I had a girl ask if it was OK to bring a friend once, I said it was fine. She ended up coming alone anyway.
Has this ever happened to you?
Submitted 9 hours ago by Mickey7@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/839dfc81-36be-4176-8ff9-ea1d3138f771.png
Comments
Hudell@lemmy.dbzer0.com 58 minutes ago
garbagebagel@lemmy.world 21 minutes ago
You showed a green flag by saying yes, so she probably felt safe enough.
fritobugger2017@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
No but I am old.
Catalyst_A@lemmy.ml 40 minutes ago
Holy shit… HA!
axexrx@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
I get it, I absolutely respect someone wanting to be safe, but i think it would also absolutely ruin the date for me. I just can’t really interact the same way in a group as I do one on one. Either that, or I’d end upv mirroring both of them simultaneously and it would end up in a throuple.
Beacon@fedia.io 8 hours ago
I respect it, but i don't get it, and it would be a complete deal breaker for me. What do you think a person on a date in a public place is gonna do to you?
hypnicjerk@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
right, this is basically saying “i don’t trust you not to spike my drink, take me to a second location, and rape me”
and maybe you shouldn’t be online dating at all if that’s where you start out from
FelixCress@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
throuple
Threesome. Corrected for you.
missfrizzle@discuss.tchncs.de 3 hours ago
throuple : threesome :: couple : hook-up
mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 hours ago
Nope. Throuple is dating, threesome is a one-time thing. Like if my wife and I have a girlfriend, we would be a throuple. And if we all sleep together, it would be a threesome. But saying “throuple=threesome” is like saying “couple=sex” when the two describe fundamentally different things. One is the relationship between people, and the other is just a physical act.
Kolanaki@pawb.social 8 hours ago
If you bring a friend, they better be down for a 3 way if things go well.
Triumph@fedia.io 7 hours ago
This tracks.
Mickey7@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
Did the one that chickened out at least watch you fuck the other one?
pastel_de_airfryer@lemmy.eco.br 5 hours ago
I had a girl do that on our first date. She was feeling insecure because she never dated online before. Once she felt comfortable with me, her friends left.
Garbagio@lemmy.zip 3 hours ago
This is what grinds my gears. At no point (if this is real) did she ask them to pay for the friend. But because of their own misogyny, they’re being an ass. And that’s not even getting into the probability that his is ALL ragebait to play off misogyny for engagement. People getting pissed off making shit up in their head, then making others suffer for it.
BussyCat@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
Like the guy defenitely comes off as a dick but also if you check out conventional social media you will see guys who talk about being expected to pay for not just the girl but also their friend, and you will see girls talk about how if she brings a friend for protection then the guy should pay for the friend too.
So many variables exist that we don’t know but for some people there an expectation that if a girl brings a friend the guy needs to pay for both and I wouldn’t default that to just misogyny
Soulg@ani.social 2 hours ago
Yes he was being a bit rude but it is surprisingly common for women to expect the men to pay for their friends and it is not at all unreasonable for him to put his foot down early and refuse before she even asks.
Agent641@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
Perfect. That’s when you strike
Mickey7@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
I can almost understand her reaction considering it was an online dating thing
aeronmelon@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
This is very common in Asia. The first few (not) dates they bring friends and you can too. Eventually, she gives an indication that she wants to do something alone with you and that’s when the real dates begin.
garbagebagel@lemmy.world 18 minutes ago
If you wanna be my lover…
Zexks@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
Guy friends in asian also hold hands and hang on each others arms. Not really something you see in the west
bizarroland@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
You make a good point, but considering that the conversation is in English I don’t think you’d be too far out of the pale to assume that this is not in Asia, and in most English-speaking countries it’s not common to go on group dates before going on individual dates.
It does happen, and quite a bit, but not to the point where it’s common, I would say it’s at the very most uncommon.
original_reader@lemmy.zip 8 hours ago
This is the way.
errer@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
I mean we have those too, they’re called double dates. Would have been less awkward if the lady here asked for one of those.
crumbguzzler5000@feddit.org 3 hours ago
Honestly, when you look at domestic violence statistics, youre lucky girls are willing to go out on dates with strangers.
sundray@lemmus.org 5 hours ago
“Can I bring a friend?”
