starelfsc2
@starelfsc2@sh.itjust.works
- Comment on The one drawback to walking at night 2 weeks ago:
Tl;dr. (jk) I guess it’s like, I know this post wasn’t aimed at me but even still reading the words “men love to murder” I’m like “hey what? What did I do??”
I didn’t comment on it because it doesn’t bother me that much, but you’re asking why people who are upset and angry make the conversation about them… I think there’s your answer. They probably don’t even fully understand why they’re angry and just wrote what sounded good to them. I’d wager the majority of guys on lemmy are not neurotypical and already experience people treating them poorly, or thought they were scary because they’re weird, and now they’re being grouped with dangerous people. I know that’s not what the post meant, but again it’s the overweight person being sensitive, they’re not choosing to get upset over it that’s just how they reacted.
semi-related, there is a psychiatrist who made a youtube channel called healthygamergg where he would talk about psychology topics and set up coaching for people to improve their lives. I’m in to psychology so I watched quite a few of his videos, but to the point his community had said “you need to address how women are treated in gaming.” (obviously terribly) So he made a video talking about how women had it hard and that you can’t exist as a woman in a game without being heckled. 100% on board. Then he said “like, women have it so much harder, you guys are living on easy mode.” and I haven’t watched a video of his since if was so hurtful. I know that’s not what he meant, I know he just meant women have a lot of unique struggles men don’t have etc, but to hear the stuff me and my friends went through being called easy mode was… really hurtful. Point being sometimes people have sore spots, and even if they should read it one way, I can’t blame them for reading it another.
- Comment on The one drawback to walking at night 2 weeks ago:
I’m saying it’s fine that you aren’t bothered by it, but some people really are, and hate being compared to dangerous people and are sensitive about it, and will react badly to it. The way you respond is valid and the way they respond is valid, if a bit on edge. I can’t really explain it past that, it’s like someone is sensitive about their weight and you say “those clothes fill you out nicely,” and they get mad at you, when that’s not what you meant. It’s not your fault for saying it, it’s just knowing there are a lot of people who are sensitive about being called dangerous, we might want to take that into account.
I actually didn’t know what you meant, because I’ve met and read of many people who were suicidal due to emotional abuse, or live the rest of their lives feeling unsafe and distressed, so it seemed a valid comparison. I don’t think they would agree being killed would be worse than what they went through/the effects it had on them. Obviously this isn’t ALL cases, but that’s why it seemed a valid comparison to me.
I think about this sometimes, but you have 2 sides that are emotionally hurt and defensive. A woman out of an abusive relationship will say “all men are evil” and the men who are sensitive to that will get mad thinking they’re responding to a statement, not emotions. Now the man is likely to respond with emotions too, like “how could you say that about ME!”
I’m not blaming the woman in that state, or even the man for responding that way. Some people are on edge, and saying “men” to them means “including me” and now they have to defend themselves from the attack. If you don’t know why they would be so on edge, I would wager it’s because popular media (or even people in their own lives!) usually insinuates or outright says “men are idiots, men aren’t emotional, men are dangerous, men aren’t bothered by anything.” If you are the opposite of that, you’re going to be upset. This is also true for women. I’m just saying this is why people might be on edge.
Side note: I saw a comment saying “women lose all interest as soon as you open up emotionally” and about 1/2 the replies to them were saying “maybe the really bad women do this, but this is an incel talking point.”
- Comment on The one drawback to walking at night 2 weeks ago:
That’s fine for you, but people who are judged or seen as dangerous just for the way they are (i.e. often just being a man) might be sensitive to things that imply they’re dangerous because they probably experience it in their daily lives too (a kid being less trusting towards you, a person taking a wider path around you). Angry responses usually come from a place of hurt, these are would-be allies who are just reading it differently.
Not gonna lie that may have been the most depressing thing I’ve ever read. Please read a book on ptsd if you think it’s not comparable to the fear of being killed. “The body keeps the score” is a great book which includes cases caused by emotional abuse.
- Comment on The one drawback to walking at night 2 weeks ago:
I mean these comments are pretty insane but cmon you know what you said is not equivalent, this meme uses othering language and people got mad at it because it groups them with people they likely despise. Why can’t we just be on the same team? If I say “being outgoing is a vibe too bad women love emotionally abusing people” I sincerely hope you wouldn’t defend that.
