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You shall not cut!

⁨551⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨ickplant@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/87ee4343-22ab-4579-b719-ae94843dedfe.jpeg

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Comments

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  • Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    That’s not to avoid cutting pepperoni. There was no reason to shape the 2 pieces at the top like that… other than being a pizza sadist.

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    • microcapybara@sopuli.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Pepperonimandering is a stain on the political serving process! Pie slices should be wedges, simple as!

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      • captainlezbian@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Squares and rectangles are acceptable on thin crust pizzas in styles meant for party type sharing

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      • postmateDumbass@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Thou shalt not Bobbit.

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    • Opisek@piefed.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      That way all the slices have at most five pieces, reducing the variance of pieces per slice.

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      • realitista@lemmus.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I could get on board with this but there are some with 3 and 4, so I am going with the sociopath theory here.

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    • slowmorella@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      yeah the top slices give away that the main intention was to get the internet people mad

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    • postmateDumbass@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Jigsaw Puzzle Enthusiast

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    • Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Have you considered the possibility Dad ASKED each person how many peps they wanted before he started cutting? Or he gives the kids peps according to their ages?

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  • TachyonTele@piefed.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I almost want to do this. If you don’t slice that pepperoni the first time it grabs it’s buddy Cheese and they both go on a trip all over the damn place.

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    • Axolotl_cpp@feddit.it ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      You should either cut it better or start considering using a different cheese (or better, just use mozzarella as it was intended)

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      • TachyonTele@piefed.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Ill let the pizza shop know, thanks

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      • Tilgare@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Not all mozzarella is created equal. The best pizza cheese I’ve found in the US is Boar’s Head mozzerella. Nothing else melts right or holds up to the 550° oven like this one. I just get the deli to take a knife to the chub to cut off a block for easier shredding.

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  • BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Your dad could get a job gerrymandering districts for the state.

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    • tehmics@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Nah it’s too logical

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  • rockerface@lemmy.cafe ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    “Back in my days there were no neurodivergent people”

    mf back in his days when asked to cut pizza:

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  • marcos@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Tell him the amount of pepperoni on each slice is not balanced.

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    • vodka@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      It might be, we can see: 3 slices with 5 2 slices with 3 1 slice with 4

      They seem to be intentionally cut to have this amount of pepperoni, the last two slices might have 5 and 4 pieces of pepperoni making for: 4 slices of 5 2 slices of 3 2 slices of 4

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      • HowAbt2day@futurology.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Could’ve been cut this way based on weight of each pepperoni slice.

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  • ramenshaman@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I get it. The pizza slicer pushes pepperoni and other toppings down which smushes the cheese and sauce out the size, then you have an uneven distribution of cheese/sauce. So either you have an uneven distribution of pepperoni, an uneven distribution of cheese/sauce, or you spend a great deal of time placing your pepperoni so that they’re perfectly positioned away from your cut lines.

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    • Johandea@feddit.nu ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Yeah, if you use an inferior tool your get inferior results. Scissors are the only correct way to cut a pizza.

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      • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        …I want to say that you’re wrong, but I don’t have enough experience with scissors on pizza to dispute it.

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      • coriza@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Marion Cobretti approves this message

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      • ramenshaman@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I’ve seen those scissor/spatula combos online, seems like a great option.

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    • Agent641@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      If you use a large knife to cut the pizza you don’t have this problem.

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      • EffortlessEffluvium@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        But all I have is my poop knife

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    • axexrx@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Does it take that long to move them?
      I just take the back edge of a knife hold it over each of the 6 lines ill be cutting as a guide, and pull any of the pepperoni on the line one way of the other. Take like 5 seconds.

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      • ramenshaman@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I don’t have that kind of time

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  • ThePantser@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    For frozen pizza I will move the pepperoni before baking so they are in predetermined slices.

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    • scytale@piefed.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Same. Sometimes they’re all in one section as well so I make sure to distribute them evenly. I also add another layer of mozzarella before baking.

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    • surewhynotlem@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      This right here is a diagnosis. I’m not sure for what, but you’ve got a lot of something.

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  • ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    You know what? I like it, and I’ma start doing it.

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  • moonshadow@slrpnk.net ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Your daddy’s my kind of freak

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    • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Sounds like you want to call him YOUR daddy!

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  • sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    No he’s doing that because he is a demon. LOOK at that slice at 12-o-clock. That’s not avoiding the pepperoni that is malediction against society

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    • pyre@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      since when is a little dick and balls malediction against society

      you know what don’t answer that

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  • orangeyouglad@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    gerrymandered Pizza

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    • Doomsider@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      A pizza can’t help itself if that is the way it wants to be cut up. You city pizza boys just don’t get country pizza.

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  • TargaryenTKE@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Respect

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  • aeronmelon@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    That one Florida-ass looking piece.

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  • danc4498@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Signs your dad might have OCD

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  • crozilla@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Totino’s frozen pizza had it best: diced pepperoni. Pepperoni in every bite.

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  • BanaramaClamcrotch@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I do the same lol… pisses my gf off

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  • frustrated_phagocytosis@fedia.io ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Just arrange the pepperoni in advance so you can cut normal without slicing them.

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  • the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    #dad things

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  • gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    i do that too

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  • b_tr3e@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Now, if he’d avoid stepping on the gaps between floor tiles, I’d sympathize. Horrible, unspeakable THINGS might happen if you’re stepping on them. But this is just weird.

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  • Tilgare@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I fully support this strategy, can’t believe I never considered it myself. I will have to carefully suggest it to my wife who will NOT approve of this mutilation of one of her glorious pizzas.

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  • Samsy@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    A little bit autistic we are today?

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  • DivineDev@piefed.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I feel like the two slices at the top were divided poorly. The extension of the right one makes it difficult to handle, it should have been part of the left slice. Otherwise the slices feel balanced and slicey, although I am not quite sure with the bottom ones. Overall this gives a score of at most 6/8, please relay this to your dad and don’t forget posting his next attempt, ideally without a cut off part for a more reliable evaluation.

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  • wieson@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    My brain when usians call salami a chili pepper:

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  • Jax@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I just wanna talk to him

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  • Simulation6@sopuli.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Buy a good pizza cutter and sharpen like a knife?

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  • TomMasz@piefed.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    The only thing wrong with this is the inevitable sibling conflict over who got the biggest piece.

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  • Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Add 1 slice every time you make pizza and hold bets.

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  • Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    The only problem I see is different slices have different numbers of pepperoni and different lengths of crust.

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  • anon_8675309@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Thanks Dad. I’ll have one with 5 slices of pepperoni not 3. 3 slices of pepperoni is for pussies.

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