Sounds to me like you just dodged a bullet, mate.
Anon asks out a girl
Submitted 15 hours ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/10782338-24a9-4cc2-a038-1ab989733f25.jpeg
Comments
xxce2AAb@feddit.dk 15 hours ago
argueswithidiots@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
Absolutely. Anyone willing to treat a stranger this way is unequivocally a shitbag.
She will die alone, whether she is married or not.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
i’ve rejected plenty of women. i’ve never mocked them while doing it. it’s not hard to reject people politely.
ICastFist@programming.dev 6 hours ago
Fake: anon approached a girl
Gay: anon was daydreaming for 3 hours about getting engaged
Leomas@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
The comments on here make me glad I’m aromantic.
smeenz@lemmy.nz 18 minutes ago
I misread that as aromatic and was quite confused.
Leomas@lemmy.world 11 minutes ago
Look, I might be a bit aromatic sometimes, but no, that’s not what I meant.
TonyOstrich@lemmy.world 38 minutes ago
I enjoy working and making things. I find being intellectually stimulated almost as satisfying as being happy or anything else. You have absolutely no idea how much of a super power being an aromatic asexual would be for me. I’d be unstoppable, lol.
Leomas@lemmy.world 12 minutes ago
I think I know what you’re getting at, I wouldn’t necessarily call myself asexual though, as I do watch… naughty things (I’m too lazy to look up rules, I’m not shy in that respect) I just waste a lot of time getting informed on politics instead, so no guarantees for more free time😉
FartMaster69@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 hours ago
I mean, considering there’s a 100% chance this is just a fantasy in anon’s head I’d say she dodged a bullet.
Huschke@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
What makes you think that the girl is even real?
Alaknar@sopuli.xyz 5 hours ago
What makes you think that girls are even real?
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
Chatbots would have strung him along for at least the subscription fee.
snoons@lemmy.ca 15 hours ago
No wonder she’s single.
CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 13 hours ago
“Sorry, from across the bar I couldn’t see how ugly your personality was. It all makes sense now.”
lvxferre@mander.xyz 13 hours ago
Guy’s a creepo, gal puts people down unnecessarily. Both will unwillingly die alone.
chaoticnumber@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 hours ago
Why is the guy a creep?
lvxferre@mander.xyz 11 hours ago
What he says boils down to “I was eavesdropping your conversation, and I assume you’re desperate. You might as well lower your standards — date someone random you have no connections with, like me.” It’s bad; not bad enough to deserve that rude reply, but still bad.
A better approach would be to try to pick up a woman who’s alone, offer her a drink*, chitchat a bit, and then ask her for a date. With no references to what she said to other people. Creating some connection between him and her, before he asks her out.
*always ask the bar workers to bring it. Don’t bring it yourself.
frog_brawler@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
Because he spoke to a stranger that didn’t want him to speak to them.
TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
Super rude on her part, but it’s also extremely intrusive, rude, and weird to walk up to a total stranger you’ve never even talked to and ask her to dinner solely because you’ve been overhearing her complain to her friends about being single. I’m not saying it can’t work if you’re physically like an 8–10/10, but that’s effectively all she has to go on besides this obviously weird thing you’re doing.
“I’m not desperate” could totally be referring to what he did rather than how he looks.
NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 14 hours ago
Um, this is the point of going on a date? To get to know someone new? She shouldn’t need anything else to go on?
How else do you get a date with someone, if not by asking them?
TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
The point of going on a date is getting to know somebody better because you’re interested in them. Why on Earth would this woman be interested in this weirdo who she knows nothing about except, at most, that he sat alone at a bar for three hours straight, listened to her conversation, and interrupted her to ask her to dinner on the premise that she needs saving from being single specifically by him?
kuhli@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 hours ago
Stories like this are presented from the POV of the guy, even from that perspective it’s not ‘good’, at best it’s just not ‘bad’
There’s nothing wrong with asking but also like don’t just drop it out of nowhere.
Even if the vibes are right, you can’t just walk up to someone, say ‘wanna date?’ and get good results. That’s especially true if you open by saying you were evesdropping.
