Method A on account that that would be the maximum usable length
He's an arborist
Submitted 1 month ago by The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/7e13db55-4ec3-424c-9368-b138b6be851f.jpeg
Comments
OldSageRick@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
AFLYINTOASTER@lemmy.world 1 month ago
As a skilled carpenter who’s used to measuring wood, this is the only answer.
TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today 1 month ago
Well… It kinda depends. If I were to be ordering stock to recreate the branch or even if I were making a covering for the branch. I’d have to order at least 6 inches of material to cut down.
So I think it matters most how you are intending to use it.
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Oh you’re a skilled carpenter? How much wood have you cut in your time
Akasazh@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I’m interested in your wood measuring services.
… For a friend
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 1 month ago
undefinedValue@programming.dev 1 month ago
That’s not how it works with soft bodies though, method B represents potential useable length when pointing down. It’s only distorted because it’s pointing up. For rigid bodies, I’d agree.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 1 month ago
Nobody cares how long the limp branches are.
Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
So… Non rigid?
anzo@programming.dev 1 month ago
Usable length is relative…
*reverse cowgirl enters the room, galloping backwards and surprising everyone*
flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz 1 month ago
Branches and other small cylinders can be sized using M&M tubes
thesohoriots@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Banana for scale
HeHoXa@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
The cylinder must remain unharmed
KapmK@piefed.social 1 month ago
The generally accepted method used by scientists is to firmly push your ruler against the base of tree at the top of the branch. This is called BPEL, or bark-pressed erect length.
Triumph@fedia.io 1 month ago
Hehe hehe erect
SGG@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Method C. Sounding rod depth required to hit the prostate.
I know it sounds odd to do this on a tree, but trust me, it works.
BlindPenguin@lemmy.world 1 month ago
MrChewy@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Thrust*
Fedizen@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Tear off the branch and measure the total length.
Mesophar@pawb.social 1 month ago
It is imperative that the branch not be damaged
RagingRobot@lemmy.world 1 month ago
It’s just a branch who cares? Mangle that fucker lol
Fedizen@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Ok chop down the tree and cut a line perpindicular to the bottom of the branch into the tree. Then measure the branch with watever remains of the tree attached.
chiliedogg@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Because it’s oak-wilt season, right?
watson387@sopuli.xyz 1 month ago
Unless you’re into that
Soulphite@reddthat.com 1 month ago
If you trim the bushes the branch looks bigger. Pro tip.
Snapz@lemmy.world 1 month ago
THE CYLINDER MUST NOT BE HARMED!!!
JennaR8r@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
I’m not sure how amused I am that I understand this reference.
Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net 1 month ago
What if there is a knot at the base of the branch?
OwOarchist@pawb.social 1 month ago
Then you might be measuring a werewolf. Seek professional help.
(I am a professional and can help you measure the knot.)
Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net 1 month ago
;)
troybot@piefed.social 1 month ago
Burl wood can be quite valuable so you should try to keep that part in one piece
pandora@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 month ago
it took me way to long to realize y’all talking about penises …
Akasazh@lemmy.world 1 month ago
That’s so innocent. Almost like a certain mythical character before opening her eponymous box…
MrChewy@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I thought it was optimal street pathways at first, then trees, then got surprised by the amount of genitalia referencing comments then I “realised” thanks to this comment TT
SLVRDRGN@lemmy.world 1 month ago
This was my process exactly!
MeowerMisfit817@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Well, it’s two of us.
Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Half the length plus seven
Randelung@lemmy.world 1 month ago
woop woop, 7cm!
5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
I’ll ask the branch manager.
Kenny2999@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I would use 0,5x(A+B) because chicks dig a biger branch.
smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
I can’t use method B, the tree fruit are in the way.
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
Personally I start measuring from the middle of my taint 😌
bold_omi@lemmy.today 1 month ago
That’s a shoddy way of doing it. There are measurement standards.
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
Taint to tip is the superior standard
skeezix@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Since the internet began it’s been known that you always measure asshole to tip.
