I think the bigger problem is the female astronauts slonking around the cabin crotch-first
NASA scientists says astronauts should not masturbate in space
Submitted 2 months ago by fossilesque@mander.xyz to science_memes@mander.xyz
https://www.indy100.com/science-tech/nasa-astronauts-masturbate-space-2676664628
Comments
kinkles@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Female astronaut: Here I go clam slammin in the cabin.
Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
This hypothesis generated by the same guys that are pretty sure sororities are just for naked pillow fights.
OfCourseNot@fedia.io 2 months ago
“Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man on the same session… it finds its way,” Smyth replied.
Not buying it at all... I'm not saying it's impossible but the odds must be astronomical (no pun intended) just for one pregnancy... not even in a million years. Life finds a way, I know, but come on!
Raiderkev@lemmy.world 2 months ago
No, it’s true. Female astronauts usually float around up there with their twats out; spread wide open to air it out, and nearly every time a male astronaut blasts some rope, it floats straight to it obviously.
RamenJunkie@midwest.social 2 months ago
Also lady bits work like a vaccum, just sucking up all the stray dirt and food crumbs as well. Its why women are so good at staying at home.and vaccuuming, its literally natural.
(/s)
crazycraw@crazypeople.online 2 months ago
Im out there shootin tardigrades
women floatin gonna get some babies made
that’s why I knew this rap was gonna be great
I wacked off in space and now my commanders …late…
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 months ago
Semen from various astropervs just floating around in the capsule sticking to peoples’ faces, getting in their hair, etc.
Frozengyro@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Well that explains all the masterbation
Pringles@sopuli.xyz 2 months ago
Space invaders: genetic boogaloo
fascicle@leminal.space 2 months ago
well the article is from the future so we have to take their word for it
This article was originally published on 23 July 20222
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 2 months ago
Damn, that’s already after the butlerian jihad
can@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
A Nasa engineer named Smythe answered questions from Conan O’Brien on his podcast Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend in 2022.
ruuster13@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
scientists says
This is not a serious publication.
cobwoms@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
if you nut in space will it push you backwards
OfCourseNot@fedia.io 2 months ago
And since penises are usually not that close to the body's centre of mass it would also impart some rotation, unless the astrowanker has very good aim.
athatet@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
Yes. That’s so you can catch it in your mount on the way around.
Grimy@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Gravity 2 starring William Dafoe
testaccount789@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Directed by Quentin Tarantino, full title - Gravity 2: The feat of space travel, which definitely isn’t a pun.
blackbrook@mander.xyz 2 months ago
Depends which way you point.
idriss@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
nutting thrust is nothing compared to the poop fart
webp@mander.xyz 2 months ago
Asking the big questions.
nowherelord@lemmy.world 2 months ago
The quote has been misattributed: snopes.com/…/masturbation-in-space-nasa-warning/
Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 2 months ago
It’s a valid emergency propulsion method and I’m sick of being told it’s not.
One day I’m gonna save a space station, that will show them.
gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 2 months ago
there should absolutely be a shitty trash movie about this.
Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 2 months ago
I hope it’s really techy talking about overall force, nozzle velocity, etc, but also soapy, so the audience knows what the main propulsion expert is fighting for …
Jyek@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
“if you nut in space, it push you backwards.” - Griffin McElroy
josephc@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
“CRANK THE THROTTLE!” “STOP CALLING IT THAT!”
ImgurRefugee114@reddthat.com 2 months ago
Great… Another job I’m not qualified for
InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 2 months ago
It was odd that the question was at the top of the application form too!
gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 2 months ago
it’s highly unlikely, fluids stick together and make drops in the air which you can easily see and avoid. and also, come on, women getting accidentally impregnated by sperm floating through the air is even less likely that women getting accidentally impregnated by sperm swimming in the water of the public swimming pool …
Blackmist@feddit.uk 2 months ago
Good point, don’t wank in the swimming pool either.
NightShot@lemmy.world 2 months ago
What about wanking in the hand lotion at least ?
Tiresia@slrpnk.net 2 months ago
The chlorination of a public swimming pool is deadly to sperm, so I imagine the chances on a spaceship are a lot higher.
Also “easily seeing and avoiding” is just not realistic. You don’t have eyes on your vulva that are focused on checking for stray sperm globs 24/7.
Tabula_stercore@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Haha imagine a female astronaut free breeze for the lolz. Maybe even the reason the male astronaut is cranking.
Auli@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Clothes they are wearing clothes.
LordWiggle@lemmy.world 2 months ago
This website is complete junk.
luciole@beehaw.org 2 months ago
This is certified misinformation. Here’s the fact check destroying it.
cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 2 months ago
What the hell is wrong with their website? Even when enabling Java Script and Disabelung ad/tracking blockers it still won’t load
Cassa@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 month ago
works fine with ublock origin and firefox?
phoenixz@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Wasn’t that a joke from some comedian?
I know this is science memes, but this is just straight up bullshit repackaged with a clickbait title
Domoarigatomrrobato@lemmy.world 2 months ago
It is, it was a bit in one episode of Conan’s podcast, they even mentioned in another episode that some website reported it as true.
smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
That reads as “male astronauts should not mastrubate in space”. So it’s absolutely fine for a female astronaut to rub one out. It’s not like she’s going to be ejecting eggs all over the place. Think of THAT OnlyFans.
FosterMolasses@leminal.space 2 months ago
Lmaoooo
notabot@piefed.social 2 months ago
Oh cum on, it’s going to be really hard to handle that. Mind you, I’d be more concerned about the stray ‘liquid’ getting into machinery and shorting something, rather than accidentally impregnating three women at a time.