- Comment on If you're not attracted to anyone "in your league", but you cannot choose who you are attracted to, then what are you supposed to do? 1 month ago:
Pretty interesting question sorry all the redditors are downvoting this and giving you fantasy land looks don’t matter replies. A couple comments nailed it, if they’re out of your league then improve yourself until you’re in their league, or lower your standards. Looks are just one aspect of attractiveness, being an interesting/funny/enjoyable person to be around has a huge impact. Just bring something else to the table and bridge that gap.
- Comment on If you're not attracted to anyone "in your league", but you cannot choose who you are attracted to, then what are you supposed to do? 1 month ago:
I mean while most of this is true, saying looks aren’t important to long term happiness is just not the reality we live in. Living life as someone that people don’t like looking at grinds you down, ask anyone who is/was overweight.
You can do a lot to improve it, by wearing nice clothes being healthy etc, and you can make up for it by being the funniest one in the group, being the most interesting etc, but you’re also asking this of people who will likely have the hardest time dealing with strangers. I experienced a massive difference in how people treated me after I started going to the gym, just a lot more people smiling at me and treating me well when I hadn’t said a single word.
When the world is friendly to you when you do nothing, it’s a lot easier to be confident and funny and happy, and vice versa. I’m not saying to be doomer “there’s nothing you can do,” but just don’t ignore people when they tell you it DOES impact their lives negatively, even in the long term. Not trying to be negative it’s just frustrating when people take it from “this is not what’s holding you back from being with good people” (true) to “this has barely any effect” (false)
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- Comment on Why do I tend to reply in the same amount of time it took my friends to? 2 months ago:
If you respond instantly at any point during the day it can mean you’re not doing anything the entire day or you’re actually desperate for interaction. If you don’t feel secure in your relationship with someone you might want them to think you have a lot going on.
Also, some research shows being less available can make you seem more valuable. This article is related to business relationships but it’s the same principle. www.nytimes.com/…/benefits-of-being-scarce.html
- Comment on [deleted] 4 months ago:
Oh I’ve seen I think all of the others, which is why this one was a little disappointing to me. The 2nd and 3rd videos in the playlist are something I think about a lot, where conservatives are taught all the deflection arguments and fake accusations so at no point do they need to defend the indefensible. I more just wanted to bump the post in case someone else comes across his channel and gets interested, since about 70% of what he makes are bangers
- Comment on [deleted] 5 months ago:
I felt like the content of this video was already pretty evident, maybe just because I’ve heard other creators talk about dealing with this same issue so often.
- Comment on Anon watches Malcolm in the Middle 5 months ago:
I went back and watched through most of the first season, and I really do find it strange, it’s like overtly left leaning text pretty often, but consistent conservative subtext. By that I mean they will have hodgins and bones saying “tax cuts to the rich instead of giving that money to poor neighborhoods like this so they stay poor, and minimum wage hasn’t budged in 8 years, and it’s even worse if you’re an illegal immigrant.” They’ll talk about people being gay and just treat it as normal but don’t ever show it on screen(I would say this is neutral/a little positive?). Bones likes rap music, they’re constantly asking “are you threatened by working with a woman?” and she knows martial arts and self defense and shows it off very regularly. Angela is very independent as well.
But at the same time, bones is consistently showing needing support from booth and angela (hardly ever the other way around), women are usually dressed in pretty revealing ways (angela and bones pretty consistently wear low vnecks), one episode someone plants a carbomb and they think it’s a muslim, then pretend “how dare we think it was a muslim” and then it turns out it’s his brother who is also muslim and says he did it for his god? Every time Booth mentions christianity it’s seen as positive and heartwarming for him or people he meets, and bones even becomes the damsel in distress and Booth has to rescue her, which makes all her punching and fighting seem irrelevant.
It’s very weird it feels like it’s all plausable deniability where they could say that’s just what we wanted to write an episode about (other than the Booth is a strong man who cares about real american values)I didn’t even realize they explained away brennan’s autistic coding by saying it was her upbringing, like that’s the only way someone could be like that (or with the autistic kid being autistic only because he’s >160 iq, otherwise he’d be normal).
