Children need a parent, and some adults never pass that stage.
Anon gets his life in order
Submitted 2 weeks ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/d149b96c-723a-46c6-8c4f-c394c4d9651f.png
Comments
Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
AnarchoEngineer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Fake: anon has girlfriend Gay: motivated by sticks
umbrella@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
op found a mom for himself.
Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 2 weeks ago
It’s clearly a step-mom in anything.
(Tho op didn’t specify Jocastas details.)
the_crotch@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
That’s not a girlfriend it’s a second mother.
Agent641@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Oof
the_crotch@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Pretty common phenomenon. And it works for some people, there are men who need hand holding and women who want to nurture. I think it would be healthier for OOP to recognize what it is though, and also that it’s not a universal experience. For example I’d be miserable as either party in that relationship.
Nomorereddit@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
Odepus
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Well there’s a fella who really loved his mother
Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
Not swearing is a big fuckin ask.
Dave@lemmy.nz 2 weeks ago
Yeah buy the advertisers don’t want to be associated with that language so he’s gotta censor it.
TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
Woof…
That’s rough
WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Puppy girl core
Tonava@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
There’s certain common patterns this dynamic seems to take:
- They end up in that type of traditional marriage for fifty years where the wife controls absolutely everything and the man throws around jokes about ball and chain. This ends when either one dies; if the man dies first, the wife will live happily for another ten years, but if the wife dies first, the man follows soon
- The man loses all sights of himself and becomes a passive and meek “yes, dear” -man, and then the girlfriend (or wife if they managed to get married) eventually gets bored since the project car isn’t fun anymore, and cheats or just straight up leaves him. This pattern might also involve straight up domestic violence where the man is too embarrassed and scared to seek help
- The girlfriend (or wife again) gets tired of taking care of a manchild instead of having an equal partner, and leaves. This happens especially if they have children and the wife realizes it’s actually easier to take care of the children alone. Often the man also ends up whining about how he doesn’t understand what he did wrong, and thought everything was going so well
balance8873@lemmy.myserv.one 2 weeks ago
That’s reading an awful lot into a post that’s both fake and gay
nutsack@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
god yea i love emotional abuse
lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 2 weeks ago
My favorite kink
roscoe@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Meanwhile, my wife enables my executive dysfunction, saying things like “oh, just do it tomorrow.” I have to explain to her, if I don’t do it now, it won’t get done for a month. Saying it out loud like that seems to give me the motivation to do it now.
Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 2 weeks ago
Hope this works for you for a long time.
Tho it’s good that your wife understands the mechanics behind it.(Or maybe she already does and you maybe sometimes need the ‘tomorrow’ & she is looking out for you/managing your dysfunction better than you might think?)
roscoe@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Not wanting to be a lazy shit that let’s her do all the housework is 99% of my motivation. But when I get the motivation to do the dishes it has to be now or it’ll be never.
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
Anon likes to be dommed
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Pre negotiated consensual power exchange? No thanks I want the unhealthy version please
Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 2 weeks ago
Or needs to be to have some quality of life.
Not everyone can have personal assistants.
Fizz@lemmy.nz 2 weeks ago
Having a partner in life makes a huge difference to motivation. I dont really agree with this idea of them leveraging things to force you to act that sounds like a living hell. These things should come naturally as you desire being the best version of yourself for your partner.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
These things should come naturally as you desire being the best version of yourself for your partner
how i knew i could marry my wife, i wanted to do this.
whoisearth@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Amen brother.
Shortstack@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
As long as they’re consenting adults I guess
Kn1ghtDigital@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Don’t look for the easy way out of your own maturity. Nobody can tell you who you are better than you. Look for someone who wants to build you up, not control you.
naught101@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Hell yeah. Make it mutual too.
daggermoon@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
That’s beautiful
IndustryStandard@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
“I can fix him”
fixes him
trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
There is no fixing here, this is an armed bomb
alternategait@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Then he leaves her for someone “who doesn’t nag” and is more exciting.
BurnedDonutHole@ani.social 2 weeks ago
Joke on my ex fiance. Although it might be on me considering she cheated.
