This Is Why I Sit Down To Pee Pee

Comments

• WoodScientist@lemmy.world ⁨22⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

  I solved my issues with urinals by simply removing my ability to use a urinal.

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• Schal330@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

  This reminds me of one night where a group of friends went out drinking. Just before we were going to leave the pub to go to one further down the road one friend said he needed to take a piss. It triggered something in a bunch of us as most of us realised we needed to go.

  The toilets were really busy; that situation where you’re pissing in what is basically a trough with your elbows touching the elbows of other guys next to you. Immediately on trying to go it just wasn’t happening. I stood awkwardly for about a minute, zipped up, washed my hands and went outside.

  Everyone gathered round and we started walking. We were walking in silence for about a minute when one guy said “Did anyone else manage to actually pee?” To which loads of us burst out laughing. Turns out we all did the same thing, even though we needed to pee, we all failed to do so.

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  • Ursapharm@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

    That’s a real group of bros

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    • Janjko@lemmy.zip ⁨32⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

      More like a group of betas!

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• MutantTailThing@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I used to have this problem, but I somehow got over it by imagining to piss in the face of the queen of England. Something about unloading in her face while she’s sitting there all prissy like makes me laugh which relaxes my muscles enough to piss.

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  • socsa@piefed.social ⁨27⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

    This is how I’m going to potty train my children. I’m sure it will work out fine.

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  • HappyCatLuvs_U@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    So thankful the internet still says infinitely more hilarious and baffling things on a daily basis than AI could ever manage.

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  • FreshLight@sh.itjust.works ⁨53⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

    Thank you very much for sharing

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  • syaochan@feddit.it ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I don’t think this will help me, but thanks for the laugh

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  • officermike@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    But what do you do now that there’s no queen?

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    • Grail@multiverse.soulism.net ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Obviously the answer is to imagine Margaret Thatcher

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  • djdarren@piefed.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Are you Irish, by any chance?

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    • MutantTailThing@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Nope I’m Dutch .

      Also y’all think I’m joking but I’m dead serious

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  • hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I tried this, but got a boner instead

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  • Anarki_@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    In the end she’ll be sitting there all pissy.

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  • usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    The Queen and peeing reminds me of this

    youtu.be/pdE83FX-Mto

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    • Vespair@lemmy.zip ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Pure cinema

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    • diaphragmwp@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      You think someone will follow a youtube link in the context of peeing on the queen’s face?

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  • 87Six@lemmy.zip ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    One of those comments that comes like a slap in the face with a hand full of cold water, in the morning

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• stopforgettingit@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

  The comic for the women’s bathroom is two girls in stalls waiting for the other one to leave so she can shit.

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• TheImpressiveX@lemmy.today ⁨34⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

  Anaconda (2025)

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• I_Has_A_Hat@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Pro tip: If you have a shy bladder, you can just go into a stall to pee.

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  • Logarrhythmia@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

    I already do that. Urinals dont’t have tp for pp.

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    • okwhateverdude@lemmy.world ⁨33⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

      You mean you don’t vigorously shake piss droplets all over the place?

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  • testaccount789@sh.itjust.works ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Doesn’t work for me, must be different room.
    In high school I was sometimes late because I had to find empty restroom, which sometimes meant switching between different buildings (4 of them).

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    • socsa@piefed.social ⁨25⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

      I had a buddy who got a Doctor’s note that let him pee and poop in the nurse’s office.

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    • pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Damn, that sucks. You ever pee outdoors? Is that better

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  • Drusas@fedia.io ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Women/girls also frequently suffer from a shy bladder even though stalls are the norm.

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    • 0x0@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      It’s almost like humans have a biological expectation of privacy when peeing that modern American construction fails to meet.

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• Pringles@sopuli.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

  Ok, since the solution to this problem hasn’t been provided in this thread, here it is:

  Start calculating the fibonacci sequence in your head once you can start to pee: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, etc…

  The reason why this works is because the calculations use the exact same part of the brain that also causes pee anxiety. Just gove it a try, it works incredibly well. Usually I have a solid flow before I get to 34 and I’ve been using this technique for years so I go through the sequence quite quickly.

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  • okwhateverdude@lemmy.world ⁨34⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

    Image

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• QuinnyCoded@sh.itjust.works ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  that guy looks like the dad from cloudy with a chance of meatballs lol

  Image

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• MeatPilot@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I feel this, also if I just can’t squeeze anything out there is this additional awkward thought process.

