 2 days ago
Maybe the dog was about to attack a small child.
I’ve seen someone poke a dog in the ass with a stick. They were a hero. Dog was latched on to someone’s leg.
Mickey7@lemmy.world 3 days ago
A stereotype … but why do old people wake up so early and go to bed so early?
WoodScientist@lemmy.world 2 days ago
People have different circadian rhythms on average as they age. We simply associate the pattern of those middle aged and older with virtue. Middle age and old people raise children, and they teach children that the sleep patterns of the elders are wise and just, while the sleep patterns of the youth are slovenly and sinful. Our entire concept of “early” is defined by what middle age and older people simply adapt to naturally without force or effort. Older folks tend to wake up at a certain hour, so we just declare that the hour everyone is expected to wake at.
The most insidious form of this temporal bigotry is how we typically force high school students to start school at the earliest time of day of any school students, even though high school students have the latest natural waking time of any age group. We value “teaching lessons” to our youth more than we do actually teaching them. So we drag them out of bed at an unnaturally early hour so that they can make class at 7 AM. We then berate and shame them for being sleepy and inattentive in the unnaturally early classes we require them by law to attend.
And I say all this as someone in their late 30s who naturally wakes up pretty early. From an evolutionary perspective, it makes a great deal of sense why we have people with different natural sleep and wake times, and for those preferences to shift with age. We spent several hundred thousand years living as small groups huddled around campfires. Part of warding off predators is having people on watch through the night. Having people who don’t have to fight to stay awake late into the night makes that guard duty so much easier. In prehistory, I imagine the young adults staying up late into the night after the adults are asleep, enjoying some time to themselves, tending the fire, and watching for predators. The last of the youth to go to sleep would trade off with the earliest rising of the elders. We are a social species. We are evolved to live in groups. And a group is more effective with a diversity across many characteristics, including sleep/wake times.
But we’ve forgotten this fact and turned a simple consequence of evolution into a moral issue. And for that, we as a society abuse our youth and force them to wake at unnaturally early hours for the sake of puffing up the sense of moral superiority of the middle aged and older. Collectively, our relation to early waking times, and especially how we use it to collectively abuse our children, is one of our greatest sins as a culture.
Simulation6@sopuli.xyz 2 days ago
Well the getting up early is because we go to bed early. And we go to bed early because we can and no one can stop us.
wolfpack86@lemmy.world 2 days ago
My favorite old guy I worked with, I was around 25 at the time, he was early 70s.
We used to joke that I’d call him with a wake up call when I was getting home from the bar, and he could return the favor when he took his morning break. He was in the office every day at 5:30.
jewbacca117@lemmy.world 2 days ago
WWII
Jumpingspiderman@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Because we have to get up to pee a bunch of times during the night and eventually can’t sleep at all so we get up for the day. Which results in our being tired AF and having to go to bed early.
rumba@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
You start to lose endurance. Your body becomes less efficient at recovery, and while you’re not pushing as hard and you don’t need as much sleep, you find that kicking it off earlier is advantageous. Your eyesight starts to deteriorate, you start finding that doing work in bright light affords you better focus through the pinhole effect.
devilish666@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Shiloh, i like Radiohead
BambiDiego@lemmy.world 3 days ago
I was gonna say, what’s the downside?
Ugurcan@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Yeah, it might just be we have a lot to talk if she’s not fixated on only Creep.
hakunawazo@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Shiloh, I have earbuds and like Emma Roberts.
RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Wallace.
Dude just wants to shut up and work, make it to retirement. You could probably engage him about his grandkids or his fishing trip if you wanted.
All the rest of them are gonna want to bother you with their problems or hobbies.
Jumpingspiderman@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Wallace. In a heartbeat. Cause if someday he doesn’t have one, I’ve got my own office!
dyc3@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Finally the voice of reason. And until then I got an extra cool Grandpa figure in my life to tell me goofy stories.
Noodle07@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Monkey paw: he’s a raging maga
zxqwas@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Hannah, because in a few months she won’t be just engaged so she will turn less annoying.
Also Wallace. I generally don’t mind old people. Maybe I’m getting old myself but stay off my lawn!
Wogi@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Plot twist, her fiancee refuses to commit to a date and she will be engaged for years, constantly planning a wedding that will never come. Growing more and more frustrated and vocal about her upcoming wedding.
zxqwas@lemmy.world 1 day ago
It’s against my morals to use another persons mental anguish for my own amusement, but if she annoys me for years even after I’ve brought it up with Susan from HR I would eventually do that.
hydrospanner@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Same picks for the same reasons.