I think the only things I would disagree with is, Bones didn’t become rich by pulling herself up, it was just because she worked as an escape, and then I think the writers just wanted to show that she is successful in everything she tries because she’s just awesome that awesome (possibly conservative coding?) I would also say Bones feels in charge half the time, even more in charge than the administrator really. She’ll ignore Booth and all the laws and all the rules and do what she thinks is right, and then Booth usually ends up following after her (to protect her of course). The Administrator started off as above everyone but later in the season it feels like he’s their colleague who deals with the press and tells bones that she has to go with Booth sometimes. I think if you replaced him with a woman no one would really notice unless it was in the first few episodes. I also think Booth isn’t quite a perfect conservative American, maybe a perfect soldier, specifically because he will lie to people, do the wrong thing, etc, but it’s what his boss told him to do. At least that’s what it seems like, the writing for him and Bones are probably the most inconsistent in the whole show. Also the autistic kid, I think it literally was just the writers wanted to kill off a main character, and so they just decided on him because it was easy. To be honest if I was the writer I would’ve done the same thing, most episodes it feels like he doesn’t add anything unique or interesting, just a “look I’m smart.” Lots of interesting stories to tell with an autistic character, but if they don’t know how to tell them and it makes the character unpopular, time to get rid of him I guess.
Other than that I think you pretty much nailed it, I just wanted to say that I found pretty often the show is surprisingly progressive, just maybe not in the subtext of the show. It’s just such a weird mash-up of “look how progressive we are, we have a badass woman, the guy is getting bossed around” that somehow turns into “the strong man learned to do the right thing and also saved the woman.” I think since Booth is always in focus and always showing he’s a strong conservative man, they can get away with saying whatever they want, because the progressive words don’t matter, what matters is how it feels. (Note this is all based off season 1, later seasons they definitely lean in to what the fans want and a lot of conservatives were definitely watching)
- Comment on Why 🤷♂️ do users 👨💻 dislike 👎 the use ✅ of emojis 😀 on Lemmy 🐭? 5 months ago:
Yeah I think it’s just some people are not trying to “communicate” rather they’re just doing it because it’s fun for them (and some others). Sort of the “talking because they like to talk.” I used to also be pretty annoyed by it but I had a friend use them all the time and sort of just got used to it. Even if it did still annoy me I don’t like to ruin someone’s fun, so I’ll just be a bit mad and carry on (and then complain to other people it annoys)
- Comment on Why 🤷♂️ do users 👨💻 dislike 👎 the use ✅ of emojis 😀 on Lemmy 🐭? 5 months ago:
The point of the emoji at the end was to “add some more feeling/fun to text content,” like if I ended a comment with “I couldn’t stop smiling while writing this.” It’s irrelevant but it changes the flavor of the text.
Besides that, many lemmy users are on the spectrum and will read “Donald Trump is known for his great border policies” in a comment that it’s clear they’re joking, and they will still have -5 score and comments arguing with them until the poster says “it was a joke.” Compare that to “Donald Trump is known for his great border policies 🤡” or 🙄 or 💀 depending on how obvious you want to be. It’s just a tool that can be misused or annoying like anything else.
- Comment on Why 🤷♂️ do users 👨💻 dislike 👎 the use ✅ of emojis 😀 on Lemmy 🐭? 5 months ago:
well yeah if the person writes 😪😔🤥 it’s not clear what they mean, but this poster gave an example sentence that’s pretty unambiguous, and is using the emoji as a tool to make it even more unambiguous, are they not? 🤔
Just feels unfair to lump 🗨💣💨🤳 style emoji usage with “let me put 😆 to make it more clear this is a joke” 🥺 (also sometimes it’s just what the writer is feeling, rather than trying to be clear communication)
- Comment on Cords 5 months ago:
Every Christmas light string I have seen has had a small fuse inside of the plug, so even if you managed to get a female plug full of water or something and somehow manage to get shocked before a breaker trips in the outlet, you’re probably just going to blow the fuse.
