Reddit certainly did have it’s moments, didn’t it?
Tough Shit
Submitted 7 months ago by fossilesque@mander.xyz to science_memes@mander.xyz
https://mander.xyz/pictrs/image/9fbb160f-48cc-444e-b39f-7120133b9e20.jpeg
Comments
Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 7 months ago
Azuth@lemmy.today 7 months ago
I’ll always remember the kid who broke both his arms and his helpful mom.
Kalkaline@leminal.space 7 months ago
Was that because of the same reminders over and over, every other thread?
EvacuateSoul@lemmy.world 7 months ago
Or the cunnilingus jolly rancher
BakerBagel@midwest.social 7 months ago
Between that and Colby, you have the full spectrum of Reddit sexual encounters.
kameecoding@lemmy.world 7 months ago
I prefer putting whores before descartes.
Darkenfolk@dormi.zone 7 months ago
Impressive that he still managed to break his mom with two broken arms.
FangedWyvern42@lemmy.world 7 months ago
Honestly that is probably the least fucked up infamous Reddit story.
Vilian@lemmy.ca 7 months ago
The Kevin history was wild
50MYT@aussie.zone 7 months ago
Yeah Kevin is still one of the all time best to beat.
Also the lazy boat captain.
aquinteros@lemmy.world 7 months ago
yeah I sort of miss that … getting shittymorphed too was always a joy
Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 7 months ago
He was here when the app shit show first happened
tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 7 months ago
This lady claims to be an expert but doesn’t even mention the poop knife?!
FearfulSalad@ttrpg.network 7 months ago
The poop knife is irrelevant until and unless one plans to flush, which this question did not ask.
Also, why do you assume the nurse is a lady?
Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 7 months ago
“gaping rectum” is distinctly ladylike, no?
Poem_for_your_sprog@lemmy.world 7 months ago
Why is every comment after this removed?
StopJoiningWars@discuss.online 7 months ago
AlSo, wHy Do yOU aSsUme thE nUrSE iS A laDy?
If gender doesn’t matter then assuming doesn’t matter either, fuckwit.
li10@feddit.uk 7 months ago
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve had moments of pure despair as I feel like one’s gonna tear me in half.
A real porcelain shatterer.
Comment105@lemm.ee 7 months ago
I ended up occasionally chugging about half a liter of water before going, because this started happening.
That seems to actually do something very useful when I think I’ve not had enough water prior, but I don’t actually know the details of how the body moves and uses that water. It intuitively feels like 2-3 minutes should be too short of a time-span to start doing useful work, but it still seems to work.
In general not using piddly little 0.2l glasses and instead keeping a large glass or bottle with me isn’t just helpful, it’s vitally important. I simply can’t get by occasionally drinking small glasses of water. Other than the first day I’d resolve to start drinking more water again, I never went to fill them up enough times to actually get sufficient hydration for my size.
Additionally, I’ve learnt to feel my hydration on my lips, if they’re dry I need a drink. But I am an unreliable, irrational actor. I don’t always pay enough attention, or stay on top of things even if I notice, so I’m likely to resort to desperately chugging water again.
Mothra@mander.xyz 7 months ago
Chiming behind the lemming who said the water a few minutes prior going won’t do anything. It certainly won’t do absolutely anything no matter how much you drink. Once the bowel absorbs the water, adding more water to your body won’t restore moisture to the stool.
What probably happened in your case is simply peristaltic movement, some people are more sensitive to it. So chugging a generous amount of water stimulates your gut tissues and encourages things to get moving along.
Going back to the water - of course if you stay hydrated and keep things hydrated it will help. But you cannot rehydrate a stool just by drinking.
rhombus@sh.itjust.works 7 months ago
The way I understand it is that your colon will work harder to reclaim water if you’re dehydrated, so staying hydrated will help keep stool softer overall. That said, rehydrating while constipated (or immediately before a bowel movement) won’t make a real difference since the water has already been absorbed from the stool and it can’t add it back.
I would imagine your drinking lots of water before, if you do it consistently, is probably just contributing to your overall hydration which makes it easier next time.
Death_Equity@lemmy.world 7 months ago
Just eat a handful of sugar-free gummy bears every morning before you leave for work and it will be so super easy to poop and clockwork regular.
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 7 months ago
After holding in a shit for a couple hours yeah. Literally shitting bricks at that point.
gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 7 months ago
Hours…?