IndustryStandard@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
“She could fix others but not herself”
wizzim@infosec.pub 2 weeks ago
What is “sit like a man” ?
Don’t cross your legs ? 😅
blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
There are different styles of crossing your legs. If you put one knee over the other, that style is often seen as feminine. Compare this with putting one ankle over the other knee (so the top leg is roughly flat) and that is seen as the masculine way.
I do both. Which one depends on the situation.
peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 2 weeks ago
Lmfao what
One knee over the other is feminine? That’s fucking wild because I do it, my brother does it, my dad does it and my mom doesn’t.
Guess I better start wearing a kilt and “sitting like a real man” lmfao
prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
Imagine being so insecure that you are worried about how you cross your legs when you sit. People are so fucking weird
LittleBorat3@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I am always cowboy style, could not fathom sitting like I wear a skirt.
The real reason it’s my stuff gets upside down and it’s too warm in the pants woman style.
XTL@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
Some toxic bs like that.
rumschlumpel@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
Manspreading? I have no idea.
SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
Sounds awful. Fuck all of that.
RBWells@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Yeah, no. That is not what I signed up for.
We do lift each other up, it’s not a one way thing. Can advise, and do, and he does with me too. So sure, I am willing to make suggestions and he always wants me to do stuff like style his wardrobe, do all the interior design, etc., yeah I’m down, my eye is better. He plans all the trips, his mom was a travel agent.
But would not dream of using sex as a lever, because I want sex for sex.
And I sure as fuck don’t want another kid, I want a partner.
harambe69@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
That’s just a sub.
peteypete420@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Hey, if two (or more) people are making each other happy and doing well, right on. Yea that "traditional " style of relationship isnt for me. Especially the idea of withholding conversation or sex as punishment. Well, if it was kink minded then maybe, but I digress.
Anywhoots, being in a happy stable relationship certainly helped me get some of my act together. Hopefully i wont fully come apart the seams right now.
blarghly@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Especially the idea of withholding conversation or sex as punishment.
What if the withholding is driven purely by emotion rather than being premeditated?
peteypete420@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Like, someone is angry, so they dont talk for awhile? They are sad, so maybe no fuckey tonight? Etc. Thats fine. I dont mean to say they should always be talking or fucking.
Withholding to punish, or to steer the partner a certain way is what seems problamatic.
etherphon@midwest.social 2 weeks ago
“I only care about myself when someone else cares about me” is not particularly healthy.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
“i want to improve more for others than for myself” isn’t fantastic, but it’s pointing in the right direction
etherphon@midwest.social 2 weeks ago
Well that does sound better, as long as it’s not completely dependent on another persons approval, that’s kinda asking for trouble.
insaneinthemembrane@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
More in the right direction than the wrong but still not the right direction entirely. It needs to come from within to be strong and lasting.
Plus that isn’t what’s happening here, he’s being a child who is also being emotionally and sexually manipulated.
Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 2 weeks ago
It can be an unimaginably, uncomprehendingly better than just the ‘I don’t care about myself tho’, if that is the best they can manage or perhaps even as a step on the gradual path of self-worth/healing - that is amazing!
Don’t dismiss ‘getting slightly better’ as a failure bcs it’s not immediately resulting in the prefect best-case end scenario/state.
etherphon@midwest.social 2 weeks ago
Sure, I’ve been there, I’m still there some days, it’s a lot of hard work to push yourself and find your redeeming qualities when you feel like you don’t have any, or keep trying when you feel like you fail every time, or feel like you sabotage yourself every time you get something going right. If that’s a step it’s great I’m just saying, don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
WaitThisIsntReddit@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
That’s half of codependence?
MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de 2 weeks ago
Depends if the newly-formed habits persist whenever she lets up.
Mniot@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
Yeesh. What’s the girlfriend getting out of all of this? Seems like a lot of work to run someone else’s life in addition to your own.
blarghly@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
“I can fix him”
gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 2 weeks ago
I believe OPs story is how it originally worked in a lot of traditional marriages. Women stays home but keeps a close eye on any business activity her man does. Since he earns a lot of money when he’s productive, she tries to keep him productive by pushing him in the right way. That’s how marriage worked. That was a long time ago, however, and such a strategy would not make sense today because people rarely stay together long enough for such a game to pay off for the women.
