Now you just need a Harley and you will never see a woman again.
How to summon a group of gym bros (100% working tutorial 2026)
Submitted 3 weeks ago by Absolute_Slayer@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/756a8c68-b412-4da8-8622-76d6bd5a610c.png
Comments
Lemmyoutofhere@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
blarghly@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Lol. Got moto as a chick magnet. Instead it just attracts middle aged men.
FireRetardant@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Its cause you got it for the wrong reasons. Its more attractive when you got the bike for the bike and yourself.
Angryhumanoid@fedinsfw.app 3 weeks ago
Yeah, that’s why I NEVER work out, so I won’t get distracted by other dudes when I’m trying to attract ladies! Wait, I think I see a flaw in my logic….
SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
This also works with Beard Bros. You’ll have all the men giving you compliments and women asking you to shave it.
IAMgROOT@lemmy.wtf 3 weeks ago
do not stop this from letting you grow a giant white beard that reaches your knees
sorrybookbroke@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
The beard is for me, not them
Banana@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
See what you gotta do if you want ladies is grow a mustache. Ladies looooove a stache.
Source: am lady. Love stache.
solarvector@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
VibeSurgeon@piefed.social 3 weeks ago
I can’t say that anyone in particular is giving me compliments on my beard. My partner has said that she does not want me to shave it off, so there’s that, though.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Back before I transitioned I had a beard and got a ton of women into it. In particular they loved that it was soft and conditioned. On the other hand apparently I was hot, so they may have just been into me regardless.
LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Got complimented out of the blue about a somewhat beard-shaped stubble that I was growing out by a female friend, and my brother’s girlfriend has practically forbidden him from clean shaving. My dad had a beard when he met my mom. Maybe it’s our genes, but I think there are faces where a beard works and faces where it doesn’t. Same as with hair styles, some guys can have a mullet and still look decent.
codexarcanum@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Wear a nice wrist watch. Not a smart watch, something classy. I have one as a gift and I get compliments from other (arguably straight) men all the time. I have never had a woman mention it (I have had women compliment my shoes, shirts, glasses, etc, so this isn’t a " zero sample size" issue either.)
bravesirrbn@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
What kind of shoes, shirts, glasses etc. do you wear? Asking for a friend
Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Crocs, tweed, wraparound bifocals.
gandalf_der_12te@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
wrist watches are a method of capitalism to suppress your free time by reminding you of “the schedule” all the time, i.e. you should be working (and productive!) instead of going for a hike and forgetting time
ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
No Lemmy thread is ever complete until somebody turns it into Capitalism Bad, You Guys. Thank you for your service, brave culture warrior o7
despoticruin@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
Or they are functional and useful tools that facilitate getting shit done in a coordinated and orderly manner.
Even as your own boss you still have a schedule. That isn’t capitalism, it’s life and adult responsibility.
kuiskaaja@lemmy.ml 3 weeks ago
capitalism is when keeping track of time
VonReposti@feddit.dk 2 weeks ago
I got a nice Tissot, outside watch enthusiasts it’s only been women commenting on it. Tbf I love the watch and it’s the favourite part of my outfit, so maybe the confidence of wearing it attracts and the watch is merely a “replaceable” conversation starter.
eestileib@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
One woman’s opinion:
Bigass muscles are hot on a guy with some body fat. Sumo wrestlers and rugby forwards are WAY hotter than bodybuilders.
The men who don’t make a big deal out of it and then they take their shirt off and they’re muscly, that’s way more fun than a guy hanging out with his sleeves tucked up.
dismay3915@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Sumo wrestlers? Dude wtf :))
Modern pro bodybuilders are definitely not beautiful, they’re more of a spectacle. But sumo wrestler is definitely a type.
Diurnambule@jlai.lu 3 weeks ago
Mat depend of you mental image of sumo wrestler. In video game they have a big ass belly. In real life their is less fat.
gray@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
Pro bodybuilders look good imo, but not during competition season
eestileib@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Kirishima Asakoryu Wakamotoharu and Wakatakakage
I ended up in bed with a guy who does a lot of karate last month, his muscles were really nice and he had this tight square abdomen and it was impressive to feel and obviously the result of a lot of hard work. And I thought “no belly at all? Awww”
spagbolioli@thelemmy.club 3 weeks ago
a gay friend of mine once said to me, all men are gay until proven straight and bodybuilders completely epitomise that
ayyy@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Toxic
tetris11@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
wait, bodybuilders are gay when they flex…?
FireRetardant@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
As a male, this is counter to everything ive been told about sleeves. I’ve been told that rolled up sleeves are basically lingerie for men when done right.
eestileib@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
How rolled up?
Marines look great with the sun’s out guns out tight forearm cuff thing.
Or in the context of “this guy has been swinging a pickaxe”, yes. Men doing physical labor is hot.
In everyday life, walking into a restaurant with your t-shirt sleeves rolled up like Clavicular makes you look like a fuckboy.
