j4k3
@j4k3@lemmy.world
- Comment on The respiratory system uses osmosis to interlace caffeine in the digestive system through your midi-chlorines 2 days ago:
Dude was most smoke I have ever seen. A great used car salesman and extremely chill and sharp. I have no clue what he was really like under those layers or what he was trying to escape but whatever it was must have been enormous, the kind of thing one never asks another. We parted ways when I came home unexpectedly early one day to what looked like a large drug bust on my living room coffee table with the “best score he had ever found.” We were roommates. He worked for one of the dealers I painted cars for. I did around half of my work out of the shop behind the house but specialized in smaller on-site paint repairs. There was no chance I was going to have that much in the house when I ran a business out of the same place. That argument is where the scope of his habit came out. I knew he smoked more than anyone I had ever seen, but don’t ask don’t tell was our relationship with that. I rarely ever smoke because it hits me like a ton of bricks and I feel the lag effects for around 3 weeks before I become myself again. Downers are not my thing, but “first do no harm” and “live and let live” are my core alignments.
Max Addy plus Vy are no joke either. I think he was using two doctors to pull that one
- Comment on The respiratory system uses osmosis to interlace caffeine in the digestive system through your midi-chlorines 2 days ago:
I learned about Adderall from a guy on max Vyvance and Adderall that smoked an ounce or more per day. Dude played counter strike at god mode hacker level.
- Comment on We really, really do. 4 days ago:
Careful, it has bullets
- Comment on Almost Cain'd my brothers several times by age 12, and yet still wondered why my mom was depressed 4 days ago:
Need first gen dino meme-osaurs of the Rev book. They were all based on the scientific illustrations in early papers that postulated dinosaurs were lizards that dragged their tail and had weird posture. All of those theories were debunked something like a century ago but persist in characters entrenched in pop culture such as Godzilla and in backwards ultraconservative conspiracy media of dogmatists.
I spent way too much of my childhood forced to stare at those dumb drawings to recall this insane chain of linked secret meanings behind scriptures that served as the providence for the religion. Now I realize someone was filtering out those with any remaining intelligence by saying ‘this spurious prescience is nonsense and already disproven at this point in the timeline.’ It took me way too long to acknowledge I was surrounded by idiots on all sides. Most are nice well intentioned genuine people, and there is much to be said about the emotional intelligence of kindness and empathy, but there is no balance with logic or factual intelligence in that world. Positive change is impossible from a negative feedback loop.
- Comment on 4 days ago:
Queensland
- Comment on Emma Watson banned from driving for speeding 5 days ago:
Millionaire ($85m) problems. Girl can pay for uber
- Comment on title 6 days ago:
🫳
🗨️
🫴 - Comment on Anon's grandpa does his own research 1 week ago:
I’m glad I don’t live in Whales, movies are history, and JFK supports Luigi
- Comment on You know what they say 1 week ago:
This is how we all looked through a translation app from 2017
- Comment on Spiritual Safety Tip! 1 week ago:
Looks legit all the way down to the goat. Screams tribal dogma
- Comment on Driving along road 1 week ago:
I was never a detailer or interior guy, but I painted a lot of cars that went through auctions and used car lots, and I’ve seen things man, unexplainable things. Not that they lacked potential solutions, but that the questions should never be asked
- Comment on It hurts y'all 2 weeks ago:
sticky situation
- Comment on There are major holes in this theory 2 weeks ago:
Dems let Joe Bidden forget where he left his iceberg, but rule of law, Florida man, not concentration camp, alligator chamber not gas, holo low caust ≈ Great Titanic White Line Again! - oxf neus <TOKEN ERROR: account unpaid>
- Comment on Anon likes a thing 2 weeks ago:
I hereby name mine Mr. Law Yawnson, it’s a total bore
- Comment on Anon is a game dev 2 weeks ago:
Comparatively, side by side it looks square to me
- Comment on Anon has a warning for incels 2 weeks ago:
It is kinda hard to explain and grasp just how much I have and can adapt. Probably the best two examples are weight and religion. Only somewhere around 5% of people that are morbidly obese, and manage to lose that weight at some point, then manage to keep it off for over a decade.
