I think the bigger problem is the female astronauts slonking around the cabin crotch-first
NASA scientists says astronauts should not masturbate in space
Submitted 1 month ago by fossilesque@mander.xyz to science_memes@mander.xyz
https://www.indy100.com/science-tech/nasa-astronauts-masturbate-space-2676664628
Comments
kinkles@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Female astronaut: Here I go clam slammin in the cabin.
Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
This hypothesis generated by the same guys that are pretty sure sororities are just for naked pillow fights.
OfCourseNot@fedia.io 1 month ago
“Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man on the same session… it finds its way,” Smyth replied.
Not buying it at all... I'm not saying it's impossible but the odds must be astronomical (no pun intended) just for one pregnancy... not even in a million years. Life finds a way, I know, but come on!
Raiderkev@lemmy.world 1 month ago
No, it’s true. Female astronauts usually float around up there with their twats out; spread wide open to air it out, and nearly every time a male astronaut blasts some rope, it floats straight to it obviously.
RamenJunkie@midwest.social 1 month ago
Also lady bits work like a vaccum, just sucking up all the stray dirt and food crumbs as well. Its why women are so good at staying at home.and vaccuuming, its literally natural.
(/s)
crazycraw@crazypeople.online 1 month ago
Im out there shootin tardigrades
women floatin gonna get some babies made
that’s why I knew this rap was gonna be great
I wacked off in space and now my commanders …late…
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 1 month ago
Semen from various astropervs just floating around in the capsule sticking to peoples’ faces, getting in their hair, etc.
Frozengyro@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Well that explains all the masterbation
Pringles@sopuli.xyz 1 month ago
Space invaders: genetic boogaloo
fascicle@leminal.space 1 month ago
well the article is from the future so we have to take their word for it
This article was originally published on 23 July 20222
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 1 month ago
Damn, that’s already after the butlerian jihad
can@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
A Nasa engineer named Smythe answered questions from Conan O’Brien on his podcast Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend in 2022.
ruuster13@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
scientists says
This is not a serious publication.
cobwoms@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 month ago
if you nut in space will it push you backwards
OfCourseNot@fedia.io 1 month ago
And since penises are usually not that close to the body's centre of mass it would also impart some rotation, unless the astrowanker has very good aim.
athatet@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
Yes. That’s so you can catch it in your mount on the way around.
Grimy@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Gravity 2 starring William Dafoe
testaccount789@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
Directed by Quentin Tarantino, full title - Gravity 2: The feat of space travel, which definitely isn’t a pun.
blackbrook@mander.xyz 1 month ago
Depends which way you point.
idriss@lemmy.ml 1 month ago
nutting thrust is nothing compared to the poop fart
webp@mander.xyz 1 month ago
Asking the big questions.
nowherelord@lemmy.world 1 month ago
The quote has been misattributed: snopes.com/…/masturbation-in-space-nasa-warning/
Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 1 month ago
It’s a valid emergency propulsion method and I’m sick of being told it’s not.
One day I’m gonna save a space station, that will show them.
gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 1 month ago
there should absolutely be a shitty trash movie about this.
Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 1 month ago
I hope it’s really techy talking about overall force, nozzle velocity, etc, but also soapy, so the audience knows what the main propulsion expert is fighting for …
Jyek@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
“if you nut in space, it push you backwards.” - Griffin McElroy
josephc@lemmy.ml 1 month ago
“CRANK THE THROTTLE!” “STOP CALLING IT THAT!”
ImgurRefugee114@reddthat.com 1 month ago
Great… Another job I’m not qualified for
InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 1 month ago
It was odd that the question was at the top of the application form too!
gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 1 month ago
it’s highly unlikely, fluids stick together and make drops in the air which you can easily see and avoid. and also, come on, women getting accidentally impregnated by sperm floating through the air is even less likely that women getting accidentally impregnated by sperm swimming in the water of the public swimming pool …
Blackmist@feddit.uk 1 month ago
Good point, don’t wank in the swimming pool either.
NightShot@lemmy.world 1 month ago
What about wanking in the hand lotion at least ?
Tiresia@slrpnk.net 1 month ago
The chlorination of a public swimming pool is deadly to sperm, so I imagine the chances on a spaceship are a lot higher.
Also “easily seeing and avoiding” is just not realistic. You don’t have eyes on your vulva that are focused on checking for stray sperm globs 24/7.
Tabula_stercore@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Haha imagine a female astronaut free breeze for the lolz. Maybe even the reason the male astronaut is cranking.
Auli@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
Clothes they are wearing clothes.
LordWiggle@lemmy.world 1 month ago
This website is complete junk.
luciole@beehaw.org 1 month ago
This is certified misinformation. Here’s the fact check destroying it.
cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 1 month ago
What the hell is wrong with their website? Even when enabling Java Script and Disabelung ad/tracking blockers it still won’t load
Cassa@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 month ago
works fine with ublock origin and firefox?
phoenixz@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
Wasn’t that a joke from some comedian?
I know this is science memes, but this is just straight up bullshit repackaged with a clickbait title
Domoarigatomrrobato@lemmy.world 1 month ago
It is, it was a bit in one episode of Conan’s podcast, they even mentioned in another episode that some website reported it as true.
smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
That reads as “male astronauts should not mastrubate in space”. So it’s absolutely fine for a female astronaut to rub one out. It’s not like she’s going to be ejecting eggs all over the place. Think of THAT OnlyFans.
FosterMolasses@leminal.space 1 month ago
Lmaoooo
notabot@piefed.social 1 month ago
Oh cum on, it’s going to be really hard to handle that. Mind you, I’d be more concerned about the stray ‘liquid’ getting into machinery and shorting something, rather than accidentally impregnating three women at a time.
