Hinge, Tinder, OkCupid, Plenty Of Fish and others are owned by one giant company called Match.com. You are not ugly, a monopoly just puts you down the pile by algorithm to prompt you to pay to increase your chances of more likes (that’s not to say that making your profile look good doesn’t matter). There are independent dating apps like Coffee and Bagel and Bumble, but either those apps don’t have many people or copying Match’s anti-consumer behaviour like Bumble does.
Anon tries dating apps
Submitted 2 days ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/414f8091-4587-4541-8794-1cc5d5c0b09b.jpeg
Comments
TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world 1 day ago
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Can Lemmy be used for dating?
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
That really depends: are you looking for a nerdy man who lacks social skills or are you t4t and super online? If so, yeah probably. If not, feel free to try
GardenGeek@europe.pub 1 day ago
There’s Alovoa… an open source platform but it’s even less densely populated than Lemmy
Allero@lemmy.today 1 day ago
I bet someone did just that and succeeded
pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
And they’re fake hikers and travelers too. I met somebody irl who said one of their interests was eating food but they just go to the places for the vibes and not for the food. Whereas I’m the complete opposite, I would go to a crack den for the best food.
Burghler@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
A date I had said their hobbies were walking and hiking among other things. Our 1st date was at a local park with a 20 step stair case that took her out… It was my first exposure to this bizarre labelling that goes on here.
There wasn’t a 2nd lol
terranoid@lemmy.cafe 2 days ago
Humans are just animals at the end of the day. This is all a sexual display of fitness. Hiking and traveling tell people you’re physically and financially fit. You can move around no issue. You are social. You are socially and physically healthy.
They lie a ton and show pics of hiking from 5 years ago and act like they can still do all that. Or they never could and the pics are deceiving… Regardless, it’s just a game all genders are playing to show sexual fitness. It looks like carbon copies because it’s the best way to communicate “my body moves well and I can afford luxury”.
swelter_spark@reddthat.com 1 day ago
I love walking and hiking, but having to walk uphill takes me out, too
BorgDrone@feddit.nl 2 days ago
mycodesucks@lemmy.world 2 days ago
swipes right
SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Best Chinese food I’ve had was in a legit city basement.
ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Best philly cheesesteak I’ve ever had was from a hospital cafeteria.
iocase@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
The best food is usually in places like that too. My home city has this literal hole in a wall mexican place. You know it’s good when it’s also a grocery store and nobody speaks good English except for the kids. Best fucking food I’ve ever had and I’m gutted because they closed down 6 months later and I don’t know if they moved or went out of business 😭😭😭
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 1 day ago
amen brother.
best places to eat are the places with no white people.
pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
There’s this bengali place I love that is also a grocery store. It’s so epic
mbp@slrpnk.net 2 days ago
They do be trifflin
HerbGrower@slrpnk.net 1 day ago
Ohh a group of my friends has someone like that. Although everyone has been getting increasingly distant from her as she won’t turn up to anything that isn’t fancy enough for her, and there is an increasing feeling that she only ever messages us when she doesn’t have anything else she would rather do going on - we hear from her much more when she is unemployed and single.
AlteredEgo@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
Dating apps should be publicly funded like a kind of public utility. And private dating apps heavily regulated and prevented from advertising.
Like water and air, love should not be for profit.
starelfsc2@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
We need 3rd spaces, online dating is just worse in general. People meet at trading card places and card shops because that’s just where people hang out, but that doesn’t exist anywhere else really besides bars.
People are becoming more isolated and more online, it’s way easier to see if you like someone (and you’ll be exposed to many people) if they happen to be in your vicinity rather than typing in text on a dating app.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
it doesn’t mater, folks social skills have atrophied and their anxiety/depression levels have skyrocketed.
i do well on dating apps, but most women i meet have poor social skills and mental health problems, and refuse to address/acknowledge them. I’ve also seen this same thing in real life and it’s even worse with generation z. folks just no longer how to assert themselves or communicate.
you’re not going to be able to form healthy romantic relationships if you refuse to take care of your mental health and practice basic social graces.
