No wonder she’s single.
Anon asks out a girl
Submitted 2 weeks ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/10782338-24a9-4cc2-a038-1ab989733f25.jpeg
Comments
snoons@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
“Sorry, from across the bar I couldn’t see how ugly your personality was. It all makes sense now.”
FartMaster69@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
I mean, considering there’s a 100% chance this is just a fantasy in anon’s head I’d say she dodged a bullet.
Huschke@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
What makes you think that the girl is even real?
Alaknar@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
What makes you think that girls are even real?
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Chatbots would have strung him along for at least the subscription fee.
TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Super rude on her part, but it’s also extremely intrusive, rude, and weird to walk up to a total stranger you’ve never even talked to and ask her to dinner solely because you’ve been overhearing her complain to her friends about being single. I’m not saying it can’t work if you’re physically like an 8–10/10, but that’s effectively all she has to go on besides this obviously weird thing you’re doing.
“I’m not desperate” could totally be referring to what he did rather than how he looks.
NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 2 weeks ago
Um, this is the point of going on a date? To get to know someone new? She shouldn’t need anything else to go on?
How else do you get a date with someone, if not by asking them?
TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
The point of going on a date is getting to know somebody better because you’re interested in them. Why on Earth would this woman be interested in this weirdo who she knows nothing about except, at most, that he sat alone at a bar for three hours straight, listened to her conversation, and interrupted her to ask her to dinner on the premise that she needs saving from being single specifically by him?
kuhli@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Stories like this are presented from the POV of the guy, even from that perspective it’s not ‘good’, at best it’s just not ‘bad’
There’s nothing wrong with asking but also like don’t just drop it out of nowhere.
Even if the vibes are right, you can’t just walk up to someone, say ‘wanna date?’ and get good results. That’s especially true if you open by saying you were evesdropping.
Chat with someone for a bit, see if you click before asking them on a date. Even just buy them a drink and give them the option to approach you.
She was a massive dick, but that doesn’t mean he handled the situation well.
obsoleteacct@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
The point of a date is not to get to know someone new. It’s to get to know someone romantically. Some people want to know a little bit about someone before they are ready to decide if that’s something they’re interested in.
It’s not always “that” you ask someone. Sometimes its when you ask… or how, or what you say.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Nah.
Rude?
On the guy’s part?
No, not at all.
Done pretty clumsily, awkwardly?
Sure.
But, assuming OP actually said what they said they said, that’s not impolite, that’s not rude.
Its not insulting.
It makes literally no difference at all that the guy was sitting in the bar listening to her talk to her friends for 3 hours before he worked up the nerve to attempt to ask her out.
What if he had… just walked in and did this?
Or… been at the table nearby for 30 minutes?
Or was playing Pool for an hour near the table?
None of those things factors in to how rude or not his actions toward her were.
Also… what world are you living in where talking to someone you haven’t previously met, in a bar, is a social faux pas?
The… whole point of going to a place with a bunch of people drinking is to be at a place with a bunch of people drinking.
I met new people at bars all the time back in my college days, made a lot of friends that way, sometimes a bit more than friends.
This is like, how society worked for at least a hundred years, basically before the invention of TikTok/Instagram.
I am honestly baffled by your stance here.
This isn’t a sit down restaurant.
Its a bar. A pub.
Like sure, barging into an ongoing conversation and inserting yourself into it does require some tact, skill, and ability to just bounce off if its clear your presence is not appreciated.
But her level of cruelty was far, far more rude than anything this socially anxious guy did.
I was the guy who apparently was in your 8 to 10 range, as I’d do basically this, though a bit more smoothly, and sometimes it would work.
Sometimes you get a soft, polite no, and that’s totally fine.
Sometimes, you get a hard no, a vicious no, like this one.
And that stings.
This guy, OP? His entire world is hard nos, every time he tries.
He is literally despairing over this, and you call him rude.
This is the kind of mindset that you have, that led to the proliferation of the saying and concept ‘Bros before Hoes’.
That doesn’t mean all women are hoes.
It means guys with pretty privilege wingman for their bros without it, and help their bros recover from brutal rejections like this one.
TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Also… what world are you living in where talking to someone you haven’t previously met, in a bar, is a social faux pas?
It’s not inherently. That’s why the sentence had more words than just the ones about being strangers. I expect you to know how to read sentences given your comment is a fucking wall of them.