“Um, I’d rather they stayed home. And well, I didn’t want to say anything earlier, but I kind of wanted to stay home, too. You have fun though!”
Mickey7@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
good answer
Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 1 hour ago
As someone with mostly female friends, all I can think is hell yeah potentially more friends! More natural conversations with an extra body, plus first date is more about vibes than anything so if a trusted friend improves the vibes then bring that trusted friend!
ordnance_qf_17_pounder@reddthat.com 6 hours ago
I’d be up for a few dates where the girl brings her friends, as long as she makes it clear beforehand that they’re coming. But not a last minute “by the way, my friends are coming.”
I don’t mind meeting more new people.
arin@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
I’m open to a threesome. Op failed
echodot@feddit.uk 26 minutes ago
That was definitely my thought reading it but also it would be a thought that I wouldn’t articulate because that’s not what’s actually happening, she just wants a friend to make sure I’m not creepy. So that definitely wouldn’t be the right thing to say.
Although if it was the right kind of person and the date was going well I suppose it could come off as a good joke depending on the person
bytesonbike@discuss.online 3 hours ago
Pretty much. OP being a real dick for no reason with that last sentence.
Just ask if you’re okay with dating both in that scenario.
Mickey7@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
That would have been the move. “Is she attractive?” Result would be she tells you to get lost which is fine. Or 3 people have a great time that you don’t mind financing
krooklochurm@lemmy.ca 8 hours ago
I’m cool with someone deciding to do this.
I mean, I’ll decide not to go on the date, but that you do you.
Your lack of ability to judge my character leading up to the date, and the general sense of paranoia leading to a decision like this, aren’t qualities I’m looking for in a partner.
Neither is starting things from a place of outright suspicion. Like. I’m not judging. I just have zero interest.
burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de 7 hours ago
Neither is starting things from a place of outright suspicion.
I would understand it if they are going to someplace private, like the apartment or a dark alley at midnight, but who the hell goes to those places on a first date? I’m not freaking out about a guy asking me to a coffee date at 1000 hours in the middle of a city on a saturday.
Mirshe@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
They might’ve had one (or several) bad experiences and this is a trauma response, but even in that case, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say “yeah sure they’ll pay their own way, I just feel safer if we have a second pair of eyes I trust in the restaurant/cafe/etc with us”. Like, you don’t gotta be at the table, but I kinda get it for the first date or two being “hey I trust this person, mind if they tag along and grab a drink at the bar to be my watchman or whatever”.
krooklochurm@lemmy.ca 7 hours ago
Amen
SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 9 hours ago
Hopefully that lady has enough self respect to tell that boy to go fuck himself.
50_centavos@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
They were trying to get free meals out of the guy. Fuck them, actually. Bums.
phar@lemmy.ml 1 hour ago
Where do you see that from the picture? If he wants to make sure he is not paying for the third wheel, there are ways to say that without sounding like a total dick. She, on the other hand, doesn’t mention money or food at all. We simply do not know the whole story here.
Inaminate_Carbon_Rod@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
The dude is the only one who mentioned money.
When he said he wasn’t paying she didn’t ask him to or imply that she was disappointed.
This seems like the dude dropped the ball.
Bahnd@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
I dont mind that, so long as the food is cheap.
My personal limit for that is ~20$, anything less than that and within reason, I wont question buying anyone food. Calories are important and im not going to judge people that quickly, have a pizza.
I prefer to have that meal repaid in the future with an IOU or another meal rather dealing with money, also the social connections are more important.
On the flip side, if I never see that person again. 20$ well spent.
webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 8 hours ago
Gendernormative assumption of gender?
SatansMaggotyCumFart i have seen you before and i do expect better of you.
balsoft@lemmy.ml 8 hours ago
I don’t think “safety friends” are typical in lesbian circles, because of the implication
sexy_peach@feddit.org 8 hours ago
They did nothing though?
SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 8 hours ago
They told the lady who they were with that last message now it's up to her to listen.
m4xie@lemmy.ca 5 hours ago
You gotta make sure she’s not trying to back-and-switch you into a polycule!
blarth@thelemmy.club 4 hours ago
Uh oh, are we doing an /r/SipsTea here now?
bytesonbike@discuss.online 3 hours ago
Oh God I hope not.
