When did we as a society give up on the “½ X +7” minimum dating age formula?
Anon dates a 19 y/o
Submitted 5 weeks ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/7ebd867e-86f6-402f-b5d3-1c3aabf57d30.jpeg
Comments
Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
FauxLiving@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
When we decided to mind our own business and stop moralizing other people’s relationships based on our personal feelings.
sleen@lemmy.zip 5 weeks ago
Exactly, this “rule” is really just equivalent to other forms of snake oil there is. It is baseless and completely made up.
sleen@lemmy.zip 5 weeks ago
What’s interesting is this rule apparently originated from the early 1900s.
Simulation6@sopuli.xyz 5 weeks ago
Just FYI, this rule falls apart after a certain age (in the 60s or 70s).
Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
That’s not the only thing that falls apart in your seventies, eyyyy
Damage@feddit.it 5 weeks ago
I mean, once you’re both above 30 who fucking cares
jballs@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
Nah I think it holds up. Bill Belichick, 73, was in the news for dating a 24 year old and it’s not only as creepy and gross, but also like she’s taking advantage of him by inserting herself into his interviews.
If he were dating a 43 year old, I don’t think anyone would be nearly as concerned.
AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 5 weeks ago
After that age, the older party is essentially a lottery ticket
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 5 weeks ago
Duh. Who cares how much older one grampa is from another
Nikls94@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Wow that actually makes sense.
But then again, I’m born 1994, there’s not so many I can actually date. I have like 1990 - 1998 available, and they must be an only child or have siblings within that age as well, otherwise the interests are not overlapping enough to spend time together: those younger are TikTok addicted, those older are Facebook-relicts. I’m in limbo where I know all of that but don’t like anything.
abysmalpoptart@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Just for a little context, the minimum age being ((your age / 2)+7) is meant to be “this is the minimum age of someone you can date without it being creepy” (i believe it originated from the TV show how i met your mother)
If you were born in 1994 you are either 30 or 31. Let’s call it 30 for easy math.
30/2 = 15 15+7=22
So anyone who is 22 or older fits the minimum age concept, which is anyone born in approx 2002/2003 or earlier. If you decided to include that, the extra 4-5 years does increase the dating pool quite a bit.
I’m not telling you who to date, just giving a little context to the math since that’s what was brought up in the original comment.
antonim@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 weeks ago
to those who downvoted, why?
Because of this part:
they must be an only child or have siblings within that age as well, otherwise the interests are not overlapping enough to spend time together
AtariDump@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
…those younger are TikTok addicted, those older are Facebook-relicts.
You’re being very assuming with people and that’s why the downvotes.
Not every person will be “TikTok addicted” or “Facebook-relicts”, you’re just assuming they are which is only affecting your own chances finding someone.
Try just getting to know someone first before you start assuming about their interests or what they do.
… and they must be an only child or have siblings within that age as well, otherwise the interests are not overlapping enough to spend time together…
Who says you have to spend time with your SO’s siblings for any great length of time? Parties and holidays you can get through, but it’s not like you’re going to go live with the family.
You and your SO should both have your own friends and hobbies (in addition to joint friends/hobbies). I’m not trying to crap on having a relationship with your SO’s family, just that it’s not mandatory.
I feel like removing these two arbitrary requirements would vastly increase your dating pool. I get that people are looking for traits in a potential partner (doesn’t smoke / drinks / poly / not-poly / uses Arch) but the ones you’ve picked are just self limiting
ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 weeks ago
The clumsy portmanteau of facebook and derelicts if I had to guess. That one is just dreadful. Go with Facebougoise or something, The Faceborg maybe (I actually like that one), something like that.
chunes@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Probably about the time that we decided that a certain age means you’re an adult and can, in fact, make decisions for yourself
Ashenlux@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 weeks ago
Exactly! Why the fuck would anyone want to date someone that much younger than them? I will never understand why so many men want to date girl so young.
Soup@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
A friend of friend I’ve met a couple times is into me. They’re 23 and I’m 30 and I still don’t have an interest. They’re perfectly nice, but…
I think after 28-30 it starts to really not matter that much but before that even smallish gaps can be pretty questionable. And any dude that would consider someone their age to be a “hag” probably largely dates younger because mature, experienced women can tell they’re really just garbage man-children.