Very few people ever manage to grow their self awareness to the point of taking action to move away from their religion they were born into. Many people have various levels of engagement, but to actually logically break down and reason upon dogma and tribalism to the point of taking action for moral and ethical reasons is rare. I was never run a foul, offended, or wronged in some emotional way. Quite contrary I was exceptionally engaged, did a good bit if leading, and was well regarded. I know the information better than anyone else I have ever spoken to. When I asked questions, no one had substantive answers.
When I get into a subject, or hobby I do so on a level that is very intense and unlike anyone I have met before. I may find a friend that meshes with that one interest, but I have never met people that cross different spaces. Like right now I am doing CAD every day. I make stuff that is very different than anything uploaded on thingiverse or printables, the two main 3d files sharing websites. I design stuff that is unlike anything I’ve ever seen elsewhere too. I mull over ideas for weeks. It is always on the back of my mind. I taught myself CAD and at an advanced level beyond what most hobbyists learn.
The overall project I’m working on is for a GPU water cooler for my laptop. That in turn is for my custom agent framework in Emacs on Linux where I want to push my hardware to its limits. I got into AI after hitting a wall learning some of the material from the second year courses in computer science on my own. The agentic AI framework is basically a system to augment the LLM outputs with the materials I have in books I bought to follow along with the CS curriculum.
Another major area I dive into from time to time is electronic circuit design. I know KiCAD well and have done some rather in depth reverse engineering projects with hardware too. I can design in analog or digital and have two tooling setups for toner transfer and photolithography etching to make my own circuit boards. Coding complexity is probably my biggest weakness in hardware.
When I lost the weight, I did so as the most hardcore cyclist I have ever met. I rode in all weather. My first bike shop job was 66 miles every day round trip and I rode that for nearly 2 years. I also lead a shop ride out on most Saturday mornings, rode there and home too making that a 100+ mile day. I never had a week under 400 miles back then. I spent a lot of time on a bike. That is a chapter of my life. These are the things that define me. Holding me back from that kind of change is what I’m really talking about.
I had a really bad heart issue in the middle of a Target store one evening around 2009 and decided I wanted to change because I was on the wrong path. Before that, I was the most hardcore car nut you would have ever met. I painted cars professionally, built motors, worked in a machine shop a couple of times, ported heads for nostalgia dragsters, and was into metal fab with mig stick and tig. I was very close to doing my own metal castings, and I got into making my own custom composite parts. I specialized in plastics and repairs on stuff that couldn’t be replaced with reproduction parts too. I was so into carburetors that I was studying WW2 aircraft engines.
I can geek out about nearly anything. I have so many potential things I would love to explore but haven’t yet, like sewing and upholstery, sculpting, ceramics, radio, further into astronomy, radio controlled stuff, robotics and automation, homelab, FPGAs, jewelry making, mosaics, metrology, reverse engineering silicon, glass blowing, chemistry, organic chemistry, writing more science fiction, more fermentation stuff. There are so many cool things to get into and learn. I don’t expect anyone to have a list that matches mine. I expect someone to have a list in the first place. These things are exciting to me, they drive me, or rather the curiosity does. To some people I am tedious and boring, but that is how I feel about the stereotypical normal stuff most people are interested in or doing. I’m more than willing to do something like reshape my life because of stuff like cycling, but I would just as soon try something else with a friend or partner to better their lives in significant ways. I will gladly reshape my interests because there is no ego or narcissism underpinning any of this. I’m not naming stuff because I care how you perceive me. I don’t even think in a space like that naturally. If anything I’m hyper aware of my limitations and desire to learn more. I’m just driven by the curiosity but not like super actively either. It is a slow churn, like an unstoppable bulldozer a snail could outrun. Stand still long enough and I might grow past ya.
So for me, meeting people is simply shifting my interests around. If I was not stuck with my physical limitations, pursuing any interest of mine that has a more balanced participation between the sexes will put me on a course that intersects with at least another long term muse. My problem is that I may learn pottery, but when that moves to sintering and metal casting followed by a deep dive into CNC machining, do they follow or complain about something tedious. What about when I decide to build an EDM machine to take it a step further or I shift gears and get into music for awhile building guitar effects or amps or some analog synthesizer stuff, or writing, or airbrush graphics, or get into criterium racing. I’m not ADHD or OCD at all. I spend months to years on these things exploring them in depth.
