Submitted 2 weeks ago by chrischryse@lemmy.world to [deleted]
Fro some reason without paying much attention to whatever I’m messaging on, I always end up replying within the same amount of time as my friends.
If a friend replies in an hour I typically respond in an hour (plus or minus 10 minutes) etc.
Is this something “normal”?
I think most people do it, too. Probably just one of those weird human things.
On one hand, it’s a bad to look “desperate” and on the other hand, I assume that if they’re taking a while to respond, they’re probably busy and I should hit them up later.
it’s a bad to look “desperate”
I see this from time to time, and really all I can think is “do people really think like this?”
I work from home and a lot of times while waiting for CI I take a look at my phone and oftentimes I get texts and respond immediately.
Who is it exactly that would perceive this as desperate? I’m not going to hide the fact I was at my phone when I was just to make people think higher of me, and I really don’t understand this thinking at all.
I agree with what you’re saying. if you just happen to be on the phone when someone texts, there’s no problem in answering immediately.
I don’t think anyone is “desperate” is they reply quick. I just think they replied quick.
If I think they’re busy and don’t wanna interrupt, then they’ll just read the message at their own time. Don’t see any reason to play these games.
If you respond instantly at any point during the day it can mean you’re not doing anything the entire day or you’re actually desperate for interaction. If you don’t feel secure in your relationship with someone you might want them to think you have a lot going on.
Also, some research shows being less available can make you seem more valuable. This article is related to business relationships but it’s the same principle. www.nytimes.com/…/benefits-of-being-scarce.html
Subconscious reciprocity due to insecurity and not wanting to annoy.
Much better than those people that send 10 messages one after the other as they think of each thought, and your smartwatch is left vibrating for the next minute 😅
Much better than those people that send 10 messages one after the other as they think of each thought, and your smartwatch is left vibrating for the next minute 😅
Hey, don’t talk about me like that!
Yes, my mom does that and it annoys the shit out of me.
However, I’ve noticed that it depends on who the person sending them is. Some people get a pass, others don’t.
I admit that I do that occasionally but not often. I’m usually a combine-it-all-into-one-message kind of person.
It’s probably that you have a similar or even shared microbiome. Similar living conditions, or maybe your vibes/rythms just sync up over time.
I used to do these things unconsciously. I’d read the message from the notification, and reply some time later on. So you’re not the only one.
But now I notice when I’m about to do it, and instead just reply when I can. If it just arrived I’ll reply now.
Only cases nowadays is when a reply requires thought and space of mind for me to reply. so I read the message and remind myself later to re read and reply.
As other mentioned before, I don’t see a point in hiding the fact that I was using my phone at this second. There’s nothing wrong or shameful about it. Sometimes you’re more available, sometimes less. If the other side is busy they’ll just reply when they can. you don’t need to hold for them.
I’d say that’s pretty typical. Nobody wants to pester or to leave someone hanging, but that timeframe is different for every relationship.
Because you probably think that your friends behavior is their way of showing the world what they think is reasonable, and they probably expect something similar in return from others. And you are probably right. You are meeting people where they are and trying not to disappoint them based on what you know about them. This is emotional reasoning so it’s not surprise that it’s unconscious.
Hypothesis: your friends are not too far away from your peer group(?). They share similar hobbies, structures of their days, social environments and occupations.
If they don’t make a conscious effort to answer in a specific time frame it’s just natural behaviour that you respond in similar times.
I tend to do this as well, I’m not sure why but I generally respond proportional to how long it took for my friend to respond
I think it might just be human nature, because I had a friend who I would talk to and we would respond back very commonly Within two or three minutes of sending the message, and then they went into a mental Funk where they weren’t looking at Discord anymore. Due to this they started being hella delayed in responding, and I found that the longer delay that it took them to respond the longer that it took me to respond.
I think it might just be something that is common nature for socialization, I think we subconsciously use how long it takes them to respond as a judgment of what is considered appropriate for response time and then without realizing it partake the same way
ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
At a guess, I’d say it’s confirmation bias