Chat with someone for a bit, see if you click before asking them on a date. Even just buy them a drink and give them the option to approach you.
She was a massive dick, but that doesn’t mean he handled the situation well.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 hours ago
Nah.
Rude?
On the guy’s part?
No, not at all.
Done pretty clumsily, awkwardly?
Sure.
But, assuming OP actually said what they said they said, that’s not impolite, that’s not rude.
Its not insulting.
It makes literally no difference at all that the guy was sitting in the bar listening to her talk to her friends for 3 hours before he worked up the nerve to attempt to ask her out.
What if he had… just walked in and did this?
Or… been at the table nearby for 30 minutes?
Or was playing Pool for an hour near the table?
None of those things factors in to how rude or not his actions toward her were.
Also… what world are you living in where talking to someone you haven’t previously met, in a bar, is a social faux pas?
The… whole point of going to a place with a bunch of people drinking is to be at a place with a bunch of people drinking.
I met new people at bars all the time back in my college days, made a lot of friends that way, sometimes a bit more than friends.
This is like, how society worked for at least a hundred years, basically before the invention of TikTok/Instagram.
I am honestly baffled by your stance here.
This isn’t a sit down restaurant.
Its a bar. A pub.
Like sure, barging into an ongoing conversation and inserting yourself into it does require some tact, skill, and ability to just bounce off if its clear your presence is not appreciated.
But her level of cruelty was far, far more rude than anything this socially anxious guy did.
I was the guy who apparently was in your 8 to 10 range, as I’d do basically this, though a bit more smoothly, and sometimes it would work.
Sometimes you get a soft, polite no, and that’s totally fine.
Sometimes, you get a hard no, a vicious no, like this one.
And that stings.
This guy, OP? His entire world is hard nos, every time he tries.
He is literally despairing over this, and you call him rude.
This is the kind of mindset that you have, that led to the proliferation of the saying and concept ‘Bros before Hoes’.
That doesn’t mean all women are hoes.
It means guys with pretty privilege wingman for their bros without it, and help their bros recover from brutal rejections like this one.
jj4211@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
I think it’s not so much that he approached a stranger or even that he overheard the conversation, but using his overhearing of the conversation as the whole pretense of asking her out.
“I heard you talking about how you need a date so here I am”
The problems are:
While you don’t expect privacy, it is still kind of weird for someone to explicitly mention that they were an unintended participant to the conversation. It amps up the awkwardness which is the last thing you want if you are trying to make someone comfortable. She may very well be explicitly aware that her conversation was overheard, but it’s something that can be put aside, except it was explicitly brought up.
Further, the rationale makes it sound like he thinks she is doing her a favor. The takeaway is not “you seem interesting/attractive and I’d like to get to know you” it seems more like “you seem like you are in need and I could do you a favor by taking you out”. That takeaway is going to feel like the offer makes her just seem more pathetic, like a “pity date”. Particularly in front of her friends, any whiff of a “pity date” will trigger being defensive.
Of course the story is probably all a fabrication, but taking it at face value I certainly see how it is ‘off’.
Ibuthyr@feddit.org 4 hours ago
Thanks for typing it out! Half of the people here apparently have never dated or had fun the old way, without apps. In fact, it’s downright sad to see that basic human interaction is dying out. These skills that everyone kind of had to learn in the past transfer to day to day life. Many younger people are just not pleasant to be around in the office because they have zero social skills.
TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
Also… what world are you living in where talking to someone you haven’t previously met, in a bar, is a social faux pas?
It’s not inherently. That’s why the sentence had more words than just the ones about being strangers. I expect you to know how to read sentences given your comment is a fucking wall of them.
calcopiritus@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
Talking to a stranger is extremely rude?
How are you supposed to find a partner if you’re not allowed to talk to strangers?
TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
No, walking up to and interrupting a group at a bar after listening to them for three hours, telling them you’ve been listening, then asking one of them to dinner next week like they need saving by you is extremely rude. No one’s saying you aren’t allowed to talk to strangers; you just shouldn’t be this goddamn weird and intrusive about it.
