MacaqueAndCheese

@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I get so many private messages like this⁩ ⁨⁨13⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago⁩:

  Give me six cigarettes, a can of soup and Limp Bizkit’s discography on repeat and I’ll give you the best screen play you’ve ever read.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I get so many private messages like this⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago⁩:

  My nephews mom sent me one of these on Facebook once and I absolutely lost it because it was the same day that my coworker invited us all for a game of “five beers of defiance” but when we got there she roped us into a game of Russian roulette, except instead of a gun it was a beaker of piss.

  She said some guy named Tom was kind enough to provide it and assured us that it was not in fact Tom from MySpace but rather a completely different person named Tom(who knew it was such a common name?).

  Anyway we’re all stuck there and the next bus doesn’t come for 3 and a half more hours so we decide we’ll play. Well this coworker failed to tell everyone that she has this disgusting pet turtle who likes to lick the laminate flooring in her living room so everyone’s all pretty disgusted at this point and not really feeling the game of piss beaker roulette. We all wish her a Merry Christmas and a happy birthday and go wait out in the rain for the bus. Longest 3 and a half hours of my life and when the bus finally arrived the driver’s mom who was sitting in the passenger seat gave us shit for being soaking wet.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨cant take it anymore⁩ ⁨⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  You know I used to think ai was pretty cool because I read a lot of sci-fi and in most sci-fi ai is a very useful tool but now that I’ve been living in reality for a good 2 years I’ve noticed that maybe this ai just isn’t very nice. It’s like that time I meet weird ai Yankovic and thought it was the real Weird Al but all he did was regurgitate edgy talking points and send me videos of giant boobed women dancing.

  Needless to say, Bob Barker was pretty cool.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨PB&J⁩ ⁨⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  It was in Burkina Faso but I don’t think it ever aired in the United States. If you use a VPN you should still be able to catch it

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨PB&J⁩ ⁨⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  Which ones though? Acetaminophen? Caffeine? Carbon monoxide?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨PB&J⁩ ⁨⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  I used to be friends with that bird but he kept going on and on about his opinions on TV shows. Like the family guy/Pinky and the brain crossover episode where Brain and Brian swap places and Brian gets drunk and tries to put lipstick on pinky but the lipstick is his dong. That goddamn bird was convinced that Seth MacFarlane and Steven Spielberg deserved to be charged under archaic obscenity laws for that one. I mean it’s probably the dumbest goddamn episode of TV I’ve ever seen but let’s not bring back 1950s broadcast standards over it.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨PB&J⁩ ⁨⁨19⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  Honestly she probably just wanted to make you feel better because you can’t make her knobroll snacks.

  Next time just tell her to go pick carrots to sell at the local farmers market. It’s probably a better use of her time anyway.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨PB&J⁩ ⁨⁨19⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  If you’re uncircumcised you can try a variation of this where you put peanut butter on your knob and then jam on your shaft then when you pull your foreskin over it you’ve got yourself a pb&j eggroll. If you’re circumcised then I’d suggest some fishing regeneration therapy so you can try making pb&I shlongrolls in a few years. No one should miss out.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Doompity doo⁩ ⁨⁨21⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  Probably. I should probably get back to work.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Doompity doo⁩ ⁨⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  My sister’s nephew was a copilot in Croatia 52 years ago and if he were still alive he’d be pretty upset that Microsoft gave his job title to a bunch of goddamn 1s and 0s.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I mean why not?⁩ ⁨⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  My Belgian step-neighbor did this in Cameroon once and everyone was so mad, they wrote instrumental songs about him for years. They were the most beautiful songs in the world, unfortunately they were lost to time and I never got to hear them.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨There are no accidents⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩:

  My uncle’s dead pastor’s name was Jack and he used to light candles for the fish in the tanks outside of Don Quihote in Akihabara for Easter while crowds clapped and sang Beatles songs to him

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨> MFW wake up in a strange place in a puddle of my own piss⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩:

  My cousin’s great aunt used to suck the lead out of duplo blocks before riding her bike and pedaling so fast that she thought she was riding a motorcycle and would pull over on the side of the road to throw up until a police officer came and gave her free lunch for 6 years at an Applebee’s down on Elmo Street but they closed down after 2 years so she felt pretty ripped off.