  When do I put it away? Will they know I didn’t pee? Should I shake it to pretend I peed? Oh God there is a child next to me. Now everyone will think I am pretending to pee to see this child’s weiner. I can’t step away now. I’ll just have to wait until the room is empty.

  the bathroom never empties out, I die there.

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• gigastasio@sh.itjust.works ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Image

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  • tanisnikana@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    That’s Neil Kohney! Can recognize them testicular chins anywhere.

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• EggInDisguise@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I used to sit because it was more comfortable.

  Now I sit for… Different reasons lmao

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  • kbobabob@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Anybody that has actually cleaned a toilet will be aware of the benefits of sitting

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  • GalacticSushi@piefed.blahaj.zone ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I used to sit because it avoided any splash and is supposedly better for you.

    But if we’re both being honest, we were always sitting for eggy reasons.

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  • RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Penis gnomes.

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  • Sadbutdru@sopuli.xyz ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    All right then, keep your secrets.

    frodo.gif

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  • Axolotl_cpp@feddit.it ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I guess you should change your name mmh

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  • lemmyman@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Because you might unexpectedly shit too, I presume

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  • riquisimo@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Sitting is also nice because you don’t have to worry about potentially wiping the seat.

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• Vespair@lemmy.zip ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  So I don’t really worry about getting caught “not peeing” or whatever, but I do often take a moment or two to get started… and I also frequently attend concerts.

  I never worry about being watched, but boy do I feel like a jackass sometimes taking thrice as long as everyone else when there’s a line out the door between bands…

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  • shroomato@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

    What makes it especially hard is when the guy next in line is breathing down your neck

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• CleoTheWizard@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

  This is definitely why I sit to pee and it has absolutely nothing to do with being an egg at all.

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• smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Great, now I’m not going to be able to pee all day.

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  • schwifty_squanch@lemmy.ml ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Try counting to ten while you pee.

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    • smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      That doesn’t work if I can’t start peeing!

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• Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Would you prefer to hold it for me?

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• corvi@piefed.social ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Start holding your breath when you walk into the bathroom. Breath out and start your flow.

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• Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Sit sit sit on the urinal!

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• riquisimo@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  This makes me think about when women talk about going into the bathroom and casually chatting, and don’t understand why guys don’t do the same.

  The feeling inside a bathroom is fundamentally different depending on the door sign. I kinda wonder if there’s a culture shock for trans people.

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  • andros_rex@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    As a trans guy, I prefer male bathroom culture. I want to do my business and get the fuck out. It was so weird in high school to hang out in the girls restroom and being expected to socialize while trying to shit.

    I guess the cultural difference is that women sometimes might need to ask each other for a tampon or something, while men are terrified of being thought to be gay. Have to make absolutely sure you aren’t even getting a side eye at another guys dick.

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  • ndupont@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

    As a dude, we totally chat and have business talks while peeing together between meetings, nothing awkward at all. We just have a look to make sure all the stalls are empty and there we are free to speak about anything confidential.

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• cRazi_man@europe.pub ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  The wise learn from the knowledge of their elders. Heed my words younglings: Don’t push too hard to try to start. It might push out a massive noisy fart… Or worse

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  • eezeebee@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    It might push out a massive noisy fart… Or worse

    A baby!

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    • CorrenteAlternata@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

      — Mom, where do babies come from?
      — Well, you know… when you are on the toilet… and you push too much… sometimes… you know?

      That kid is gonna be traumatised for sure!

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  • jumperalex@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    In the bathroom? Who cares? It’s the one place farts are expected/allowed/celebrated whatever your kink. But in no world should it be shunned to fart in a bathroom.

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    • socsa@piefed.social ⁨22⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

      Oh damn, ok, but my kink is bathroom fart shaming

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• affenlehrer@feddit.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I never had this problem when I was younger. Until the day I had a medical examination to be drafted and they wanted me to give them a urine sample and I couldn’t. They offered me lots of water (which I drank) but still I couldn’t pee for what felt like an hour. Ever since I had problems relaxing.

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• WhoIzDisIz@lemmy.today ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I won’t stand for this!!!

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• Janx@piefed.social ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  “weener”?

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  • riquisimo@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Yeah, for when you wee.

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    • Janx@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Oh, really. What are we going to call the butt, a “poop-er”? Wait…

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