… although I’m less proud to admit that I read it as “Known Father” the first time, didn’t catch it until I came to the comments, and he still didn’t make the top 2.
I just kinda figured that “Known Father” meant he was always talking about his kids and experiences with parenthood, and that was enough to eliminate him.
hydroptic@sopuli.xyz 3 days ago
“Natural deodorant” is usually just a block of an aluminum salt crystal, which’ll work just fine since that’s the kind of stuff in “industrial” deodorants too. Stains more and dries out your skin though since you usually end up with way more of the stuff in your pits, which is sorta ironic I guess.
So I guess I’d go with Shiloh or Dayzie?
Syd@lemm.ee 3 days ago
Weird, here natural deodorant means it doesn’t contain any aluminum.
But I’d gift Shiloh high end headphones, and hopefully Walter is one of those spry 100 year olds with tons of interesting stories and anecdotes about life.
tias@discuss.tchncs.de 3 days ago
with tons of interesting stories and anecdotes about life
…which he will find ways to clumsily segue into over and over again, regardless of how many times you’ve heard them
hydroptic@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
Weird, here natural deodorant means it doesn’t contain any aluminum.
My guess would be that’d depend on who’s calling it “natural”. You definitely do see that meaning here as well, even in the same store
Carnelian@lemmy.world 3 days ago
So the salt crystal deodorants are potassium alum, which has been used for thousands of years for various things. It’s a naturally occurring rock, and people found it has mild antiseptic properties and stop small cuts from bleeding. It’s a popular aftershave for that reason, commonly available for purchase as an “alum block”.
When used as a deodorant, what’s actually happening is you’re creating a salty layer on your skin that bacteria can’t form on. (No idea how that works out in practice, I use actual deodorant lol). And indeed it is used in many actual deodorants for that exact purpose
HOWEVER, and I want to mention this not because you said anything wrong but because I have found it to be a source of confusion for many people, it is not the same as the aluminum salts used in antiperspirants. Namely aluminum zirconium and aluminum chlorohydrate. Different chemicals. They function by blocking your pores so the sweat doesn’t release in the first place.
Many people are concerned, whether or not the concerns are founded, that the antiperspirant aluminums are mired in health risks such as cancer. The alum blocks are not wrapped up in that in any way, other than the fact that they are also used in (and used alone as) deodorant. It’s an interesting little piece of nuance that doesn’t come up much due to the relative non-popularity of the alum blocks
scytale@lemm.ee 3 days ago
This is correct. I use the potassium alum one and it’s fine. The people who say it doesn’t work either don’t know how to use it or are just too sweaty that they need antiperspirant instead. They are only effective for max 24 hours in a regular setting (not exercising or sweating heavily), but ideally re-apply after 12 hours. So they don’t last as long as regular deodorant or antidepressant. Just make sure to apply regularly, and wash your pits before putting it on if you’re not fresh out of the shower. I’ce ruined a lot of shirts because of antiperspirant, and now I don’t have a problem.
Unfortunately some people are simply just too sweaty that antiperspirant is necessary. Your stink level also depends on the chemical makeup of your sweat. For example, a lot of koreans don’t stink when they sweat, lucky bastards.
Whateley@lemm.ee 1 day ago
I tried switching to an alum block for those exact concerns. Didn’t work for me and made me actually smell worse than when I forget to put on antiperspirant. I think I’d rather risk cancer and not smell like a pair of used gym shorts.
felixwhynot@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Good comments! I just want to add that in case any folks are concerned about the aluminum, it’s not present in most deodorants but rather only in antiperspirants.
Also I found this article about the whole subject which I found interesting: nytimes.com/…/should-i-switch-to-aluminum-free-de…
hydroptic@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
Huh, interesting. I could have sworn that the “block of crystal” thing I had N years ago was an antiperspirant and not just a deodorant, but it’s been a while and I can barely remember what happened last week. I just remember that it was some aluminum salt or another, but thought it specifically wasn’t alum (which I still use for small nicks and cuts)
teslasaur@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Natural deodorant = sweat
klemptor@startrek.website 2 days ago
Shiloh all the way.
dadarobot@lemmy.sdf.org 2 days ago
If he only listens to radiohead, why’s he got a gary numan shirt on?
ikidd@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Poser
MBM@lemmings.world 2 days ago
I find it very funny that there’s like a 50/50 split between people who see Shiloh as male vs female
klemptor@startrek.website 2 days ago
Good point, I didn’t catch that
Rooty@lemmy.world 2 days ago
On a somewhat related note, does anyone else find Radiohead a bit insufferable? Their entire discography seems to be aimed at angsty 14 year olds with first world problems:
Creep - Oh no, my love interest finds me weird. No surprises - Boo hoo I live a comfortable middle class existence, woe is me.
