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NASA scientists says astronauts should not masturbate in space

⁨376⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨fossilesque@mander.xyz⁩ to ⁨science_memes@mander.xyz⁩

https://www.indy100.com/science-tech/nasa-astronauts-masturbate-space-2676664628

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  • SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    People venturing outside of our atmosphere are advised against pleasuring themselves in zero gravity.

    The reason? Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.

    Seems all they have to do is invent some kind of nutsack.

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    • LibertyLizard@slrpnk.net ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Is it just me or does this seem tremendously unlikely and easy to prevent?

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      • halcyoncmdr@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        The chances of a solar particle hitting your RAM and causing a bit to flip are tremendously unlikely as well, but there’s hardware made to prevent that from happening (I realize ECC does more than that).

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      • sapetoku@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I mean, do female astronauts/cosmonauts regularly float naked in the space station?

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    • saltnotsugar@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I propose funding for an aerospace cock sock that could keep everyone safe from stray nut.

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      • amateurcrastinator@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Nut allergies strike again!

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      • wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        All of the greatest inventions which revolutionized key aspects of our daily lives have begun in aerospace engineering.

        Pens that write upside down. Ice cream that doesn’t melt. Cock socks that don’t leak and are easy to clean.

        This is why we fund NASA!

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    • Iamsqueegee@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      The NASA ScRoTE. Self-contained Repository of Testicular Ejaculate.

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      • ol_capt_joe@piefed.ee ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Receptacle*

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    • Sho@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      These guys never heard of a “posh-wank?”

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      • saltnotsugar@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I never beat my meat at Oxford. What’s a posh-wank?

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      • SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        That’s when you eat your cum so you don’t have to clean up right?

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      • pressedhams@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I could Google it but I’d rather hear it from you since, no, I have never heard of a posh-wank.

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    • Kowowow@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Have they actually done a fluid simulation, I still hold the position you can’t bukake in space or microgravity as it where

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      • SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Semen isn’t gravity fed so I don’t think the lack of it would make a difference.

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  • kinkles@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I think the bigger problem is the female astronauts slonking around the cabin crotch-first

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    • saltnotsugar@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Female astronaut: Here I go clam slammin in the cabin.

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    • Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      This hypothesis generated by the same guys that are pretty sure sororities are just for naked pillow fights.

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  • OfCourseNot@fedia.io ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    “Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man on the same session… it finds its way,” Smyth replied.

    Not buying it at all... I'm not saying it's impossible but the odds must be astronomical (no pun intended) just for one pregnancy... not even in a million years. Life finds a way, I know, but come on!

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    • Raiderkev@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      No, it’s true. Female astronauts usually float around up there with their twats out; spread wide open to air it out, and nearly every time a male astronaut blasts some rope, it floats straight to it obviously.

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      • RamenJunkie@midwest.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Also lady bits work like a vaccum, just sucking up all the stray dirt and food crumbs as well. Its why women are so good at staying at home.and vaccuuming, its literally natural.

        (/s)

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      • fossilesque@mander.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Am I Pragnent?

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      • crazycraw@crazypeople.online ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Im out there shootin tardigrades

        women floatin gonna get some babies made

        that’s why I knew this rap was gonna be great

        I wacked off in space and now my commanders …late…

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      • BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Semen from various astropervs just floating around in the capsule sticking to peoples’ faces, getting in their hair, etc.

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      • Frozengyro@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Well that explains all the masterbation

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      • Pringles@sopuli.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Space invaders: genetic boogaloo

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      • bcgm3@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        NSFW: How Jizz Works, in Space

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    • fascicle@leminal.space ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      well the article is from the future so we have to take their word for it

      This article was originally published on 23 July 20222

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      • wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Damn, that’s already after the butlerian jihad

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    • can@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      A Nasa engineer named Smythe answered questions from Conan O’Brien on his podcast Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend in 2022.

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  • ruuster13@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    scientists says

    This is not a serious publication.

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  • cobwoms@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    if you nut in space will it push you backwards

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    • OfCourseNot@fedia.io ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      And since penises are usually not that close to the body's centre of mass it would also impart some rotation, unless the astrowanker has very good aim.

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      • athatet@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Yes. That’s so you can catch it in your mount on the way around.

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    • Grimy@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Gravity 2 starring William Dafoe

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      • testaccount789@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Directed by Quentin Tarantino, full title - Gravity 2: The feat of space travel, which definitely isn’t a pun.

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    • blackbrook@mander.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Depends which way you point.

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    • idriss@lemmy.ml ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      nutting thrust is nothing compared to the poop fart

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    • webp@mander.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Asking the big questions.

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  • nowherelord@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    The quote has been misattributed: snopes.com/…/masturbation-in-space-nasa-warning/

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  • Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    It’s a valid emergency propulsion method and I’m sick of being told it’s not.

    One day I’m gonna save a space station, that will show them.

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    • gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      there should absolutely be a shitty trash movie about this.

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      • Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I hope it’s really techy talking about overall force, nozzle velocity, etc, but also soapy, so the audience knows what the main propulsion expert is fighting for …

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    • Jyek@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      “if you nut in space, it push you backwards.” - Griffin McElroy

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    • josephc@lemmy.ml ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      “CRANK THE THROTTLE!” “STOP CALLING IT THAT!”

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  • gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    it’s highly unlikely, fluids stick together and make drops in the air which you can easily see and avoid. and also, come on, women getting accidentally impregnated by sperm floating through the air is even less likely that women getting accidentally impregnated by sperm swimming in the water of the public swimming pool …

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    • Blackmist@feddit.uk ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Good point, don’t wank in the swimming pool either.

