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Has this ever happened to you?

⁨325⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Mickey7@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/839dfc81-36be-4176-8ff9-ea1d3138f771.png

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Comments

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  • echodot@feddit.uk ⁨35⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

    It’s a test and you failed it by being weird and strange and obnoxious, just let her bring her friend it’s literally not a downside for you. She’ll feel more comfortable by bringing her friend which can only be a good thing for you.

    I don’t really consider myself to be particularly spectacular in the social department but even I wouldn’t have reacted like that. To be cross, why wouldn’t you want more girls on your date?

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  • Hudell@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨58⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

    I had a girl ask if it was OK to bring a friend once, I said it was fine. She ended up coming alone anyway.

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    • garbagebagel@lemmy.world ⁨21⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

      You showed a green flag by saying yes, so she probably felt safe enough.

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  • fritobugger2017@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

    No but I am old.

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  • Catalyst_A@lemmy.ml ⁨40⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

    Holy shit… HA!

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  • axexrx@lemmy.world ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I get it, I absolutely respect someone wanting to be safe, but i think it would also absolutely ruin the date for me. I just can’t really interact the same way in a group as I do one on one. Either that, or I’d end upv mirroring both of them simultaneously and it would end up in a throuple.

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    • Beacon@fedia.io ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      I respect it, but i don't get it, and it would be a complete deal breaker for me. What do you think a person on a date in a public place is gonna do to you?

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      • hypnicjerk@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        right, this is basically saying “i don’t trust you not to spike my drink, take me to a second location, and rape me”

        and maybe you shouldn’t be online dating at all if that’s where you start out from

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    • FelixCress@lemmy.world ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      throuple

      Threesome. Corrected for you.

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      • missfrizzle@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        throuple : threesome :: couple : hook-up

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      • mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Nope. Throuple is dating, threesome is a one-time thing. Like if my wife and I have a girlfriend, we would be a throuple. And if we all sleep together, it would be a threesome. But saying “throuple=threesome” is like saying “couple=sex” when the two describe fundamentally different things. One is the relationship between people, and the other is just a physical act.

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  • Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    If you bring a friend, they better be down for a 3 way if things go well.

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    • Triumph@fedia.io ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      This tracks.

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    • Mickey7@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Did the one that chickened out at least watch you fuck the other one?

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  • pastel_de_airfryer@lemmy.eco.br ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I had a girl do that on our first date. She was feeling insecure because she never dated online before. Once she felt comfortable with me, her friends left.

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    • Garbagio@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      This is what grinds my gears. At no point (if this is real) did she ask them to pay for the friend. But because of their own misogyny, they’re being an ass. And that’s not even getting into the probability that his is ALL ragebait to play off misogyny for engagement. People getting pissed off making shit up in their head, then making others suffer for it.

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      • BussyCat@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Like the guy defenitely comes off as a dick but also if you check out conventional social media you will see guys who talk about being expected to pay for not just the girl but also their friend, and you will see girls talk about how if she brings a friend for protection then the guy should pay for the friend too.

        So many variables exist that we don’t know but for some people there an expectation that if a girl brings a friend the guy needs to pay for both and I wouldn’t default that to just misogyny

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      • Soulg@ani.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Yes he was being a bit rude but it is surprisingly common for women to expect the men to pay for their friends and it is not at all unreasonable for him to put his foot down early and refuse before she even asks.

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    • Agent641@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Perfect. That’s when you strike

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    • Mickey7@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      I can almost understand her reaction considering it was an online dating thing

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  • aeronmelon@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    This is very common in Asia. The first few (not) dates they bring friends and you can too. Eventually, she gives an indication that she wants to do something alone with you and that’s when the real dates begin.

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    • garbagebagel@lemmy.world ⁨18⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

      If you wanna be my lover…

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    • Zexks@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

      Guy friends in asian also hold hands and hang on each others arms. Not really something you see in the west

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    • bizarroland@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      You make a good point, but considering that the conversation is in English I don’t think you’d be too far out of the pale to assume that this is not in Asia, and in most English-speaking countries it’s not common to go on group dates before going on individual dates.

      It does happen, and quite a bit, but not to the point where it’s common, I would say it’s at the very most uncommon.

