And y’know what? He’s absolutely great at them, and I deeply appreciate him.
Pride month
Submitted 3 weeks ago by Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net to [deleted]
https://slrpnk.net/pictrs/image/4abaac28-1b59-40a6-abad-bf9aaf96cfc9.jpeg
Comments
popekingjoe@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
Wait, we must have the same dude?
popekingjoe@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
pooberbee@lemmy.ml 3 weeks ago
False
WhoIzDisIz@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
-tto?
Yeah, kind of weird to have an LGBTQ+ pride post forget the T.
Broadfern@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Yeah I was about to say trans folks exist lmao
hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Okay but then you still have same sex person jacking you off, that’s hella gay
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Got 'em.
drmoose@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Nah my hand just identifies as a women during it 🫡
TotallyWorthLife@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Uhh no, I’m just jerking a tgirl off and getting jerked by a tgirl.
Not my gf, but eh, still good.
OwOarchist@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
What if I’m nonbinary, tho?
Gormadt@slrpnk.net 2 weeks ago
There’s wood in them their hands!
vodka@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
What if your hand isn’t?
groet@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
I feel like hands are either left or right and that this binary attribute is assigned by their position on the body and not by their choice.
But then again the same was said about gender …
resipsaloquitur@lemmy.cafe 2 weeks ago
Inside you are two wolves.
Both of them are gay.
MiddleAgesModem@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Wrong. My hand doubles as Jennifer Lopez. She likes tacos and burritos.
bigkahuna1986@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
Ben Affleck has entered the chat.
Etterra@discuss.online 2 weeks ago
Thank you off-brand skeletor!
Asfalttikyntaja@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
And I must admit I love that dude.
MrChewy@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Dude, you’re supposed to hate yourself, you’re the same gender as yourself, so loving that person is gay!
lyralycan@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Awfully cisnormative for a Pride post
Bakkoda@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I’ve been handling dick for 30+ years. Id give a great handjob.
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
Wait I think you have to renew your licence
LemmyFeed@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Promise?
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Maybe. But it’s going to be a different angle, so it might mess up your muscle memory.
WhoIzDisIz@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
Well, damnit — I couldn’t get any other guy to do it for me!
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I used to work for a very shitty hotel. Like, heroin and hookers kind of hotel.
One summer we somehow became the official hotel of something called CLAW. I have no idea what it stands for, but the basic idea is that it’s a gay guys in leather convention.
Anyways, I’m a straight male. I have no issues with these guys, but I wouldn’t join in. As I’m working the front counter, this guy comes up and tries to flirt with me. I politely decline. Then he goes off to our dining room area.
Another guy walks up to check in. As I’m doing my job, the first guy comes back, walks up to the guy checking in, and says “Heeeey, I’m Tom. Are you single?” to which the second guy says “No, but I’m free to play”. Tom then gives him a room key, and says “Well I’m room 329. Feel free to bring as many as your friends as you like”.
To this day I am dumbfounded by that interaction. To any gay dudes reading this, I want you to know flirting with women and sealing the deal is NOWHERE NEAR that easy! I was impressed, and a bit jealous.
Tom walked up to this guy, and with 1 sentence and 1 question organized an orgy in which he was not at all responsible for setting up. He’s just offering a room. You bring the dudes.
This means Tom doesn’t have to vet people. He doesn’t need to make sure everyone is comfortable with each other. He just told the second guy to bring all his friends, and he reaps all the rewards of orgy host!
To put that in perspective, I’m 42, and never even had a threesome with 2 women. Because its such a hassle getting all the details just right. Meanwhile Tom’s over here like “ALL of your friends please!”
He went from “Hi my name is Tom” to “Lets pack my room with dudes” with only one sentence, and one question. Even the Germans aren’t THAT efficient!
So for you to say that you can’t get any other guys to give you a handjob…brother, you’re just not trying! Have you tried opening with “Hello”? Apperently that leads to orgies.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
It’s because you can basically murder and eat more-less any woman, and she can’t do anything about it, so she is rolling the dice.
Men meanwhile, a lot harder.
Also, less fucks given about it.
Dogiedog64@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
If you wouldn’t let the homies perk you off, are you even friends?
Zombie@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
God damn DLSS 5 upscales removing artistic intent! There’s supposed to be no meat on Skeletor’s bones!
Themosthighstrange@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Inverse if you are a girl, everytime you masterbate you’re getting fingered by a girl
janus2@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
me, a lesbian: awwwww yeah finally gettin some from a girl 😎
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
This sounds like something a christian fundamentalist would say, to stop the youth from masturbating.
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
Yeah, but he’s sooo good at it.
Leviathan@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
He knows what he’s doing and I love him.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
He’s easy and available, though I honestly wish I could find someone who suits me better.
reader@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
who is this woman?