FoxtrotDeltaTango@sh.itjust.works 14 hours ago
I agree with you on this, 3rd places need to exist
syaochan@feddit.it 1 day ago
Sometimes I wish Koi to Uso was real
AlteredEgo@lemmy.ml 14 hours ago
That story makes me think of arranged marriage. Not a fan, but it did have it’s advantages, at least as long as the parents aren’t psycho or marry you off for political or monetary advantage or lands. More experience and more of an eye for the materialistic part of marriage and raising a family. Again not promoting this, there will be untold horror stories of ruined lives there, but I also think part of our modern mindset about romance is probably pathological on opposite ways.
In the past you were just expected to love your arranged partner - before the idea of “falling in love” became ubiquitous. Love was seen as a more active thing like a craftsmanship that you have to practice every day to get good at it. The feelings then just “grow” over time (see e.g. this book)
In any case any government interference should be based on well meaning and science based knowledge. Right now the government allows those who own the dating apps influence this essential part of human nature. That is not “non interference”, by not acting to protect people from predatory corporations the government causes harm. Obviously there should be socialist government policy for child rearing (healthcare, maternity leave, financial support, free high quality kindergarden and schools). A lot of stress in relationships can no doubt be traced back to financial stress or “materialist” problems.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 1 day ago
is that what you tell yourself?
you really think a government dating app is going to help get you laid?
Abyssian@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I think it’s more that the entire business model of dating apps means they profit from people staying single and looking, not finding long term relationships.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 22 hours ago
I think they think an app that isn’t being run by a corporation for profit would help them get laid. In theory the government could run and app for this purpose but I don’t think it would work well in practice at least not in the US.
AlteredEgo@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
Hahaha! The guberment!
Leviathan@fedinsfw.app 5 hours ago
I met a handful of people on dating apps, had some sex, and the relationships went basically nowhere. Every solid, long-term relationship I have had has come from going places and doing things with people. If I was single I’d start climbing again.
dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 2 days ago
“Hellen Keller wasn’t real” is an immediate swipe away from a profile. I don’t care if they’re joking or if they’re actually a nut job conspiracy theorist. If the latter, obviously we’re not gonna vibe, and if the former, that entire joke/line of thinking is prefaced on ableism and the idea that a deaf and blind woman could not have accomplished what she did, not to mention the erasure of a prominent socialist, suffragist, and activist. I fucking hate that joke.
HonoraryMancunian@lemmy.world 2 days ago
This is the first I’ve ever heard about it, and I’m so confused
dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 1 day ago
It started as a joke, and now there are actual people who believe that she was either not a real person, or that her accomplishments were faked. People with disabilities are already assumed to be lesser than able bodied people, and this particular trend is stripping away one of the most prominent examples to the contrary. It is also erasing one of the most prominent examples of a famous socialist woman in American history, and a southern American socialist woman at that. Her story is amazing, but more importantly, she is historically significant. She is an example to so many people, and she has been liberal-washed for a century, and now she’s being erased entirely. It’s disgusting.
jaybone@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
I guess this is another moon landing flat earth sovereign citizen thing.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 1 day ago
mycodesucks@lemmy.world 2 days ago
A VERY prominent and UNAPOLOGETIC socialist. The way history has defanged her turned her into a simpleton who learned to speak is an absolute appalling insult to the strong, principled woman she was.
dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 1 day ago
Exactly! She’s one of my favorite historical figures, but when if she wasn’t, even if our politics did not align so well, she does not deserve to swept into the dustbin like this, liberal washed and eventually erased entirely. It’s disgusting.
solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Doesn’t matter had sex.
coolie4@lemmy.world 2 days ago
What’s this “Helen Keller wasn’t real” meme? First time I’m hearing it
jdr@lemmy.ml 2 days ago
Neither has she, lololol
jaybone@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
I don’t get it.