Wolf At The Door and Knives Out get a pass for cool music videos and genuinely disturbing lyrics.
JoeKrogan@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Wallace
BranBucket@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Wallace. Wallace probably doesn’t give a fuck anymore, and once you gain his trust, is going to say some hilarious shitnas a result.
JoeKrogan@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Thats it, he knows the company doesn’t give a fuck and hes just waiting it out. Also I bet he has some stories or wisdom to bestow.
Malfeasant@lemm.ee 2 days ago
Wallace. Bet he’s seen some shit.
random_character_a@lemmy.world 2 days ago
I’ve had Hannah, Caleb, Wallace and Susan.
-Hannah is annoying at first, but it will blow over.
-Caleb will talk about sports and that will be all he talks about. You can tune him out, but he will learn to hate you, because you don’t value his feats of manliness.
-Wallace is ok at first, but becomes really tiresome. His worldview is from 1920s, blatantly racist and doesn’t realize it, judges you constantly according to some stereotype that is based some guy he knew 100 years ago and gives you occasional corrective sermons that make no sense, because they are for that guy he once knew.
-Susan appears to be ok, but is a psycho. Will try to manipulate you and delegate stuff to you, even though doesn’t even work no a same department. Everything is a thing that will be decisive to your career, and soon marks you down as a looser, because you don’t listen to her. Will leave the company, because everyone a is a looser.
Kazumara@discuss.tchncs.de 2 days ago
The last two guys in my team that got retired were 65, but excellent people, and taught me lots, so my first instinct was Wallace. But reading your report, it occurs to me that maybe the description “Is like 100” actually implies a certain oldness of mind that I didn’t consider.
clutchtwopointzero@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Agree on Caleb. He will quickly tune out due to your lack of interest and there will be peace in office.
menemen@lemmy.world 2 days ago
I’ve been sharing an office with a Wallace. It can be tiresome. But one can occasionally learn things and ignoring the annoying parts can be part of what you can learn.
nick@midwest.social 2 days ago
Wallace.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Torn between Wallace and Lewis. They’re both farters, but one wears headphones. Maybe Wallace will take me to steak at lunch.
Clinicallydepressedpoochie@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Radio head it is then
troglodytis@lemmy.world 1 day ago
AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 3 days ago
Shiloh. Radiohead isn’t terrible, and they’d probably be open to other interesting music, and so may make for better conversation than Crossfit Bro or Engaged Lady.
Entropywins@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Shiloh won’t listen to you it clearly says Shiloh only listens to radiohead…
DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 2 days ago
Only listens to Radiohead right now
bitchkat@lemmy.world 2 days ago
She can listen to whatever she wants with her headphones on.
BeardedGingerWonder@feddit.uk 2 days ago
Have you ever tried speaking to a hardcore Radiohead fan about music? They’re great and all, but I swear if Thom York recorded himself taking a shit and released it they’d be telling you how it was the most revolutionary shit ever taken.
Shardikprime@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Hannah: Get her to invite me to the wedding, meet her friends and all the social circle. Very helpful to grind that social experience
Caleb: dude is probably shredded and knows not only how to eat healthy, but, but comparison, will force you to eat healthy as well. Probably can help with grinding the social experience as well
Wallace: if you get him to open up and share his work experience, this could be the teaching of a lifetime. Also helps to grind the social experience as he probably has young nephews, and family gatherings to invite you
These 3 are my best choices
Akasazh@feddit.nl 2 days ago
Because judging people on prejudice is what we like doing. It’s innate, but also a bit harmful towards those that don’t fit the mold.
Also a lot of love for Wallace. That may also be why we favor older people in elections. I don’t think that’s a good thing.
I know it’s a shit post, but I felt like doing a Debby downer in here. Disregard if it spoils your fun.
JustARegularNerd@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Yeah, my thoughts exactly, even before reading the comments. Yeah, it’s a shitpost, but “Oh, Wallace is considered bottom of the barrel because… he’s like 100?” Straight up ageism.
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
In my personal experience, “the really old colleague” is often a real throw of the dice between stubborn-as-fuck-never-matured-know-it-all and very-interesting-seen-it-all-genuinelly-mature-colleague - so basically opposite ends of the scale.
