smuuthbrane

@smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨wth⁩ ⁨⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  The x axis isn’t long enough. I’m certain that there’s a new plateau once the “lecherous old man” phase kicks in.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The Prime Minister of Canada having his usual $45,000 morning breakfast⁩ ⁨⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  -150, but I’m late to the game.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The Prime Minister of Canada having his usual $45,000 morning breakfast⁩ ⁨⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  That’s what sold it to me as slop.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨WACK⁩ ⁨⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  Joke’s on you, I’m into that shit.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Finally—my XL pack of fragile crushable poison arrived.⁩ ⁨⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  Check your WHMIS knowledge, none of it is poisonous. Dig in!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Slice of ketchup anyone?⁩ ⁨⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  By the foot? Nope. Yard? No. It’s a to-meter!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Gotta work those monkey stats up⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  No way, every human eats like 3 monkeys while they’re asleep at night. The monkeys are chasing the spiders that we eat.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨heater⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  It’s ready to eat.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Slice of ketchup anyone?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  More importantly, a crime against humanity.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Slice of ketchup anyone?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Sure thing, Ronnie, let’s get you back to bed dead.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Slice of ketchup anyone?⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Technically this is fruit leather.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Just don't⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  C’mon, everyone has heard of a baby bump. Super common.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨that's some fucking aerodynamics bro⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  The bathroom window is behind the boat, they’re just making sure the crapper is well ventilated.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I mean, me CUTLASS. Yes, that be it. Arr.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Pidgeon Au Pair⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Then go crap on a statue and be your best pidgeon.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨It's true⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Huh??

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨It's true⁩ ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Is this a “causation vs correlation” thing again?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨It's true⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I’m DEAF?!?!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Sounds plausible⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  You want better phone service? DRINK MORE OAT MILK. It’s just math.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Pidgeon Au Pair⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I’m not going to ask you anything, I’m going to tell you to resign and leave immediately.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Big yikes, that’s more than enough red flags for me, you gotta get GONE, and I mean yesterday.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Yum⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  They wait until you take a bite. I swear.

  I’m gonna start getting them to wait until after I’ve swallowed to answer them.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I'm at like a 4⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I haven’t asked him, so I really can’t say. Don’t want to speak for him, you know.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I'm at like a 4⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  13i, which puts me on a scale perpendicular to this axis.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Vibe management⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Turn off the AI, and rehire people, done.

  • CEOs, guaranteed
• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Goats know the truth.⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Goats are the only animal safe from cats pushing them off the edge.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Colby Light⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Brought to you by the letters W and I.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Aussies are a strange beautiful people with ways that are alien to me...⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  You’re PM of Australia now. No takebacks.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨We were the best of friends⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I need your full name and address, I’m taking a life insurance policy out on you.

  I’m also sending you a free copy of the Anarchist’s Cookbook.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Rare, slightly used⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  If I’m lyin’ I’m cryin’.