Fortunately we don’t have to worry about this yet as “This article was originally published on 23 July 20222”.
deranger@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.
New fetish unlocked
Samsy@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
Pornhub: no Problem, we deliver.
recentSlinky@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Pornhub getting into the space race would be a hilarious and welcomed turn of events. The rockets naming potential alone is worth it.
FosterMolasses@leminal.space 2 months ago
Like how would it even get all the way up there lmao
TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
NASA scientists says-
Shouldn’t it be “NASA scientist says-” or “NASA scientists say-”
I’m dyslexic and not native English speaker so I’m not sure. But it sounds weird when I say it in my head.
Than to the other thing: the subject. Doctors say it’s necessary to ejaculated at least once a week to lower the chance of prostate cancer. Also, not doojg anything about being horny is fucked up. I’m wearing a catheter for 4 weeks (one and half week to go) and it sucks so bad. Every woman I see makes me horny now, whenever I see something sexy like a bikini in a commercial or 2 people kissing during a show I get a woodie, which hurts because I had surgery on my eurethra. Every night, the entire night, I have a woodie. I know, because the pain it causes keeps me awake. I know astronauts didn’t have surgery there, but not jurking off makes many men bombs of cropped up hornyness. It can also affect concentration and performance of tasks. Men need their relief. As do women.
So, NASA scientists, why don’t you invent a seed killing, particle capturing jerkoff sock for astronauts. It sounds stupid but it’s oh so important.
ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org 2 months ago
Yup, awful website. No cookie rejection option and “This article was originally published on 23 July 20222”
DisgruntledGorillaGang@reddthat.com 2 months ago
I trust people in the future would know more about space than we do.
Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Pretty good English to intuitively recognize that. My brain just autocorrected to “Scientist says”.
HakunaHafada@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Yes. The ‘thing’ you’re describing is subject-verb agreement.
Chakravanti@monero.town 2 months ago
S/than/then
That’s suppose to be a time order of speech conduction declaration, not a comparison direction pointer shift.
TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Yeah you’re right! I know when to use which, don’t know why I made this mistake :)
Headofthebored@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I thought you were dead, but nice try, Kellogg
FosterMolasses@leminal.space 2 months ago
Bwahaha, his ghost lives on in space heaven [hell]
Admetus@sopuli.xyz 2 months ago
Well everything needs to be studied conclusively but wow.
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 2 months ago
We might soon have a drug that stops sperm production. That would be welcome news for space gooners.
Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I’m not looking to have a baby, but I gotta admit that if I were an astronaut and the one-in-a-million chance of getting impregnated by floating sperm happened, that’d be incredible. I’d have the first baby conceived in space! What a cool story to have in a family’s lore.
Of course, that’s provided it survives the rest of the trip.
Bazell@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
Lol. Chances of accidentally shortcircuit something with stray fluid are much much higher than accidentally create a new human.
Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 months ago
I wanna see the cumball formed by ejaculating in 0 gravity.
ElectricAirship@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
The female astronauts shouldn’t have dressed that way /s
WizardofFrobozz@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
h4x0r@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Sounds like there might be an emerging market for fleshlight shaped jizz vacuums.
Bloomcole@lemmy.world 2 months ago
This is garbage
daannii@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I’m going to make a bet that most female astronauts are going to take hormones to stop menstruation. Which will also stop ovulation.
I mean there are other reasons why this suggested is invalid . See other comments.
But I’m also pointing out this one.
original_charles@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I think a female astronaut is less likely to get pregnant if everybody is allowed to rub one out when they’re horny.
DaddleDew@lemmy.world 2 months ago
By the same reasoning women should never sit on a single man’s computer chair either.
ramble81@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
Well guess you have a better excuse than “I tripped and fell in to her”
SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 2 months ago
Seems all they have to do is invent some kind of nutsack.
LibertyLizard@slrpnk.net 2 months ago
Is it just me or does this seem tremendously unlikely and easy to prevent?
halcyoncmdr@piefed.social 2 months ago
The chances of a solar particle hitting your RAM and causing a bit to flip are tremendously unlikely as well, but there’s hardware made to prevent that from happening (I realize ECC does more than that).
sapetoku@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
I mean, do female astronauts/cosmonauts regularly float naked in the space station?
saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I propose funding for an aerospace cock sock that could keep everyone safe from stray nut.
amateurcrastinator@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Nut allergies strike again!
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 2 months ago
All of the greatest inventions which revolutionized key aspects of our daily lives have begun in aerospace engineering.
Pens that write upside down. Ice cream that doesn’t melt. Cock socks that don’t leak and are easy to clean.
This is why we fund NASA!
Iamsqueegee@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
The NASA ScRoTE. Self-contained Repository of Testicular Ejaculate.
ol_capt_joe@piefed.ee 2 months ago
Receptacle*
Sho@lemmy.world 2 months ago
These guys never heard of a “posh-wank?”
saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I never beat my meat at Oxford. What’s a posh-wank?
SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 2 months ago
That’s when you eat your cum so you don’t have to clean up right?
pressedhams@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
I could Google it but I’d rather hear it from you since, no, I have never heard of a posh-wank.
Kowowow@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Have they actually done a fluid simulation, I still hold the position you can’t bukake in space or microgravity as it where
SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 2 months ago
Semen isn’t gravity fed so I don’t think the lack of it would make a difference.