MacaqueAndCheese
@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
- Comment on Fool me once, shame on you, fool me, you can't get fooled again 6 days ago:
I’m no anatomy professor, all I know is dick goes in the food tube, inhaled drugs go in the lung tube and of you do both at once you’ve got yourself a headlining spot on the circus
- Comment on Fool me once, shame on you, fool me, you can't get fooled again 1 week ago:
The swallowy tube where food goes to live, not the breathy tube where are makes lung balloon
- Comment on Fool me once, shame on you, fool me, you can't get fooled again 1 week ago:
I see this guy didn’t turn his pubes into cubes with the new Minecraft puber cuber. Guy’s way behind the times.
- Comment on Relatable :( 1 week ago:
One billion dollars can buy a fuck ton of beanie babies, hold onto them for 30 years and they would be worth millions of dollars!
- Comment on It's pretty easy to roast those cousin-fuckers 1 week ago:
It’s just about the only thing I ever eat
- Comment on SBA #283 Time for a Commercial Break! SpongeBob Adventures is brought to you by... 1 week ago:
You know several years ago I modified my dad’s asshole to dispense coins whenever he got punched in the face. I signed him up for boxing and made a lot of money every time he lost. I got a lot of shit from people about it though because he had dementia but I used the money on an experimental dementia treatment for him that caused him to die. Lucky for me I brought him to a taxidermist to have him stuffed and the unlimited coins out the asshole trick still works.
- Comment on It's pretty easy to roast those cousin-fuckers 1 week ago:
This meme is about at good as eating the dog shit you stepped on in the parking lot off your shoes in a Walmart change room while getting a blowie from the self checkout machine’s card reader. The security guards don’t like that you take the checkout machine away into the change room either. What I’m getting at is that it fuckin sucks man.
- Comment on Apple’s engineers carefully designing the last 60 Hz OLED screens on the planet 1 week ago:
My favorite apple update so far is the Honeycrisp, deliciously sweet and doesn’t turn brown within 2 minutes. Perfect for turning into a pipe and smoking meth out of and then turning into a candy apple once done. I like to keep all the candy apples and give them out to the elves on Christmas Eve as a thank you for helping Santa fulfill the Christian prophecy of toy socialism for children.
- Comment on Let's set the record straight 2 weeks ago:
🎵Papa Smurf can I like yo ass? Yeah lick my ass bitch! 🎶
- Comment on php deez nutz 2 weeks ago:
That’s about all I know, however I’ll gladly tell you all about my brother’s grandson’s best friend’s dentist’s favourite movie. It’s Harry Potter and the urine filled dick. It’s about this boy magician at some kind of British school for the dumb and he wakes up with a serious piss boner but all of the bathrooms are being magically sealed by some evil asshole, so he tries to relieve himself into a cup but a magical plug forms on his pee hole and he can’t get it out. He spends the entire movie reading all these magical tomes to try and find a way to break the spell because he’s just so goddamn uncomfortable. In the end he dies because his bladder explodes but thanks to all the magic he learned his piss explosion breaks all the magical seals in the world and somehow also cures bladder cancer, but only for dogs. For some reason it didn’t work on humans so I think they’ll probably explain that in the sequel.
- Comment on php deez nutz 2 weeks ago:
Dude what the fuck
- Comment on php deez nutz 2 weeks ago:
Ole Ribbit Dick Jimmy is going to be upset he can’t watch his favourite frog porn, you know the one where the frog sticks the entire length of his tongue in the other frogs ass and it distended the other frog’s throat bulge thing.
- Comment on Government and Corporate Solutions 2 weeks ago:
Problem: fidget spinner covered in cum, won’t spin anymore
Solution: no jackin’ it while do the spinny
Corporate solution: increase price of ADHD meds by 500%
- Comment on Let us end the stovetop war with the real chanp 2 weeks ago:
My neighbor’s daughter bought an induction stove for her best friend who happens to be a trans dwarf porn star. She goes by Munchkin Cock Jenny and let me tell you she can cook a hell of a good meal on that thing. She hosted us all for Thanksgiving breakfast last year and made Vienna sausages with coconut rice and strawberry rhubarb pie, all mixed together on the stovetop. None of it for hot because she just placed it all on the surface but at least she tried. She died of meningitis about 4 hours after we left which is unfortunate because whoever had to deal with her estate had to clean the stovetop.
- Comment on revolutionnary compression!! 2 months ago:
My queer dicked uncle was just telling me about this the other day when my phone rang and some guy claiming to be from “your local aviation company” called me airplane cock and hung up right away. I still don’t know what it means but one things for sure, my cocks small enough to fit in a 20byte file.
- Comment on The legendary PS2 2 months ago:
My coworker once asked to me take out a loan so she could buy some kind of trinket, I told her no and gave her my old PS2 instead. Ever since then she gives me a real good Nantucket Narb Snarfie before bed every night. I’ve never ejaculated so much in my life. It’s a shame she passed away 54 years ago.
- Comment on shipping available 2 months ago:
Instructions unclear, now I have waspinator living in my basement hanging out with all the other beasties making a mess of the place. One of his pals joined the Catholic Church and just had his first cum union (you know that fun ritual where the whole congregation dresses up as Jesus and jacks off all over you).
Man I miss going to church.
- Submitted 2 months ago to [deleted] | 14 comments
- Submitted 2 months ago to [deleted] | 4 comments
- Submitted 3 months ago to [deleted] | 11 comments
- Comment on Euphoria for a thousand kernals 3 months ago:
Not so fun fact: Minion dicks are like baby corn
- Comment on If I had to see it, so do you 3 months ago:
Yeah, this is my life exactly
- Submitted 3 months ago to [deleted] | 3 comments
- Comment on Do it now!!!!! 3 months ago:
Fun fact: it’s a crime to bake a cat but not a crime to bake bread.
- Comment on Wishboner 3 months ago:
Every morning when I wake up Im part of a sequel to these movies called Pissboner
- Submitted 3 months ago to [deleted] | 8 comments
- Comment on Let me scorpion-surf in peace! 3 months ago:
The last time I went scorpion surfing Urkel put a snorkel in my ass to help me pass gas. It was pretty cool I guess.
- Comment on [deleted] 3 months ago:
If only I could monetize them, then I could afford many quail eggs.
- Comment on [deleted] 3 months ago:
When I was a kid in the 60s my hippie uncle told me that what gave him power was stuffing a quail egg in his foreskin and then his elderly neighbour would put her false teeth in her ass and he’d boink her and the egg would come out of his foreskin and she’d chomp it in her ass with the false teeth. I had no idea what he was talking about because I was only 7 when he told me this but now that I’m elderly I love sticking my false teeth in my ass to chew quail eggs from nice men.
- Comment on Goodnight mum *shakes hand* 3 months ago:
It’s like that old nursery rhyme “suck my dick and fuck my dad, but only if your name is Brad”
