[deleted]
OP, read through Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.
And then GTFO of there the second you can. This man will stunt your life and he’ll blame you for it.
[deleted]
Submitted 5 days ago by marinealpaca@lemmy.world to mildlyinfuriating@lemmy.world
Comments
ted@sh.itjust.works 5 days ago
Sprinks@lemmy.world 5 days ago
second this. That book really helped me understand wtf happened during my childhood and gain a sense of identity I had never felt before.
DankOfAmerica@reddthat.com 5 days ago
third it. I read that book during COVID lock down and it was insightful.
RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 5 days ago
A decade later: My kids don’t talk to me. I don’t get it.
tomi000@lemmy.world 5 days ago
A decade? I would cut ties with this asshole 5min after this message.
RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Easy for you to say. Most of the time kids will try to be a part of their parent’s lives. It’s really easy to suggest you’d crash out at the first opportunity, but a lot of people in abusive relationships don’t for a multitude of reasons we won’t fit into this discussion. Especially true for kids as parents are a child’s whole world. There’s no shortage of tales of kids spending a lifetime trying to work around a parent who is abusive or destructive.
ltxrtquq@lemmy.ml 5 days ago
don’t ever talk
backto me againlook, the kids’ hands were tied. What were they supposed to do?
Dkarma@lemmy.world 5 days ago
They never gave me a reason just this book of texts explaining exactly why!
jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 5 days ago
What kind of dad doesn’t want to be called “dad”? That’s a title of the highest honor. Anyone can call me “sir”. There are only three people in the world who call me “dad.”
toynbee@lemmy.world 5 days ago
My 5 year old has recently started trying out various different titles. I’ve been (by their choice) Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Mister, and probably a few more including (occasionally) my actual first name. I do like “Dada” because I remember when it was their only word and it was used to express excitement at my presence, but I don’t mind any of them because whatever they call me, they’re calling me with love. As long as I can tell that they’re referring to me, I’ll always respond. I agree with you, though; I certainly don’t want the relationship depicted in the original picture.
They sometimes called their mother “Maker,” which is kind of an interesting choice IMHO, but the mother has pretty much the same attitude about it that I do. I call the kid “Little Bean” sometimes and plan to continue doing so no matter how big they get. Also, as a related side note, I got a lot of mileage out of all the bean memes on Lemmy back when that was the thing.
jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 5 days ago
Our oldest, who is almost 17, calls me by my first name. Although I have heard her refer to me as “dad” when she thinks I’m not in earshot. When I adopted her, I promised she would never have to call me “dad” unless she wanted to.
We’ve since turned it into a running joke where when anyone asks why she calls me by my first name, she’ll tell them she did something so bad that she was never allowed to call me dad again as punishment.
vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 5 days ago
Im cracking up at maker, though id hold that in my back pocket if I was the kid since it radiates such sass.
vk6flab@lemmy.radio 5 days ago
Yes dad 😇
(It’s a joke, laugh.)
AugustWest@lemmy.world 5 days ago
inclementimmigrant@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Fathers that have inadequacy issues.
possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 5 days ago
I’ve seen it as a respect thing in some cases. However this is way over the top.
In the cases I’ve seen it used it was to teach respect of others. Respect and Compassion were the family focus.
Kecessa@sh.itjust.works 5 days ago
My parents always preferred to be called by their first name 🤷 which would also be a good retort to that piece of shit father
“Since you want to treat my like any other people you know I’ll call you by your name.”
bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 5 days ago
If this were posted in any other community I would think it were just some BDSM roleplay.
So, you should reply with “harder daddy”.
marinealpaca@lemmy.world 5 days ago
[deleted]superkret@feddit.org 5 days ago
I hope you are able to move out soon.
This is no way to live.bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 5 days ago
No, you’re not a coward. You’re a survivor!
breakingcups@lemmy.world 5 days ago
You can survive him. Just don’t think that him cosplaying as tough dad has any bearing on who you should choose to be or deserve to become. We all deserve supporting, emotionally mature parents. That you didn’t get one is not your fault.
thespcicifcocean@lemmy.world 5 days ago
I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that from your dad. Get out when you can and never look back.
Laser@feddit.org 5 days ago
Why would you be a coward for avoiding a conflict where if he was a normal person wouldn’t be any issue whatsoever? There is nothing to gain in that situation
Play the game along on a minimal emotional level, get out as soon as possible and let it be a lesson how to never turn out.
01189998819991197253@infosec.pub 5 days ago
Coward? Not the right word. Survivor, would be the word I would choose. Are you old enough to get a job and ride a train alone? Can you get tf out of this? If not, keep surviving until you can get out, then run and never look back. Change your number, your usernames, everything else he can use to track your whereabouts. Block his number on the new phone, and just run. At that point, he died to you. Don’t even think about him. Don’t let him live rent free in your mind. Shove him out of your mind, and lead the good life you deserve. If you ever see him again in the future, pretend you don’t recognize him, pretend you’ve never seen him before, pretend he’s a complete stranger—he’s dead to you. This type of behavior he’s showing from the main screenshot and your other comments on here, leads to a manchild who never grew up, and this is not your responsibility to get him to grow up… that’s his responsibility, which he’s failing. Your responsibility is to survive, get tf out, then thrive. Good luck, son.
Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 5 days ago
I want to stress this - you are not a coward. You have to do what is necessary to survive.
There’s good advice in this thread - do what you can to set up an exit strategy, and exit ASAP once you have arranged safeguards to support your survival. The earlier the better, but if it takes time to do successfully, take that time.
You are not weak. You are not worthless. You are not beholden to this man for your long-term survival, even if it’s necessary for the short-term. If you so choose, when you leave he will never see you again and die alone and forgotten. The only purpose his memory should serve in that case is as an example of what not to do, or how to live your life. Survive and seek out as much joy as this world makes available, so you can dance on his grave and empty your bladder on it before leaving it to decay.
I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this - but it is not permanent. Please remember this.
surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 5 days ago
That’s how you survive until you can escape. If you’re over 18 and just lack the funds to leave, try a go fund me. I’ve seen them work on this before.
Primer81@lemmy.zip 5 days ago
He should consider himself lucky you call him dad. I know some fathers who are simply referred to by their first name by their children.
dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net 5 days ago
Yeah, poking the bear seems like a bad idea when the bear is in your house. I’m really sorry you’re living with this. If you feel comfortable sharing, how old are you? Do you have a plan to get away?
Peter_Arbeitsloser@feddit.org 5 days ago
If it works, it’s a fine strategy for now. Just keep in mind that it’s just a strategy until you feel more comfortable and confident to set new boundaries that are good for you, too. I too suggest to stay away from him at some point. At a distance you are in a better position to reevaluate how you may or may not maintain a relationship with your dad. Stay strong, many people here understand and support you.
ODuffer@lemmy.world 5 days ago
You did well. Now just ignore him if you can. I’d certainly never contact him again. My father died when I was 13, I prefer that, than dealing with this.
KillerTofu@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Jeeze, that’s what I thought it was.
abbadon420@lemm.ee 5 days ago
That’s what I thought too. But OP’s comments unfortunately tell a different story
Whateley@lemm.ee 5 days ago
This is a good way to make certain that I only show up to your funeral to make sure you’re dead.
possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 5 days ago
I’ve met people like this. They have the 70’s style mindset and are terrible leaders.
Death_Equity@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Not sure if father or Dom.
MercuryGenisus@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Honestly if taken out of context, hawt.
Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 5 days ago
First of all, I am a sociopath. You know I’m also very fragile about my self-perceptions about gender and status, so any intimacy or attempted emotional connection is a threat. I’ll pretend to be fine right now, but I’m definitely going to ruminate on this and lash out later for reasons not even I fully understand. So watch your ass.
mr_manager@lemmy.world 5 days ago
He’s right about one thing, he doesn’t deserve to be called “dad”. I think I speak for all us decent dads here when I say any one of us would be proud to have a kid who’s as smart, capable, and levelheaded as you sound. Keep your head down and get out as soon as you can.
Eiri@lemmy.ca 5 days ago
That’s not mileage infuriating, that’s fucking abuse.
wheeldawg@sh.itjust.works 5 days ago
Plot twist: this is just OP’s dom texting him, not father.
SpikesOtherDog@ani.social 5 days ago
Sorry you have to keep your head down like this. I hope you feel safe. Save texts like this somewhere safe, three places at least.
Life will get better. This man’s shade may haunt you, and I suggest you get therapy for it. You don’t have to be him, and once you are on your own you can call him whatever you want.
possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 5 days ago
You don’t even need to talk to him
Laser@feddit.org 5 days ago
Using this for future family scam attempts lol
Also sorry that your father has no empathy
marinealpaca@lemmy.world 5 days ago
[deleted]entropicdrift@lemmy.sdf.org 5 days ago
That’s on the low side of “Normal weight” per the BMI chart.
I’m 33, 5’7" and 175 lbs. Technically overweight, but I still look fine. It really really depends on your build.
Anyway I’d take that screencap as proof of verbal/emotional abuse.
SendMePhotos@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Pretty confident that if you absorb anything being said to you like this, it will eat you alive. Keep facing other directions and be influenced by people you respect and adore.
Laser@feddit.org 5 days ago
One day, the tables will turn.
That day will be a test of character
possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 5 days ago
WTF?
This is straight up abuse. How old are you?
AmazingAwesomator@lemmy.world 5 days ago
I am not “boy”, I am “Supreme Commander Gazbog, trilord of the seven kingdoms, archduke of omicron perseii 4 & union leader of the teamsters local 644”, and you will refer to me as such…
Rivalarrival@lemmy.today 5 days ago
Make it a point to call everyone “sir”. Cashiers, Waiters, people providing you with services.
Most importantly: your friends.
When an honorific is used for everyone, it ceases to be an honorific.
