People who get "happy ending" massages, is there like a common keyword or process?

Submitted ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

I know this is gonna sound like the “Where exactly, so I can avoid it” meme, but I’m sincerely trying to avoid it.

I am pretty physically active, and get massage every six months or so. I have a massage therapist I usually go to, but every once in a while it’s an emergency and my go-to is booked up, so I get a sketchy strip mall massage.

About half the time it ends with a happy ending attempt. Not that I’m against the concept, but I refuse to pay for sexual contact on principle. Also that cuts into the time spent on the actual massage I came in for, and pressures me into a huge tip for something I don’t actually want.

At the same time, I don’t want to assume. It seems pretty rude to start off with “I know you’re gonna wanna give me a handjob but I’m not interested”. So is there some kind of standard “initiation” ritual that I can turn down when it comes up?

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Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
“Give me the sad ending this time.”

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- agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  The real happy ending is muscle tension relief
  
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  - BooBees@fedinsfw.app ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    The real happy ending is the self care we found along the way
    
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- Aeao@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  They just kill your dog
  
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  - LostCarcosan@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    And then you have to go on a increasingly bad four movie revenge arc where you kill thousands of people across the globe and then finally die alone
    
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- W98BSoD@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  youtu.be/me5rX7Y9XKU
  
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bizarroland@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I get a non-happy ending massage about once every three to six months, just depending on whenever the tension has built up enough.

I tried out a new place that was just called Thai Massage that I literally pass to buy every day on my way home from work and when I walked in I had sketch vibes right from the beginning.

I figured, what the heck? I don’t know. The place does look a little rundown, but it was $60 for an hour, and they required that I pay in cash, and that should have been my clue to turn around and leave.

But I said fuck it, I actually had the cash on hand, so I paid the $60 up front and stripped down to my undies and laid there on the bed and the lady walked in and she was a relatively attractive 50-ish year old Thai lady and she just laid her hands directly on my genitals and said, “You like?”

I quickly told her, no thank you, I just wanted a regular massage.

She gave me a very lackluster regular massage that only took like 35 minutes.

Disappointing all the way around probably should have taken the hand job instead, honestly.

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- agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Wait like right up front? What I’m talking about is like 3/4 of the way through, after you’ve flipped over. Did you start face up? I always start face down.
  
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  - bizarroland@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    I was going to turn face down when she showed up but she took a minute getting into the room so I was just waiting.
    
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HotDayBreeze@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
There’s some clear clues on which venues are happy ending parlors.

Avoid places with completely curtained windows. At least the lobby area should be visible to the public.

Seek out places that refer to “massage therapists”. Avoid “masseuse” or “massage parlor”.

The “crystal healing” “sound bath” hippy dippy places might try to sell you mushrooms but they are less likely to grab your dick.

Avoid cash only places, they are trying to hide paper trails. Even if you’re paying out of pocket, any place that accepts insurance isn’t offering a “secret menu” .

Low stated prices might mean they get by on big handy-based tips. They’re cheap for a reason. Medium priced places are just charging for normal services.

Strip malls in general seem to attract this business niche, too. I’m not sure why.

If you’re normally comfortable getting a massage naked, consider keeping your underwear on for your first visit with a new practitioner.
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- moldy_rice@piefed.keyboardvagabond.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Woah, thanks for the tip on where to buy mushrooms
  
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  - Lennny@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    Image
    
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- HubertManne@piefed.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  I actually prefer chair massages. especially hand and face. I find the legs are the least relaxing part anyway. although feet are nice. granted lower back can get close to the but and that often is nice.
  
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The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
A medieval codpiece would probably send the right message.

Image

(also RIP my search history)

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- daychilde@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Or just attach a cod. Probably sends the same message.
  
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DrSoap@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
So I get massages a lot. I’m a lady but its a pet peeve to hear someone getting tugged off in the next room. I’m not rich so I often go to places that run specials or discounts. I figured it out. Its a rub and tug place if they have curtains in the windows and it’s a straight massage place if you can see into the waiting room. People aren’t embarrassed to be seen waiting for a massage. They are not as excited for you to be seeing them go into a happy ending place.

