Submitted 6 months ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/46625808-a9ef-489e-b0fc-b4c945f2b953.jpeg
Theres a lot to unpack here, but really OP made a mistake by asking to go hiking. Thats a terrible first date idea and also isnt inherently date-y. Likely he was just missreading her kindness as flirting, but if he had asked her to dinner or coffee brunch it would’ve made his intentions more clear to her.
Not that it really matters because its fake and gay anyways.
Well, I read like a hundred times that going for a coffee is an incredibly boring date idea and doing some activity you both actually enjoy is much better.
For what it’s worth, I hate the idea of a coffee / dinner date. Seems incredibly forced and like some kind of an interview. Though, I’m not dating and not interested in doing it, so I might be completely out of touch.
Coffee is a great first date if you met on a dating app. It’s a public location where you can both meet in person for the first time and chat but neither of you is forced to stay if things aren’t shaping up how you expected.
But if you already know each other then yeah, coffee isn’t much of a date.
Coffee is boring if you are boring. That’s why some people are against it.
Even if you want to do something more interesting than coffee, find something better than “let’s go together to a remote area where no one will hear you scream or find your body” or even just “you’ll be stuck the whole afternoon with no way out if it turns out you don’t like me.” If you want to do something like that, I would recommend a climbing gym or something like that instead. It’s public and it’s easy to leave, two things you should make sure to include in a first date.
In my opinion dating is basically an interview. Though for a first date i would choose some light activity so if conversation doesn’t naturally come it wouldn’t be awkward.
I agree, coffee dates suck. I usually do a nature walk for a 1st date because it’s free and gives us something to do.
Why is hiking a bad first date? Its free and walking side by side makes it easier to talk casually + it makes you appear like someone who actually leaves the house.
Not sure if this was above posters point, but this was pointed out to me once…
As a guy who typically dates girls, you’re asking a woman to go out in the woods alone with you to a place that likely has no cell service and no way to contact anyone and is typically for the most part isolated from civilization.
The whole purpose of buying the boat going on a hike in the first place was to get the ladies nice and tipsy top side alone, so we can take them to a nice comfortable place below deck, and you know, they can’t refuse…because of the implication.
Was that a =3 reference??? Christ I haven’t heard that in like a decade.
Completely possible anon was a creep and she felt uncomfortable saying no.
If everyone else thought she was flirting then I think it makes the situation a bit more complicated
Indeed. But some people come across like that. I had a friend who never realised they were seeming super flirty all the time when really they were just being nice to people.
Also 4chan so easily a lie.
Everyone keeps saying she was flirting, but I really think she was just trying to make a friend, but everyone saw ‘flirting’ because of their genders. The post literally says she has no friends.
This is why women tend to be wary of friendships with guys; any time we do, we get come on to because any amount of friendly interaction is perceived as flirting, or ditched because the guy we thought we were trying to befriend finds out we have a boyfriend.
Shit, if I were this girl who struggled to make friends, thought I had found one finally, but get friend-dumped when they find out they can’t fuck me (for the millionth time in her life, I’m sure), I’d probably quit, too.
In what world do you think someone is a creep and then you agree on going on a hike of all things with them, an activity that is basically guaranteed to have you alone with them at some point?
She didn’t go that’s the point. He could have had her backed into a cupboard when he asked for all we know.
fake, anon had a girl interested in him
gay, he almost had a three way
Came here to say, it sounds like they wanted a third, and failing to note the possibility is one of the more immature features of the greentext.
Love this community for keeping up with the 4chan spirit no matter what.
There’s always a comment under every post explaining how it’s fake and anon is gay.
I’m reading a green text post here, and then the comments are analysing the situation as if this is r/amitheasshole. What’s going on Lemmy?
Lemmy has a unique community. Lots of thinkers. Personally, I love reading when people start seriously interpreting greentexts.
The post ends with “so did I win?” Which is EXTREMELY similar to asking people if you’re the asshole. Why do you find it surprising people are treating this like an r/aita post?
