Method C. Sounding rod depth required to hit the prostate.
I know it sounds odd to do this on a tree, but trust me, it works.
He's an arborist
Submitted 18 hours ago by The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/7e13db55-4ec3-424c-9368-b138b6be851f.jpeg
Comments
SGG@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
OldSageRick@lemmy.zip 18 hours ago
Method A on account that that would be the maximum usable length
AFLYINTOASTER@lemmy.world 18 hours ago
As a skilled carpenter who’s used to measuring wood, this is the only answer.
TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today 17 hours ago
Well… It kinda depends. If I were to be ordering stock to recreate the branch or even if I were making a covering for the branch. I’d have to order at least 6 inches of material to cut down.
So I think it matters most how you are intending to use it.
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 17 hours ago
Oh you’re a skilled carpenter? How much wood have you cut in your time
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
undefinedValue@programming.dev 17 hours ago
That’s not how it works with soft bodies though, method B represents potential useable length when pointing down. It’s only distorted because it’s pointing up. For rigid bodies, I’d agree.
Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 hours ago
So… Non rigid?
anzo@programming.dev 8 hours ago
Usable length is relative…
*reverse cowgirl enters the room, galloping backwards and surprising everyone*
flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz 18 hours ago
Branches and other small cylinders can be sized using M&M tubes
thesohoriots@lemmy.world 18 hours ago
Banana for scale
5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 hours ago
I’ll ask the branch manager.
Fedizen@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
Tear off the branch and measure the total length.
Mesophar@pawb.social 9 hours ago
It is imperative that the branch not be damaged
RagingRobot@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
It’s just a branch who cares? Mangle that fucker lol
Fedizen@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
Ok chop down the tree and cut a line perpindicular to the bottom of the branch into the tree. Then measure the branch with watever remains of the tree attached.
chiliedogg@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
Because it’s oak-wilt season, right?
watson387@sopuli.xyz 8 hours ago
Unless you’re into that
KapmK@piefed.social 18 hours ago
The generally accepted method used by scientists is to firmly push your ruler against the base of tree at the top of the branch. This is called BPEL, or bark-pressed erect length.
Triumph@fedia.io 17 hours ago
Hehe hehe erect
Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world 10 hours ago
Half the length plus seven
chrizzly@feddit.org 3 hours ago
The question is, are we talking about a very normal cylinder? (possibly stuck to something?)
pandora@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 hours ago
it took me way to long to realize y’all talking about penises …
textik@sh.itjust.works 6 hours ago
cobysev@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
I measured like this when my first girlfriend asked what my size was. I told her it was 10". Suffice to say, she was definitely not impressed when the pants came off for the first time. 😅
Soulphite@reddthat.com 17 hours ago
If you trim the bushes the branch looks bigger. Pro tip.
Kenny2999@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
I would use 0,5x(A+B) because chicks dig a biger branch.
Decoy2point0@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
You have to push the branch down with one hand, such that it is perpendicular to the trunk. With the other hand place a ruler to measure trunk to tip via method A. This gives the honest expectation of ''usable" length.
Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net 18 hours ago
What if there is a knot at the base of the branch?
OwOarchist@pawb.social 16 hours ago
Then you might be measuring a werewolf. Seek professional help.
(I am a professional and can help you measure the knot.)
Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net 16 hours ago
;)
troybot@piefed.social 14 hours ago
Burl wood can be quite valuable so you should try to keep that part in one piece
anon_8675309@lemmy.world 10 hours ago
Shine a light directly down on it from above. Measure the shadow
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 8 hours ago
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
Average them?
icelimit@lemmy.ml 11 hours ago
Wrap the measuring tape until the entire branch is wrapped. For more accurate measurements, use thinner tape.
sangeteria@lemmy.ml 9 hours ago
Probably from the side tbh as opposed to either of these two
smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 17 hours ago
I can’t use method B, the tree fruit are in the way.
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 16 hours ago
Personally I start measuring from the middle of my taint 😌
bold_omi@lemmy.today 15 hours ago
That’s a shoddy way of doing it. There are measurement standards.
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 10 hours ago
Taint to tip is the superior standard
skeezix@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
Since the internet began it’s been known that you always measure asshole to tip.
Rajtinka@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
Literally how every guy on Grindr measures…
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 10 hours ago
Ah, my misunderstanding
Lectral@lemmy.ca 14 hours ago
What if there’s a … um … protuberance on the bottom where the branch meets the trunk? What’s the correct measuring procedure in that case?
Wakmrow@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
It’s critical the cylinder not be harmed
SleeplessCityLights@programming.dev 11 hours ago
It’s a perfectly normal cylinder size.
turdas@suppo.fi 11 hours ago
You mean like a big burl?
Folstar@lemmus.org 11 hours ago
Often times two.
Lectral@lemmy.ca 9 hours ago
Yeah. What am I supposed to do with these burls?
Colonel_Panic_@eviltoast.org 11 hours ago
Wrap all the way around that and down to the tree roots and back around and up to the top branches. To be sure.
YaDownWitCPP@lemmy.world 17 hours ago
This can be easily calculated by the formula [(length x diameter) + (Weight / Girth)] / Angle of Tip 2
yermaw@sh.itjust.works 13 hours ago
This is the way. You have to account for the yaw of the shaft
tootoughtoremember@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
titanicx@lemmy.zip 7 hours ago
What is your tree normally goes straight out with a cut l downward curve? The measurements are the same either way…
Draegur@lemmy.zip 18 hours ago
The correct answer is “between 114 and 152 millimeters” because both measures are relevant and necessary from an engineering standpoint: For the purposes of sizing something such that it can utilize the branch for support, it must be made clear that the branch is solid and whole up to 114 millimeters from the trunk. For the purpose of accidental collision clearance, it is necessary to know the furthest extent of the branch’s reach no matter how damaged or distupted it is. Furthermore if the branch may break and fall off, giving it at least 152mm of clearance means that it is unlikely to accidentally catch upon something in its descent even if it “hinges” away from the trunk at the base.
Zwiebel@feddit.org 18 hours ago
My friend says “ouch wtf!!!”
SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 16 hours ago
But then you’d need to know the angle, too.
socsa@piefed.social 15 hours ago
I just ask OP’s mom.
Wilco@lemmy.zip 11 hours ago
Measure from the taint and add an extra inch to the measurement for standard wood shrinkage.
Chaunticleer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 hours ago
Red_October@piefed.world 18 hours ago
The only way to get an accurate measurement is to cut the branch off first.
Fortatech@gregtech.eu 17 hours ago
The cylindet MUST stay intact!
spacehulk@lemmy.zip 10 hours ago
I came here to say this. Take your stupid upvote.
Elgenzay@lemmy.ml 17 hours ago
It is imperative that the cylinder and the larger object remain unharmed.
SleeplessCityLights@programming.dev 11 hours ago
“It’s a meat cylinder”
Klear@piefed.world 18 hours ago
But you’re supposed to measure it twice before that!
Sunshine@reddthat.com 16 hours ago
I just had some serious flashbacks to all the fucking Handy Manny I’ve watched. Thanks for that. 👍🏻
Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 hours ago
One each side I guess?
Zwiebel@feddit.org 18 hours ago
The branch cannot be cut.
SirIglooi@sh.itjust.works 17 hours ago
The branch is ~4.5" in girth and attempting to cut it off could cause discomfort
JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 18 hours ago
🎵Detachable tree branch🎵