Ibuthyr@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
Thanks for typing it out! Half of the people here apparently have never dated or had fun the old way, without apps. In fact, it’s downright sad to see that basic human interaction is dying out. These skills that everyone kind of had to learn in the past transfer to day to day life. Many younger people are just not pleasant to be around in the office because they have zero social skills.
jj4211@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I think it’s not so much that he approached a stranger or even that he overheard the conversation, but using his overhearing of the conversation as the whole pretense of asking her out.
“I heard you talking about how you need a date so here I am”
The problems are:
While you don’t expect privacy, it is still kind of weird for someone to explicitly mention that they were an unintended participant to the conversation. It amps up the awkwardness which is the last thing you want if you are trying to make someone comfortable. She may very well be explicitly aware that her conversation was overheard, but it’s something that can be put aside, except it was explicitly brought up.
Further, the rationale makes it sound like he thinks she is doing her a favor. The takeaway is not “you seem interesting/attractive and I’d like to get to know you” it seems more like “you seem like you are in need and I could do you a favor by taking you out”. That takeaway is going to feel like the offer makes her just seem more pathetic, like a “pity date”. Particularly in front of her friends, any whiff of a “pity date” will trigger being defensive.
Of course the story is probably all a fabrication, but taking it at face value I certainly see how it is ‘off’.
calcopiritus@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Talking to a stranger is extremely rude?
How are you supposed to find a partner if you’re not allowed to talk to strangers?
TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
No, walking up to and interrupting a group at a bar after listening to them for three hours, telling them you’ve been listening, then asking one of them to dinner next week like they need saving by you is extremely rude. No one’s saying you aren’t allowed to talk to strangers; you just shouldn’t be this goddamn weird and intrusive about it.
“How are you supposed to find a partner?”
Get to know the strangers first in a capacity whose end goal isn’t a date, then ask them out when you know them somewhat? Or ask a stranger out at a place and in a context where it’s expected they might be open to it? Anyway, I’m going to go ask out random women on the street, because it’s not rude; I mean fuck, man, how else can you find a partner in this economy?
lvxferre@mander.xyz 2 weeks ago
Guy’s a creepo, gal puts people down unnecessarily. Both will unwillingly die alone.
chaoticnumber@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Why is the guy a creep?
lvxferre@mander.xyz 2 weeks ago
What he says boils down to “I was eavesdropping your conversation, and I assume you’re desperate. You might as well lower your standards — date someone random you have no connections with, like me.” It’s bad; not bad enough to deserve that rude reply, but still bad.
A better approach would be to try to pick up a woman who’s alone, offer her a drink*, chitchat a bit, and then ask her for a date. With no references to what she said to other people. Creating some connection between him and her, before he asks her out.
*always ask the bar workers to bring it. Don’t bring it yourself.
obsoleteacct@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
He’s not a creep, but he has the emotional intelligence of an insurance investigator.
“Hi, you sound needy and vulnerable” is a rough starting point for a pickup line. He clearly didn’t mean it as an insult, but it’s not hard to imagine a woman in that situation being embarrassed, feeling exposed, and being insulted by the implication that this guy might be trying to capitalize on her moment of vulnerability.
Hurt-people hurt people.
frog_brawler@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Because he spoke to a stranger that didn’t want him to speak to them.
mavu@discuss.tchncs.de 2 weeks ago
Hey Anon, you did great!
In this situation, as in many in life, Judo rules apply: Go with the punch, don’t push against it.
This was a win, you just need to recognize it as that.- you proved yourself that you have lots of courage
- you were not a creep when talking to a stranger
- you dodged a bullet with that woman.
- you tried something new. (might not have worked out at the first try, but can’t really expect to be that lucky)
keep it up, don’t lose heart, you’ll find your match.
AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Great comment, cold approaching in any situation can be intimidating but at the end of the day the worst that can happen is they say “no”. And then you can go home and get high or drunk or whatever and not care. Each rejection hurts a little less each time.
blarghly@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I mean, better solution is to go hang with your friends and commiserate. Which, imo, is always something dating advice seems to avoid talking about. Dating is hard. Having a solid social support system to pick you back up again is crucial.
fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
For real, I can probably count on my hands the number of times I tried cold approaches like that in my life. Especially with a pack of girls. Super duper ballsy of Anon. Much respect.
frank@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
I mean this is probably fake ragebait for the 4chan crowd
phoenixz@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Is it? I’ve known girls like this
Not to say this is a woman’s issue, men can be assholes too, bit this is just the risk of approaching human beings
Pro tip: when people are with their friends they might feel the need to show off how cool they are or something, promoting responses like these. In my personal experiences, when in groups, kids and young adults tend to behave much more like an asshole whereas when they’re alone all of the sudden they behave like themselves.