THE_GR8_MIKE@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Same with having a nice car lol
Broadfern@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Wear nicely fitting clothes (tailored if you can get them), be warm if you’re approached, express genuine interest in what the other person is saying. Bonus points for sense of humor.
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
This, but I’ve found you can also skip the clothes for most women. Your clean, normal clothes are fine. Women will look past that figuring they can fix it later. They hone in on the important things first, at least the ones with any experience.
amgine@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
You mean my three wolf moon shirt and sweatpants won’t look bad? Score
kossa@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
Women will look past that figuring they can fix it later
Or they don’t care in the first place? Like, they’re human beings with different tastes and stuff? There are around 4 billion of “them” and they’re all different.
1984@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
Tailored, lol. Wtf. :)
Why the hell would anyone date someone who looks for tailored clothes… Thats so funny.
tetris11@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
I think it signals that the person cares about themselves, which is an attractive trait.
I tend to dress all ratty and rumpled out of laziness whilst telling myself that it accentuates “my Bohemian vibes”, but I have to admit that I’m not attracted at all to women who don’t make an effort on their appearance so why shouldn’t I expect the same lack of attraction back?
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 3 weeks ago
Just ranting. Have you any idea how expensive tailored clothes are and how often nicely fitted clothes must be switched out when even doing the most basic bulk and cut phase?
Like i bought a suit in the beginning of this year, which was already hard to find as I’m no longe in avarage size. I managed to scrape by with just spending ~300€(tailoring would have been 1000+€)and barely fitting as long as i don’t do any sudden movements. It was good for just one event, few months later. The pants were already tight enough around quads that i could see my boxer line through it and pockets were unusable.
I was supposed to wear it again around Christmas time.So basically anything in the store isn’t really suitable anymore, unless i go oversized and tailoring is rather expensive for just a handful of times i can wear something well fitted.
Though you’re completely right. There are many other aspects that matter much more as i did find my wife way before i started working out.
Anivia@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
I have the same problem and just “borrowed” my mom’s old sewing machine to tailor my own clothes. It’s not as difficult as it sounds
blarghly@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Lol. I love this joke.
But also, I feel the need (a crime in the shitposting community, I know) to point out that, in fact, most women find muscles on men attractive, and if you are a man trying to attract women, while getting jacked isnt the end-all-be-all, you could certainly have a worse strategy. If you don’t believe me… well, go bench 225 and cut down to abs and get back to me.
If you are benching 225 and have abs already, then the problem is much simpler. The reality is, the modal woman interested in men finds stereotypically masculine things hot - being jacked, riding motorcycles, being able to fight, making lots of money, being good at sports, being a leader, etc. But all of these things are sort of like making upgrades to your car - you can do an engine swap, upgrade the suspension, replace the exhaust, add a spoiler, and put flame decals on the wheels. But your car isnt going to go anywhere if you don’t take your key and put it in the ignition. Similarly, being really hot and attractive in a bunch of different ways isn’t going to get you laid if you can’t meet a new woman and ask if she wants to bone without being weird about it.
boonhet@sopuli.xyz 3 weeks ago
well, go bench 225 and cut down to abs and get back to me.
That’s a bit of an ask, it would take several years of training hard to reach a 225 KG bench press.
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 3 weeks ago
Damn, talk about strength inflation. 5+ plate bench becoming the minimum standard nowadays.
SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Also funny how it’s 225 specifically and not a round number.
gray@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
I have worked out for a decade and can only do 150 lol
kolmaskommentoija@sopuli.xyz 3 weeks ago
In the situation of that comic, talking would not improve his chances much, though. That is a totally wrong place, and time. You go and stare at women just walking by like that, and they will assume you are some creep.
spagbolioli@thelemmy.club 3 weeks ago
the homoeroticism and deep insecurities of bodybuilders will never not amuse the shit out of me
Smaile@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
oh well, may as well enjoy the vibes.
vsis@feddit.cl 3 weeks ago
Same thing with motorbikes, sport cars and epic guitar solos.
CADmonkey@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I get compliments from women on my Leaf of all things. Never on any “cool” car I had.
Valorie12@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Just gotta be a cute girl with a cute car. I get compliments on my Miata all the time :3
dismay3915@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Bros are all that matters
Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Dude if my physique got me a whole bunch of compliments from a bunch of dudes, that’d be awesome.
Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 3 weeks ago
Try riding a motorcycle.
happy_wheels@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
So wholesome. 10/10 would spot all those Bros.
gray@lemmy.ml 3 weeks ago
You’d think this would work out if you’re gay. But no, you just get lots of attention from straight guys…
petrol_sniff_king@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
I think this is partly because bodybuilders, like culturally, are aiming for sexual appeal of a very masculine and stoic kind, which is to say that it’s not really that appealing.
To put it another way, to be sexy is to be the object of someone else’s desire, but straight men tend to think of this as damaging to their power. They both want to be objectified by women and always above them socially, which is a contradiction.