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TheDoozer@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
So this probably doesn’t help (except to back other people’s experiences), but there was an asian massage place across from the place I got oil changes and tire swap/rotations (as stud to normal and back). I went there a couple times (first was weird about tipping, but I figured it was a communication issue), got comfortable with it, and the third time the lady put her hand on my junk and just raised her eyebrows. I slowly shook my head, and she went back to a regular massage. That was the last time I went there.

My wife was actually super upset. Not at me, but for me, saying I had been sexually assaulted. I had to explain that while technically that might be true, I was not in a position of vulnerability, she was just doing her thing (and I was clearly in the wrong place), and I get to define my own experience.

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Zannsolo@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I’ve only had it offered one time and it was at a placey MIL suggested when I was in town. I usually go to cheaper Asian massage places too.

So towards the end of the massage she tapped my dick through the towel and said you like? I said no and couldn’t wait to tell my MIL where she sent me.

My FIL went there for science after and confirmed my story and says he also said no but I have doubts.

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- agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  You’re the second one to refer to touching the previous and saying “You like?”, which may be the answer to my question
  
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- Archimedes@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  For science!
  
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Edges@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I…never knew this was a real thing.

I don’t think there is any easy way out besides going to the same backup place and hoping they’ll remember your preference.

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SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Ask if they take insurance.

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DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I never have but I do get massages: Stick to licensed therapists in places like sports clinics, reputable spas, and actual massotherapy businesses.

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- agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Well yeah, but sometimes it’s urgent and the legit places are all booked up.
  
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  - DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    You have massage emergencies? Really?
    
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Skullgrid@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
here is an illustrated guide from our friends at penny arcade

www.penny-arcade.com/…/the-jubilant-culmination

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- TowardsTheFuture@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Man last remnant was a weird game but I really did enjoy it (the rant under this panel)
  
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  - Skullgrid@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    Primer however is excellent.
    
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Diddlydee@feddit.uk ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I mean, you could just book one of the many normal licensed sports therapists instead of the shady wanky ones maybe?

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- daychilde@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  
  shady wanky
  
  For some reason this bothers me. I really want it to be shanky wanky or maybe even shady wady. Stupid English! lol
  
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- agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  I typically do, like I said I have one I go to usually. Sometimes I’m extra stiff in the morning and need to take what I can get sooner rather than later.
  
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  - LastYearsIrritant@sopuli.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    I think using this exact language may be your problem. 🤣
    
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Apepollo11@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I appreciate this is probably the autism, but I’ve always been fascinated that most people seem to be comfortable with stripping down and being oiled up and touched by a stranger.

The odd thing is, I’d totally understand this in a sexual context - but for people to want this kind of contact just as a service, like a haircut or something, seems utterly alien to me.

I realise this doesn’t answer your question, but like I said, I’ve always been fascinated by the concept.

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- RBWells@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  There is a very severe lack of non-sexual touch In the world right now. Massage is so nice, it’s therapeutic. I get esthetician facials too - if you want a less fraught (for you) experience of the same sort of experience I highly recommend those, and so good for your skin too.
  
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  - ScoffingLizard@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    I tense up if other people touch me. I can get a massage without being white knuckled these days, but I can’t imagine actually wanting to touch another person.
    
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- agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  I’ve never been uncomfortable with being naked or being touched. And I’m actually an extremely sex-positive person.
  
  But I get massage because I get sore muscles. It’s not about just being touched, it’s directed pressure to work out muscle knots. If I got a massage and all they did was oil me up and lightly touch me, I wouldn’t be going back.
  
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  - RBWells@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    Yeah I miss my sadistic masseur so much, I used to go to a guy who was like 6’5" and strong and gay - ideal combination - and the massages hurt but I would feel so much better after. I don’t need it to feel good during the massage, what I want is to fix whatever is going on. I realize logically that the hard pressure is not necessary to release muscle tension and fix things, but it has been more effective for me personally. I want to feel better after the massage than I do during it.
    
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- southsamurai@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Well, there’s different kinds of massage.
  
  The generic spa-style massage is more about relaxation, and is done in a setting that shifts the context to being fairly impersonal.
  
  More medically focused, or sports focused (lot of overlap there) massage is being done with a goal in mind, usually in a setting that also makes it feel less intimate than it might otherwise (even with the same technique involved).
  