If this is a true story, had he approached buyer alone, she might still have rejected him but have not been such a bitch about it
Randomgal@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Bad advice. Approaching a woman along lowers your chances dramatically. If so meme wants to date you, they will say yes with their friends around.
You’re thinking high school.
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
I don’t know why someone would think this is just a story. Probably 66% of men have had similar experiences, been told that while the woman may be in the market, they aren’t in the market for YOU. Guys like us get the message very early on that we are NOT what women are looking for. We have to make up for it in either earning potential or humor, or desperation by their female counterparts.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I’ve known girls like this
Sure. Rich, gorgeous, and constantly looking for someone who reminds them of their father.
If this is a true story, had he approached buyer alone
It’s not, he didn’t, and the real killer lead in is to tell the woman you accept bitcoin as payment.
gmtom@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Nah but for real if some random stranger at a bar overheard me saying I’m single and then came up to me and my friends like that I would be a little creeped out too.
I wouldn’t be mean about it, but I definitely wouldn’t say yes.
canofcam@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
This is definitely one of those ‘creepy if ugly’ moments. If he was a handsome guy, it would be romantic and has almost definitely happened in a million Hallmark movies.
squaresinger@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Listening in on conversations is creepy, no matter how good-looking a person is.
And that stuff happens in movies doesn’t mean it isn’t creepy in real-life.
gmtom@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
If he was handsome it would still be creepy
Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Handsome/Ugly is in the eye of the person, remember. Just because one person found you not attractive, doesn’t mean they all do.
Fuck Hallmark movies, Don make me vomit
samus12345@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
“Hello, Human Resources??”
blarghly@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It’s not so much creepy if ugly, so much as creepy if not confident.
stevedice@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Impossible. It’s the females!
*insert Skinner meme*
musubibreakfast@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Not even if I was a two headed Brad Pitt with the body of the strongest Chris?
fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
For sure and that’s alright. But at the same time pubs are called that because they are a public space, hence you usually don’t expect actual privacy and it’s what leads to moments of joy when things randomly fall into place. Could be creepy, could be magical. Anon gave it a try, failed his landing (asking a girl out was a bit much, he could have just offered a drink and joined in on the convo), but he shouldn’t feel so bad about it.
It sucks that he doesn’t have mates he can laugh about it with though. That’s the real tragedy to me.
NastyNative@mander.xyz 2 weeks ago
Thats why she cant find a man! Lesson here dont approach women that say “they cant find a man” there is a reason they cant find a man and you should believe her. What you did was courageous and this shouldn’t stop you from trying in the future.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Thats why she cant find a man!
I read about a guy on a website who just trolled bars for hours at a time, eavesdropping on every conversation between anyone he considered remotely attractive. At the slightest hint of desperation, he would run up to a table and announce “I am a single man! Please date me! I will feed you dinner and then we can be together!”
He is the most successful anon in history. Goes on dates every single day of his life. Little black book contains hundreds of phone numbers from women desperate for a second chance at him. But he doesn’t stop. One Date Only, that’s his policy. He’s just too much of a hot commodity to deprive the rest of the Femoid Race of his charms.
Darkness343@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Is he called Ataru Moroboshi by any chance? Xd
slaacaa@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Lesson here: definitely take away life lessons from a greentext
blarghly@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Or she’s just unlucky. Or has some other understandable and solveable problem in her life. Lesson is, just approach anyone you find hot. If they reject you, that’s fine. If you find you don’t like them and reject them later, that’s fine too. Most people aren’t “bad”, and rejection isn’t bad either - it is simply the process by which people figure out who they are compatible with. It sure doesn’t feel good - but the one thing that is sure to stunt your progress in finding partners is avoiding things that are uncomfortable
ICastFist@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
Fake: anon approached a girl
Gay: anon was daydreaming for 3 hours about getting engaged
PacMan@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
That’s when you go “Oh Okay, I can see why your single” and walk away like a boss
bitjunkie@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I can’t imagine why no one would want her with that shining personality
Leomas@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
The comments on here make me glad I’m aromantic.
smeenz@lemmy.nz 2 weeks ago
I misread that as aromatic and was quite confused.
Leomas@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Look, I might be a bit aromatic sometimes, but no, that’s not what I meant.
bitjunkie@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
They reproduce by spreading spores like Rob Lowe’s character on The Orville
JackbyDev@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
“Glad I smell good reading this”
GeneralEmergency@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Yeah. It turns out a bunch of tech obsessed nerds aren’t the most socially well adjusted.