33550336@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
The guy just discovered female led relationship. If he likes it, it is like a heaven.
whoisearth@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Meh. It’s more finding the person that compliments you. Your SO should compliment you so your weaknesses are less pronounced and likewise you should do that with your SO.
A rising tide lifts all boats.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Weird. I had the opposite experience.
Used to have gfs. They constantly nagged me to don’t work out, to not get a better job, to drink, to smoke, and party. oh and don’t have friends they don’t like and don’t do anything that doesn’t involve them.
I’ve been single 6 years and my salary has gone up 250%. in the decade I was dating women… it went up like 10%. and i am fitter, stronger, have lots of cool hobbies and i volunteer a lot. And when I try to date… i just meet women who think all that shit is gross.
Pacattack57@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I know you aren’t asking for advice but many people search for partners in places that only have 1 type of person. For example you don’t look for a wife at the club or you don’t look for a party animal at church.
Sounds like you are looking for a certain type of person in exactly the opposite place you should be looking.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
i am not looking for any type of person or in any particular place.
i just tend to attract women who are losers. even rich losers. i’ve dated women who had way more money than me who constantly compared about how broke they were and how hard/difficult their life was how I should make more money so they can sit at home no their ass and do nothing.
NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Fuck, I love being single and living by myself.
ClockworkOtter@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I don’t need someone telling me not to be a slob to get things done, but having someone around all the time makes me more aware of my better behaviours and function better.
Wildmimic@anarchist.nexus 2 weeks ago
I agree that if your partner really wants to build you up, that it can help getting honest feedback from your significant other; i have changed a lot of things to make living together work better. But the way anon describes it sounds insufferable and more like he likes being dominated; also, it can put you under constant stress if the demands are unreasonable or don’t respect your needs.
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Anon learns the joys of being a pet
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
Something similar kinda happened to me. I was socially inactive. She was very social and regularly meeting up with friends and brought me along with her. I get on with her friends very well actually. She also encouraged me to arrange time so she can meet my friends, too. She really turned my life around. Then she was forced to leave the country because she couldn’t get a visa to stay, as the visa rules were tightened - despite her having a job and a master’s degree.
peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 2 weeks ago
On a serious note, having been that guy, this is the worst experience ever.
15 years of slowly being convinced being who I was, was wrong. 15 years of being told she was normal, what I wanted wasn’t. 15 years of isolation. 15 years brainwashing. 15 years of ever building self doubt.
Then she cheated on me.
Somehow I haven’t been in grippy socks yet. Pretty fucking close though with the outpatient stuff I do. Been on one date with someone else.
untorquer@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I was in it for 5 years. I wouldn’t have made it another decade. Glad you’re on the other side. I hope you can find your emotions, the ones that you have somewhere inside that really care for you in a way you haven’t felt all this time.
Also therapy if you can afford it and find one that clicks with you. It’s frustratingly helpful in that it doesn’t feel like you’re doing much but the reinforcement and structure is everything.
peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 2 weeks ago
I’m doing some particularly frequent therapy at the moment. Medication management, occupational stuff.
So far I’ve only met one person on the apps. So I’m working on finding stuff to go to to meet more people. It’s a small city, so kind of limited. Can’t move because of a kid. That makes it way harder to date too.
But one thing I’m trying to remind myself - I’ll be in my 40s when my son is 18. I figure I can probably really safely leave him at home way before that. So maybe in 5 years or so. I had a teacher in his 50’s marry another teacher in her late 20s (and they are still together 15 years later) so I’d say there’s still time.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
I don’t get why relationships are such a hsrd requirement for people.
TexasDrunk@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Big hugs, friend. You’re not alone out here. It gets better. Take your time.
peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 2 weeks ago
Thank you. Knowing that others have recovered gives me some hope.
BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz 2 weeks ago
Congrats ! 🎉
Each step, however small it may seem, away from this abusive person is a great one
Kaerkob@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
There is a name for it: Narcissistic Abuse. Keep going, you’ll make it through. It gets better.