Revan343@lemmy.ca 5 weeks ago
really just garbage man-children
It’s a green-text, we knew that from the get-go
janewaydidnothingwrong@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
I agree with this. For me, so so much integral growth happens between ages 20 and 26-28 or so, and I don’t really think people in general know who they are or what they want in life until then. Not true for everyone of course. All the people I know who married young are either divorced or super unhappy though so it may skew my perception a bit.
Ashenlux@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 weeks ago
Oh 100%. I knew a guy that was my age, that was always trying to date younger, because no women our age would deal with his bullshit.
SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 weeks ago
For real. When I was 24, I dated a 19 year old for like two weeks. They were really nice and interesting, but ultimately the age gap proved to make a relationship unviable. I can’t even imagine a nine year gap at that age. Gross.
TimewornTraveler@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 weeks ago
younger partners are easier to control.
and less worldly experience means they won’t notice their dull personality.
lack of maturity and life milestones to date similar age ranges.
over emphasis on bodily needs.
and i repeat, control.
chonglibloodsport@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
People are feeling all kinds of pressure these days. If they want to have kids they need a lot of resources. But having a lot of resources is really difficult to do when you’re young. So that naturally suggests a compromise: one old with resources and one young with health.
Ashenlux@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 weeks ago
Wait, but I thought men hated “gold diggers”? And also, that’s the result of our fucked up late stage capitalism economic system and not how things should work. A young couple should be able to afford to live comfortably and have children if they want.
echodot@feddit.uk 5 weeks ago
What I mean I’ve been alive a long time. I’m not sure how I was supposed to accrue resources through that though.
Also who wants to date a 19 year old they’d be really annoying.
daggermoon@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
I mean, i’d like to date someone that much older than me.
Ashenlux@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 weeks ago
Why? (Genuine question if you feel like sharing) Like, I too prefer older partners, but not that much older.
neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
And now you understand why older men dating young girls is creepy, even if legal.
They have nothing in common. There’s no way. It’s pure physical attraction above all else.
Honytawk@lemmy.zip 5 weeks ago
Or both sides like to learn from each other and grow towards each other over time?
There are worse reasons why an extreme age gap is seen as creepy, “not knowing each others interests” is not one of them.
shalafi@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
I’m 54 and most of the people I know are in their early 20s. We get along great and have plenty to talk about.
mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 weeks ago
Yeah, I’m in my mid 30’s and my best friend is nearing 50. Believe it or not, people can have common interests that aren’t entirely reliant on their age.
Though I will say that age becomes less relevant as you get older… A 29 year old dating a 19 year old is pretty universally creepy, but few people would say the same about a 49 year old dating a 39 year old. Same age gap, but it’s assumed that the 39 year old has enough life experience to actually make their own decisions. Even in my mid-20’s, I was looking at 19 year olds as if they were literal children. There’s a lot of maturing that happens in the late teens and early 20’s.
neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
Sure, but there’s a difference between hanging out with some 20 year olds, and being romantically involved with them.
The latter requires a hell of a lot of maturity and being in a similar place in life to deal with things life throws at you. The former just requires laughing at some meme together you both find funny.
thermal_shock@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Friends and dating are not the same.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 5 weeks ago
You don’t date though. A lot of people I know are young. Who else tf you going to meet nowadays.
Though I’d date 25+, screw 22+, not younger.
FridaySteve@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
A lot of people are downvoting this because a 19 year old is an adult who can make their own choices and you are insinuating that there’s something so objectively wrong with dating an older person that it should be illegal.
neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
I am not in any way suggesting it should be illegal. I don’t think I mentioned that once.
What I am insinuating that if you’re that young dating someone much older, there is almost always a massive power imbalance between the two in the relationship, romantically, and so it’s a very difficult thing to overcome.
If you’re a 30/40/50+ year old person dating a 19 year old, there is usually something wrong with one party, the other, or both in that scenario. A 19 year old, romantically, is not mature enough or at the same place in their life as a 50 year old person. This will, at best, strain the relationship significantly as each partner will want something different out of life as the relationship progresses.
If they don’t, then one of them is likely a deeply broken individual. And that’s usually going to be the much older person that’s got some issues happening.
