AtariDump
@AtariDump@lemmy.world
- Comment on naughty naughty 22 hours ago:
You’ll just have to find out
- Comment on I don't think they understand. We're interviewing them too. 2 days ago:
The boss makes a dollar, I make a dime That was a poem From a simpler time
Now his boss makes 1000 While I make a cent And he’s got employees That can’t make the rent
When the CEO makes a million And we don’t make jack That’s when we riot To take it all back
Now Mr investor If this seems extreme I have to remind you It beats guillotines
- Comment on Got my boy Crassus on speedial 1 week ago:
I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.
“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”
“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”
“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”
The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”
“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”
“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”
He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”
I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.
“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.
“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.
“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”
It didn’t seem like they did.
“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”
Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.
I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.
“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.
Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.
“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.
I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”
He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.
“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”
“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.
“Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”
I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.
“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”
He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.
- Comment on iykyk 1 week ago:
Can someone explain this to me? I don’t get it, but I want to.
- Comment on Daily inspo 😘 1 week ago:
What am I looking at?
- Comment on Checking in 1 week ago:
- Comment on Yet they know what dishware I'm looking for... 1 week ago:
You can turn those off when powering the phone down.
- Comment on Potatoes ftw 1 week ago:
- Comment on Netflix bad... Shocker, I know 1 week ago:
- Comment on It shows you love them 1 week ago:
Time to most hosts
- Comment on [deleted] 1 week ago:
Dad was 40 Mom was 15
- Comment on It shows you love them 1 week ago:
Setup an always on VPN that connects them to their home network where those sites are blocked.
Now it doesn’t work on cellular anymore either.
Shout out to the PiHole software that makes DNS black listing much easier for ad blocking .
- Comment on There's fucking ads in board games now 1 week ago:
- Comment on Caption this. 2 weeks ago:
Wait, what?
- Comment on Caption this. 2 weeks ago:
Science rules
- Comment on Interesting new symbols for bathroom doors 2 weeks ago:
I loves that Cake song
- Comment on [deleted] 2 weeks ago:
- Comment on I got into the wrong career lol 2 weeks ago:
Old-Ugly Fuck club or Old Ugly-Fuck club.
That hyphen makes a difference.
- Comment on Do you want me to heat that up in the "Michael Wave"? 2 weeks ago:
Tabtap.
- Comment on Do you want me to heat that up in the "Michael Wave"? 2 weeks ago:
This means it’s time for you to change the next letter until you’ve made a completely different word.
I suggest changing the o to an a
Labtap.
- Comment on Blu-ray players will soon be almost gone: Here's what to do 2 weeks ago:
09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0
- Comment on Go into debt if you have to 2 weeks ago:
Break Out Another Thousand
- Submitted 2 weeks ago to nyt_gift_articles@sopuli.xyz | 0 comments
- Submitted 2 weeks ago to nyt_gift_articles@sopuli.xyz | 0 comments
- Comment on Longtime buddy of mine just got a gaming PC. What games would make up a good "welcome to PC" care package? 2 weeks ago:
Untitled Goose Game
- Comment on Anon visits America 2 weeks ago:
- Comment on Can't unsee 3 weeks ago:
- Comment on How an Instagram-Perfect Life in the Hamptons Ended in Tragedy 3 weeks ago:
Shitty that someone died. Full stop.
Past that, I don’t have much remorse when the very wealthy like this fall, especially when they flaunt it.
- Submitted 3 weeks ago to nyt_gift_articles@sopuli.xyz | 3 comments
- Comment on Anon gives a piracy history lesson 3 weeks ago:
FTPs