  Just as an example, I trained up in a handful of massage methods over the years. Lymphatic release, myofascial release, deep tissue, a variant of shiatsu, and the bog standard “just rub the muscles that are tense” kind that isn’t really a technique/style at all. What would be used depended on my patients’ needs and preferences.
  
  Deep tissue, I really never broke out on patients though. A few, but it was rare. That was more for friends that were in need due to muscle issues.
  
  Myofascial release is superb for people with reduced mobility and/or spacicity since out favors fairly gentle pressure that directly unloads where the muscles connect.
  
  Your lymphatic release is also low pressure, and is kind of the default for both a post-workout massage as well as geriatric patients and bedbound patients. It focuses on moving your juices along to the center of the body sp that associated buildup of wastes will be enhanced
  
  But what remains true is that most massage is best done on bare skin. Not all benefit from lubricants though. Myofascial release, in particular, becomes more difficult and> less effective because you really need to be able to apply focused pressure without movement as part of what you’re doing.
  
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  - sem@piefed.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    Will massage therapists generally be familiar with deep tissue massage if you ask?
    
    I think that’s what i used to get, where it felt like i was getting my tendons re-adjusted and stuff, but i didn’t know how to ask.
    
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- AgentRocket@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Have you ever had a sore muscle or stiff neck and massaged it to relax it and alleviate the pain? Imagine that being done by a professional that knows exactly where to press to relax a muscle and for your whole body.
  
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  - NotMyOldRedditName@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    And with the pressure they use it can be uncomfortable or somewhat painful in the moment. Its not very arousing.
    
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Widdershins@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
The real happy ending is the friends you make along the way.

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- agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  My normal massage therapist is pretty cool actually.
  
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RBWells@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
This is such an odd problem. Are massage therapists not licensed in your state? I haven’t ever run into that - I am a lady and prefer a male massage therapist, and nobody has ever been any sort of unprofessional. Husband is a man, prefers a female massage therapist and same - he jokes about it but it doesn’t happen with legit places. My brother in law and his wife go to a Korean bathhouse that looks sketchy but they say it’s similarly very safe, professional and no sex stuff. Because they don’t want to lose their state license. If massage is regulated in Florida I don’t understand how it’s not regulated everywhere.

I’d probably tell the manager on your way in that you want massage! Only massage, nothing extra.

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- alternategait@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Upvote for if massage is regulated in Florida
  
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  - RBWells@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    floridasmassagetherapy.gov/licensing/
    
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_skj@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
The happy ending places are usually pretty easy to spot from reviews or their website if they have one. A few indicators:

The images they post online are just attractive women possibly giving massages. The focus is on the person giving the massage, instead of general relaxing imagery.

Reviews are split down the middle between 5 stars with no details and 1 stars complaining about short, half-assed massages and requests for tips before the massage ends

The building itself has all the windows covered and very little advertising except for a sign to reassure clients they have the right door.
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melsaskca@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I think it’s a wink, then a nod, then asking (if you are a male) “can you please rub my penis until I ejaculate?”. /s

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- cRazi_man@europe.pub ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  
  “can you please rub my penis until I ejaculate?”
  
  The secret code that is indecipherable outside the industry.
  
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  - SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    Not sure what you mean…
    
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moldy_rice@piefed.keyboardvagabond.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

About half the time it ends with a happy ending attempt.

Wait, what?

You tell us: what is that like. How do they offer? Is it verbal? What do they say or do?

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- agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  They start touching my genitals. That’s about it.
  
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  - Trex202@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    I was going to say “Hard to argue with that” but I guess you did argue with it.
    
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aturtlesdream@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
The place matters, don’t go to any sketchy places. I am not sure what qualifications/school exist in other counties but in Canada for insurance purposes massage therapists must be registered/licensed in order to recieve coverage. People who are registered are very very unlikely to jeopardize their career by breaking the law like that, not tomention it goes against everything we are taught. As an RMT myself it really makes me sad that this exists and sullies our industry and is brought up like a funny joke. Therapists should be asking for consent in order to work on any sensitive areas

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datavoid@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Like 15 years ago a friend randomly showed me a website called tugmap. I asked what the fuck was wrong with him, but in retrospect something like that might be exactly what you need!

