W98BSoD
@W98BSoD@lemmy.dbzer0.com
- Comment on ass men after seeing their 69th tiddie meme today 9 hours ago:
That was actually interesting.
- Comment on Is this real? 17 hours ago:
Those are surround sound soapy tiddies you heathen.
- Comment on Life Hack #53 18 hours ago:
- Comment on It’s rarely been harder for people to find new jobs 20 hours ago:
Da real MVP
- Comment on Ah, Beans 1 day ago:
He saw beans… lots of beans lots of beans lots of beans, yeah, beans… lots of beans lots of beans lots of beans yeah yeah!
- Comment on Slash. 2 days ago:
- Comment on Don't 4 days ago:
Maybe we need a new flag
- Comment on The right kind of vibe 5 days ago:
It’s…… weird…….
- Comment on The right kind of vibe 6 days ago:
Weird Al did parody the song, yes
- Comment on Don't 6 days ago:
- Comment on Don't 6 days ago:
- Comment on Hey, guess what 1 week ago:
- Comment on Fantastic 1 week ago:
Needs an orange tip
- Comment on Wake up, liberal 1 week ago:
- Comment on gummy 1 week ago:
Libertarian police
I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.
“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”
“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”
“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”
The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”
“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”
“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”
He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”
I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.
“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.
“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.
“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”
It didn’t seem like they did.
“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”
Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.
I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.
“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.
Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.
“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.
I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”
He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.
“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”
“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.
“Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”
I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.
“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”
He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me.
- Comment on That’s just unrealistic… too few poop breaks. 1 week ago:
Tell me you’ve never eaten stale bread without me you’ve never eaten stale bread.
- Comment on Be honest. You did the same thing 1 week ago:
- Comment on When it was all trial and error 1 week ago:
*wolves
- Comment on That’s just unrealistic… too few poop breaks. 1 week ago:
The boss makes a dollar, I make a dime That was a poem From a simpler time
Now his boss makes 1000 While I make a cent And he’s got employees That can’t make the rent
When the CEO makes a million And we don’t make jack That’s when we riot To take it all back
Now Mr investor If this seems extreme I have to remind you It beats guillotines
- Comment on That’s just unrealistic… too few poop breaks. 1 week ago:
Most office workers have decent to excellent healthcare coverage provided by the employer, and typically the employer pays for the majority of the cost. This ends up costing a few hundred dollars a month to the worker out of pocket for their family, typically.
Compared to what? Because I still have to pay to see the doctor. And for supplies. And a whole bunch of other stuff that isn’t covered.
And a few hundred a month? Yeah, good luck with that d-tier insurance.
- Comment on Two rocks and a lump of petrified shit. 2 weeks ago:
That’s my rock collection.
- Comment on 2 weeks ago:
- Comment on I’m Like Glue, I Stick to Other Artists 2 weeks ago:
Now I’m in town, show shut down, everybody’s dropping out now Had a load of artists on the bill, there’s looking fewer about now That’s me now, wow, statements getting typed out Everybody asking who exactly made the call now
I can’t say, “That was me”
Apparently, it’s MTG
I’m gonna clear this up
Post, post
See, I’m true, my songs are where my heart is
I’m like glue, I stick to other artists Well, not you apparently that got disastrous
One bloke gets removed and suddenly I’ve lost the cast list
See, I’m real, I’m trying to build some bridges Wasn’t my call, go ask the venues who did it I won’t take sides, I’m keeping out the politics
Meanwhile all the support acts are quietly calling it quits
Oh, 'cause I need you, man, you don’t need me I need you, man, you don’t need me I need you, man, you don’t need me at all I need you, man, you don’t need me
Finneas doesn’t need me
Aaron doesn’t need me
Apparently the backing band don’t need me at all
I need you
- Comment on ‘I feel invisible’: over-50s reveal harsh realities of trying to get a job 2 weeks ago:
Let the lesson to the younger generation be that if you have to fight for a promotion, go elsewhere and get it.
- Comment on The irony of arguing with someone who read about it in a history book vs. you having lived it 2 weeks ago:
What about the Berenstein Bears?
- Comment on I may have trust issues 2 weeks ago:
Don’t feed the trolls
- Comment on I getting more and more enraged seeing self proclaimed leftists resorting to ghastly Gen AI to bastardise their rather humorous ideas. 2 weeks ago:
- Comment on I may have trust issues 2 weeks ago:
- Comment on How Amazon Busts Unions, in Its Own Words 2 weeks ago:
Cunts
- Comment on what is the most stubborn, ego-driven management decision you've had to deal with? did anyone ever figure out how to change their mind? 2 weeks ago:
Know that, in that situation, you absolutely did the right thing.
I wonder if they were looking to fire you and hung you out to dry.