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    • original_reader@lemmy.zip ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      This is the way.

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    • errer@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      I mean we have those too, they’re called double dates. Would have been less awkward if the lady here asked for one of those.

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  • crumbguzzler5000@feddit.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Honestly, when you look at domestic violence statistics, youre lucky girls are willing to go out on dates with strangers.

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  • sundray@lemmus.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    “Can I bring a friend?”

    “Um, I’d rather they stayed home. And well, I didn’t want to say anything earlier, but I kind of wanted to stay home, too. You have fun though!”

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    • Mickey7@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      good answer

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  • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

    As someone with mostly female friends, all I can think is hell yeah potentially more friends! More natural conversations with an extra body, plus first date is more about vibes than anything so if a trusted friend improves the vibes then bring that trusted friend!

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  • ordnance_qf_17_pounder@reddthat.com ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I’d be up for a few dates where the girl brings her friends, as long as she makes it clear beforehand that they’re coming. But not a last minute “by the way, my friends are coming.”

    I don’t mind meeting more new people.

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  • arin@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I’m open to a threesome. Op failed

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    • echodot@feddit.uk ⁨26⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

      That was definitely my thought reading it but also it would be a thought that I wouldn’t articulate because that’s not what’s actually happening, she just wants a friend to make sure I’m not creepy. So that definitely wouldn’t be the right thing to say.

      Although if it was the right kind of person and the date was going well I suppose it could come off as a good joke depending on the person

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    • bytesonbike@discuss.online ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Pretty much. OP being a real dick for no reason with that last sentence.

      Just ask if you’re okay with dating both in that scenario.

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    • Mickey7@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      That would have been the move. “Is she attractive?” Result would be she tells you to get lost which is fine. Or 3 people have a great time that you don’t mind financing

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  • krooklochurm@lemmy.ca ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I’m cool with someone deciding to do this.

    I mean, I’ll decide not to go on the date, but that you do you.

    Your lack of ability to judge my character leading up to the date, and the general sense of paranoia leading to a decision like this, aren’t qualities I’m looking for in a partner.

    Neither is starting things from a place of outright suspicion. Like. I’m not judging. I just have zero interest.

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    • burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Neither is starting things from a place of outright suspicion.

      I would understand it if they are going to someplace private, like the apartment or a dark alley at midnight, but who the hell goes to those places on a first date? I’m not freaking out about a guy asking me to a coffee date at 1000 hours in the middle of a city on a saturday.

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      • Mirshe@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        They might’ve had one (or several) bad experiences and this is a trauma response, but even in that case, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say “yeah sure they’ll pay their own way, I just feel safer if we have a second pair of eyes I trust in the restaurant/cafe/etc with us”. Like, you don’t gotta be at the table, but I kinda get it for the first date or two being “hey I trust this person, mind if they tag along and grab a drink at the bar to be my watchman or whatever”.

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      • krooklochurm@lemmy.ca ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Amen

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  • SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Hopefully that lady has enough self respect to tell that boy to go fuck himself.

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    • 50_centavos@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      They were trying to get free meals out of the guy. Fuck them, actually. Bums.

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      • phar@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

        Where do you see that from the picture? If he wants to make sure he is not paying for the third wheel, there are ways to say that without sounding like a total dick. She, on the other hand, doesn’t mention money or food at all. We simply do not know the whole story here.

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      • Inaminate_Carbon_Rod@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        The dude is the only one who mentioned money.

        When he said he wasn’t paying she didn’t ask him to or imply that she was disappointed.

        This seems like the dude dropped the ball.

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      • Bahnd@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        I dont mind that, so long as the food is cheap.

        My personal limit for that is ~20$, anything less than that and within reason, I wont question buying anyone food. Calories are important and im not going to judge people that quickly, have a pizza.

        I prefer to have that meal repaid in the future with an IOU or another meal rather dealing with money, also the social connections are more important.

        On the flip side, if I never see that person again. 20$ well spent.

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    • webghost0101@sopuli.xyz ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Gendernormative assumption of gender?

      SatansMaggotyCumFart i have seen you before and i do expect better of you.