The 19 year old truly doesn’t know any better, or thinks they do, or is getting something in trade like security from the much older person and they’re willing to give up other aspects of their life in trade for this.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 5 weeks ago
AppleTea@lemmy.zip 5 weeks ago
Love that we’re making imaginary [gen-z/gen alpha/gen whatever the hell arbitrary title] the same way our parents and grandparents made imaginary millennials to get mad at.
The Silent Generation called their kids “Generation Me”
alekwithak@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
The Silent Generation was correct.
QuoVadisHomines@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
It was “The ‘Me’ Generation” not “Generation Me”. Generation ____ starts with Copeland’s Generation X book.
Odo@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
It feels wrong to read manga left to right.
Holytimes@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
Took me like 5 mins to figure out what was wrong…
bytesonbike@discuss.online 5 weeks ago
The whole comic was brain rot that i didn’t even notice.
QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
I’m 34 dating a 25 year old myself. Which I checked, it passes the “Half your age plus 7” test
(34 / 2 = 17 + 7 = 24) Sometimes I still feel weird about it though
ethaver@kbin.earth 5 weeks ago
@ 30 22 feels waaay too damn young. tf am I even gonna talk to this person about? I'm a decade in to a high stress high reliability industry. I'm starting to get Greg hairs! I make jokes about all the child rapists I met while working for the state! Too much happened in that 8 years between us. Too damn much.
Senseless@feddit.org 5 weeks ago
God damn it Greg!
AlexanderTheDead@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Yeah, at 27, 22 was already like too young for me. Let alone 20.
BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 weeks ago
I’m just a bit older, but been there.
I could never get past it though. I have a daughter too, and it really just takes one experience where they really remind you of your kid and… yeah, I don’t think I can do this y’all.
exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 weeks ago
Half plus seven is just a rough rule of thumb, that tries to capture some different concepts at play.
Personally, I never liked dating across major life milestone ages like 22, college graduation. The mid 20’s are just an important phase in developing one’s personality and sense of self, and being outside of the school environment is an important transition to learn. So when I was 30 I had a hard cutoff at 25, as I didn’t want to be with anyone who still identified with being a recent college student.
I felt like a very different person as between 18 and 22, and between 22 and 26. But 26 wasn’t that different from 30, and 30 to 35 only saw some slight changes. It’d be hypothetical because I was already in a committed relationship after 32 or so, but when I was 35 my cutoff probably would’ve been late 20’s, and when I was 40 my cutoff would’ve probably been around 30.
sleen@lemmy.zip 5 weeks ago
OP doesn’t understand what cultural progression is. Of course different people gonna do stuff differently as time progresses, the class she was when you where in high school is just irrelevant.
This is the case where op just has skill issue, and is stuck in the past like a boomer he is.
Lucky_777@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
When you call someone born in the late 1990s a boomer though. It might be “hip” or “trendy” to do. But Boomers were born in the 50s man. Young kids calling adults from different generations “Boomers” just makes you sound like you didn’t pay attention in history class.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 5 weeks ago
Would you say that for someone underage? Age is age, gap is gap.
kadaverin0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 weeks ago
I dated a 19 year old at 22 and even in that relatively minor gap there was palpable divide in mindset and priorities. I was looking to start a career and get my life established. She graduated high school a few month prior to turning 19 and just wanted to get high and watch musicals.
Hadriscus@jlai.lu 5 weeks ago
That’s the mindset of plenty of people at 25 or 30 even. I think personal development/priorities are to blame more so than the age gap
DeadMartyr@lemmy.zip 5 weeks ago
I was barely 23 and am currently dating the same girl I met who was 19. (Its about to be 2 years woo!)
I had just gotten out of military so most girls in my classes were 3-4 years younger and I wasn’t interested in dating (I like women a bit older than me) but she wreckingballed into my life because she saw something she wanted and actively attempted to get it.
This is the best relationship I’ve ever had but I won’t deny that sometimes the response I get to something serious and wanting to plan ahead is met by my partner suggesting I move into the city (alone) to be closer just so she knows what it’s like to have a boyfriend in the city.
Her focuses right now are being young and getting her excitement now before she has to square away. She used to think everyone has a stoner era and that was just what people did, so she was surprised how anti-drug/vice I was. The mental divide is definitely something I would warn people about when dating with age differences.