- Comment on Anon watches Malcolm in the Middle 5 months ago:
I think the reason I didn’t see booth as conservative-coded, is because he seemed to be portrayed (or maybe just regarded by bones) as foolish and outdated (and usually also wrong) for basically every reason you said, but he was a good guy who always showed up and did the right thing. Though I definitely remember some times where he was doing some “hard working man protects the woman” stuff and that was seen as “good” which I thought was very out of place, especially bones reacting to it positively… Maybe the times he looked foolish were meant to be serious and they just couldn’t make it not sound ridiculous lol
Hearing this makes me really want to re-watch it as I wasn’t thinking about any of this… hmm…
bones.fandom.com/wiki/The_Proof_in_the_Pudding here’s the episode, Angela is pregnant (thinks she is pregnant) with Wendell, but is dating (?) hodgins, who tells her to keep it. I guess maybe this is still a bit conservative coded? Hard to say maybe it’s pretty neutral
- Comment on Anon watches Malcolm in the Middle 6 months ago:
Hmm I may actually re-watch it and keep an eye out for these but you are more correct than I remember. I would say Bones does seem a little bit autistic, and some of the people in power are women, but it’s in a little bit of a hamfisted way (look at these badass women!).
I think the episode where one woman got pregnant with someone else’s kid she was thinking of not keeping it but got convinced to keep it by her husband (fiance?), the message still being “them keeping it obviously good.”
Seems like the writing was mostly fine but sometimes very conservative-coded when the director wanted to insert some spiel about life values. I appreciate the examples, I think I immediately forgot about those episodes specifically because of the weird messaging.
- Comment on Anon watches Malcolm in the Middle 6 months ago:
Wait really Bones did this? I thought I remember an episode where Bones says “you just need to work hard, my life was hard too but I didn’t end up like that” and learned by the end that wasn’t a fair judgment. Maybe I’m misremembering?
- Comment on The worst pick-up line I've ever gotten 7 months ago:
I think the people downvoting took “quoting Harry Potter sounds like you hate me” as “quoting Harry Potter means you hate trans people” (stated as fact). The OP said this is how it feels to them, we shouldn’t downvote people for sharing how they experienced something.
- Comment on Aspirations 7 months ago:
On the flip side of this, it makes me sad that using fancy words usually just makes you seem pretentious in normal conversations, which has made a lot of cool/interesting words unusable for me. Even words that used to be pretty common, like insipid, will have most people look at you like 🤨
- Comment on [Serious] Why do so many people seem to hate veganism? 9 months ago:
It takes a “special” kind of person to take something so ingrained in culture and still say “I’m not gonna do that,” usually a slightly crazy and/or neurodivergent person. I think this is partly why there are so many “insane” vegans, because it’s self selecting for people who are outside the norm.
I don’t even mention to most people I’m vegan, usually just an excuse like “meat makes me feel sick” because the average person will think I’m going to give them a 20 minute lecture.
To anyone who is the vegan who will give the 20 minute lecture, please consider if your goal is actually animal welfare, you can hardly ever debate someone out of something they like. Instead, just show people easy dishes you made that they actually enjoy (pasta with spaghetti sauce, French fries, vegetable stir fry, roasted veggies with olive oil) and you’ll often find they start cooking more vegan food (or at least less meat), and also talk more positively about veganism
- Comment on unsure why we are surprised lol 10 months ago:
You are correct, hexbear did defederate from sh.itjust.works about a week after federating with them, so the vote became moot.
The reason you gave is part of the reason hexbear admins gave, but I would take what they say with a grain of salt. I’ve seen people say things like “being trans in thoughts is a much different experiece than being trans in the way you dress, act, and look” and hexbear users will call that transphobic/uninclusive, as well as generally being vitriolic and unpleasant.
As an example, a post where someone says “Biden brings up minimum wage increase and asks other democrats to speak up” will have several comments from hexbear users saying “capitalist bootlickers defending Biden should be shot like the vermin they are.” Maybe some users harassed hexbear users for these comments? I personally didn’t see any but it’s definitely possible.
- Comment on unsure why we are surprised lol 10 months ago:
Actually, there was a vote immediately after the defederation to see whether people wanted lemmygrad refederated, and about 80-90% of the votes were to stay defederated, so it seems the users of sh.itjust.works also don’t like grad.
- Comment on 1 year ago:
I use an android app called kanji study to help learn/practice writing kanji. Once you have the basics down, writing characters helps a lot since it helps you recognize radicals that appear all the time (and helps a lot with remembering characters)