Fortunately we don’t have to worry about this yet as “This article was originally published on 23 July 20222”.
deranger@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.
New fetish unlocked
Samsy@lemmy.ml 1 month ago
Pornhub: no Problem, we deliver.
recentSlinky@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
Pornhub getting into the space race would be a hilarious and welcomed turn of events. The rockets naming potential alone is worth it.
FosterMolasses@leminal.space 1 month ago
Like how would it even get all the way up there lmao
TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
NASA scientists says-
Shouldn’t it be “NASA scientist says-” or “NASA scientists say-”
I’m dyslexic and not native English speaker so I’m not sure. But it sounds weird when I say it in my head.
Than to the other thing: the subject. Doctors say it’s necessary to ejaculated at least once a week to lower the chance of prostate cancer. Also, not doojg anything about being horny is fucked up. I’m wearing a catheter for 4 weeks (one and half week to go) and it sucks so bad. Every woman I see makes me horny now, whenever I see something sexy like a bikini in a commercial or 2 people kissing during a show I get a woodie, which hurts because I had surgery on my eurethra. Every night, the entire night, I have a woodie. I know, because the pain it causes keeps me awake. I know astronauts didn’t have surgery there, but not jurking off makes many men bombs of cropped up hornyness. It can also affect concentration and performance of tasks. Men need their relief. As do women.
So, NASA scientists, why don’t you invent a seed killing, particle capturing jerkoff sock for astronauts. It sounds stupid but it’s oh so important.
ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org 1 month ago
Yup, awful website. No cookie rejection option and “This article was originally published on 23 July 20222”
DisgruntledGorillaGang@reddthat.com 1 month ago
I trust people in the future would know more about space than we do.
Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
Pretty good English to intuitively recognize that. My brain just autocorrected to “Scientist says”.
HakunaHafada@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
Yes. The ‘thing’ you’re describing is subject-verb agreement.
Chakravanti@monero.town 1 month ago
S/than/then
That’s suppose to be a time order of speech conduction declaration, not a comparison direction pointer shift.
TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
Yeah you’re right! I know when to use which, don’t know why I made this mistake :)
Headofthebored@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I thought you were dead, but nice try, Kellogg
FosterMolasses@leminal.space 1 month ago
Bwahaha, his ghost lives on in space heaven [hell]
Admetus@sopuli.xyz 1 month ago
Well everything needs to be studied conclusively but wow.
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 1 month ago
We might soon have a drug that stops sperm production. That would be welcome news for space gooners.
Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I’m not looking to have a baby, but I gotta admit that if I were an astronaut and the one-in-a-million chance of getting impregnated by floating sperm happened, that’d be incredible. I’d have the first baby conceived in space! What a cool story to have in a family’s lore.
Of course, that’s provided it survives the rest of the trip.
Bazell@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
Lol. Chances of accidentally shortcircuit something with stray fluid are much much higher than accidentally create a new human.
Kolanaki@pawb.social 1 month ago
I wanna see the cumball formed by ejaculating in 0 gravity.
ElectricAirship@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
The female astronauts shouldn’t have dressed that way /s
WizardofFrobozz@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
h4x0r@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
Sounds like there might be an emerging market for fleshlight shaped jizz vacuums.
Bloomcole@lemmy.world 1 month ago
This is garbage
daannii@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I’m going to make a bet that most female astronauts are going to take hormones to stop menstruation. Which will also stop ovulation.
I mean there are other reasons why this suggested is invalid . See other comments.
But I’m also pointing out this one.
original_charles@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I think a female astronaut is less likely to get pregnant if everybody is allowed to rub one out when they’re horny.
DaddleDew@lemmy.world 1 month ago
By the same reasoning women should never sit on a single man’s computer chair either.
ramble81@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
Well guess you have a better excuse than “I tripped and fell in to her”
SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 1 month ago
Seems all they have to do is invent some kind of nutsack.
LibertyLizard@slrpnk.net 1 month ago
Is it just me or does this seem tremendously unlikely and easy to prevent?
halcyoncmdr@piefed.social 1 month ago
The chances of a solar particle hitting your RAM and causing a bit to flip are tremendously unlikely as well, but there’s hardware made to prevent that from happening (I realize ECC does more than that).
sapetoku@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
I mean, do female astronauts/cosmonauts regularly float naked in the space station?
saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I propose funding for an aerospace cock sock that could keep everyone safe from stray nut.
amateurcrastinator@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Nut allergies strike again!
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 1 month ago
All of the greatest inventions which revolutionized key aspects of our daily lives have begun in aerospace engineering.
Pens that write upside down. Ice cream that doesn’t melt. Cock socks that don’t leak and are easy to clean.
This is why we fund NASA!
Iamsqueegee@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
The NASA ScRoTE. Self-contained Repository of Testicular Ejaculate.
ol_capt_joe@piefed.ee 1 month ago
Receptacle*
Sho@lemmy.world 1 month ago
These guys never heard of a “posh-wank?”
saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I never beat my meat at Oxford. What’s a posh-wank?
SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 1 month ago
That’s when you eat your cum so you don’t have to clean up right?
pressedhams@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 month ago
I could Google it but I’d rather hear it from you since, no, I have never heard of a posh-wank.
Kowowow@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
Have they actually done a fluid simulation, I still hold the position you can’t bukake in space or microgravity as it where
SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 1 month ago
Semen isn’t gravity fed so I don’t think the lack of it would make a difference.