What I mean is: all men should want a fatter ass, but very few can be this honest.
wingnut@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
I think its good he moved on from his expectations and enjoyed the attention he got 🙂
petrol_sniff_king@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
I was gonna comment this myself :)
This is only a problem if you want women’s attention only and the lack of it is fueling insecurity and self-loathing, but I love to see men like these guys in the comic so cutely impressed with and supportive of each other.
grrgyle@slrpnk.net 3 weeks ago
Every house party rofl
ceenote@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Well, having friends is a green flag for dating.
eestileib@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
A girl wanting to be your friend (as a straight guy) is a fucking golden opportunity.
Girls know girls! Girls want their friends to have boyfriends!
Another woman saying “he was interested in me but stopped trying to get in my pants when I told him he wasn’t interested, and I like hanging around him” is a massive help.
SethTaylor@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
So it’s more of a hobby, really
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 3 weeks ago
Yes it’s is. A rather enjoyable one at that.
Sry have to go, rest timer ended
Fridgeratr@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Yes but it’s a hobby that makes you stronger, healthier, and more confident
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 3 weeks ago
Can confirm. The ratio of men complimenting me vs women is like 10:1. I don’t lift weights for attention though it’s just a side effect.
Magnus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Damn I need to start working out
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 2 weeks ago
Ypu should start working out just for the overall health benefits. Training is part of the maintenance peocess our body needs. Everything else is just an added bonus.
AeonFelis@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Is there a word for “a group of gym bros”?
FunStuffIsFun@eviltoast.org 2 weeks ago
A Brahtherhood?
MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
A workout
ICastFist@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
Ugh, this tutorial takes forever to complete! >:(
aim4harmony@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I like this prelude to the polyamoric gay relationship. 😊 More, please.
Zephyr@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
It do be like that. It does beg the question of how one actually finds a romantic partner.
PP_BOY_@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Image
Reposting my OC
Carnelian@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I understand it’s a joke but I wanted to throw some other numbers out there for people to consider, since resistance training can massively improve your quality of life and it’s very common for people to believe it needs to be a full time job to see results. For disclosure, I am a trainer but don’t offer services via lemmy
But you can get head-turning, people-ask-you-questions-unprompted levels of muscular with <5 hours a week in the gym. And that’s the full time commitment for what I’d called a “serious trainee”, any more than that is mainly for people who simply love training as a form of recreation and actively want to spend more time lifting.
Most of my clients do 2.5 hours a week and still get great visual results, albeit more slowly. More importantly, you cash in on quality of life benefits with shockingly little weekly commitment. Even one session per week is enough to feel huge improvements in energy and endurance during day to day tasks, improve your metabolic health, improve your bone health, improve your mental health, as well as experience the whole cascade of improved injury outcomes (for example resistance trained individuals are less likely to fall, less likely to be injured if they do fall, and are more likely to make a full recovery if they do get injured).
It’s extremely worth starting, for all ages and genders. Again, apologies for being overly serious under a joke. I like to leave little comments like this under popular gym posts because it occasionally results in someone beginning or returning to training
surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I know there’s probably isn’t your area of expertise, but I don’t know where else to ask.
Are there any gym memberships out there that aren’t completely sketchy and impossible to cancel?
Gonzako@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Does it have to be with the gym? Is there anything that generally being active doesn’t cover?
MrOtingocni@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Can confirm. Having an progressive program tailored to one’s goals is key. In the first 6 months of going to the gym I wasn’t seeing a lot of results. It was certainly better than nothing; I was learning the exercises, developing the base level strength to handle beginner weight levels… But where were these newbie gains everyone was talking about?
It wasn’t until I got on a good plan that I started making noticable leaps in strength. A year in, I decided to add in some cardio (just a 2 mile run) and suddenly I started blowing up. When I finally got my routine optimized I could be in and out of the gym in an hour. 3 times a week, that was it. If I was tight on time, I would simply do my run on my off days. So daily investment of 30 to 45 minutes. You can buy a cheap weight bench and you won’t even have to go to the gym. Hell, you can buy a cheap rack, too, like I did and do every exercise in your home for free. You can accidentally lose 45 minutes just zoned out on the couch flipping through channels, so time-wise, it’s about the best ROI you could ever make.
Banana@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
So I guess the trick is, and has always been, consistency?
REDACTED@infosec.pub 3 weeks ago
Resistance training is not bodybuilding. Most athletic people I’ve seen (especially runners) often look like they have no muscle
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
I am personally going for what you see in those animes: scrawny dude that can throw a boulder, you can’t see the muscle.
Best of both worlds!
Someonelol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
I can’t imagine 40 hours a week of endurance training being anything but detrimental to one’s health. The pain of stacked up micro injuries would be unbearable.
greedytacothief@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Lots of pro runners run over 100 miles a week, once you’re there it’s not so bad. Cyclists will do even more, bike packers get excited by the idea. As a kid I went to canoe camp and we would paddle for 40 hours a week sometime. Not sure if I should include through hiking.
VibeSurgeon@piefed.social 3 weeks ago
40 hours a week is quite uncommon, but elite cyclists can put in upwards of 30 hours. With that type of volume, intensity management is quite important. You need to do the large majority of your exercise at low intensity for it to yield good results.