Can we just make a community called IHateWomen and have them migrate there?
Donkter@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
Doubling down on not paying for her food when there was no indication that he was expected to was definitely strange. It’s a perfectly fine thing to be uncomfortable with, don’t try and force the fault on her.
Fiivemacs@lemmy.ca 7 hours ago
not paying for the random 3rd wheels food… yeah, triple down on it. make it VERY clear you aren’t paying for someone whom you aren’t wanting to actually meet or invited in the first place.
Grimy@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
This was my impression too. The girl is probably thinking she dodged a bullet. It’s a very aggressive response when no one actually asked him to pay.
chunes@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
Wow, that would be instant end the date for me.
Why are you dating if you’re that afraid? And frankly, how did you work up enough courage to leave the house?
HugeNerd@lemmy.ca 3 hours ago
“Awe”?
uzay@infosec.pub 5 hours ago
What an a🍑
shalafi@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
Fuck all that. If you’re too afraid to meet a strange man in a public place, that’s on you, and god only knows what other unreasonable fears you have.
neatchee@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
Tell me you have no concept of the day to day experience of women without telling me you have no concept of the day to day experience of women, speed run edition
bizarroland@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
Women are not fragile helpless creatures.
Going to a public place on a date is not something that you need to bring the whole crew for.
The way that he, (I’m assuming he), stated his response is inflammatory, but I agree with the concept behind it.
I cannot envision a path towards a healthy relationship that starts off with that much distrust, and if that were presented to me, I would assume that the two girls have conspired together to get free meals out of a simp rather than to actually start a relationship.
So that would be why it’s a no-go for me.
Agent641@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
She probably won’t even get on the boat!
b_tr3e@feddit.org 7 hours ago
As a guy, lyou’d be a total idiot to agree. Single guy on a date with two girls is definitely going to make a fool out of himself and have a terrible evening. Call me sexist, blame social whatnotever for it but it’s as sure as the night is dark. These two have known each other and longer than you so you’re the outsider and there’s that unspoken, inevirtable rivality between you and her best friend. No fucking change. BTW, I’d wonder what people might say if gender roles were reversed here. Lol… “I gotta bring my buddy. For safety.”
Lumisal@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
You’re sexist, but I will say I’m glad I took the offer when given it. The night ended up twice as nice, along with the next couple of months too.
Basically, go ahead and think that. More fun and good times for the rest of us, the two girls I was with that time included ;)
(In hindsight, it should’ve been way more obvious I was poly. But my sights were distracted at the time, and it’s something that wasn’t really talked about much back then)
b_tr3e@feddit.org 3 hours ago
I’d be sexist if I said it was women’s nature and blah whatever. I’m sure it’s more or less a social matter, nevermind that as far as I know it applies to pretty much any known culture, ancient or actual. The reason might be that humans are not so different actually, no matter what your fucking leaders might tell you. And you, Mr “pickup artist” might notice that I did not refer to the sort of occasion you’re talking about. The situation the OP describes is obviously not an invitation to a menage a trois.
Sanctus@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
If you think this is weird you probably shouldn’t date. You’re gonna see their friends at some point and it might as well be before you give too many fucks.
Bebopalouie@lemmy.ca 5 hours ago
From now on your friend will always be referred to as Ed 209.
taiyang@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
Not only does that sound like a better date to me, but I also make it pretty clear upfront we split the cost of the date. Like, I’m pretty good at winning over friends and they end up getting my back during a misunderstanding (speaking from experience lol).
Sibshops@lemmy.myserv.one 7 hours ago
I’d agree easily. I’d even pay. Especially if her friend is single too. Doubles the odds and probably more fun conversation.
fartographer@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
apeach
echodot@feddit.uk 35 minutes ago
It’s a test and you failed it by being weird and strange and obnoxious, just let her bring her friend it’s literally not a downside for you. She’ll feel more comfortable by bringing her friend which can only be a good thing for you.
I don’t really consider myself to be particularly spectacular in the social department but even I wouldn’t have reacted like that. To be cross, why wouldn’t you want more girls on your date?