Is it because she’s dead?
Zorcron@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
Just a dumb conspiracy theory where people either think a) she wasn’t actually blind and deaf, or b) she didn’t actually write the books she wrote and shrugs everything she achieved.
Leviathan@fedinsfw.app 5 hours ago
Goes perfectly well to match the stupidity of a populus who commonly has “likes to go to church” in their profiles. OP must live somewhere MAGA-ey.
pH3ra@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
I spent years getting frustrated on the apps, now I’m ending up marrying my best friend’s sister who I’ve known for 16 years and I was always too afraid to ask out. Turned out she was feeling the same way.
Life’s weird when you’re socially awkward.TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 22 hours ago
anytime i asked out an awkward shy girl she tells me to f off.
and of course the outgoing demanding women can’t get enough of me, even though I loathe them
HalfSalesman@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
Really long story:
I once knew a girl in high school who I, in a rare moment of boldness while we were away from prying eyes, asked if she would be my girlfriend. She had been my friend for a short while and she fucking chuckled immediately in response, almost instinctively and said “No, sorry.”. My autistic ass did not exactly immediately understand why until I ruminated later.
That said, she seemed to be very friendly with me afterward, like maybe she felt bad and still liked me as a friend… And despite feeling hurt by the way she responded I still hung out with her every once in a while. She eventually got a hot confident boyfriend, because she was also hot. And I kind of started avoiding her because it hurt seeing her with a guy who I felt clearly was better than me, caused me to spiral into self loathing when I saw him. I did not know I was autistic, I just knew I was an infamously weird dork.
Fast forward ~11 years later I stumble into her and she looks like shes a different and much sadder person. I don’t want to body shame but she looked a lot worse and I was no longer attracted to her. She was going on about a recent break up with a guy who she said cheated on her to the bartender.
Now I’m polyamorous, and I legit don’t understand and actively dislike monogamy, but obviously I have a faint idea of how painful being cheated on would feel like, and she seemed super sad and I felt bad for her. After talking with her and catching up a little for like 20 minutes, she drunkenly tried to make out with me.
I got away from her and the internal anger I felt was supremely intense. Like, what the actual fuck, fuck you. You fucking said no and now that you’re washed up and depressed about your ex using me as a fall back.
I cannot describe the feeling of grief flare as well. Like, maybe if she had said yes back then. Maybe I could of had a normal romantic experience as a high schooler instead of being what I was. Sure maybe also wouldn’t have worked out like most relationships, but still. I was a really lonely fucked up high schooler with a completely empty romantic life. Just a void.
I’m doing better now romantically but I was also still having trouble getting any romance at this point in my life even 11 year later. I was still painfully lonely. But the absolute bitterness I felt toward her made even pity for her out the fucking window for me and my desperation for any intimacy dried up instantly in that moment.
Part of me wonders if I should have just gone for it and I was being petty. I don’t know. It just makes me kind of sad to think about.
pH3ra@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 hours ago
The first time I asked my future wife out she said no to me. Straight no, I felt so bad that day. And the reason was that it felt unnatural at the moment, we were getting closer and I jumped to conclusions too fast.
I guess the moral of the story is you can get a second chance.
Sparrow_1029@programming.dev 1 day ago
Years ago, a friend of mine once had: “Seeking partner skilled in armed combat for the coming apocalypse. Must not be averse to cannibalism” as their bio.
Got 'em a couple DMs I think
solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Yeah that sounds like a fun person
Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 days ago
>Why can’t I get a partner by sitting alone in my room and swiping?
>This must be the fault of women
ramble81@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
You know, I’m very much for equality, but in this situation a woman can do exactly that and get loads of dates.