Flower@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Budget Xena?
okwhateverdude@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Cosplay Xena. Those digs don’t really look cheap
Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
He’s ugly but he’s cheap.
frog_brawler@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Somehow, this image took like 45 seconds to load. I wasn’t particularly aggressive about seeing what it was, and it’s past 10:00pm so, I figured… “meh, let it just spin…”
Eventually it loaded, and I immediately agreed.
“OF COURSE THIS IS TRUE AS I AM A DUDE!”
I don’t really feel bad about anything. I mean, If I weren’t a dude, I’d also exclaim, “Of course this is true!”
I’ve come to realize that literacy is decreasing over time.
I no longer articulate.
Good luck - let’s see where this shit goes.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Hope you got some much-needed sleep! ❤️
adaveinthelife@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Vast majority of hentai is drawn by men.
Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
What? I thought it was mostly christian women?
HeHoXa@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Let’s start a hentai series under the pseudonym “Moms for Liberty”
ColdWater@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
adaveinthelife@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Also sometimes, children.
ceenote@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Well, yeah, but he knows exactly what I like.
MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
My favorite thing about the dude who jacks new off is that he’s me
davidagain@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Then there’s the wonder of quirky left hand who is very very aware of there being a penis of an interesting shape in there, and numb slept-on arm with the handjob that feels like it’s from someone else.
stepan@lemmy.cafe 3 weeks ago
why would i otherwise?
kayohtie@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
Oh good, a trans erasure post in pride month, excellent.
Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 2 weeks ago
Maybe I’m dense, but what does this post have to do with trans people, or (I presume) minimizing their issues?
Honestly, fill me in here
jve@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
If a trans girl is jerking off, she’s getting jerked off by a woman.
azvasKvklenko@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Uhm yes, that’s intentional
NahMarcas@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
He knows me better
Grail@multiverse.soulism.net 3 weeks ago
I’m not! I’m nonbinary!
OldQWERTYbastard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Fine. I fucked up and married an asexual woman because she was the first person to ever show me genuine affection and I royally fucked up.
Sucks to be me! No kids, at least.
Carnelian@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I also don’t have sex with this guy’s wife
tanisnikana@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I’m asexual and I deserve love too! I married another asexual lady and it’s great. Neither of us have to do things we don’t want to.
RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip 2 weeks ago
Not even taxes?
mrmisses@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
If it helps I didn’t marry an asexual woman and I still get none.
Sucks to be me, plus a kid!
REDACTED@infosec.pub 3 weeks ago
Are you selling?
avidamoeba@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Wait, how do you know she’s not asexual?
Minnels@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Well… You are not alone in this.
Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
What is wrong with genuine affection? The least of us are that lucky. Sex you can have with everyone and get it everywhere. You can even buy it, if you want. But love and affection is a rare commodity you can’t enforce or buy or…
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
Depends if she let’s him get it elsewhere? You are stuck in a dilemma of being involuntary celibate for life, in return for love.
So oof.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
False
REDACTED@infosec.pub 3 weeks ago
Think about it tho
DanceMomsSavedMe@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
Your username is amazing btw
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
Do asexual people not even want you try it?
stray@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
It depends on the person. Some asexual people can be quite sexually active because they don’t mind or enjoy helping with their partner’s sexual needs even though they’re not directly interested.
tanisnikana@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I don’t want to try it. Don’t even want to hear about it. Don’t even have functioning genitals on account of being intersex. I thought I was horny once, but that was just when Rush Limbaugh died.
Some people tell me, “well, you haven’t had the right dick or pussy yet!” And I always reply, “and you haven’t had the right arsenic yet, keep trying different kinds.”
Turns out that the wizard powers for being a forty year old virgin only apply if one ever had the option or desire to lose the virginity in the first place.
smh@slrpnk.net 2 weeks ago
ooh, ooh! Ace here. I went through a period where sex was my special interest. I went deep down the research rabbit hole, learned all about sex toys and methods and safer sex techniques. Had willing partners.
At the end of the day, sex is boring and no one is hot/of an attracting gender. I guess it’s like if you were a super straight man and everyone else was men? I don’t know.
Now I’m into knitting and kumihimo.
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 2 weeks ago
How many times can you do that?
Yeah sure, few times to find out what the fuzz is about and then move on. Do you have any idea how many times people have sex in a relationship, a lot more than just a few times.
Just for clarification, I’m not ace or at least haven’t accepted it and just have difficulties with libido and remembering that I’m supposed to have sex.
Waterpumpee@lemmus.org 2 weeks ago
Dont worry, as parents you wouldn’t (want) to see action either. You get up, handle your offspring, go to work, gethome to just handle the offspring again. Depending if they had mid-day sleep you may be allowed to do chores starting 19-23pm. Actually working is more relaxing than being 100% of the time on adrenaline because your toddler tries to hurt themselves all the time. You just lack energy for romance. Trying for a second is a chore.
drmoose@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Any upsides?