ada

@ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Open World Games: yay or nay?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:
Open world games don’t hold me, because ironically, they tend to feel too small. When you can walk from one side of the setting to the other in real time, it all feels small.
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨New to lemmy. Is there a version of /r/changemyview?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:
This is all an interesting hypothetical to you. To me, it’s my lived life. Trust me, I’ve done what you’re talking about. I was active in /r/changemyview, and I’ve spent a lot of time having this discussion with people on social media.

And in that time, not a single person has changed their perspective or view on the topic. Because they already had a view, and despite the ostensible goal of the sub, they’re largely not open to changing their view. They may want to, but they’re not actually willing to change it. Because ultimately, people arrived at their “concerns” through emotional manipulation, and that can’t be undone by “rational discussion”. Like sure, maybe you’re the single exception, and in my 5+ years of having this discussion, you might be the first to genuinely change your opinion. But even then, after 5 years of normalising the idea that my rights are up for discussion, as if it’s actually ok for people to want them removed because of their “concerns”, I’d have a single changed mind in 5 years.

But you know what else I’ve done in those 5 years? I’ve told every other person that I’ve had this discussion with that it’s actually ok to debate my rights, that whether or not I deserve rights is based on how well I can debate and argue. And I’ve given the bigots driving this whole discussion exactly what they wanted, which is to make myself a target.

Fuck that.

So what does it say about me? It says I’ve got more lived experience in navigating this topic than you ever will, and I’m no longer willing to see “civil discussion” on the erasure of peoples rights, in the pointless hope that it will actually help us. Because it doesn’t.
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨New to lemmy. Is there a version of /r/changemyview?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

That argument would be torn apart pretty easily

Sure. The argument can be torn apart. But that doesn’t change anything. What changes when you make those sorts of arguments is simply that it gives a green light to pushing back against marginalised people.

If argument being torn apart was enough, the argument against trans folk in sport wouldn’t even be an argument. But it is, because there is a political interest in creating harmful narratives about trans folk, and using exclusion from sport as a wedge to normalise exclusion in other areas. Which is exactly what is happening.

So if you’re ok with that sort of question, I think you need to spend a bit more time looking at the context those questions exist in. Why is it now that people want to suddenly talk about trans people in sports. It’s not because the trans folk have been doing anything different. It’s because there is an explicit motivation to create a culture war, with trans folk as the targets. You shouldn’t be ok with being part of that.
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨New to lemmy. Is there a version of /r/changemyview?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:
I’m not asking you to argue about it. I explicitly don’t want people arguing about it, which I was hoping my previous comment would make clear.

There are people out there that were raised a certain way that want to change or perhaps have questions due to ignorance on the topic. By being combative, you’re doing more harm than good for something you clearly care about.

If someone turns against all trans people because they encounter a single angry trans person, then they were just looking for an excuse to justify what they already felt.

And it’s not my job to play nice with the people trying to erase my rights in the hope that maybe, just maybe, they’ll stop what they’re doing! That doesn’t work. That has never worked. Every single civil right gain has been made by pushing back.

So thanks for the advice, but I’ll keep pushing back
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨New to lemmy. Is there a version of /r/changemyview?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:
So, you’d like to argue for the validity of excluding a vulnerable group, in the middle of a world spanning hate campaign against that exact group?
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨New to lemmy. Is there a version of /r/changemyview?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:
So, you’d be ok with someone arguing that maybe a discussion about racism is warranted, because sometimes, a bit of racism is warranted?

Or is that only ok when it’s trans people?

'cause if you want logical and consistent, that’s something you need to ask yourself. Why is it that folk are quite willing to discuss the erasure of rights of just one class of people, when it’s not something you’d even consider talking about with most other groups?

There is no consistency in that desire, it’s not driven by a desire to be logically consistent. This is driven by political interests and think tanks trying to create social divide. It’s not a co-incidence that you just want to consider the logical merits or trans folk, right now, at this moment in history.