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bedwyr@piefed.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I remember a medium sized city nearby did a sting on some asian massage parlours. The undercover cops had a strict fidelity to their burden of proof and as such wanted to make sure they had enough evidence for their case and as such returned I forget, half a dozen or more times for handies.

They got mocked pretty hard for it. It’s odd though, they are hands off on escorts and parlours usually idk why they went after these ones. They pushed all the street prostitutes off of the main roads on the side roads, while higher class ones will conspicuously work downtown on occasions, even right outside the police station.

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- DrSoap@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Someone somewhere is getting bribed. That’s all it is. You pay for the blind eye. You pay to have your competitors picked up. We had a lot of Hispanic ones in nyc closed because migrant families needed to make money asap but the Asian ones not 10 blocks away are untouched. I don’t think that is a coincidence and its upsetting that they pick and choose. There is no other reason I can think of as to why.
  
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cynar@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Depending what you want it for, but a sports massage is possibly a good option.

I’ve had a few for work related muscle tension issues. It’s a different mentality to the massage parlours. It’s also a lot more effective at problem solving, rather than feel good relaxing.

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11111one11111@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Found Deshaun Watson’s account

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- WhiteOakBayou@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  For him the keyword was “Management, another please.” I don’t know if that’ll work for most people.
  
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HubertManne@piefed.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
You have to look at the place you go to. If it has drawn blinds and no view inside I would avoid it. I mean its kinda obvious really to me which ones are which when driving around. Do go to ones with therapeutic in the name and mentions certified. It honestly does not take much for therapeutic place to get guys looking for more. I had a female massage therapist friend and she was pissed because the guy changed the logo. Their name said therapeutic and the logo had a caduceus but it also had a silloute of a long haired face. The hair sorta waving in the breeze. Apparently that was enough to get an uptick in men who were looking for more.

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AlteredEgo@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Get a Turkish massage. I promise you it will not have a happy ending

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- SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Russian massage: depressing ending.
  
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  - Crackhappy@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    Swedish massage if you’re a masochist.
    
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- HubertManne@piefed.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  thats the one like the asian sauna places where they brush you with a rough broom like they had in conan? like hit you with branches or something yeah?
  
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njm1314@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Have you tried looking em square in the eye and saying “how about a handy?”

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- daychilde@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  In Germany, this will end differently.
  
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  - moldy_rice@piefed.keyboardvagabond.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    Sorry sir, we don’t deal electronics. This is a sex shop.
    
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- Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Nah, I’m pretty sure that’s what you do when cornered by a grizzly bear.
  
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ieGod@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Look for places that do multiple types of services, and are focused on rehab. Sports therapy, physio, massage clinics are focused on treatment, not sexual stuff. Also look for registered therapists.

so I get a sketchy strip mall massage

Where do you live that you have to resort to this?

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Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafe ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Don’t worry, professional masseuse will make it clear to new clients that it isn’t sexual.

If they don’t…

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- agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Interestingly, my previous go-to massage therapist told me that “massage therapist” was the preferred nomenclature, and “masseuse” carried sexual connotations.
  
  My go-to is very professional, but that doesn’t help me with emergencies.
  
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  - Klanky@sopuli.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    My wife is a massage therapist and she says the same thing. She hates the term ‘masseuse’.
    
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  - BassTurd@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    TIL. I didn’t know that about the word masseuse. Not that I talk about massage therapists on the regular, but now I know.
    
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  - Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafe ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    I agree - that’s been my experience too.
    
    Guess I grabbed “masseuse” because it’s shorter, haha
    
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Dead_or_Alive@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Even if you don’t partake in their services, just being there if there during a raid can get you caught up in legal trouble. You will be guilty until proven innocent in the eyes of the laws as it’s a slam dunk case for most prosecutors if they take it to a jury trial.

However, I do enjoy Asian forms of massage over most Western ones. I look for places that are either in a normal to high end enclosed shopping mall (not a strip mall) or do acupuncture.

I try to stay away massage places in stand alone buildings or open strip malls. Massage places with websites that focus on female masseuses. Some say signage in red letters can indicate a tug joint. Generally any sign of these and I’ll look elsewhere. If I still get offered, I don’t come back.

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