MacaqueAndCheese
@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
- Comment on lifehacks yay ✨️✨️ 10 hours ago:
My ex husband showed me this trick years ago. I still miss him but we had to separate because his gynecologist convinced me to drink 8 gallons of knob softener and caused a sexual catastrophe. Now I sit around playing dragon quest 4 with earplugs and a blindfold on every Wednesday night in his honor.
- Comment on something to be reinvented 11 hours ago:
The asbestos condoms keep your shlonger safe from all the gross stuff on the balogna when you stuff it into a toilet paper tube to bake a makeshift fleshlight.
- Comment on something to be reinvented 12 hours ago:
The cool thing about the postal service is that they will deliver anything no questions asked.
Top bun from a McDonald’s hamburger? no problem!
Asbestos condoms? You got it!
Several slices of 9 year old moldy balogna? Hell yeah buddy!
- Comment on buttery males 13 hours ago:
Just to be clear here the “he” I’m referring to is Rodney Clinton.
- Comment on buttery males 13 hours ago:
He’s gonna open up a KFC rip off chain called Nantucket fried hymen. The only thing they serve is deep fried fish hymens with some kind of cum based mayonnaise sauce. I can’t wait to try it, I bet it’ll be disgusting
- Comment on outsmarted 1 day ago:
Wowsers you still think I’m using an LLM and that I’m not just a complete moron with a boring desk job? Maybe you should go buy yourself some [insert adjective] ice cream.
- Comment on living on the edge 1 day ago:
I don’t build the cars I just make the memes 🤷♀️
- Comment on The timeline after the Harambe Incident 1 day ago:
I’m not sure, did you?
- Submitted 1 day ago to [deleted] | 11 comments
- Comment on The timeline after the Harambe Incident 1 day ago:
My neighbor’s wife’s dog’s previous owner’s dental assistant’s husband somehow did the jump between timelines and told us about the timeline where Harambe didn’t get murdered.
It’s not at all what you’d expect, in the other timeline some Elvis impersonator from Vegas became president in the 2016 and his first order of business was to order ICE to detain all Beatles fans and deport them to England. The cost of the operation bankrupted the nation and for some reason everyone blamed Harambe. A crowd of 2500 people marched to the zoo and lynched Harambe. Doing so resulted in an economic boom but also released some sort of respiratory virus that spread worldwide and caused millions of deaths. A few years later that guy from the apprentice became president and the timelines converged into the same situation we have now.
In the end nothing changed except all the Beatles fans are in England now and they prevented Brexit so I guess that’s pretty cool.
- Comment on Oh you're gonna be a horny bard again thing campaign? Here's your dice. 2 days ago:
Ah the fabled sex dungeon Master
- Comment on heater 2 days ago:
You gotta press it really hard to reset it but be careful because buttons that haven’t been pressed in a long time are usually very cold
- Comment on outsmarted 2 days ago:
Dear monsieur Seth Rogen, please make my movie about the man who changes the label on his wife’s rock tumbler to say “cock tumbler” which inadvertantly turns it into some kind of magic lamp type device like in Aladdin. The dick genie inside can grant you 3 wishes but they all have to be cock related. The genie smokes a dick shaped bong and laughs heheheheheheheheheheheh.
Please give me 12 million dollars.
- Comment on Stay inside 5 days ago:
For 6 years going outside made me money so this meme just doesn’t work for me. I was an autistic prostitute and every John’s dong was a fidget spinner. I couldn’t get enough of my job and the best part was all the outside time.
- Comment on I think my search is finally over! 2 weeks ago:
I hope they made out and jacked eachother off in the closet, otherwise I don’t think the friendship will last.
- Comment on [deleted] 5 weeks ago:
Build me a custom one where the horse is on its back and it’s Shlong is a bidet attachment. I will pay you 6 dollars.
- Comment on susjay 5 weeks ago:
“Smithers got his cock sucked by a reindeer” to the tune of Grandma got run over by a reindeer is probably be best Disney song released since they bought Fox. Those new episodes are wild.
- Comment on #epstein #futaranri #fiveNightsAtFreddys 5 weeks ago:
Epstein used to inject mustard into his urethra and then jack off and call it mustard custard. He’d feed it to his guests, it was awful for the 7 years I was held captive there.
- Comment on [deleted] 5 weeks ago:
It’s this what youngsters do these days instead of cocaine?
- Comment on A game changer is in the works 🚨 5 weeks ago:
I’m gonna fill it so full of mung beans
- Comment on Boom 1 month ago:
The best part about shitting yourself at a urinal is that you’re already in a bathroom so you can clean up.
The worst part about shitting yourself at a urinal is that you shit yourself.
- Comment on socializing 1 month ago:
Hell yeah buddy give me a hit of that
- Comment on I also hope he got it 1 month ago:
The pigeon being interviewed is John Titor, when he returned to his future the government was mad that he traveled back in time to talk to people on message boards so they transferred his consciousness into a pigeon. Now he’s just stuck trying to get some kind of pigeon job. He’s a cheeky bastard though he tricks people (not me) into thinking the white stuff he leaves all over the deck at my house is delicious bird yogurt.
- Comment on It’s all part of my retrospective strategy 1 month ago:
We’re all going to play a game of piss disc ultimate frisbee after school, you should join us
- Comment on Just try to show them that you care 1 month ago:
Deaf sister eh? She should become a nun then she’d be a deaf sister to us all.
- Comment on Just try to show them that you care 1 month ago:
I got a direct message from someone saying I’m being ableist for saying “deaf” so I believe that might be why. But I also get people accusing me of being a bot pretty frequently. Who knows but who cares amirite?!?
- Comment on Just try to show them that you care 1 month ago:
My deaf vocal coach told me he started using ringworm cream instead of toothpaste and he said it’s worth the extra cost. Didn’t say whether or not it made any kind of difference with his teeth but I trust his judgement. He’s the top deaf vocal coach in the world, he trained Urethra Franklin, Harmonica Lewinsky and even Goku, it’s how he’s able to do those great power up screams.
- Comment on Evolution of the Microsoft Trash Icon 1 month ago:
Copilot convinced me that my imaginary sisters used to call me the boy with the arachnid cock because I had 8 of them just like I had 8 imaginary sisters. Eat shit copilot, you’ve planted these false memories in me but I’ll get my revenge one day.
- Comment on please do not the fish 1 month ago:
Yeeehaw this calls for a Texas dog dick hoedown
- Comment on [deleted] 1 month ago:
I used to think bears were cool but not after seeing this. Everyone knows the best way to eat a steak is charred and covered in vanilla yogurt.