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      • NightShot@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        What about wanking in the hand lotion at least ?

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    • Tiresia@slrpnk.net ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      The chlorination of a public swimming pool is deadly to sperm, so I imagine the chances on a spaceship are a lot higher.

      Also “easily seeing and avoiding” is just not realistic. You don’t have eyes on your vulva that are focused on checking for stray sperm globs 24/7.

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      • Tabula_stercore@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Haha imagine a female astronaut free breeze for the lolz. Maybe even the reason the male astronaut is cranking.

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      • Auli@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Clothes they are wearing clothes.

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  • ImgurRefugee114@reddthat.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Great… Another job I’m not qualified for

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    • InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      It was odd that the question was at the top of the application form too!

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  • LordWiggle@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    This website is complete junk.

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  • luciole@beehaw.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    This is certified misinformation. Here’s the fact check destroying it.

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    • cows_are_underrated@feddit.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      What the hell is wrong with their website? Even when enabling Java Script and Disabelung ad/tracking blockers it still won’t load

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      • Cassa@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        works fine with ublock origin and firefox?

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  • phoenixz@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Wasn’t that a joke from some comedian?

    I know this is science memes, but this is just straight up bullshit repackaged with a clickbait title

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    • Domoarigatomrrobato@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      It is, it was a bit in one episode of Conan’s podcast, they even mentioned in another episode that some website reported it as true.

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  • smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    That reads as “male astronauts should not mastrubate in space”. So it’s absolutely fine for a female astronaut to rub one out. It’s not like she’s going to be ejecting eggs all over the place. Think of THAT OnlyFans.

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    • FosterMolasses@leminal.space ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Lmaoooo

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  • notabot@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Oh cum on, it’s going to be really hard to handle that. Mind you, I’d be more concerned about the stray ‘liquid’ getting into machinery and shorting something, rather than accidentally impregnating three women at a time.

    Fortunately we don’t have to worry about this yet as “This article was originally published on 23 July 20222”.

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  • deranger@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.

    New fetish unlocked

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    • Samsy@lemmy.ml ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Pornhub: no Problem, we deliver.

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      • recentSlinky@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Pornhub getting into the space race would be a hilarious and welcomed turn of events. The rockets naming potential alone is worth it.

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    • FosterMolasses@leminal.space ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Like how would it even get all the way up there lmao

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  • TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    NASA scientists says-

    Shouldn’t it be “NASA scientist says-” or “NASA scientists say-”

    I’m dyslexic and not native English speaker so I’m not sure. But it sounds weird when I say it in my head.

    Than to the other thing: the subject. Doctors say it’s necessary to ejaculated at least once a week to lower the chance of prostate cancer. Also, not doojg anything about being horny is fucked up. I’m wearing a catheter for 4 weeks (one and half week to go) and it sucks so bad. Every woman I see makes me horny now, whenever I see something sexy like a bikini in a commercial or 2 people kissing during a show I get a woodie, which hurts because I had surgery on my eurethra. Every night, the entire night, I have a woodie. I know, because the pain it causes keeps me awake. I know astronauts didn’t have surgery there, but not jurking off makes many men bombs of cropped up hornyness. It can also affect concentration and performance of tasks. Men need their relief. As do women.

    So, NASA scientists, why don’t you invent a seed killing, particle capturing jerkoff sock for astronauts. It sounds stupid but it’s oh so important.

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    • ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Yup, awful website. No cookie rejection option and “This article was originally published on 23 July 20222”

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      • DisgruntledGorillaGang@reddthat.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I trust people in the future would know more about space than we do.

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    • Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Pretty good English to intuitively recognize that. My brain just autocorrected to “Scientist says”.

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    • HakunaHafada@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Yes. The ‘thing’ you’re describing is subject-verb agreement.

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    • Chakravanti@monero.town ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      S/than/then

      That’s suppose to be a time order of speech conduction declaration, not a comparison direction pointer shift.

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      • TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Yeah you’re right! I know when to use which, don’t know why I made this mistake :)

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  • Headofthebored@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I thought you were dead, but nice try, Kellogg

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    • FosterMolasses@leminal.space ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Bwahaha, his ghost lives on in space heaven [hell]

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  • Admetus@sopuli.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Well everything needs to be studied conclusively but wow.

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  • Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I’m not looking to have a baby, but I gotta admit that if I were an astronaut and the one-in-a-million chance of getting impregnated by floating sperm happened, that’d be incredible. I’d have the first baby conceived in space! What a cool story to have in a family’s lore.

    Of course, that’s provided it survives the rest of the trip.

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  • DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    We might soon have a drug that stops sperm production. That would be welcome news for space gooners.

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  • Bazell@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Lol. Chances of accidentally shortcircuit something with stray fluid are much much higher than accidentally create a new human.

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  • Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I wanna see the cumball formed by ejaculating in 0 gravity.

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  • ElectricAirship@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    The female astronauts shouldn’t have dressed that way /s

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  • WizardofFrobozz@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    when you nut, it push you backwards

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  • h4x0r@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Sounds like there might be an emerging market for fleshlight shaped jizz vacuums.

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  • Bloomcole@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    This is garbage

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  • daannii@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I’m going to make a bet that most female astronauts are going to take hormones to stop menstruation. Which will also stop ovulation.

    I mean there are other reasons why this suggested is invalid . See other comments.

    But I’m also pointing out this one.

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  • original_charles@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I think a female astronaut is less likely to get pregnant if everybody is allowed to rub one out when they’re horny.

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  • DaddleDew@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    By the same reasoning women should never sit on a single man’s computer chair either.

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  • ramble81@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Well guess you have a better excuse than “I tripped and fell in to her”

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