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      • balsoft@lemmy.ml ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        I don’t think “safety friends” are typical in lesbian circles, because of the implication

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    • sexy_peach@feddit.org ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      They did nothing though?

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      • SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        They told the lady who they were with that last message now it's up to her to listen.

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  • m4xie@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    You gotta make sure she’s not trying to back-and-switch you into a polycule!

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  • blarth@thelemmy.club ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Uh oh, are we doing an /r/SipsTea here now?

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    • bytesonbike@discuss.online ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Oh God I hope not.

      Can we just make a community called IHateWomen and have them migrate there?

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  • Donkter@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Doubling down on not paying for her food when there was no indication that he was expected to was definitely strange. It’s a perfectly fine thing to be uncomfortable with, don’t try and force the fault on her.

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    • Fiivemacs@lemmy.ca ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      not paying for the random 3rd wheels food… yeah, triple down on it. make it VERY clear you aren’t paying for someone whom you aren’t wanting to actually meet or invited in the first place.

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    • Grimy@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      This was my impression too. The girl is probably thinking she dodged a bullet. It’s a very aggressive response when no one actually asked him to pay.

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  • chunes@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Wow, that would be instant end the date for me.

    Why are you dating if you’re that afraid? And frankly, how did you work up enough courage to leave the house?

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  • HugeNerd@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    “Awe”?

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  • uzay@infosec.pub ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    What an a🍑

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  • shalafi@lemmy.world ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Fuck all that. If you’re too afraid to meet a strange man in a public place, that’s on you, and god only knows what other unreasonable fears you have.

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    • neatchee@lemmy.world ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Tell me you have no concept of the day to day experience of women without telling me you have no concept of the day to day experience of women, speed run edition

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      • bizarroland@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Women are not fragile helpless creatures.

        Going to a public place on a date is not something that you need to bring the whole crew for.

        The way that he, (I’m assuming he), stated his response is inflammatory, but I agree with the concept behind it.

        I cannot envision a path towards a healthy relationship that starts off with that much distrust, and if that were presented to me, I would assume that the two girls have conspired together to get free meals out of a simp rather than to actually start a relationship.

        So that would be why it’s a no-go for me.

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    • Agent641@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      She probably won’t even get on the boat!

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  • b_tr3e@feddit.org ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    As a guy, lyou’d be a total idiot to agree. Single guy on a date with two girls is definitely going to make a fool out of himself and have a terrible evening. Call me sexist, blame social whatnotever for it but it’s as sure as the night is dark. These two have known each other and longer than you so you’re the outsider and there’s that unspoken, inevirtable rivality between you and her best friend. No fucking change. BTW, I’d wonder what people might say if gender roles were reversed here. Lol… “I gotta bring my buddy. For safety.”

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    • Lumisal@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      You’re sexist, but I will say I’m glad I took the offer when given it. The night ended up twice as nice, along with the next couple of months too.

      Basically, go ahead and think that. More fun and good times for the rest of us, the two girls I was with that time included ;)

      (In hindsight, it should’ve been way more obvious I was poly. But my sights were distracted at the time, and it’s something that wasn’t really talked about much back then)

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      • b_tr3e@feddit.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        I’d be sexist if I said it was women’s nature and blah whatever. I’m sure it’s more or less a social matter, nevermind that as far as I know it applies to pretty much any known culture, ancient or actual. The reason might be that humans are not so different actually, no matter what your fucking leaders might tell you. And you, Mr “pickup artist” might notice that I did not refer to the sort of occasion you’re talking about. The situation the OP describes is obviously not an invitation to a menage a trois.

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  • Sanctus@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    If you think this is weird you probably shouldn’t date. You’re gonna see their friends at some point and it might as well be before you give too many fucks.

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  • Bebopalouie@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    From now on your friend will always be referred to as Ed 209.

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  • taiyang@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Not only does that sound like a better date to me, but I also make it pretty clear upfront we split the cost of the date. Like, I’m pretty good at winning over friends and they end up getting my back during a misunderstanding (speaking from experience lol).

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  • Sibshops@lemmy.myserv.one ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I’d agree easily. I’d even pay. Especially if her friend is single too. Doubles the odds and probably more fun conversation.

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  • fartographer@lemmy.world ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    apeach

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