You may want to see a specialist about that, my guy…
gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 7 months ago
It’s like a fuckin’ howitzer when it reaches the release point, for real
JackFrostNCola@lemmy.world 7 months ago
Me too, once held too long when i was busy and kept hitting the ‘snooze button’ on going all day long, end of the day i dropped something that resembled a hand grenade, with the little square-ish ridges and everything. The pain, the relief, the lasting butthole tenderness afterwards.
state_electrician@discuss.tchncs.de 7 months ago
A sound like from a gun, followed by the shattering of porcelain.
spirinolas@lemmy.world 7 months ago
Somebody should write a small book about this. You could put it in the bathroom and read it while taking a shit.
hactar42@lemmy.world 7 months ago
For those of us that pooped before smart phones, there was a book series called Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader. I could totally see them have a section dedicated to this.
bitchkat@lemmy.world 7 months ago
- Lather
- Rinse
- Repeat.
Olgratin_Magmatoe@lemmy.world 7 months ago
“The Art of Defecation - How to turn your anatomy into a brown art factory”
PieMePlenty@lemmy.world 7 months ago
I one held a shit in for a week. Literally 7 days. I was in the hospital and forbidden from using the toilet and using the portable bag toilet in the room with 6 others was not gonna happen so I held it in. Nurses gave me laxatives because they were concerned but I beat them too.
After finally being allowed on the toilet, I basically filled the bowl to the top and clogged the toilet. Yes, it hurt. I now know why and I’m never doing it again.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 7 months ago
My friend poops once a week. He claims he told his doctor and they said it’s “on the edge of normal.” It freaks me out though. I’d feel so bloated all the time.
fossilesque@mander.xyz 7 months ago
Maybe that no poop challenge guy has tips for next time.
doingthestuff@lemmy.world 7 months ago
I think the question OP didn’t want to ask was, “does all of this dick in my ass affect my poops?”
pruwybn@discuss.tchncs.de 7 months ago
There’s nothing about that paragraph I didn’t like!
BurningRiver@beehaw.org 7 months ago
your bowel is wider than your asshole
imagining a nurse using the word “asshole” to explain it to a regular person is just hilarious to me.
dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 7 months ago
My mom had to get a colostomy last year after her bowel ruptured, and she spent a month in ICU recovering from sepsis. The nurse there, when she was finally awake, tried explaining everything to her, but she had some pretty severe ICU delirium, and just couldn’t comprehend everything she was saying, especially when she was using medical terms.
Eventually, the nurse said, “girl, basically, you don’t need your bootyhole no more. That’s now just for your husband and lonely weekends”
At which point she fully understood, and I died inside.
SunlitSorceress@lemmy.ml 7 months ago
That’s nice, dear.
EffortlessEffluvium@lemm.ee 7 months ago
TIL my butthole is a PlayDo’h Fun Factory…
sweetpotato@lemmy.ml 7 months ago
I never realized that this process is basically a biological cold extrusion.
fallingcats@discuss.tchncs.de 7 months ago
That’s because it isn’t. As was just explained, the shape is pretty much done before the “extrusion die” sphincter comes into it
sweetpotato@lemmy.ml 7 months ago
What are you talking about? The asshole works as a die unless the load is not healthy, as explained. Extrusion is about deforming the object, it doesn’t have to change its general “shape”. If there is plastic deformation, which there is as stated(unless you hold it unhealthily long), then it counts. You extrude a cylinder with a big cross section to one with a smaller cross section.
VitabytesDev@feddit.nl 7 months ago
We have finally found The Forbidden Knowledge
propter_hog@hexbear.net 7 months ago
No_Eponym@lemmy.ca 7 months ago
Putting the Shit in ShittyLifeProTips.
Tarogar@feddit.org 7 months ago
Now that’s one shit experiment to figure something specific out.
medgremlin@midwest.social 7 months ago
I just finished my surgery rotation for medical school and I saw so many colonoscopies. I have seen the inside of dozens of people’s colons and this is a pretty good explanation for what’s going on. I could also tell which patients ate a lot of fruit or seeds because there would still be some residual seeds in there after the clean-out prep.
Pro tip: if you are going in for a colonoscopy, ask for the pill form of the prep. Most insurances cover it, it works better, and you don’t have to drink the gallon of disgusting fluid.
Also! Colonoscopies are very important! They are the single best tool for detecting and preventing colon cancer. During the scope, if they find any polyps, they get removed and sent for evaluation to see if they are cancerous, pre-cancerous, or benign, and the polyps are basically the seeds of colon cancer. It is recommended to get your first colonoscopy at age 45, unless you have a family history of colon cancer, in which case you would get your first one 10 years younger than the age the family member was diagnosed, or age 45, whichever is younger.