Reddit is even better than this.
WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
As a lesbian leaning pansexual, I keep asking the question “are straights okay”
damnedfurry@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
If I linked to the data showing that f/f couples have higher domestic violence than either m/f or m/m couples and then said ‘I keep asking “are lesbians okay”’, would you not think that a callous and insensitive thing to say?
Leomas@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
No, they are not. (As a straight person by most definitions probably)
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
Does that mean you get turned on by smelly stuff?
ComradePorkRoll@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
No that’s automatic. They mean antioxidant.
TonyOstrich@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I enjoy working and making things. I find being intellectually stimulated almost as satisfying as being happy or anything else. You have absolutely no idea how much of a super power being an aromatic asexual would be for me. I’d be unstoppable, lol.
QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Fake: Anon left the house Gay: Anon was a girl this whole time
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
Dude, why are you upset? You dodged a delusional bullet right there. Her response to explained everything about why she is alone. The proper comeback would have been, “Well, if THAT’S your response to a perfectly reasonable offer, then I’m not desperate either.” Shuck it off, brother.
You won’t die alone, she will. Or better yet, she’ll marry the first dope that proposes, no matter how unsuitable they are, and have a miserable life.
You could meet someone tomorrow, and be in a fun relationship by the end of the year, but you have to keep trying. It’s a numbers game, keep taking your turns at bat, you’ll get lots of strikes, but you’ll get on base a few times, too.
I’m proud of you, brother. You took a HUGE swing with that attempt, and struck out, but at least you didn’t go down watching the ball speed past you. That’s far more than most guys would ever do. I guarantee that we were all reading your story, and pulling for you, and when you got shot down, so did we. If we’d been there, we’d all be buying you beers, and celebrating your courage, and you wouldn’t have been crying in the parking lot.
Get back in the game, nobody ever scored from the bench.
eestileib@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
Seriously, you just learned why
WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Reminds me of the guy who dmed me that he wanted to touch my boobs in broken english. I made fun of him so hard that he started calling me “mean” and stopped texting me
k0e3@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
What if I DM you in perfect English?
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Many such cases.
victorz@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
In what ways did you make fun of him?
JokeDeity@sh.itjust.works 6 days ago
I’m very conventionally attractive, as told by others, not in my own opinion. It doesn’t make the fear of rejection any different. After my ex broke up with me it’s 20x worse, I have no confidence to talk to women, even when I fully recognize they’re checking me out.
despite_velasquez@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Now we know why she’s single
ConHoliousDonFrankle@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I’ve always enjoyed that my interest is seen as insulting. Never understood why, so now I don’t show interest.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
women want to be approached by attractive successful men who other women find desirable. they don’t want to approached by unattractive poor men. being approached by such a man is shameful.
Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
The goal was achieved. You’re probably socially awkward, and they don’t want to be approached by someone socially awkward. You’re doing exactly what whoever told you your interest is insulting a favor.
marduk@lemmy.sdf.org 2 weeks ago
Maybe anon should try picking up a girl at church instead of the bar
NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 2 weeks ago
Ah yes, cultists are easier because you already know they’re gullible.
argueswithidiots@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Maybe they don’t attend church. Maybe they aren’t even religious. How does this help anyone?
“Maybe they should join a crochet club and find a wholesome woman.”
That’s how ridiculous you sound.
Michal@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
I assumed they laughed at her because she actually IS that desperate but in denial about it.
AeonFelis@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Worst she can do is say “no”
ivanovsky@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
The picture made me assume anon was a girl, so I was thinking that if you, a girl, hear another girl say she wants a man, and you offer your womanly services, it shouldn’t come as a big shock to be rejected and laughed out of the room… Then I read the comments and thought “oh. Yeah. That makes more sense.”
Assumptions ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
People who frequent bars are shitty people
Phegan@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Remember boys: greentext is made up and didn’t happen.
Digit@lemmy.wtf 2 weeks ago
stevedice@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I went to a bar, stalked a woman and had to bite my tongue to avoid saying m’lady. I can’t imagine why she said no.
Nomorereddit@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
You can’t be the victim and a Victor, you made your choice.
bagsy@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Dodged a bullet.
xxce2AAb@feddit.dk 2 weeks ago
Sounds to me like you just dodged a bullet, mate.
argueswithidiots@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Absolutely. Anyone willing to treat a stranger this way is unequivocally a shitbag.
She will die alone, whether she is married or not.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
i’ve rejected plenty of women. i’ve never mocked them while doing it. it’s not hard to reject people politely.