Until you’re willing to face the reasons behind that, and the impact your social context has on you, you can’t be logically consistent.
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨New to lemmy. Is there a version of /r/changemyview?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:
What do you want changed then?
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨New to lemmy. Is there a version of /r/changemyview?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:
Also, if you come in expecting to debate for the removal of trans rights, you won’t last long
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨REVENGE⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:
Hey, I’m not a grandma yet!
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Why is my community modding everyone who comments?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:
You are the only moderator of both communities you moderate, so it sounds like a display bug
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Do British people say "brr" when they're cold? If so, how do they pronounce the R?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:
I’m Australian. I say something closer to “buh”, but I introduce vibrato to the sound down near my vocal cords, rather than by trilling the R in my mouth
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Transitioning in STEM⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:
The opposite happened to me when I transitioned. When I was perceived as a guy, if I was in a meeting, people didn’t instantly fall silent if I spoke, but if they tried to overtalk me and I just kept speaking, they would eventually give way. I transitioned 8 years ago, and from the earliest days of my transition until now, if someone starts overtalking me, they will just keep doing it even if I don’t stop talking. The only way to stop them is to vocally call them out and ask them to be quiet until I’m finished.

Similarly, I used to be seen as one of the two “tech guys”. The person that people would come up to and ask for tech advice to avoid calling the internal helpdesk. After I transitioned, they started coming up to me and asking me where the other tech guy is.

My career has stalled since I came out. I’m in a trans inclusive country, in a trans inclusive workplace, and I transitioned so long ago, that most people don’t know that I’m trans or simply forget. But since coming out, the various shoulder taps in to project opportunities and the like just don’t happen anymore.

Maybe people went silent because they were fascinated by or fixated on the unusual timbre of the OP’s transitioned vocal cords.

It’s a nice theory, but it’s somewhat strange how my own experience as a trans person transitioning from male to female had the opposite impact. Did people start overtalking me because they were fascinated by my timbre?

Additionally, OP was in the same department for years and then transitioned. So, naturally people would approach a more experienced person for help or advice regardless of perceived sex if they knew that person was there longer than them.

Again, it’s a nice theory, but in my case, they stopped approaching me. And even the ones who don’t know that I’m trans don’t approach me that way, because I’m not seen as one of the “tech folk” anymore, despite not losing my experience when I transitioned.

but OP seems to be using the worst possible anecdotes

Similarly, you are using the least likely possibilities that contradict the first hand experience of folk directly in these scenarios to fit your pre-conceived notion of what is happening.

Yeah, the OPs post and mine are anecdotal, so you shouldn’t take either of our experiences as universal truths. But your takes aren’t even anecdotal. They’re suppositions.
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Which Lemmy instances have signups without registration?⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:
Instances that don’t have email approval, captcha or manual approval, tend to get defederated pretty quickly, because they attract spam bots
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How much are additional lemmy instances needed/wanted beyond what we have at present?⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

just dicking around on my own for testing purposes.

Start with this, and if it gets traction, you can always move it to a more serious setup.

That’s pretty much what happened with this instance
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Are most people here left-wing?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

What in USA is considered “left” more-or-less align with what is considered left outside of USA

What is considered left in the USA is largely considered center or center right outside of the USA
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:
You don’t “confirm” it. It’s an attempt to describe a system/outcome. It’s a model of a system, not the system itself and no model is perfect, because all models are our attempt to understand and describe things, and there is no such thing as perfect understanding.