“How are you supposed to find a partner?”
Get to know the strangers first in a capacity whose end goal isn’t a date, then ask them out when you know them somewhat? Or ask a stranger out at a place and in a context where it’s expected they might be open to it? Anyway, I’m going to go ask out random women on the street, because it’s not rude; I mean fuck, man, how else can you find a partner in this economy?
frank@sopuli.xyz 12 hours ago
I mean this is probably fake ragebait for the 4chan crowd
phoenixz@lemmy.ca 5 hours ago
Is it? I’ve known girls like this
Not to say this is a woman’s issue, men can be assholes too, bit this is just the risk of approaching human beings
Pro tip: when people are with their friends they might feel the need to show off how cool they are or something, promoting responses like these. In my personal experiences, when in groups, kids and young adults tend to behave much more like an asshole whereas when they’re alone all of the sudden they behave like themselves.
If this is a true story, had he approached buyer alone, she might still have rejected him but have not been such a bitch about it
Randomgal@lemmy.ca 4 hours ago
Bad advice. Approaching a woman along lowers your chances dramatically. If so meme wants to date you, they will say yes with their friends around.
You’re thinking high school.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
I’ve known girls like this
Sure. Rich, gorgeous, and constantly looking for someone who reminds them of their father.
If this is a true story, had he approached buyer alone
It’s not, he didn’t, and the real killer lead in is to tell the woman you accept bitcoin as payment.
eestileib@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 hours ago
Seriously, you just learned why
marduk@lemmy.sdf.org 15 hours ago
Maybe anon should try picking up a girl at church instead of the bar
NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 14 hours ago
Ah yes, cultists are easier because you already know they’re gullible.
ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 hours ago
argueswithidiots@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
Maybe they don’t attend church. Maybe they aren’t even religious. How does this help anyone?
“Maybe they should join a crochet club and find a wholesome woman.”
That’s how ridiculous you sound.
pennomi@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
I mean, crochet girls are pretty awesome, have you met any of them before?
lvxferre@mander.xyz 13 hours ago
The issue with Anon is not where he decided to pick the woman up, but how. What he said is basically “hey, I’m creepy enough to eavesdrop your conversation for three whole hours. Since you’re desperate you might as well lower your standards and date someone random, like me.”
Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 14 hours ago
Elgenzay@lemmy.ml 12 hours ago
Mom?
Archer@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
Maybe religion doesn’t make you a good person and churches attract power hungry egomaniacal criminals
MyMindIsLikeAnOcean@piefed.world 14 hours ago
One might need to “underpin” their backstory a bit before wandering into a church and spitting game. Sounds like a lot of effort…almost like you should go to church for your whole life, first. Of course, Anon would be the same person - the church girls would also be rejecting him - then people would tell him to just go to a bar.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 hours ago
Maybe anon is not religious.
ConHoliousDonFrankle@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
I’ve always enjoyed that my interest is seen as insulting. Never understood why, so now I don’t show interest.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
women want to be approached by attractive successful men who other women find desirable. they don’t want to approached by unattractive poor men. being approached by such a man is shameful.
Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 hours ago
The goal was achieved. You’re probably socially awkward, and they don’t want to be approached by someone socially awkward. You’re doing exactly what whoever told you your interest is insulting a favor.
NastyNative@mander.xyz 4 hours ago
Thats why she cant find a man! Lesson here dont approach women that say “they cant find a man” there is a reason they cant find a man and you should believe her. What you did was courageous and this shouldn’t stop you from trying in the future.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
I read about a guy on a website who just trolled bars for hours at a time, eavesdropping on every conversation between anyone he considered remotely attractive. At the slightest hint of desperation, he would run up to a table and announce “I am a single man! Please date me! I will feed you dinner and then we can be together!”
He is the most successful anon in history. Goes on dates every single day of his life. Little black book contains hundreds of phone numbers from women desperate for a second chance at him. But he doesn’t stop. One Date Only, that’s his policy. He’s just too much of a hot commodity to deprive the rest of the Femoid Race of his charms.
slaacaa@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
Lesson here: definitely take away life lessons from a greentext