It’s the initial connection that is the highest barrier for men, after that, yeah, kinda need to leave the house to get a partner.
parrhesia@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
I think its cuz there is a lot more men there then women
AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 1 day ago
darthelmet@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
and think Helen Keller wasn’t real
wat? I’m not on any dating apps, is this a real conspiracy theory people believe?
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 19 hours ago
there are many many more conspiracy theories out there that people believe than there is time for you to learn about all of them.
k0e3@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
I honestly can’t afford to lose my wife because there’s no way I would find another partner in the modern dating scene. I feel like the bar is way higher than it was in the early 2000s.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
social media has convinced folks anything less than perfect means your partner is a total loser.
and everything you possible do is wonderful and perfect and above and criticism.
it’s literally insane and the reason why most people are single. they want their partner to be like an elite marathon runner while they can barely walk 5 blocks without getting winded.
FellowEnt@sh.itjust.works 19 hours ago
I felt exactly this way, and then my wife left me in at the start of this year. The apps are now a complete shitshow compared to when I last used them in ~2020, and I’m not in any kind of scene adjacent to dating. This isn’t directed at you (good luck in your marriage), but to anyone else reading this there is hope. I randomly bumped into a girl six weeks ago, plucked up the courage to ask for her number (I’ve literally only done this once in my life) and we’ve been going steady since. I now believe in karma and am happier than I’ve ever been.
Malyca@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
Dating apps are the worst, the absolute worst, way to meet people. I met my husband in a chat room and that’s fucking awful right? Dating apps are worse. Go on blind dates, set your friends up, go and scream in the middle of a park, all of those are better than dating apps. Humans don’t work like catalogues.
Banana@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
go and scream in the middle of a park
I see you use the bird method
CascadianGiraffe@lemmy.world 1 day ago
If I see someone attractive screaming in a park they probably have my attention.
CultLeader4Hire@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Probably just messaging fake accounts/bots to make it look like women use the app but then real women get the flack for it
PrimeMinisterKeyes@leminal.space 1 day ago
Yeah, that’s what they do. People don’t notice that? I’ve known several guys that worked this kind of jobs on and off when really strapped for money. Pretending to be women online. Unethical AF, of course, but this is a lot more widespread than you could possibly imagine. And it’s not hard at all to get hired.
reksas@sopuli.xyz 2 days ago
at least “designed to be deleted” part of it is truthful. Nothing else to be done with that garbage program.
solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Lol it’s so enshitified it’s designed to be deleted
Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
He’s got a point about carbon copy profiles, they all blur together after a while, and it’s very difficult to find something interesting to talk about in a lot of them.
vivalapivo@lemmy.today 2 days ago
Dating apps belong to a trash can. Hobby is the best place to find a partner. Go to a local meet up to play board games, hike, cycle, jam, improv, debate or whatever. The only way left in the modern world
MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Helen Keller wasn’t real
wat
NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Reminded me of a terrible joke.
Why couldn’t Hellen Keller drive a car?
Because she was a woman.
taygaloocat@leminal.space 2 days ago
I do find that dating apps make me feel sexist. I have to remind myself that the women on Hinge are not representative of the female populace, otherwise I get bitter.
5190tent@lemmy.world 2 days ago
From multiple apps Hinge actually worked out the best for me despite having some traits that aren’t ideal for dating apps (short, unemployed, autistic). The algorithm adapts quite quickly to what you like so I see mostly alternative people, nature friends and scientists. I’ve been using it for a few weeks and out of my 7 matches 5 were biologists.
The dude is right tho about sending likes and comments being useless, every match I got was from women liking me first. But that’s where Hinge is better than other dating apps: you see who liked you without having to pay.
TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
I had a similar experience with hinge after a 7-year long relationship fell apart. The most vapid, basic profiles devoid of any individual personality. I think the way hinge does their profiles leads to that. I eventually gave up and instead of trying a different app, i just realized that I like being single.
