starelfsc2
@starelfsc2@sh.itjust.works
- Comment on Dude read the rules of woman only community and decided to post anyway 1 day ago:
On lemmy as well as reddit it is by far majority men, idk why you’d think I was talking about irl. A lot of people talk way more online than irl.
I do agree having just a men’s space is important, I think the reason for things like boy scouts being mixed is so you can have people of both genders interacting while building and doing things together, which is really important learning and doesn’t happen much in schools. Is this more or less important than having a purely boys space, i really don’t know. That said I’m not opposed to pure male spaces once people aren’t in school anymore, and it likely is important, but I can maybe try to explain the double standard.
I think we would both agree men are generally more aggressive and competitive, due to higher testosterone. That means they will generally take up more of the space and conversation, and be more boisterous. This means a few men in a woman’s space will impact it much more than a few women in a men’s space. Women being generally less aggressive stern competitive etc their voices are often just lost or very quiet in normal life. People want to talk to others with similar experiences and commiserate, and that’s hard to do for women if they’re not hearing other women. I think irl even if you didn’t identify as a woman but had very similar experiences to women, most good groups would say ya you’re also welcome. It’s sort of just a bad categorization for shared experiences, but the best one we have for now.
Idk I don’t look at people venting against any demographic and think I need to speak up (as long as it’s not just hateful or wrong). It’s like if I said “I have to lock my car in majority black neighborhoods,” most non radical leftists would say “ya true but they’re not more dangerous because they’re black its because they’re poor” to which I would say “ya. I still have to lock my car here though.” Same thing in that thread, men wouldn’t do that if they had more support from men AND women, but the statement was totally fair and not really that negative, it felt more like “it’s sad this is the way things are right now.” Though, testosterone DOES sorta push men to think being nice = in love, so it’s not a totally fair comparison.
The reason it’s public is to make it as easy as possible for women to stumble into it and post and comment, and hoping everyone else will be understanding. Making it private or sign-up only or whatever basically loses the whole point of being able to hear other women.
- Comment on Dude read the rules of woman only community and decided to post anyway 4 days ago:
The other reply is kinda accurate but I just wanted to give lived experience that the way I get treated is as if I’m more dangerous and more aggressive by default (where obviously a woman will get taken less seriously and be more in danger by default), but it still feels pretty bad to have people feel less safe around me when I have done literally nothing to cause it. I’m not blaming someone for saying they feel less safe around men, I would even agree, but that means the reality is many men who have done literally nothing feel the distrust and unease. The outright hatred I think is an online only thing, I’ve never heard anyone say anything similar irl.
Also I might say if you really want to help them to not discount their experiences, that’s how we ended up with people like Andrew tate. The hatred does exist but almost always by a very loud very small minority online. And I’m sure the hatred does exist irl, from people who had really bad experiences with men, or they’re just jerks. That can be reality, and when you get blamed by those women it’s painful. Women are just people, and there are good and bad women because there are good and bad (or maybe just hurt) people.
- Comment on Dude read the rules of woman only community and decided to post anyway 4 days ago:
I understand what you mean but “not used to communicating with people irl” being a red flag is kinda sad. Some people are just not good at socializing or don’t have many friends while also not being a bad person.
- Comment on Dude read the rules of woman only community and decided to post anyway 4 days ago:
True let’s look at some of those super toxic posts that are very man hating, all taken from the front page
Do you want to have kids? I hate being pregnant essay on menopause tweet about is a woman being rude, or are people conditioned to think a woman being assertive is rude
I actually did not find a single post about a man in about 30 posts. Curious.
- Comment on Dude read the rules of woman only community and decided to post anyway 4 days ago:
I would agree with you but this is like being surrounded by men for 99% of the time all the time forever and then having a community that is not 99% men.
That said I don’t fully agree with them, half the time it really is weirdos downplaying women’s experiences, but the other half is a woman giving a story and ending it with something like “men are disgusting,” and someone (not very nicely) replying “what do you mean men are disgusting??”