It’s like this on every greentext post. Everyone immediately assumes the OP is a creepy loser and drags them through the mud.
To be fair, that’s likely the case.
Lemmy is filled with middle aged tech obsessed weirdos. Of course they’ll take something like this literally and take the side of the man.
I don’t get why anon believes he is being used. It was a miscommunication, sure. Did he spend money on her before this? Using him as a ride to go on a hike? Hikes being extremely cheap and only needing to pay parking, usually.
Yeah, no harm done, but she’d been leading him on for weeks. That’d make me pissed too.
Or she genuinely wanted a friend and anon is so attention starved he can’t see the difference.
I wouldn’t want to go back to ahr awkward situation either.
I don’t necessarily agree she was leading him on. It was a miscommunication. It’s an extremely common story if men misinterpreting women’s behavior as pursuit when it is often just friendly. Even then, platonic flirting is a thing. If anon really intended for this to be a date, why did he at no point ask if she was single? We can sit here all day and debate whether the girl’s “flirting” was appropriate or not and whether she should’ve said she had a boyfriend, but it goes both ways. What we do know is that, to anon, this was a date and that anon never asked if she was single at any point in the two weeks.
You know you only have his side of this story right?
Hikes being extremely cheap and only needing to pay parking, usually.
Laughs in Finnish everymans rights.
You have to pay for hiking? Or you hike on trails where the only access is from a parking area that you have to pay for?
Seems ridiculous to me.
It depends. Generally speaking they’re free. I was told by a ranger at the Great Smokey Mountains National Park that they don’t enforce (or at least specifically weren’t that day) parking passes and only give people courtesy notices to pay for parking. They were only ticketing people parking in places that weren’t actual parking spots or blocking areas.
Generally speaking I think you can expect to pay about $5 on average, some places maybe more (like if it’s a trail in a city, then parking is usually more costly). But in tons of places it’s just totally free.
My point is that anon thinking he was being used was hilarious.
It’s kinda weird to wait until the last minute to ask if someone else can come along on a planned outing.
But the rest? I dunno. Looks like a pretty standard mixup.
Yeah, it could upset plans such as tickets, amounts of food brought along, seat reservations at restaurants,… so it is a bit rude to keep that to the last minute.
I once had a date with someone, when I showed up I discovered she had a boyfriend. Turned out she had expected him to be asleep when I picked her up.
Handling a basic mixup gracefully is the winning.
It’s pretty common… Some people with low self esteem flirt for attention. It’s fucked, but it’s sad for both parties, really.
4chan in a nutshell
not a damn thing gay about it. maybe you posted to the wrong thread.
No, they got the right thread. This is a 4chanism, posted in a thread, on a lemmy forum about 4chan posts.
OP had a chance at a three way and dropped the ball…
Prob fake but imagine spending a lot of time trying to form a friendship with someone and in the end you find they were only trying to fuck the entire time.
Incels always be fuckzoning every “female” they meet. It’s why their celibacy is involuntary.
Definitely sending mixed signals not mentioning her boyfriend and saying she has to do things alone, but not sure how that qualifies as “using”. Hiking isn’t really something people “use” others for, it’s not like he would have been carring her the whole time. If she was getting him to do her job when he was talking to her then yeah, but this doesn’t mention anything like that. She could very well have just wanted a friend to talk to at work and didn’t know how to bring it up after a while…
Maybe I’m overthinking this…
Comments here are ignoring we only have this guys extremely biased view of this situation and are saying “leading him on” was cruel again we big assumption.
You mean we have this guy’s extremely biased view on this completely made up situation?
Hike sound like 1st date PC to anyone? I mean, it depends on the definition of hike but someone I barely know dragging me to an isolated place in the woods somewhere sounds like a legit way to end up being drug through the woods with a much higher probability than the typical coffee shop date.
Also, who doesn’t have work-mances without deeper meaning? I always have beer after work bros and lunch/break dates with my coworkers but that has no meaning beyond. In fact, I’ve always had a strict rule of never shit in my own back yard. If I was so inclined as to date someone from work, I would not do so until after finding a new job.
what do you mean by “1st date PC”?