I dont understand the guys that date fresh 18 year olds in their near 30’s, I know its legal but I genuinely dont understand what a 30 year old would find so interesting about an 18 year old other than just trying to bang/control them.
vane@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Maybe she was rich and could stay high and watch musicals for the rest of her life. What a lucky girl she was.
Grass@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
people both younger and older than me talk like this and I just want to go anywhere else every time I hear it
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
No cap
ICastFist@programming.dev 5 weeks ago
The brainrot is real, even with “old hags”. My ex was 3 years younger than me, but she was an avid tiktok scroller. I was often being shown and taught about new “memes” that everyone promptly forgot about by the next week.
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
> be me 34 > decide to look for a hag around my age > most of them have at least one kid, usually the annoying kind, and only see you as a babysitter > same ones are also super focused on their kids, no hobbies, no interests, no life > most of them seem to be super conservative > some of them are so bigoted they can only talk about "those people" > finally found someone who's bearable for more than 20 minutes > never mind, she's alcoholic > finally found someone not alcoholic and is bearable for even more time > never mind, she's both 300+km away and also married How do I find hot singles on the fediverse? I'm not reinstalling Tinder!
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 5 weeks ago
I tried that with Reddit. Parents cockblocked me. Had nothing but my missed life to think about in the meantime, so my mental health slips, and I ask who besides Serial killers and rapists deserves to die (looking for a description of myself in the answers).
Implying someone’s life is worth more than others is a big no no on Reddit.
Get permabanned for inciting violence.
Kolanaki@pawb.social 5 weeks ago
I actually vibe more with the generations after me than my own; but I would find it creepy myself to be with someone who isn’t relatively close to my own age.
ballgoat@lemmy.zip 5 weeks ago
This is how I perceive the 28 year old to be.
Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 5 weeks ago
My partner’s sister is 19, I’m in my early 30s now. But I met my partner when she was 19, I often ask myself did she come across as this annoying to people in their 30s back then?
sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
Yes.
deathbird@mander.xyz 5 weeks ago
OP if still on 4chan. Lingo aside I’d say he’s in his maturity range.
Psythik@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Also 19 and 29 are both still Gen Z.
P1k1e@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
I once made the mistake of dating someone 12 years younger than me (she was 25). Man, what a mistake, nevermind the cultural differences, her emotional maturity was…intolerable, and this from a person I’d considered a friend for a year already. It was the first and last time iv ever done that.
abbadon420@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
Maybe OP could date a 9 year old on the side, to fill the age gap. Or is OP not rich enough to pull that of?
Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Rule #492 do not call women your own age a hag
RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com 5 weeks ago
Reading brainrot girlfriend has made me desire this.
QuoVadisHomines@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
As an adult for most dating your peers is preferable to dating younger adults. I don’t want to hear “So what was the gas crisis like?” on a date ever again (IDK what it was like I was 3).
HalfSalesman@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
I date/have sex with who I’m physically attracted to. Otherwise I’m OK if we just stay friends. Us having stuff in common doesn’t make me horny for them or want to romance them.
If we have nothing in common because of an age gap, then the sexual relationship becomes a reason to learn about them. As long as we agree with each other on politics.
That said I have no expectations, admittedly atm all I’ve been getting is one night stands every once in a while and I’d like deeper relationships (I’m poly). But fuck maybe I just wont get one. shrugs I’ll just keep trying until I get one.
javasux@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
I have not heard someone say “big mood” in years
MisterNeon@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Nothing ever changes.
Alph4d0g@discuss.tchncs.de 5 weeks ago
Generally it’s hard to connect with such an age gap but it does work sometimes. On those occasions, the natural genuine, and mutual draw transcends the age gap.
Hadriscus@jlai.lu 5 weeks ago
What does that mean ? mid fr fr ? doesn’t fr mean for real ?
Mid must mean “underwhelming”
sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 5 weeks ago
Can’t fathom calling a 28 year old a hag 💀
Cheradenine@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
You haven’t seen the 28 year olds Anon dates
MintyFresh@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
They’re 48 in crackhead years.
GissaMittJobb@lemmy.ml 5 weeks ago
Late-stage brainrot
TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
My man just wants to fuck children.
RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz 5 weeks ago
It’s a similar joke to calling 30-yos boomers