I wouldn’t say that’s a reasonable response, but definitely understandable, and I’ve seen it downplayed as an incel response pretty often
- Comment on I'm too stupid for this 4 weeks ago:
This is something I’ve been thinking about recently, I’ll see something that is way too complex for me, and think “well this person is just smarter I could never do that.” After 3 months of doing simpler stuff, it now seems challenging but doable. Just doing something for long enough, even pretty complex things become second nature.
- Comment on 'This is definitely my last TwitchCon': High-profile streamer Emiru was assaulted at the event, even as streamers have been sounding the alarm about stalkers and harassment 5 weeks ago:
I hate to break this to you but many people who watch female streamers are not there for the games, and many streamers encourage this parasocial behavior (I don’t think emiru really does, but I don’t really watch twitch anymore). Even for male streamers I’ll see people treating donators like they’re friends and being really encouraging (only when they donate a message though). If you are one of the people who just pops in and out and watches streamers who don’t do this, then you and that streamer are not who he is talking about.
- Comment on Does anyone else notice an up tick in hostility on Lemmy lately? 5 weeks ago:
Idk some of the worst comments I have ever seen are from .world users, maybe not super toxic but definitely redditor type responses. Maybe that’s just because .world is the most popular instance that I see it when I check a bad comment though ¯_(ツ)_/¯
- Comment on Simpler times? 1 month ago:
Yeah worst part is it makes you unsure later if people are just pretending or not. In college I wouldn’t trust people weren’t just pretending to like being around me as a joke :/ takes a while of actually being appreciated to get over it…
- Comment on Simpler times? 1 month ago:
I wonder if this is a common experience because I’ve had basically the exact same thing happen to me. It’s like it feels inauthentic but also they’re saying nice stuff that no one ever does so I don’t really want to tell them to stop…
- Comment on They're together now 1 month ago:
- Comment on We’re Suing Minecraft in a Class Action Lawsuit 3 months ago:
Probably why he wanted to sue in the first place but the actual lawsuit is over deleting minecraft accounts that didn’t migrate to Microsoft accounts. That restriction was not present in the original TOS, and seems to be illegal to change without the user accepting a new TOS (that isn’t forced under threat of deleting what you own).
- Comment on Is it safe to assume the guy i went out on a date with, just wants to sleep with me? 3 months ago:
Eh if 2 people enjoy each other’s company I think that’s all that matters, I knew people who dated during just a summer program when it was only 2 months. Depends how well you think you’d handle it or if you’re worried you might get too attached.
- Comment on Anon's split personality 5 months ago:
Yeah it’s definitely testosterone :/ just pure monkey brain neuron activated, there’s not really any thoughts besides “I am so unbelievably in love with them” until you’re snapped back to reality…
- Comment on Anon visits a guy's house 5 months ago:
I think its just a “this was in there before so it must go back in after im done using it,” since it’s only when it’s fully empty that changes.
- Comment on Anon studies human behavior 5 months ago:
All it takes is hearing stories or knowing someone personally who just gets flooded with creeps and you realize this isn’t an overreaction. One of my not super close friends changed their name on Facebook because of weirdos trying to do “”““light””“” stalking constantly. It seems super weird and antisocial of women until you get the full story.
- Comment on Anon is worried about men 7 months ago:
I guess I’m just not reading the literal exact words they wrote, but interpreting what they likely meant was “no one (in the large pool of people I have tried dating) is looking for a meaningful relationship.” It’s like psychoanalzying someone after they got dumped for saying “women are evil” and saying “omg this guy is an incel!” He’s venting about a negative experience, not debating that women are all trash humans. Making generalizations because you’re upset doesn’t make you a bad person or an incel or…
If you’ve never run into the situation of living somewhere that everyone seems to only care about themselves I’m glad for you, but that absolutely does happen. I’m a pretty sociable person and moving from 1 city/neighborhood to another, I want nothing to do with “many, many” women around here because they are exactly as he described, there are some cool women too definitely, but the place I used to live had a majority really cool interesting and unique people. If I wasn’t lucky enough to see personally that there are a lot of women who aren’t surface level, I probably would’ve said the same thing as he did. Which is why I said the response I would have is “man that sucks sorry you have to deal with that.”