Rajtinka@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Literally how every guy on Grindr measures…
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
Ah, my misunderstanding
Decoy2point0@lemmy.world 1 month ago
You have to push the branch down with one hand, such that it is perpendicular to the trunk. With the other hand place a ruler to measure trunk to tip via method A. This gives the honest expectation of ''usable" length.
YaDownWitCPP@lemmy.world 1 month ago
This can be easily calculated by the formula [(length x diameter) + (Weight / Girth)] / Angle of Tip 2
yermaw@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
This is the way. You have to account for the yaw of the shaft
tootoughtoremember@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Draegur@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
The correct answer is “between 114 and 152 millimeters” because both measures are relevant and necessary from an engineering standpoint: For the purposes of sizing something such that it can utilize the branch for support, it must be made clear that the branch is solid and whole up to 114 millimeters from the trunk. For the purpose of accidental collision clearance, it is necessary to know the furthest extent of the branch’s reach no matter how damaged or distupted it is. Furthermore if the branch may break and fall off, giving it at least 152mm of clearance means that it is unlikely to accidentally catch upon something in its descent even if it “hinges” away from the trunk at the base.
Zwiebel@feddit.org 1 month ago
My friend says “ouch wtf!!!”
SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 1 month ago
But then you’d need to know the angle, too.
Draegur@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
The larger length, even if it’s at a near vertical acute angle, is likely to tumble if it breaks–which means the whole reason we’re interested in its measurement is a situation where the angle is no longer fixed
Akasazh@lemmy.world 1 month ago
This guy engineers
chrizzly@feddit.org 1 month ago
The question is, are we talking about a very normal cylinder? (possibly stuck to something?)
megopie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 month ago
It must remain unharmed
kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 1 month ago
The correct way is to see how deep into a Pringle it can go. For an accurate measure, you’ll need to prevent angled entry. You can help it slide in straight by using a couple guiding sponges on either side of a latex glove attached to the rim pushed up inside it. Put a bit of Vaseline in the glove to prevent tearing the glove with the rough bark. For maximum safety, put the jar of Vaseline in a warm water bath for a few minutes beforehand to make the viscosity better for smooth entry and exit.
jballs@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
That sounds like an awful lot of effort just to jack off a tree branch
kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 1 month ago
gasp! clutches pearls
How dare you imply such vulgarity about my branch measuring device.
clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
I don’t think you need to prevent angled entry; take the deepest measurement achieved at any angle.
kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 1 month ago
You working with a micro twig? Someone’s trimming back the foliage can help make it seem longer.
Chaunticleer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
T00l_shed@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Measure from the roots
textik@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 1 month ago
Lectral@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
What if there’s a … um … protuberance on the bottom where the branch meets the trunk? What’s the correct measuring procedure in that case?
krisevol@lemmus.org 1 month ago
None of them are. You need a graduated cylinder.
282 cm3 here.
anon_8675309@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Shine a light directly down on it from above. Measure the shadow
socsa@piefed.social 1 month ago
I just ask OP’s mom.
hperrin@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
You measure from the back of the balls.
Red_October@piefed.world 1 month ago
The only way to get an accurate measurement is to cut the branch off first.
Fortatech@gregtech.eu 1 month ago
The cylindet MUST stay intact!
spacehulk@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
I came here to say this. Take your stupid upvote.
Elgenzay@lemmy.ml 1 month ago
It is imperative that the cylinder and the larger object remain unharmed.
SleeplessCityLights@programming.dev 1 month ago
“It’s a meat cylinder”
Klear@piefed.world 1 month ago
But you’re supposed to measure it twice before that!
Sunshine@reddthat.com 1 month ago
I just had some serious flashbacks to all the fucking Handy Manny I’ve watched. Thanks for that. 👍🏻
Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
One each side I guess?
Zwiebel@feddit.org 1 month ago
The branch cannot be cut.
SirIglooi@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
The branch is ~4.5" in girth and attempting to cut it off could cause discomfort
JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
🎵Detachable tree branch🎵