However, it’s a highly accurate model, that explains things very well. So, either we will find that one day, we make a brand new, better model (this seems unlikely given the accuracy of the current model, but possible). Or, more likely, we continue to come to a better understanding of the system, and improve the model we use to describe it.
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Why are Maries Sues hated while Gary Stus are loved?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:
I think this thread of replies largely denying it happens, or arguing as for why there’s a good reason that it happens should give you an idea why the issue happens in the first place.
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Chillin' out on the fire escape stairs⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:
That looks like a white tailed spider!
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What is the name of the sexuality of being into the opposite gender and willing to date the same gender but not finding anyone of the same gender attractive?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:
I’m panromantic, but attracted to men, however I only date women. My partner is a woman :)
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What is the name of the sexuality of being into the opposite gender and willing to date the same gender but not finding anyone of the same gender attractive?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:
I’m not the OP, but their question was pretty much describing me.

For me, it’s about intimacy. I value intimacy. Hugging, kissing, touching, holding hands, sharing moments, laying on the couch together watching TV etc. Those are things that I don’t do with my friends, and aren’t things that I’m looking for from my friends.

Asexual folk have developed language that talks about the way they navigate similar situations. Sex averse, sex neutral and sex positive. So even though I’m not ace, the terms apply in a similar way to my relationships. Using these terms, I would describe myself as sex neutral. Which is to say that I don’t seek it out, and I don’t miss it. Yet, it’s also a very strong form of intimacy, which I value a great deal, and as an expression of intimacy, it’s very much something I’m happy to share with my partner.
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What is the name of the sexuality of being into the opposite gender and willing to date the same gender but not finding anyone of the same gender attractive?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:
That’s pretty much me. I don’t really have a name for it. I just call myself queer, or sometimes panromantic.
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Why doesn't phones numbers have a "DNS" servet so we can just type in words like we do with the internet?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:
Like a phone book?
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What's your "this is totally fine and I'm going to have a great time" FPS?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:
It used to be 60Hz. Then I played at 144Hz. The change in responsiveness of the mouse converted me
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Who here does NOT have intrusive thoughts?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:
No p zombies here!
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Meaning/implication of “you don’t have to do this” in this context?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:
It means that the person you are talking to believes that you’re just making polite conversation because you’re uncomfortable with silence. They are letting you know that they would prefer you didn’t make conversation, because they prefer silence to idle chatter.
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Who here does NOT have intrusive thoughts?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:
I have very good spatial awareness, but it’s non visual. I can navigate my way mentally through a spaxe and “feel” where the walls are without seeing them. I have a sense of how big something is compared to something else and where they are relative to each other in space, but all non visually.

And I can rotate objects in my mind and change my perspective around them, but all without any visual elements.

I can sense the mental cube, but I can’t see it. It has no colour, no texture etc. Imagine a sort of mental bat sonar?
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Who here does NOT have intrusive thoughts?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:
No, I don’t get a sense of awe or beauty from reading things. I can appreciate when the folks I’m reading about experience those emotions, but I don’t feel them, because there is nothing to inspire them in me.

Which is why I tend to prefer books that go in to more depth about what people are thinking and feeling than books that go in to lots of visual detail
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Who here does NOT have intrusive thoughts?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:
The words have no sound. No volume, no pitch. They’re word ideas not words. I don’t hear anything, I just understand the words.
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Who here does NOT have intrusive thoughts?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:
I can think of words, I just don’t think I’m words. And when I think of a word I can run them together in a sentence. But they have no “sound”. They don’t have volume or pitch, they don’t sound like anyone, they’re just the idea of words. And because the words are after the fact, they don’t exist without me willing them in to existence. So no monologue in the way people describe it, and the idea of a conversation in my head doesn’t make sense. It would be more like writing a script for a conversation
⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Who here does NOT have intrusive thoughts?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:
Like most folk with aphantasia, I thought that people talking about “seeing things in their imagination” were just being dramatic and using common language. It never occurred to me that they could genuinely see things in their minds. And the whole thing where people would be upset when a character in a TV show or movie didn’t look like how they’d imagined they would look, never made sense to me. And shows where people could recall the details of peoples faces for police sketch artists…

Basically, moments like that started adding up over my life, and then about 10 years ago, I read an article from someone who had discovered they had aphantasia through a similar path, and it all just fell in to place.