- Comment on Anon is worried about men 7 months ago:
Yeah I think it’s rather women have the same problem dating men, but are much less superficial with other girls
- Comment on Anon is worried about men 7 months ago:
Brutal, yeah I usually skip over people who have those weird qualifiers just out of principle, like yeah maybe this is a negative to you but you’re gonna write off a whole person for that? There are so many amazing people that they’ll never meet just because of some random “dealbreaker.”
- Comment on Anon is worried about men 7 months ago:
“My experience as a man dating has been many many girls are superficial” is in fact bashing many many girls… the ones who are superficial? If a woman said “many many men are superficial” I would say “correct. Sorry you had to deal with people like that.” Not “stop bashing men” when the men they’re talking about are the same people I would complain about!!!
- Comment on Anon is worried about men 7 months ago:
He just implied they were one of the people being complained about, so they got mad and left a mean comment. you’re reading into it too much imo.
- Comment on Anon is worried about men 7 months ago:
Thankfully you are aware enough to write “typically” and know this commenter is an individual person with their own experiences and manner of speaking, so we shouldn’t make assumptions!
- Comment on Anon is worried about men 7 months ago:
Imo that’s just people in general, most have a lot of issues they want to talk through and don’t have people to talk with. After seeing about 9000 online profiles with “pamper me” or “over 6 ft or don’t message” I get the feeling though :>
- Comment on No more Bosch for me.. 7 months ago:
Rinse, delayed start and eco mode are unneeded features? Delay start is one of my most used features, many power companies charge less if you use electricity in the middle of the night. Rinse is incredibly useful for if water got stuck on/in some dishes, and eco mode saves power and water. How is a high-end dishwasher not having things that many people use daily “a nothingburger?”
- Comment on The one drawback to walking at night 9 months ago:
Tl;dr. (jk) I guess it’s like, I know this post wasn’t aimed at me but even still reading the words “men love to murder” I’m like “hey what? What did I do??”
I didn’t comment on it because it doesn’t bother me that much, but you’re asking why people who are upset and angry make the conversation about them… I think there’s your answer. They probably don’t even fully understand why they’re angry and just wrote what sounded good to them. I’d wager the majority of guys on lemmy are not neurotypical and already experience people treating them poorly, or thought they were scary because they’re weird, and now they’re being grouped with dangerous people. I know that’s not what the post meant, but again it’s the overweight person being sensitive, they’re not choosing to get upset over it that’s just how they reacted.
semi-related, there is a psychiatrist who made a youtube channel called healthygamergg where he would talk about psychology topics and set up coaching for people to improve their lives. I’m in to psychology so I watched quite a few of his videos, but to the point his community had said “you need to address how women are treated in gaming.” (obviously terribly) So he made a video talking about how women had it hard and that you can’t exist as a woman in a game without being heckled. 100% on board. Then he said “like, women have it so much harder, you guys are living on easy mode.” and I haven’t watched a video of his since if was so hurtful. I know that’s not what he meant, I know he just meant women have a lot of unique struggles men don’t have etc, but to hear the stuff me and my friends went through being called easy mode was… really hurtful. Point being sometimes people have sore spots, and even if they should read it one way, I can’t blame them for reading it another.
- Comment on The one drawback to walking at night 9 months ago:
I’m saying it’s fine that you aren’t bothered by it, but some people really are, and hate being compared to dangerous people and are sensitive about it, and will react badly to it. The way you respond is valid and the way they respond is valid, if a bit on edge. I can’t really explain it past that, it’s like someone is sensitive about their weight and you say “those clothes fill you out nicely,” and they get mad at you, when that’s not what you meant. It’s not your fault for saying it, it’s just knowing there are a lot of people who are sensitive about being called dangerous, we might want to take that into account.