Ze_Rosie_Ro@lemmy.cafe 5 days ago
I’ve lived in the southern US a good portion of my life, where a lot of parents go by “sir” and “ma’am” and you are expected to call others in public as “sir” and “ma’am” respectively. So, while I see what you’re saying, the father in this case may agree unironically.
Rivalarrival@lemmy.today 5 days ago
There are two types of people I call “Sir”: People I respect, and people I detest. I know the difference. I care not whether the detestable can figure it out.
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 5 days ago
I have a cousin who has a knighthood and he hates it when I call him ‘sir,’ so I do it to annoy him. He’s a physicist. (He was much more honored by winning an Ig Nobel Prize.
To be fair, I would be too. He told me the queen asked him what he was there for and when he tried to explain it in brief, she just looked confused and moved on.
InEnduringGrowStrong@sh.itjust.works 5 days ago
Fuck this garbage human.
Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 5 days ago
I’ll take “Things that get your sperm donor’s favourite food items tainted” for $500, Alex.
Fuck this asshole. Bide your time until you can GTFO, then GTFO and don’t look back. Sorry to hear the guy who contributed to your embryonic stage is a pencil dicked twat. “Sir” - fuck you.
Sorry, people like this really rub me the wrong way, all the more so when the target of this crap isn’t someone strong enough to make them lose some teeth (no fault of your own, and it’s a hard thing to punch your biocontributor in the mouth anyway).
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 5 days ago
I have said this many times in the past and I will say it again in the future I am sure. And I am saying this as a parent:
You owe your parents nothing. You did not ask to be born. They made you. They owe you everything.
Cut this asshole out of your life. Your life will be better for it.
riskable@programming.dev 5 days ago
“I will never call you Dad. In fact, I will never call you at all.”
wise_pancake@lemmy.ca 5 days ago
I imagine butterscotch horseman saying this
m4xie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 days ago
That show was amazing for how I could match quotes from his mother to mine!
wise_pancake@lemmy.ca 5 days ago
I love my family, but I’ll never forget the day my grandpa drove me to town, bought me a sundae, then we stopped at the park so I could eat it. When I was done he asked if I liked it then told me to be careful or I’d end up as a fatty.
It was a very loving family with sprinkles of that mixed in.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 5 days ago
“Mildly Infuriating”
This man is not mildly infuriating, he is a PRICK.
Entertainmeonly@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 days ago
This is clearly a Dom/Sub relationship. Don’t kink shame.
JustJack23@slrpnk.net 5 days ago
I may be wrong, but I think OP wrote as response of other comments that this is his real dad.
I want to believe it’s just role play too…
Harbinger01173430@lemmy.world 5 days ago
You should answer with: Looks who is going to end up abandoned in the retirement home
treadful@lemmy.zip 5 days ago
Print this on a mug as a gift.
RBWells@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Ok, if this is not a BDSM arrangement, tell him to fuck off. Respect is earned, not taken. I did make my kids say Ma’am and Sir to waiters and cashiers and teachers. Not me, we are family.
If you need an adoptive online family, I’ve so many kids, what’s one more?
If it is a BDSM arrangement, wow that is hot.
y0kai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 days ago
kick him in his tiny balls and call him boy from now on
boredtortoise@lemm.ee 5 days ago
Block and report to authorities
datavoid@lemmy.ml 5 days ago
I thought people acting like this was just a stereotype from the early 1900s and before… what the hell is going on in Texas that this isn’t viewed as a problem? America is so backwards it’s crazy.
spankmonkey@lemmy.world 5 days ago
This is not limited to Texas. It isn’t uncommon in US red states to legally beat your children as long as it doesn’t reach a certain level of injury (or it does and the abuser pretends to apologize).
We still have atates that allow school staff to hit children.
possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 5 days ago
People like this aren’t tied to Texas or the armed services. They are just people who were mistreated by there parents. Child abuse runs along family lines.
Some of the best parents I have seen served in the Army and other places.
Bosht@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Not sure how old you are, but if you’re an adult I’d definitely cut them out. If you’re a kid I’m sorry you have to deal with it. Just know it will get better. My dad was like this ver-batim, and while it sucks not having a support system when you’re a young adult, it’s better than dealing with the toxicity
shortrounddev@lemmy.world 5 days ago
I’ll take “dad’s who die alone in retirement homes” for 3000, Alex
Duranie@leminal.space 5 days ago
I vote for him to stay in his own unmaintained home rather than making the other residents deal with him.
surph_ninja@lemmy.world 5 days ago
If you’re not estranged, there are a number of states that will require you to ensure they’re cared for, and even require you to pay the state back for their care.
Also a possibility of being charged with elder abuse, if you witness an elderly parent living in squalor.
MissJinx@lemmy.world 5 days ago
That’s my dad. I’m no contact for over 20 years. I told him the only way I would talk to him again is if he would go to a psychiatrist/psychologist with me (I want to make sure) his answer was a string of offenses. Now he talks to my SIL about how much he loves me but that I never rewlly loved him and he don’t know why. The audacity
01189998819991197253@infosec.pub 5 days ago
**sirs who die alone in retirement homes
soloner@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Op should send that back in reply lmao