jubilationtcornpone

@jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Horny🧠⁩ ⁨⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  Me (a man):

  Wakes up… “Hmmm. I really have to pee.”

  My brain: “Horny! HORNY NOW!”

  Me: “What?! No! Why??? Ughhh!!”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Reflexes⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Horselike Reflexes: When you weigh 900 lbs (408kg) and can run at 30 mph (48 kph) but you’re still scared of your own shadow.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier says criminal “geoengineering and weather modification activities" could have played a role in recent Texas floods⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  You use sun block? Straight to jail.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Good morning to sovcit vanifestos, and only sovcit vanifestos.⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Lol. I knew a guy who refused to tag his car because of some sovcit bullshit reasons. He changed his mind real quick after his wife got a ticket for driving without a valid registration.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨CTO reveals new AI plan...⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  There’s a ticket in the backlog. We’ll get to it next sprint (aka never).

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Bring them back!!!⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Ingen went all “move fast, break things” but with genetically engineered apex predators. Pretty much worked out exactly as expected.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Missouri governor repeals paid sick leave law approved last year by voters⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  “It’s ok if you fuck me in the ass as long as you fuck the brown guys a little harder.” --Modern Republican Voters

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨the field of frolickology is very vast⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I believe the technical term for that is “Keepy Uppy.”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨meal⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I can smell that from here and I don’t like it.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Ok, I'll pay you the 1995 price⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I don’t know but I’ve been stockpiling canned food in my basement and I bought a portable toilet just in case.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Lost dog⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Howls relentlessly at the moon.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Republican Pride⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Fireworks are damned expensive. We didn’t buy any this year because I’m not about to spend $200 to shoot off five fountains.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨US Politicians praying inside the House of Representatives⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Those who say, “I love God,” and hate a brother or sister are liars, for those who do not love a brother or sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.

  1 John 4:20

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Christ the Redeemer vs. Christ the Knock Off Brand⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  That is absolutely glorious.

• Christ the Redeemer vs. Christ the Knock Off Brandsh.itjust.works ↗
  Submitted ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩ | ⁨19⁩ ⁨comments⁩
• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨science⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Scratch the beer and the vape, add a single malt scotch, and take my money.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨addict⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Honestly, you knew it was a child’s birthday party and yet you didn’t bring enough to share? That was pretty inconsiderate.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I'm very Jesus-like⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Image

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I'm very Jesus-like⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Ok, @SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com. Chief propagator of moth memes. 😏

  But seriously, it’s a naive person who doesn’t understand that every single day, somewhere in the world, the most horrible shit you can imagine is going down at any given moment. That’s just a fact. Our job is to help when we can and deal with it when we can’t. One of the way we have or dealing with it when we can’t is through humor and there’s not a damned thing wrong with that.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Times change, but I stay the same.⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  High school/college grads during the great recession:

  “First time?”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨But I am mighty!!⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  My wife can spend all day in the sun and turn a nice shade of brown.

  Not me. There is no “tan” for me. It’s either pasty white or lobster with no middle ground whatsoever.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The "We Tried" Award⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  “Well it’s not MY fault they shot some Vietnamese kid in the face and now have nightmares and a paralyzing fear of fireworks. Guess they should have thought about that before getting drafted.”

  /S

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Everything happens for a reason⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Image

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Republican Senator callously says 'biblically, we are supposed to work' to millions set to lose health care⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  “Don’t rob the poor just because you can, or exploit the needy in court. For the LORD is their defender. He will ruin anyone who ruins them.”

  Proverbs 22:22-23

• Viva Las Vegassh.itjust.works ↗
  Submitted ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩ | ⁨6⁩ ⁨comments⁩
• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨You Know What They Say:⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  “I swear to God I’m gonna pistol whip the next guy who says ‘shenanigans’.”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Eating shit is for alphas, am I rite guise⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  The Onion used to publish satire. Nows it’s just print journalism.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨His last pickup rolled over.⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  TIL.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Labubu⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  🎶Me, and you, and Zoboomafoo🎶

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨It's a rule⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Story points.