KomfortablesKissen
@KomfortablesKissen@discuss.tchncs.de
- Comment on Anon has marital problems 11 hours ago:
Ok wow. That’s a takeaway to being told that their is no such thing as perfect or fixed. That’s in you for wanting it as an excuse to be worse.
Good on you for abandoning the unwilling. It sounds horrible, but it’s a matter of cutting costs before you yourself become an emotional burden on others. That’s what I wanted to show.
No, I don’t think of it as a failure to provide assistance I think we choose the burdens we are ok with and you don’t have to aim to fix everything. We can’t fix dyslexia or genetic disorders, and we don’t just demand they figure it out to change nothing.
I have no idea how that matters in the context of a wife filing for divorce and breaking down crying when it’s accepted. Sounds like the husband did everything perfectly in your opinion.
And it’s not so easy to just pick to be better and yes she has to do things herself. We all do.
It’s 100% on her. No wiggle room, no “things” or parts of it. She is the only one with access to her head, meaning people around can help, but never steer. And if she won’t then she will have to find someone willing to put up with her problems. And even that relationship gets thrown out the window the moment she asks for a divorce.
It it’s not over or even done when they decide to get better.
Yes, it’s an incredible amount of work that not a lot of people even begin to tackle. There are even “therapists” that tell people that everything will be fine, that all other people are the problem. This is a problem in itself, which is why it’s 100% on the wife to get better. Bad help is not an excuse to be a dick.
And it is still on the rest of us to accept the burden of their issues to make life safe for them as well.
Then do you it. Why would you make that decision for the husband? Or the wife?
I point out that you give love first. You accept that people are broken and you love them anyways.
And then they tell you they don’t want you in their life anymore. Like the wife did in this story. Would you be the creep that sits by the street lantern watching her every move? Or would you honor her wishes?
I don’t want vapid relationships that only go surface level so that they can never burden me.
Seems like a good call. I’m trying to do the same. This still doesn’t make me responsible for someone’s mental health. It does make me inclined to help when I can, but only to the point where they tell me to get the fuck out of their life.
- Comment on Anon has marital problems 12 hours ago:
Physical violence cannot be undone.
Neither can emotional manipulation. You cannot see the scars, but they will bear a violent fruit.
Saying that you want to leave someone, and then breaking down upon noticing your mistake is something that can be talked through.
Don’t be a doormat for emotionally unstable people. There can be a conversation, a couple counseling or something, when people talk to each other. Putting signed divorce papers in the other persons hand is a gesture, not a conversation. There is nothing left to be said.
If someone beats you, and says it was an accident, you’ll still be bruised and feel unsafe around them, even if you understand them and have empathy for them.
Yes, trust can easily be broken by physical violence. It can also be broken by the spoken or written word.
On the other hand, if you understand and have empathy for a partner that said they would leave you because they honestly though you would be happier without them, you can help them get better and move on.
Oh, it sounded like the husband would be responsible for her mental health, but this is about helping? Then yes, you can help someone get better. If she works on herself to get better you can help her.
Just like you can help a veteran with PTSD. If they work on themselves so they can get better.
- Comment on Anon has marital problems 13 hours ago:
We all burden each other with stuff constantly.
You might want to think about how you view others. If everyone around you takes their relationship with you hostage, or worse their life, then the people around you are constantly taking advantage of you. On the other hand if you think of others as burdens constantly you need to change the people around you. Go to a different setting, a club or something were different people hang around.
It’s on her to fix it but fixing yourself is impossible tlsince their is no template for what fixed looks like.
Oh cool, I finally have the argument I can use when screaming at my wife.
Sorry for that, but your sentence is just nonsense. Worse even, it’s an excuse. I get the feeling behind it, but she is the one who needs to seek help. Nothing will stick if she doesn’t want it.It’s also on the husband as much as it is the rest of us to see what level of burden we are willing to take on for those we care about. That’s humanity.
No longer a husband. She filed for divorce, remember? Also: even if he still was, he cannot take responsibility for her mental health. He can help, but never do it himself. That’s 100% on her. She can accept help, but it’s a thing she has to do herself. Everything else would be manipulation on her.