So that is why it seems silly to go looking for someone instead of turning inwards first. Of all of my facets, companionship is not a dedicated curiosity or interest. There are many aspects of relationships I find curious and engage with in practice, but this game of hide and seek courtship rituals with perspective strangers is not at all interesting to me.
The part that is hard to understand about who I am now is that I am limits by posture. Sitting up or standing hurts like lifting weights in a gym where you’re going to fail. The moment I’m upright I have around 15 minutes of a clear head, 30 until I degrade significantly, and within 1 hour I’m unable to mentally function at competent levels and highly irritable. Anything over 1 hour will begin impacting my sleep beyond 24 hours. By around 3 hours, it will take me a week to fully recover to a consistent circadian rhythm. It compounds worse for subsequent days of activities or random injuries that occur around once or twice a month. I appear fine other than a little limp in my gate and I can fake that if I try. Sitting in a restaurant with a date, I am just not me. I can do a lot to mask just how much pain I am in but it is miserable, and conversationally I’m not myself. To speak my mind openly, I need to be lying down and without a lot of stress beforehand. So I exist in this homebound prison. I have nothing to offer anyone anyways. And I have had to come to terms with that. Most of me died, only a shell survived. I cannot change that so I make the best of what I have.
- Comment on Anon is a game dev 2 weeks ago:
All screens were squares til like nearly 2010. Heck I have an early Nvidia GPU laptop around here somewhere with the most ridiculous looking 1:1 screen from like '08-ish.
Still peak gaming was MW3, CS, BF2-1942-2142. Back in the day, those were so good people ran successful brick and mortar businesses called internet cafés just for the masses to play those things or some oddie to hold w for hours ““playing”” WoW. Gaming sucks so bad it can’t sustain a real brick and mortar business culture any more.
- Comment on Anon has a warning for incels 2 weeks ago:
It is probably just a me thing, but I had a couple of times in my life where I was in the mindset of putting myself out there, and those were dark times. I never had good results. All of my good long term relationships came from times when I encountered someone adjacent to my other interests.
We are both likely grossly oversimplifying the spectrum of potential human experience. Like I can fake extraversion or play like other types of people than my true introverted self. If I keep my thoughts mostly to myself I become very mysterious to any potential partner because of my scope of hobbies and interests. However, I actually need someone that I can talk to openly and constructively across all of my interests, a person that has a similar scope of their own independent interests. That is something I have learned the hard way. I eventually end most long term relationships when I feel held back by what amounts to a muse. They end up limited to a chapter of my life but not a fully storied main character as I evolve.
Anyways, my point is that when I actively went looking with the purpose of meeting people, I had a terribly disappointing and depressing experience. Maybe an extrovert would have a different experience. To me, shopping for people in places where people shop will likely (stereotypically) yield a shopping type of person that will likely continue to shop or find an irresistible bargain at some point.
The best experiences I had were from those I met that were in coplanar orbits to some interest I had. What I really need has been someone motivated by slow persistent but insatiable curiosity and abstract awareness. I don’t know if I ever would have found such a person in my past life, but the feeling of being held back by someone that lacks the curiosity to grow in parallel with me is untenable and empirically worse than being alone.
It doesn’t matter now that I’m physically disabled with my specific limitations. I’m now content with being alone. I feel it would be unfair to force someone to watch me fall apart and die young due to the shell of who I am now after what I barely survived. This place, through the delay of typed thoughts, is the only place a simulacrum of my former self still exists through the haze of chronic sleep deprivation and pain. So I have no skin in the game, only a reflection on past life experiences free from the addiction of relationships.
- Comment on Anon has a warning for incels 2 weeks ago:
Not really the point of what I am saying. I am speaking for the other person too without bias or assumptions and I am not pushing anyone to conform to some stereotype. If you’re happy wearing dirty shirts, not showering, and staying at home, that is perfectly valid. You can and should just be yourself. If you feel the need to be someone else or wear any mask of assumption or conformity, you’re potentially hurting someone else and offering a fake version of yourself. If you’re lonely, pursue your curiosity in spaces where other people interact. Don’t just go to where you might find people. You do not exist in that space; that is not you. On a subtle non obvious level, going to a space for not you reasons like this is predatory.
I am actually saying, you’re allowed to be happy or content with whatever state of self awareness and intelligent engagement you push yourself to achieve. The pursuit of raw self motivated curiosity is the only way to expand self awareness from within and grow. When motivated purely from within one’s self, one will eventually achieve one’s true potential while being true to self.
