$5.99 a month.
Double flush for only $10.00!
Just a matter of time before it's reality
Submitted 2 weeks ago by Mickey7@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/9e1c9ae2-a70c-478b-b763-56d109952ce7.png
Comments
Mulligrubs@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
gandalf_der_13te@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
plus all the data flows over their own server, therefore has 5 seconds latency, and they retire the server after 5 years.
ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
$19.99 a month for Unlimited flushes!
ILikeTraaaains@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
*Unlimited flushes are limited to 200 flushes, after that the flushing and tank refill rate are reduced to the 10% of the normal rate.
For unlimited unlimited flushes upgrade now to the Unlimited+ for $59.99 per month, subscription of one year required, penalty of 200% of the remaining year if cancelled.
**Unlimited+ does not include ad removal, user still has to watch a 30 seconds ad. Ad removal sold separately.
Blackfeathr@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
A higher tier gets you 5 unclogs a month and reduced ads!
WillieShen@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
And the app requires a non-jailbroken Apple or Android with strong play integrity plus photos of your face, your ID, and your shit to flush.
RedGreenBlue@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
I’m normally a calm person. But this makes my blood boil.
WillieShen@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
And turn off DNS ad block and watch 3 unskippable ads to get an extra toilet paper. Wanna watch less ads? Agree to our use-your-excrement-to-train-ai and sell-your-data-to-our-10000-partners and you-can’t-sue-us-over-data-breach EULA to watch one our AI-generated personalized ad instead
1995ToyotaCorolla@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Remember when “drink verification can” was a funny absurd scenario and not something that seems like it could happen any day now?
limelight79@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Upgrade to our master flusher package, which offers 30 flushes per week…
hanrahan@slrpnk.net 2 weeks ago
you need an app for that to assist you
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I’d be okay with this if I could integrate it with home assistant. Just poo, wipe, and go. If seat goes from detecting a user to not detecting a user for 30 seconds, then flush, wait 15 seconds, disperse air freshener aroma.
It can’t be through a company cloud system though, it’s got to be local only. My poo schedule is not for data collection! :p
SparroHawc@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
It can’t be through a company cloud system though, it’s got to be local only.
Sorry, the best we can do is only having one data breach every six months, and the toilet refusing to flush if the internet ever goes out.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Do you sometimes forget to flush?
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It’s not forgetting, it’s the extra few seconds adding up. I’ve got important places to be!
0x0@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
How does the system handle skid marks?
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
That’s in the works but requires a camera and object/color recognition xP
dethmetaljeff@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
You’re forgetting the cardinal rule of home automation. Everything must also work “normally” if HA were to go down.
Nurgus@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Eh, that’s overrated. My HA server runs on RAID1 hotplug drives with multiple layers of UPS. It can survive multiple drive failures with zero downtime, even when physically replacing the drives.
I’m more interested in evading the online only cloud dependent bullshit many devices have.
Waterpumpee@lemmus.org 2 weeks ago
Also add a camera directed at the butthole to save water if it was poop or no. Also to show a progressbar of how things r going. Just make sure to stream the video unencrypted to the cloud.
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Write this down, write this down! YouPoop.net here we go baby
SomethingBurger@jlai.lu 2 weeks ago
You can probably build something with a smart valve. The mechanism for flushers is really simple.
Simulation6@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
What about mercy flushes? Air freshener can be as bad or worst then the odor you are trying to coverup.
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I am concerned about what is coming from your butt :p
LoafedBurrito@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
“It’s not that bad, you just need to listen to 3 un-skippable 3 minute ads, then you can flush”
CalypsoGirl@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
I’m upvoting your comment because as an owner of several corporations, I think you’ve got a great idea!
Snapz@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Surge flushing is real.
Automatic DNA tests on whatever you “deposit” into the “specimen chamber” and results sold to the insurance companies so they can increase your rates of drop your coverage coincidentally before you see an actual diagnosed.
Your butt told on you for pre crime… Minority Repoopt
InFerNo@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
Nobody has any business with my rates of drop
bampop@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
The cool thing about the model with wifi is you get the built in camera and microphone as standard
finallymadeanaccount@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
And the FBI thought having to watch people through their computer screens was a shitty job.
0x0@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
…more like a shit job.
areakode@riskeratspizza.com 2 weeks ago
restingOface@quokk.au 2 weeks ago
BeMoreCareful@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Just dump a bucket of water in afterwards.
1995ToyotaCorolla@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Make sure you enable developer mode before attempting to sideload water into the toilet!
Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
“Also the hole is only big enough for farts.”
LeftReddit2@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
For poops, you need to upgrade to FlushMe Pro which is $200 monthly.
daggermoon@piefed.world 2 weeks ago
I’d just mail the manufacturer a bag of my shit.
TrickDacy@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I’m certain that already exists
Steve@communick.news 2 weeks ago
Yah, I know there are super fancy toilets with app controllers. I’ve no doubt flushing is one of them.
jtb@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
Don’t forget you will need to prove your identity by uploading your driving licence before you can download the app.
thespcicifcocean@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Pretty soon we’ll have AI toilets for some reason. They’ll be able to send push notifications to your phone. I imagine a future where your toilet is hungry because you went on vacation and needs you to shit in it so bad.
modus@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
“Feed me, daddy.”
olenkoVD@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Don’t laugh guys, this WILL happen in the near future
J92@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Fortunately, like brewing your own beer during the volsted act, a flush is basic enough to be able to do it yourself with a bit of string inside the cistern.
balsoft@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
Also similar to the BMW heated seats nonsense.
alternategait@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Or a pot of water to the bowl
WhoIzDisIz@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
Hijinks ensue when they put their phone in their pocket unlocked while their spouse or child is using the toilet.
Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
invest in some drill bits/hole saws rated for porcelain, and you can modify that shit off
Polisheocket@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Also don’t forget the monthly fee
criss_cross@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
My friend has a toilet that has its own remote control. There’s no flush handle. It’s the dumbest thing on earth.
ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 2 weeks ago
This dystopian hell hole is already here. I present the Sloped Toilet to prevent workers from getting a few extra minutes.
fyzzlefry@retrolemmy.com 2 weeks ago
Sounds fragile
PhoenixDog@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
A simple poke with a sledgehammer could break it. Just a piece of shit, really.
HerbGrower@slrpnk.net 2 weeks ago
I don’t need to be sitting for those extra minutes.
roboflop@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
Next up, LG to begin toilet manufacturing so they can store a record or your turds in plaintext.
defrostedLasagna4921@piefed.zip 2 weeks ago
And the app is only available on the Play store. Think about us deGoogled users!
Agent641@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
The older I get, the better I understand Archie Tuttle from Brasil.
Elgenzay@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
What’s with the pie
TheGoldenV@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Long running Bizarro gag.
Jankatarch@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Whatca shitty future.
Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
“… for your convenience.”
sexy_peach@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
With a medium cost monthly subscription of course
0x0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Or at least instead of a handle, there’s a capacitive slidey thing.
SGforce@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
I don’t see an artist signature
don_kiedyck@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
You’ll have to download the autograph app.
Trex202@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It’s a good app
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