Now you spin this as a failure to provide assistance, but that’s not what’s happening in the story. She doesn’t ask for help, she severes the bond.
- Comment on Anon has marital problems 17 hours ago:
It is emotional abuse. Just like it’s still assault if a veteran with night terrors gets a adrenaline rush while waking up at night and beating the wife sleeping next to him in his confusion. It is not intended, but the damage is done. And it’s done by the veteran; or the wife in the OP.
The emotional abuse may be coming from a deep emotional wound, but it’s on her to fix it. She gets to keep her shards, or attempt to fix herself. By choosing to not work on herself she effectively chooses to burden the people around her. And they have no obligation to keep her around.
- Comment on Anon hates smartphones 21 hours ago:
It’s a powerful tool, but the power isn’t yours.
- Comment on Unethical relationship advice 1 week ago:
Like a leaky faucet. Drip… drip… drip…
- Comment on Anon eats lunch alone 1 week ago:
No
- Comment on Unethical relationship advice 1 week ago:
Please break the eye contact while doing that. Please. HR is shaking.
- Comment on Anon eats lunch alone 1 week ago:
It is
- Comment on Unethical relationship advice 1 week ago:
Fair enough
- Comment on Anon eats lunch alone 1 week ago:
Ah, the male privilege of being shunned by the people around.
- Comment on Unethical relationship advice 1 week ago:
Funnily enough this would reduce cheating in men that cheat.
- Comment on Unethical relationship advice 1 week ago:
I mean, could be masturbating, but after coming home from being out all day?
- Comment on neotropical cockroaches 1 week ago:
Don’t worry, she’ll find a cockroach that’s on her level.
- Comment on italy flag emoji 1 week ago:
Still losing to Italians. Now deaf Italians, well, they get featured in religions.
- Comment on Meow isn’t good, maybe later 1 week ago:
First question: Are you a plant? Second question: Who sent you?
- Comment on graceful wombats 1 week ago:
Mortal Wombat
- Comment on If it bleeds, we can kill it 1 week ago:
I didn’t know she shot someone
- Comment on If it bleeds, we can kill it 1 week ago:
Not all men but always a man
- Comment on billions & billions 2 weeks ago:
Considering his successes with Tesla I doubt it would get the desired results. But spacex does have some very smart cookies, so you might be on to something.
- Comment on Rational Self-Interest 2 weeks ago:
Well, how much money do you make? How many millions of $? If you thrive on the discrepancy of assets then you need to be an asshole. If someone else does it, then you need to be an asshole to them, just to fend for yourself.
- Comment on billions & billions 2 weeks ago:
Might be longer if Musk really guts the NASA
- Comment on Subscribe now for more clicks! 2 weeks ago:
Just buy a second mouse. C’mon dude, it’s like you’re not even trying to pay!
- Comment on little roombas 3 weeks ago:
Maybe I should get a roomba.
- Comment on This world is cruel… 4 weeks ago:
I see one of those every time I open my bank account :/
- Comment on This world is cruel… 4 weeks ago:
Yeah, I want to act like that is what I meant, but I was confusing astronomy with astrology and was talking out my ass.
Astronomy is pretty cool, even if it’s complicated. Maybe I can say that because I’m still at the “looking at cool pictures” phase. I had to google what an HRD even is, and I still don’t fully get it, but I get that it categorizes stars into their size and heat.
It might not be an ice breaker at the first date, but when the relationship is more established this can be a pretty good topic.
- Comment on This world is cruel… 4 weeks ago:
3D printing is not, but astronomy is? Is that even a hobby?
- Comment on World Without Corporations 4 weeks ago:
Yeah, I got a bit too into my own head. I do agree with that.
- Comment on World Without Corporations 4 weeks ago:
That is not a feature of proprietary software. That is a feature of an organisation. It only makes sense to make software for a profit in an organisation, so that’s why there’s so many of those. FOSS also has a lot of organisations, which are also pretty often used btw, but they are not required.
Not having to rely on an approval by any entity is a big thing for people fucking around with stuff. And fucking around with stuff makes one good at that stuff.
- Comment on Gam-Gam got scam-scammed 4 weeks ago:
Depends on how hard gam gam can throw it