It’s tradition to bring your date a new PC on the occasion of your first date. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but it should at least boot.
Probably “Personal Choice”
politically correct in a more social the kind of thing a person should do context, like cultural norms
Arguably, they know each other from work, so it’s not like the guy could just bury her somewhere remote and act like nothing happened. If she tells other people about the date, police will surely come and ask him.
Sounds normal to me, but I think you’re right that it depends on what they mean by “hike.” Around here, a casual trail walk in an area that’s likely to have other people around would not be beyond the pale… But like a back country slog where you park on the shoulder of a secondary highway 45 minutes out of town would.
I’ve been there. Used to work with a girl, had a huge crush on her and I assumed she did me as well. She used to hang out, we’d get lunch every day, she would sing songs at her desk and substitute my name, flirting was obvious to me and everyone in the place assumed we were in a relationship. Until I finally had the courage to ask her out.
She was completely surprised.
Oh well, live and learn. Eventually found my wife and here we are almost 20 years later with kids. Eventually the right one will click.
since we have only one part of this supposedly real situation:
4channers always loose and this one did as well, how dare this woman wanting an actual friend
and of course this weirdo assumes it was totally flirting
His coworkers allegedly agree she was flirting, so there’s that.
Some people just come across as flirty. It usually isn’t deliberate and if you mistakenly interpret it as flirting that’s fine. Just don’t get all butthurt about it when it turns out they weren’t flirting with you like OP and then it’s no harm no foul.
so he says
4channers always loose
counterexample: !wholesomegreentext@sh.itjust.works.
I’d say they’re tight, not loose.
A lot of women just like the attention they get from being attractive.
A lot of women people just like the attention they get from being attractive.
I’m actually in a situation somewhat like this. A girl our online group knows became somewhat fixated on me. She wants to talk all the time, fantasizes about us living together, but I know she has a long term bf. She isn’t happy with him, but still, they love together and we know him, so it’s fairly inappropriate.
Honestly gaslighting like that is disgusting to get someone’s hopes up like that only to find out she has a BF. A girl was doing that to me, and now I have a hard time trusting people anymore.
Pretend it was a guy. Now did they do anything wrong?
Why would “gender swapping” (putting gay people in the shelf I guess) make poorly communicating, or even lying about, intentions be okay then?
That dude should have known all I wanted was to fuck them! Its so obvious!
/s
If I had the time and patience, I’d offer a rebuttal green text as this one skips quite a bit of salient information. Feels over-edited. Wonder what anon did to her to make her instantly run away.
Yeah, that’s just plain weird.
Had a college friend that went through a similar situation. We figured she was looking for a threesome because her bf was very much like my friend.
2 weeks is just not that deep. seems like the woman just wants some friends. weird to bring your bf along but op shouldn’t have assumed date
TheDoozer@lemmy.world 6 months ago
I’ll never understand how difficult people make things by not being forthright and making things awkward:
“Is it okay if I bring my boyfriend?”
“…I think there’s been a misunderstanding. I had asked you on a hike as a fun first date, I didn’t realize you had a boyfriend. I’m going to bow out of this, but I can give you the hike info if you want to take him.” And then you laugh about the misunderstanding the next work day, and keep things at work from then on. No reason for it to get bad. Flirting is still fun! Just leave it at that without expecting anything more.
Kecessa@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
Don’t flirt with someone single if you’re not interested, don’t flirt with someone in a relationship if you’re not interesting in breaking it.
It’s just that simple.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 6 months ago
I wonder if you have a different definition of flirting, because the end goal of flirting is not necessarily to gain a relationship.
ntma@lemm.ee 6 months ago
Being polite and friendly to a person isn’t flirting. Sexless losers who never leave their basement always think a girl being friendly to them is flirting with them.
blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
Some people think flirting means they want more.
KomfortablesKissen@discuss.tchncs.de 6 months ago
“Why can’t men understand hints?”