Instead of spending my time swiping on basic bitches, I took up painting, hiking, got back into practicing my instruments again and joined the local symphony and a celtic fiddle group, became more active in niche online spaces and made a ton of friends there, etc.
At this point I honeslty can’t even imagine inviting a woman into my life and being beholden to her whims and expectations 🤷🏼♂️
sidebro@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
At some point I think they were designed to be deleted but there’s more money in the opposite. Somewhere along the road, they realized and made a shift and they got shitty.
FavouriteShapes@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Wait what??
Is “thinks Helen Keller wasn’t real” a new mainstream thing???
Psythik@lemmy.world 1 day ago
The woman I am going to marry is the kind of person that would never use a dating app. Literally the same week I gave up on online dating, she asked me out at work.
Never had success trying to meet girls on the internet. Sometimes you just have to get lucky and hopefully there’s someone attractive who is interested in you wherever you work/study/hang out.
SillyDude@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
What does hiking and traveling even mean? I’m nomadic and spend most of my time hiking. The only people doing the same are retired 60+. I never see anyone my age on trails, camping, being nomadic. I’ve literally never met someone my age or younger who’s a functioning tramp. In the last year I’ve only met one couple in a schoolie who were <50.
atro_city@fedia.io 2 days ago
Dating apps are brutal for men, especially 4channers.
AppleTea@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
I’d love to hear someone who thinks Helen Keller wasn’t real describe what they think the late 1800s was like.
ClockworkOtter@lemmy.world 2 days ago
It worked around COVID time - I matched a few people and met my partner on it. It did get bought out soon after though.
Rooskie91@discuss.online 2 days ago
Tinder, Azar, Her, Hinge, match.com, meetic, Ok Cupid, Plent of Fish, and The League are all owned by a single company.
The ratio of women to men on their dating apps are also wack.
cannedtuna@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Good lord they own basically all the major ones.
Also all the different “X People Meet” apps, but no Linux People Meet? 😭 /s
Burghler@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
We meet here bro 😘
pmk@piefed.ca 2 days ago
I met my girlfriend on IRC, we’ve been living together for 7 years now. She was trolling people with goatse pics and we started talking about philosophy and poetry etc and then it turned out that she’s a super cute canadian girl. This is usually not the story we tell people when they ask how we met.
mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Tbh, isn’t that just Alovoa? I had never heard of it until I saw it on FDroid
boonhet@sopuli.xyz 2 days ago
Are you sure there’s no transfemme one?
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
How is that not an anti-trust issue? Each one started as an independent company trying to add value by bringing something new to the table, and they bought them all up to eliminate the competition and enshittified them all with the same profit-gouging algorithms.
Not to mention the concerted effort they made to make in-person dating a social taboo so that everyone literally depends on the dating apps to find potential partners.
Back before I gave up on dating, when I was still on reddit, I can’t tell you how many times I heard the same advice. “Don’t approach people in person, nobody wants to be bothered. Just use the apps where you know they want to be approached.”
That with the systematic minimization of the shittiness of the apps, and the victim blaming “just work on yourself bro, you must be a shit person if you can’t find a partner, so you’d find a partner if you could just stop being a shit person.”
Looking back, I wonder how much of that was astroturfing by the Match Group marketing department…
Banana@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
This makes total sense!
I met my husband on Tinder in 2014, 3 years before consolidation in 2017. When I was using it it was only a joint venture with Match Group
I also had some success before 2014 on okcupid (initially owned by IAC which used to contain Match Group and has since separated from match group but Match group kept OkCupid) and POF (sold in 2015 to Match Group)
Makes sense to me why I had a way different experience on dating websites back when I was single compared to my single friends now.
87Six@lemmy.zip 14 hours ago
Fun fact: you can probably guess the ethnicity of Spencer Rascoff, the CEO of Match Group.
ramble81@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
Feeld is there too. Their matching and like system is very much weighted towards paying not-cheap monthly prices.