There are the home tests like the cologuard, but that has a 45% false positive rate, and they’re only good for 3 years while a colonoscopy is good for 10 years(*) if it comes back normal, so the cologuard ends up being more expensive in the long run. It also only detects the later, more advanced polyps that are more likely to be closer to being cancer, and if it comes back positive, you have to get a colonoscopy anyways. A lot of the false positives come from the fact that it tests for DNA associated with cancer mutations and for microscopic blood in the stool, and they don’t tell you if it’s positive because of the DNA or the blood, and you can have microscopic amounts of blood in your stool for tons of reasons.
TL;DR: Colonoscopies are very important, and MUCH better than the home test. Talk to your primary care provider about when you should start screening, and if you’re over 45, go get scheduled for one now. Colon cancer is a horrible disease, and it’s actually quite preventable and easy to catch in the early stages, if you get your colonoscopies on the recommended schedule.
*Addendum: If your colonoscopy detects certain kinds of polyps, or more than a certain number of polyps, you might be on a shorter interval for surveillance scopes to make sure they catch anything before it becomes cancer, and that interval can be anywhere from 3 to 7 years depending on what they found. Also, if you have a family history of colon or rectal cancer, you’ll be on a 5 year schedule because you’re higher risk.
bluewing@lemm.ee 7 months ago
God bless nurses explaining things in simple term a child can understand.
D61@hexbear.net 7 months ago
“Bill Nye, the Endoscopy Guy”
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 7 months ago
I felt that.
FabledAepitaph@lemmy.world 7 months ago
Great
laranis@lemmy.zip 7 months ago
Excuse me. I have to go take care of something.
bitchkat@lemmy.world 7 months ago
One of life’s simple pleasures.
HootinNHollerin@lemmy.world 7 months ago
Very fitting to my current um, situation
Xiisadaddy@lemmygrad.ml 7 months ago
See i have IBS so i already knew this as i experience it first hand weekly.
Allero@lemmy.today 7 months ago
As someone who tangentially studies IBS, have you tried to follow a low-FODMAP diet?
Xiisadaddy@lemmygrad.ml 7 months ago
I have a lot of dietary restrictions to make it better. A bit of constipation is actually a huge improvement for me as ive been to the ER multiple times because i was emptying my entire digestive tract and literally passing out from the pain. I have some significant intolerance’s too like gluten(could be Oligosaccharides idk), and eggs which restrict me a lot in what i can have. FODMAP is a bit complicated because its like a grouping of different things and some of them i have no problem with, or are actually beneficial while others do mess me up. Like Sugar Alcohols like Xylitol actually help i have a really expensive gum thats pure xylitol and it helps to keep my digestion normal. Altho too much can be a problem. Its really complicated and weird. Like one thing ive figured out recently is if i take NSAIDs for a couple days it triggers a really bad episode. So i try to avoid them in general now but if i had to i just would not use them for too long.
gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 7 months ago
just hold your poop in
But now, from a medical professional, so you know it’s legit.
AceSLS@ani.social 7 months ago
This was very informative
Kuori@hexbear.net 7 months ago
mods removing the mildest possible criticism of misogyny in what seems to be a fit of pique, embarrassing
Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 7 months ago
severe constipation be that
arken@lemmy.world 7 months ago
This seems like a good opportunity to tell the story of “Balloon man”
problematicPanther@lemmy.world 7 months ago
This is what we’re training LLMs on.
N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 months ago
“AI,” what should I do about being constipated?
Painfully stretch your rectum to gaping in order to accommodate your constipation.
southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 7 months ago
That is called impaction removal, and I have done that to people for fun and profit.
roguetrick@lemmy.world 7 months ago
Your rectum stretches anyway. It’s actually kind of like a big stretchy poop bag. You’re thinking anus. -nurse
JackbyDev@programming.dev 7 months ago
Be brave and reach in.
ddplf@szmer.info 7 months ago
Hey Alexa, please examine my rectum
BakerBagel@midwest.social 7 months ago
What you need is a smart pipe
desktop_user@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 months ago
good, it beats the incompetent assholes that just tell you not to do things when you ask them how to do them just because they are harmful.
LazaroFilm@lemmy.world 7 months ago
Don’t tell people not to do things. It’s harmful.
Wanderer@lemm.ee 7 months ago
Thank god for that.
Imagine if LLM were made in Oxford in the 1950’s.
It be trained on the fucking Iliad and Shakespeare.
yogurtwrong@lemmy.world 7 months ago
Thankfully it’s being trained on some real intellectual discourse like your rectum getting stretched out by rock hard shit instead of that garbage
NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 7 months ago
I doth say, that would be low-key verily lit
problematicPanther@lemmy.world 7 months ago
I mean, we’re only a few years away from some hemingway books being in the public domain. We could have had some LLMs trained on that.