I actually didn’t know what you meant, because I’ve met and read of many people who were suicidal due to emotional abuse, or live the rest of their lives feeling unsafe and distressed, so it seemed a valid comparison. I don’t think they would agree being killed would be worse than what they went through/the effects it had on them. Obviously this isn’t ALL cases, but that’s why it seemed a valid comparison to me.
I think about this sometimes, but you have 2 sides that are emotionally hurt and defensive. A woman out of an abusive relationship will say “all men are evil” and the men who are sensitive to that will get mad thinking they’re responding to a statement, not emotions. Now the man is likely to respond with emotions too, like “how could you say that about ME!”
I’m not blaming the woman in that state, or even the man for responding that way. Some people are on edge, and saying “men” to them means “including me” and now they have to defend themselves from the attack. If you don’t know why they would be so on edge, I would wager it’s because popular media (or even people in their own lives!) usually insinuates or outright says “men are idiots, men aren’t emotional, men are dangerous, men aren’t bothered by anything.” If you are the opposite of that, you’re going to be upset. This is also true for women. I’m just saying this is why people might be on edge.
Side note: I saw a comment saying “women lose all interest as soon as you open up emotionally” and about 1/2 the replies to them were saying “maybe the really bad women do this, but this is an incel talking point.”
- Comment on The one drawback to walking at night 9 months ago:
That’s fine for you, but people who are judged or seen as dangerous just for the way they are (i.e. often just being a man) might be sensitive to things that imply they’re dangerous because they probably experience it in their daily lives too (a kid being less trusting towards you, a person taking a wider path around you). Angry responses usually come from a place of hurt, these are would-be allies who are just reading it differently.
Not gonna lie that may have been the most depressing thing I’ve ever read. Please read a book on ptsd if you think it’s not comparable to the fear of being killed. “The body keeps the score” is a great book which includes cases caused by emotional abuse.
- Comment on The one drawback to walking at night 9 months ago:
I mean these comments are pretty insane but cmon you know what you said is not equivalent, this meme uses othering language and people got mad at it because it groups them with people they likely despise. Why can’t we just be on the same team? If I say “being outgoing is a vibe too bad women love emotionally abusing people” I sincerely hope you wouldn’t defend that.
- Comment on If you're not attracted to anyone "in your league", but you cannot choose who you are attracted to, then what are you supposed to do? 10 months ago:
Pretty interesting question sorry all the redditors are downvoting this and giving you fantasy land looks don’t matter replies. A couple comments nailed it, if they’re out of your league then improve yourself until you’re in their league, or lower your standards. Looks are just one aspect of attractiveness, being an interesting/funny/enjoyable person to be around has a huge impact. Just bring something else to the table and bridge that gap.
- Comment on If you're not attracted to anyone "in your league", but you cannot choose who you are attracted to, then what are you supposed to do? 10 months ago:
I mean while most of this is true, saying looks aren’t important to long term happiness is just not the reality we live in. Living life as someone that people don’t like looking at grinds you down, ask anyone who is/was overweight.
You can do a lot to improve it, by wearing nice clothes being healthy etc, and you can make up for it by being the funniest one in the group, being the most interesting etc, but you’re also asking this of people who will likely have the hardest time dealing with strangers. I experienced a massive difference in how people treated me after I started going to the gym, just a lot more people smiling at me and treating me well when I hadn’t said a single word.
When the world is friendly to you when you do nothing, it’s a lot easier to be confident and funny and happy, and vice versa. I’m not saying to be doomer “there’s nothing you can do,” but just don’t ignore people when they tell you it DOES impact their lives negatively, even in the long term. Not trying to be negative it’s just frustrating when people take it from “this is not what’s holding you back from being with good people” (true) to “this has barely any effect” (false)