No one deserves to partner with someone that later never showers and never leaves the house after they remove the mask of their true self.
So you see, I’m saying the same thing but with the nuance of the best interests of all parties involved. Don’t tell people to conform to combat loneliness. Make an attempt to inspire their curiosity and self growth if you feel like you’ve spotted some inadequacy, but ultimately let them be themselves so that they are not masking to hurt someone else.
Relationships certainly can and do change people, but let those that want to change someone find their query in the true depths of the coal mine if they choose lest they unwittingly find themselves on an impossible journey to the center of the Earth.
- Comment on Anon has a warning for incels 2 weeks ago:
why label and tribalism. just be you and do you things and if that intersects with someone else or not, who cares, you’re just you as your true self. Leaving that space to find someone is silly nonsense that probably won’t work out well because that person is not the real you. Pursue your curiosities until it takes you to your happy place
- Comment on Alligator Auschwitz 2 weeks ago:
Think it has a hole, a shithole, in need of a shitpost. Fucking worthless gas chamber shit is a resignation of all life rights
- Comment on Why is Lemmy attempting to radicalise people to enforce class wars? 3 weeks ago:
Leaves echo chamber ahhh WTF!
I post hobby stuff I’m working on. Everybody seems to care very little. I try to say stop being assholes and people hate for it.
Bias here seems typical for tech geekigarchy. After 2 years on Lemmy – echo chambers are also self selecting and self filtering.
- Comment on WhatDreamsCost/Spline-Path-Control: Create shapes that follow a spline path. Import background image, edit splines, and export as a shape on a white background for use in VACE. 4 weeks ago:
That is amazing. I have got to get my GPU water cooler done so I can do video. How this is interacting with the prompt in the model loader code seems intriguing to dig into
- Comment on Protection 4 weeks ago:
This is a 2.4 GHz directional WiFi antenna. Only the back element is connected to the transceiver. All of the other elements are there to focus the signal. Anything metallic within a few feet of an antenna will have a substantial effect on the signal. Think of it as light, because it is, only transparency of materials is a bit weird. The biggest issues will come from metallic materials that are earth grounded and anything with a wire length that is close to the wavelength of the radio light or below, especially around half and a quarter of the wavelength. That pictured wire pitch is spaced very close to the approximate 2.4 GHz wave length. For example most antenna are an insulated trace on a circuit board that is insulated with ground up to a point and then there is a small circuit element that stops the ground and the actual antenna trace continues for the respective light wavelength to transmit or receive. All an antenna is here is an exposed length of single conductor wire.
- Comment on she's in trouble 4 weeks ago:
10/10
- Comment on 8999 BC 4 weeks ago:
12025 Primitive Era: mythology in metrology
- Comment on Anon likes trains 4 weeks ago:
Has to harm billionaire asset to matter. Killing the rest of us is a game billionaires already enjoy and would applaud the Panem twist of a visiting team
- Comment on Anon likes trains 4 weeks ago:
Those are called trolleys because they don’t have doors
- Comment on Life after 30 be like 4 weeks ago:
Bae, why are there a hundred people in our bed?
Club night - Comment on Priorities 4 weeks ago:
It gets really old after 3-5 years and you really start to encounter the unspoken needs like social interaction and the purpose work brings to one’s life. The failures way pretty heavily; far more that you’re likely to expect. A lot of my best ideas and dreams for projects were unexpectedly tied to other chance circumstances that were not present when I had all the time in the world.
Mind you, I am very physically limited, still fully mobile but I can’t hold upright posture to sit up or stand for more than an hour at a time. That has never changed in 11 years, but I am degrading and was slightly more physically capable years ago. I was super capable with my hands before things changed like, painting cars, building engines, high level fabrication, some machining, mig, stick, and tig welding etc. I had to learn new interests like electronics, programming, and 3d printing. Still I have had the unlimited time hack in life, largely in social isolation due to limitations. Lemmy is actually a substantial remedy to this very problem for me.
Anyways, life is about the journey, not the destination, so don’t get too hung up on those dreams of unlimited time. Should you be unlucky enough to experience something like I have, you’ll likely miss what you have now and realize the richness of your present dynamic range of life experience.
