Submitted 12 hours ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/d149b96c-723a-46c6-8c4f-c394c4d9651f.png
Yeah, no. That is not what I signed up for.
We do lift each other up, it’s not a one way thing. Can advise, and do, and he does with me too. So sure, I am willing to make suggestions and he always wants me to do stuff like style his wardrobe, do all the interior design, etc., yeah I’m down, my eye is better. He plans all the trips, his mom was a travel agent.
But would not dream of using sex as a lever, because I want sex for sex.
And I sure as fuck don’t want another kid, I want a partner.
On a serious note, having been that guy, this is the worst experience ever.
15 years of slowly being convinced being who I was, was wrong. 15 years of being told she was normal, what I wanted wasn’t. 15 years of isolation. 15 years brainwashing. 15 years of ever building self doubt.
Then she cheated on me.
Somehow I haven’t been in grippy socks yet. Pretty fucking close though with the outpatient stuff I do. Been on one date with someone else.
Been on one date with someone else.
Congrats ! 🎉
Each step, however small it may seem, away from this abusive person is a great one
I was in it for 5 years. I wouldn’t have made it another decade. Glad you’re on the other side. I hope you can find your emotions, the ones that you have somewhere inside that really care for you in a way you haven’t felt all this time.
Also therapy if you can afford it and find one that clicks with you. It’s frustratingly helpful in that it doesn’t feel like you’re doing much but the reinforcement and structure is everything.
Big hugs, friend. You’re not alone out here. It gets better. Take your time.
There is a name for it: Narcissistic Abuse. Keep going, you’ll make it through. It gets better.
There’s certain common patterns this dynamic seems to take:
Sounds awful. Fuck all of that.
That’s not a girlfriend it’s a second mother.
Odepus
Oof
Pretty common phenomenon. And it works for some people, there are men who need hand holding and women who want to nurture. I think it would be healthier for OOP to recognize what it is though, and also that it’s not a universal experience. For example I’d be miserable as either party in that relationship.
Meanwhile, my wife enables my executive dysfunction, saying things like “oh, just do it tomorrow.” I have to explain to her, if I don’t do it now, it won’t get done for a month. Saying it out loud like that seems to give me the motivation to do it now.
Fake: anon has girlfriend Gay: motivated by sticks
Children need a parent, and some adults never pass that stage.
That’s just a sub.
Not swearing is a big fuckin ask.
Yeah buy the advertisers don’t want to be associated with that language so he’s gotta censor it.
Woof…
That’s rough
Puppy girl core
Don’t look for the easy way out of your own maturity. Nobody can tell you who you are better than you. Look for someone who wants to build you up, not control you.
Hell yeah. Make it mutual too.
That’s beautiful
As long as they’re consenting adults I guess
What is “sit like a man” ?
Don’t cross your legs ? 😅
There are different styles of crossing your legs. If you put one knee over the other, that style is often seen as feminine. Compare this with putting one ankle over the other knee (so the top leg is roughly flat) and that is seen as the masculine way.
I do both. Which one depends on the situation.
Lmfao what
One knee over the other is feminine? That’s fucking wild because I do it, my brother does it, my dad does it and my mom doesn’t.
Guess I better start wearing a kilt and “sitting like a real man” lmfao
Imagine being so insecure that you are worried about how you cross your legs when you sit. People are so fucking weird
Some toxic bs like that.
Manspreading? I have no idea.
I don’t need someone telling me not to be a slob to get things done, but having someone around all the time makes me more aware of my better behaviours and function better.
I agree that if your partner really wants to build you up, that it can help getting honest feedback from your significant other; i have changed a lot of things to make living together work better. But the way anon describes it sounds insufferable and more like he likes being dominated; also, it can put you under constant stress if the demands are unreasonable or don’t respect your needs.
That’s half of codependence?
Depends if the newly-formed habits persist whenever she lets up.
I don’t want my girlfriend to tell me how to do anything, I’m perfectly capable of managing by myself. But her input is appreciated.
Something similar kinda happened to me. I was socially inactive. She was very social and regularly meeting up with friends and brought me along with her. I get on with her friends very well actually. She also encouraged me to arrange time so she can meet my friends, too. She really turned my life around. Then she was forced to leave the country because she couldn’t get a visa to stay, as the visa rules were tightened - despite her having a job and a master’s degree.
This happened to me too, not because she was nagging and shit like that, but because I started to feel good about myself, like myself even and became more confident and so I started to take care of myself.
Lol, I have a friend exactly like this. Zero self-discipline, when he’s single he just stays at home slowly becoming more and more delinquent on the rent. We keep telling him he should join the army, cause it’s the only way he’s going to get any structure in his life.
Sounds like executive dysfunction, he doesn’t need the military, he needs medicine.
What kind of medicine? Asking for a friend.
etherphon@midwest.social 3 minutes ago
“I only care about myself when someone else cares about me” is not particularly healthy.