Method A on account that that would be the maximum usable length
He's an arborist
Submitted 3 weeks ago by The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/7e13db55-4ec3-424c-9368-b138b6be851f.jpeg
Comments
OldSageRick@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
AFLYINTOASTER@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
As a skilled carpenter who’s used to measuring wood, this is the only answer.
TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
Well… It kinda depends. If I were to be ordering stock to recreate the branch or even if I were making a covering for the branch. I’d have to order at least 6 inches of material to cut down.
So I think it matters most how you are intending to use it.
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Oh you’re a skilled carpenter? How much wood have you cut in your time
Akasazh@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I’m interested in your wood measuring services.
… For a friend
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
undefinedValue@programming.dev 3 weeks ago
That’s not how it works with soft bodies though, method B represents potential useable length when pointing down. It’s only distorted because it’s pointing up. For rigid bodies, I’d agree.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
Nobody cares how long the limp branches are.
Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
So… Non rigid?
anzo@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
Usable length is relative…
*reverse cowgirl enters the room, galloping backwards and surprising everyone*
flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz 3 weeks ago
Branches and other small cylinders can be sized using M&M tubes
thesohoriots@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Banana for scale
HeHoXa@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
The cylinder must remain unharmed
KapmK@piefed.social 3 weeks ago
The generally accepted method used by scientists is to firmly push your ruler against the base of tree at the top of the branch. This is called BPEL, or bark-pressed erect length.
Triumph@fedia.io 3 weeks ago
Hehe hehe erect
SGG@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Method C. Sounding rod depth required to hit the prostate.
I know it sounds odd to do this on a tree, but trust me, it works.
BlindPenguin@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
MrChewy@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Thrust*
Fedizen@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Tear off the branch and measure the total length.
Mesophar@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
It is imperative that the branch not be damaged
RagingRobot@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It’s just a branch who cares? Mangle that fucker lol
Fedizen@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Ok chop down the tree and cut a line perpindicular to the bottom of the branch into the tree. Then measure the branch with watever remains of the tree attached.
chiliedogg@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Because it’s oak-wilt season, right?
watson387@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
Unless you’re into that
Soulphite@reddthat.com 3 weeks ago
If you trim the bushes the branch looks bigger. Pro tip.
Snapz@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
THE CYLINDER MUST NOT BE HARMED!!!
JennaR8r@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
I’m not sure how amused I am that I understand this reference.
Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net 3 weeks ago
What if there is a knot at the base of the branch?
OwOarchist@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
Then you might be measuring a werewolf. Seek professional help.
(I am a professional and can help you measure the knot.)
Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net 2 weeks ago
;)
troybot@piefed.social 2 weeks ago
Burl wood can be quite valuable so you should try to keep that part in one piece
pandora@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
it took me way to long to realize y’all talking about penises …
Akasazh@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
That’s so innocent. Almost like a certain mythical character before opening her eponymous box…
MrChewy@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I thought it was optimal street pathways at first, then trees, then got surprised by the amount of genitalia referencing comments then I “realised” thanks to this comment TT
SLVRDRGN@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
This was my process exactly!
MeowerMisfit817@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Well, it’s two of us.
Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Half the length plus seven
Randelung@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
woop woop, 7cm!
5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
I’ll ask the branch manager.
Kenny2999@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I would use 0,5x(A+B) because chicks dig a biger branch.
smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
I can’t use method B, the tree fruit are in the way.
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Personally I start measuring from the middle of my taint 😌
bold_omi@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
That’s a shoddy way of doing it. There are measurement standards.
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Taint to tip is the superior standard
skeezix@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Since the internet began it’s been known that you always measure asshole to tip.
Rajtinka@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Literally how every guy on Grindr measures…
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Ah, my misunderstanding
Decoy2point0@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
You have to push the branch down with one hand, such that it is perpendicular to the trunk. With the other hand place a ruler to measure trunk to tip via method A. This gives the honest expectation of ''usable" length.
Draegur@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
The correct answer is “between 114 and 152 millimeters” because both measures are relevant and necessary from an engineering standpoint: For the purposes of sizing something such that it can utilize the branch for support, it must be made clear that the branch is solid and whole up to 114 millimeters from the trunk. For the purpose of accidental collision clearance, it is necessary to know the furthest extent of the branch’s reach no matter how damaged or distupted it is. Furthermore if the branch may break and fall off, giving it at least 152mm of clearance means that it is unlikely to accidentally catch upon something in its descent even if it “hinges” away from the trunk at the base.
Zwiebel@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
My friend says “ouch wtf!!!”
SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
But then you’d need to know the angle, too.
Draegur@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
The larger length, even if it’s at a near vertical acute angle, is likely to tumble if it breaks–which means the whole reason we’re interested in its measurement is a situation where the angle is no longer fixed
Akasazh@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
This guy engineers
chrizzly@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
The question is, are we talking about a very normal cylinder? (possibly stuck to something?)
megopie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
It must remain unharmed
YaDownWitCPP@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
This can be easily calculated by the formula [(length x diameter) + (Weight / Girth)] / Angle of Tip 2
yermaw@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
This is the way. You have to account for the yaw of the shaft
tootoughtoremember@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
The correct way is to see how deep into a Pringle it can go. For an accurate measure, you’ll need to prevent angled entry. You can help it slide in straight by using a couple guiding sponges on either side of a latex glove attached to the rim pushed up inside it. Put a bit of Vaseline in the glove to prevent tearing the glove with the rough bark. For maximum safety, put the jar of Vaseline in a warm water bath for a few minutes beforehand to make the viscosity better for smooth entry and exit.
jballs@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
That sounds like an awful lot of effort just to jack off a tree branch
kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
gasp! clutches pearls
How dare you imply such vulgarity about my branch measuring device.
clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I don’t think you need to prevent angled entry; take the deepest measurement achieved at any angle.
kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
You working with a micro twig? Someone’s trimming back the foliage can help make it seem longer.
Chaunticleer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
T00l_shed@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Measure from the roots
textik@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 2 weeks ago
Lectral@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
What if there’s a … um … protuberance on the bottom where the branch meets the trunk? What’s the correct measuring procedure in that case?
krisevol@lemmus.org 3 weeks ago
None of them are. You need a graduated cylinder.
282 cm3 here.
anon_8675309@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Shine a light directly down on it from above. Measure the shadow
socsa@piefed.social 2 weeks ago
I just ask OP’s mom.
hperrin@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
You measure from the back of the balls.
Red_October@piefed.world 3 weeks ago
The only way to get an accurate measurement is to cut the branch off first.
Fortatech@gregtech.eu 3 weeks ago
The cylindet MUST stay intact!
spacehulk@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
I came here to say this. Take your stupid upvote.
Elgenzay@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
It is imperative that the cylinder and the larger object remain unharmed.
SleeplessCityLights@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
“It’s a meat cylinder”
Klear@piefed.world 3 weeks ago
But you’re supposed to measure it twice before that!
Sunshine@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
I just had some serious flashbacks to all the fucking Handy Manny I’ve watched. Thanks for that. 👍🏻
Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
One each side I guess?
Zwiebel@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
The branch cannot be cut.
SirIglooi@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
The branch is ~4.5" in girth and attempting to cut it off could cause discomfort
JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
🎵Detachable tree branch🎵