If you’re early career, having one of the latter kind of older colleagues is probably one of the best things it can happen to you, especially if you’re a bright kid.
lengau@midwest.social 2 days ago
I’d be fine with several of these.
Brice: I’ve never understood people’s distaste for that smell. I won’t microwave tuna in an office because I know others don’t like it, but it wouldn’t bother me.
Wallace: probably has some great stories, but also likely wants to shut up and get things done. Great combination if handled correctly.
Shiloh: hey, you can play anything on your headphones, I’m cool with that. But if you want to play stuff on speaker it’s only fair that we play 50/50. (My secret: I could totally do up to 75% Radiohead)
Dayzie: again, not a smell that tends to bother me.
hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 days ago
Lewis. I fart a lot too and have very little to no sense of smell. Open up the window and we’ll fart together all day.
Mickey7@lemmy.world 3 days ago
smart plan. And you could actually leave the window closed and ensure that no other co workers bother you. Who is going to walk into a methane chamber
SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 2 days ago
xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
me too, i like the way women smell…
not_that_guy05@lemmy.world 3 days ago
I’ll go with Lewis. Him and I can do a great duet with our farting generator.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Kinda wanna have Susan in your corner, tbf.
Maggoty@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Susan. Make friends with HR. Get your folder marked, “promote ahead of peers”.
YtA4QCam2A9j7EfTgHrH@infosec.pub 2 days ago
Nah ACAB. (Hr are cops in my head cannon)
uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 days ago
My wife is the admin Spock. In her last job, she knew the bosses were unreasonable and was willing to cover for the employees more or less (some were jerks or incompetent. They didn’t last long.)
Though generally, if upper management does something outright scandalous or outright illegal, HR usually helps cover it up. I don’t think she’d be willing to cover sexual assault, but she did had to cover up grift by clients.
UpperBroccoli@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 days ago
Just remember that Rule of Acquisition #48 always applies when dealing with HR:
The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife!
ieatpwns@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Dayzie
Wes4Humanity@lemm.ee 2 days ago
This is the correct answer… As long as there’s no patchouli in it… That shit smells awful
gsfraley@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Aww, probably Hannah. As much as I would want to be surly or jealous, I could use some positivity in my life.
jollyrogue@lemmy.ml 2 days ago
Yeah, Hannah wouldn’t be bad. If that’s the worst thing about her, she would be okay.
fine_sandy_bottom@discuss.tchncs.de 2 days ago
… bit of a roll of the dice. You don’t want to hear the minutia of wedding planning every day.
obscur_e@lemm.ee 3 days ago
Shiloh i dont mind listen to radio
Mac@mander.xyz 3 days ago
Whichever isn’t a fucking bigot.
Trilobite@lemm.ee 2 days ago
Lewis for sure we can have competitions
YtA4QCam2A9j7EfTgHrH@infosec.pub 2 days ago
Who gets an office anymore. I though it was all hotdesking bullshit
FMT99@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Absolutely Wallace. He looks like he prefers to work in dead silence - thumbs up.
I_Has_A_Hat@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Gotta be careful with that. I shared an office with an old guy once and had to bring headphones. We wouldn’t talk, but he would constantly make old man noises. Coughs, grunts, snorts, etc. If I didn’t block them out, they would drive me crazy like nails on a chalkboard. That said, the guy himself was really cool and I loved working with him otherwise.
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 3 days ago
‘Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.’
JoMiran@lemmy.ml 3 days ago
Never shuts up about how the country has gone to hell, complaining about “the queers”, etc, etc, etc.
zeroday@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 days ago
He could be a union supporter though - in my experience of doing labor organizing, the younger folks are usually more pro-union, then there’s a dead zone of support from the Boomers, and then the really old folks are much more supportive because they grew up when unions were more of an active force.
If Wallace is down to organize, then I’d pick him and just take the risk that he’s got some shitty opinions that I’ll have to work through and re-educate him on.
Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 days ago
Alternatively, may have a shitload of good jokes and all around pleasant person to work with. Its a mix with the elderly. The sharp ones are awesome sometimes
papertowels@mander.xyz 3 days ago
Alternatively, he’s the type of old fart that constantly makes calls when they could’ve been emails.
RogueBanana@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
And when it’s a message I bet it would be just Hi and nothing after that until you reply
fine_sandy_bottom@discuss.tchncs.de 2 days ago
“Anything longer than a sentence deserves a phone call”