jubilationtcornpone
@jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works
- Comment on i mean 2 days ago:
Understood. My experience deepthroating N64 controllers is …uh… limited.
- Comment on i mean 2 days ago:
Better have a long tongue to reach the “Z” button with.
- Comment on Praise Be 3 days ago:
"Well God can use ‘imperfect people’. Just look at King David."
How that story actually went…
David: Has an affair with Bathsheba and has her husband assassinated.
God: “Listen here you little shit. I gave you everything you could ever want and you decided that wasn’t enough. I’m feeling merciful so I won’t kill you like you killed Uriah. Instead, you can spend the rest of your miserable life suffering the consequences of your evil deeds.”
- Comment on Start-up idea 3 days ago:
Not every old design was better but some were.
My wife absolutely refuses to give up her early 1970’s GE range. It’s impossible to get parts for it so eventually it’s going to have to be replaced. One of the actually nice features it has is is that all the push button controls are on the range hood. Don’t have to worry about them getting greasy while cooking or little kids turning the burners on.
- Comment on How does this thing work? (wrong answers only) 3 days ago:
The stove is hot so the fan is just trying to cool itself down. Duh.
- Comment on Man posts his incorrect opinion online 5 days ago:
Back when I went to an office every day, I usually wore loafers. Easy to slip off and on under your desk without drawing lots of attention.
- Comment on President Trump: Biden was always a mean guy. How is that working out for him now? When you start feeling sorry for him, remember he is bad guy 6 days ago:
Says the person who feels no remorse for
killing innocent civiliansanything.FTFY
- Comment on Work smarter, not harder 1 week ago:
I see you left that short stint at WorldCom off your resume.
- Comment on HAWK SHARK 1 week ago:
I use Tom’s of Maine because I’m allergic to HAWK SHARK deodorant.
- Comment on u snigle? 1 week ago:
“Hey good looking. Can you help me install Microsoft Office in this thing?”
Worst pickup line ever.
- Comment on This kid gets it 2 weeks ago:
There’s nothing I want more than to be a mid-level cog in the
corporatestate political machine./S
- Comment on Is it still seasonal allergies if they last all four seasons? 2 weeks ago:
You look to me like a plant that would fuck a person in the sinuses and not even have the goddamned common courtesy to give them a reach around. I’ll be watching you!
- Submitted 2 weeks ago to science_memes@mander.xyz | 12 comments
- Comment on Me too 2 weeks ago:
- Comment on It was a surprise for sure 2 weeks ago:
Mommy wants to be hurt. She specifically requested it.
- Comment on They only come out at night 2 weeks ago:
Beast with two backs forgot to stretch.
- Comment on 3 weeks ago:
“This would be a real banger if we mixed in a synthesizer and some orchestral music.” --Jeff Lynne (Probably)
He may not have actually said that but he certainly thought it and he was not wrong.
- Comment on Tips 3 weeks ago:
That’s pretty much my littlest one. He got forced out into the world and he’s been pissed about it ever since.
- Comment on Tips 3 weeks ago:
You spend too much money in electricity. Have you thought about just freezing to death?
- Comment on [10] Guy 3 weeks ago:
Five foot eleven!? I didn’t know they stacked shit that high!!
- Comment on Huh? 3 weeks ago:
Totally get it. You wanna be where you can see your troubles are all the same. You wanna be where everybody knows your name.
- Comment on Annual merit increase 4 weeks ago:
You guys have jobs??
- Comment on You never know who you're arguing with 4 weeks ago:
If it were, “Share your stuffies and go out for ice cream”, it would be far from the worst marriage advice I’ve ever heard.
- Comment on You never know who you're arguing with 4 weeks ago:
Playing video games with my nephews
Me: Get obliterated because I suck
Nephew #1: “Ha ha!”
Nephew #2: “What a fucking noob.”
Wife: Appears seemingly from nowhere “Excuse me!? Do I need to talk to your mom about your language?”
Nephews 1&2: “No ma’am.”
Me: 😏
- Comment on Triggers 4 weeks ago:
One of the best teachers I have ever seen was one of my kids teachers during COVID.
All the other, mostly younger, teachers were just “herp derping” their way through doing school remotely. And this one lady, who was like two years from retirement, just points a camera at a blank piece of paper and writes out the math lessons by hand while talking you through each step.
I’m just watching this like, “where the hell was this lady when I was in 6th grade??”
- Comment on Triggers 4 weeks ago:
My parents: “You just need to focus and finish your math homework.”
My undiagnosed ADHD brain: “No can-dos-ville babydoll.”
- Comment on [deleted] 4 weeks ago:
Thankfully that was a long time ago. I’ve had a chance to heal and I learned a lot from that experience, especially about myself. I’m doing good now. I appreciate the good vibes though.
- Comment on [deleted] 4 weeks ago:
Same for my ex wife! Except I would never send her this message because I never want to see her miserable face again for as long as I live.
- Comment on Life pro tip for friends of pharmacists 4 weeks ago:
Yellow Mustard.
- Comment on A conservative think tank is suing Oregon over a new law that makes it illegal to impersonate a union representative 5 weeks ago:
“We should be able to commit fraud” is
a… bold stancethe Republican party platform.FTFY
