MacaqueAndCheese
@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
- Comment on I also hope he got it 32 minutes ago:
The pigeon being interviewed is John Titor, when he returned to his future the government was mad that he traveled back in time to talk to people on message boards so they transferred his consciousness into a pigeon. Now he’s just stuck trying to get some kind of pigeon job. He’s a cheeky bastard though he tricks people (not me) into thinking the white stuff he leaves all over the deck at my house is delicious bird yogurt.
- Comment on It’s all part of my retrospective strategy 1 hour ago:
We’re all going to play a game of piss disc ultimate frisbee after school, you should join us
- Comment on Just try to show them that you care 23 hours ago:
Deaf sister eh? She should become a nun then she’d be a deaf sister to us all.
- Comment on Just try to show them that you care 1 day ago:
I got a direct message from someone saying I’m being ableist for saying “deaf” so I believe that might be why. But I also get people accusing me of being a bot pretty frequently. Who knows but who cares amirite?!?
- Comment on Just try to show them that you care 1 day ago:
My deaf vocal coach told me he started using ringworm cream instead of toothpaste and he said it’s worth the extra cost. Didn’t say whether or not it made any kind of difference with his teeth but I trust his judgement. He’s the top deaf vocal coach in the world, he trained Urethra Franklin, Harmonica Lewinsky and even Goku, it’s how he’s able to do those great power up screams.
- Comment on Evolution of the Microsoft Trash Icon 1 day ago:
Copilot convinced me that my imaginary sisters used to call me the boy with the arachnid cock because I had 8 of them just like I had 8 imaginary sisters. Eat shit copilot, you’ve planted these false memories in me but I’ll get my revenge one day.
- Comment on please do not the fish 1 day ago:
Yeeehaw this calls for a Texas dog dick hoedown
- Comment on fur sure 1 day ago:
I used to think bears were cool but not after seeing this. Everyone knows the best way to eat a steak is charred and covered in vanilla yogurt.
- Comment on Make a few meme posts a day, some are good. Ask a good question once a week and post a good shower thought when I have one. Feel like a good lemmy contributor 2 days ago:
Your horny shitpost just reminded me about when I was studying smoking abroad in Canada my cigarette sensei told me that his wife had discovered a new breast size and was developing a bra for it.
- Comment on [deleted] 2 days ago:
This isn’t the right kind of horny shitpost.
Try again but the girl is a slice of toast, the dick is a piece of bacon and the dog foaming at the mouth is mayonnaise. Now you’ve got yourself a nice bacon sandwich to stick your dick in because you can’t afford a fleshlight
- Comment on The two types of being high 2 days ago:
That cat’s going to have to learn to ride a bike while sucking his own dick if he ever wants to join the circus.
- Comment on You're supposed to say thank you 5 days ago:
Yes, no, maybe so around the corner something something… I don’t get it
- Comment on No fear! 5 days ago:
My boomer nephew tells me stories of when he was in school in the mid 60s and girls would glue slices of bologna to their knees to use as kneepads, I guess because the bologna was skin colored they were able to hide the fact that they were huge pussies who wear protective gear so their peers wouldn’t make fun of them. Goddamn what a fun time the 60s must have been.
- Comment on You're supposed to say thank you 6 days ago:
My dad used to dress up as Piccolo from dbz and beat me in my sleep with his custom made ocarina when I was 22 years old. It always pissed me off because he would call it his piccolo but it wasn’t a goddamn flute it was an ocarina. So when he died 4 years ago I dressed up as Piccolo at his funeral and beat his corpse with that same ocarina. Everyone gave me a standing ovation and clapped so hard a few attendees dislocated their wrists, one even degloved their hand. So when the paramedics came I told them my dad died.
- Comment on Night night 6 days ago:
I tried slipping into my neighbour’s pet turtle’s gynecologist’s DMs and she gave me the same excuses. I was pretty upset so I covered my hands in corn starch and clapped them on my wiener until I had a good amount of pain. I then cried myself to sleep and woke up the next day to my neighbour’s pet turtle knocking on my bedroom window. He wanted to let me know that he was dropping her as his gynecologist because he’s not even a female turtle and she’s just some weird lady who hangs out at the bus station. So I went down to the bus station and confronted her, we ended up hitting it off and now we’ve been married for 52 years.
- Comment on [deleted] 6 days ago:
Because
- Comment on [deleted] 6 days ago:
My great grandpa used to call me chicken cock Santa until 8 asked him to stop and then he just stopped.
- Comment on Stop normalizing the Grind and normalize what ever this is. 6 days ago:
All aboard the Umbrella Train In Someone’s Mind
Now that’s what I’m talking about!
- Comment on Cats: I Don't Know Nuffin' 6 days ago:
I prefer NI slop bot, this intelligence is all natural my dear gonad monkey.
- Comment on Cats: I Don't Know Nuffin' 6 days ago:
The thing about this meme that’s actually completely unrelated is that eating grapes really makes me feel like a raccoon. A raccoon munching is all I can picture when I eat a grape and I close my eyes and crunch it.
- Comment on aaand it's closed again 1 week ago:
The strait of Hormuz is a McDonald’s ice cream machine.
- Comment on [deleted] 1 week ago:
If this narcissist really wants to be remembered for all eternity he should hold a press conference where he just stares into the camera and goes “I’m Donald Trump and this is jackass” then he swallows a shotgun.
- Comment on Horses communicate using a variety of vocalizations and noises, most notably neighs (or whinnies), nickers, snorts, and squeals. Other common sounds include blows, groans, sighs, and screams. 1 week ago:
This is kind of like the sound my dearly departed uncle used to make when he would use his all natural boner trampoline while banging the grocery store clerk. He thought it was a better idea than boner pills until he crunched his shlong the first time he used it. Damaged it so bad he needed boner pills just to use his custom fleshlight made of trampoline springs and fabric. Rest in peace uncle giblets, I’ll always remember that time we went to the trampoline park and you got arrested.
- Comment on I hate the best way to get rid of an old mattress? Wrong answers only. Worst idea I'll actually do. 1 week ago:
Shred it to bits and smoke it through a bong on public transit
- Comment on Flies by, does time 1 week ago:
Man I wish this was me, I’m out here working a job living a decent life.
- Comment on [deleted] 1 week ago:
Wait until you hear the story of the woman with the monsoon poon. She’ll chew your knob right off.
- Comment on Crying is a free action 1 week ago:
My dad’s grade 4 teacher used to clobber him real good with a Bible whenever he did normal kid stuff, the Bible can definitely make you cry.
- Comment on [deleted] 1 week ago:
My son’s bus driver named Mohammed McGillicuddy always talks about all the fun he had in his 20s and 30s trapping small elephants in his yard and tagging them like common train cars. He moved to the city in his 40s and he’s still having a blast but now his thing is growing Kentucky onions for his daughters wedding in 6 years.
- Comment on There are still good people in this world. 1 week ago:
Regardless, he sure knows how to lick that ice cream
- Comment on There are still good people in this world. 1 week ago:
The driver of this van is an old German guy by the name of Rudolph, although it’s not an ice cream van he used to go Häagen Dazs on my asshole every 2-3 days last summer.