There's a noticable influx of trans kids in my job. Are there any topics I should avoid or considerations I should take into account when training them?

Submitted ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Mastersmacks@reddthat.com⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

I’ve got no problem with them, but these are obviously kids who grew up in a different age than me, and it shows, I know what could seem a joke to me could come off different to them. Especially this being In the trades and the type of jokes we make here. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, we’re all trying to just get through the day after all

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zebidiah@lemmy.ca ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
You’re not a dick for getting someone’s pronouns wrong… You’re a dick if you intentionally and continuously misgender them on purpose.

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- thiseggowaffles@lemmy.zip ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Exactly. Sure it sucks when it happens by accident, but it’s to be expected to some extent. It’s when someone is doing it intentionally to fuck with you that it really gets under your skin. It’s disrespectful.
  
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- faintwhenfree@lemmus.org ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Well, I have had two people tell me very rudely that I’m an asshole because I got their pronoun wrong because they had it at the start of the presentation somewhere. And I also have had dozens more who corrected me a couple of times and then I’d just remember the right pronouns.
  
  Assholes are assholes magrinalized or not.
  
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hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Well, one thing I know is: make sure you don’t out them. If a kid has transphobic parents, you really don’t want to accidentally inform them their kid is trans.

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- Mastersmacks@reddthat.com ⁨41⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago
  I mean I just stay out of peoples personal lives as a principal
  
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Witchfire@lemmy.world ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Im trans with over 10 years of experience

–

There’s really not a lot to it. Respect their chosen names and pronouns, and don’t ask them random questions about being trans unless they’re open to it. Listen when/if they get close enough to talk about their experiences, and reassure them that this is a safe space. Don’t impose gender norms on them.

Otherwise, we’re just like everyone else.

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- kralk@lemm.ee ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  Im trans with over 10 years of experience in the industry
  
  The… trans industry? How much does it pay?
  
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  - pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Lol gonna get me a job forcefemming people
    
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  - Witchfire@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Depends on who you ask
    
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  - reptar@lemmy.world ⁨20⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    And in what currency?
    
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SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
“I’m not sure I understand, but am willing to have an open mind and listen and understand where you’re coming from. If you’ll have patience to explain to me, I’d be willing to learn with humility and humanity and do my best to be a better person”

There. Was that at hard?

Admit ignorance, commit to being a good person. It’s not that hard.

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- ayyy@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  What’s with the unwarranted condescension?
  
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  - SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    It’s not condescension. That’s quite literally the point. So many people just refuse to have some humility. This is literally the stance you take. You don’t have to be tough, you aren’t showing off to anybody. If that’s really a problem, then you need to reassess how you navigate the world. You genuinely do this to some trans kids, and they’ll love you and be more than willing to help you understand because basically nobody ever cares about them. You’d make their year. But don’t do it just to do it, actually embody this humility. It’ll be weird at first, but you might even make a friend.
    
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- rbesfe@lemmy.ca ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  No one talks like this
  
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  - SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Do you mean no one talks like this in your industry or company? You could always be a vanguard and set the tone. Also you don’t have to say exactly that, word for word. My point is to just level with them, admit you don’t really know, and then to listen and try to understand their story a bit. Even the notion in dude-speak or whatever will be heard loud and clear and you’ll make their day, and everybody will be happier for it.
    
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- HiTekRedNek@lemm.ee ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  There. Was that at hard?
  
  It’s apparently easier than you not being a jackass, at least.
  
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  - SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Edited. My intent is not to be a jackass, but to point out that SO many people use any excuse to not just bridge the gap and try to understand other people.
    
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pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Honestly, just tell them to let you know, in private if they feel it necessary, if you make them uncomfortable. In general, jokes about people being trans/gendernonconforming are ok, as long as it’s not the one “joke” – identifying as an attack helicopter/dragon/ridiculous things. Pretty much just don’t make fun of them for being trans, but it’s fine finding humor about their transition, if it makes sense. It’s generally pretty easy to tell when someone has a problem with you being trans and is going to be a dick to you under the veil of humor, and when someone is joking around with you. Just make sure they know to let you know if you make them uncomfortable, and tey not to be a dick. The fact that you’re asking makes me think pretty much anything you’d consider saying is forgivable at worst.

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- Yermaw@lemm.ee ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I want to live in the timeline where a super-scientist gets sick of the attack helicopter meme and makes “attack helicopter reassignment surgery” possible and available.
  
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FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
If avoid any and all controversial topics and just keep things purely professional.

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givesomefucks@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Treat them like anyone else by default and make accommodations if you need to and it’s reasonable.

You’re asking with good intentions, but the best answer for any group will always be that. Shit, not even by groups. On a human by human basis just do that, there’s a crazy amount of human variation and it’s not always obvious.

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cattywampas@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
First of all, good for you for asking the question. I think many people are afraid to ask these things even if they want to be respectful and inclusive for fear of coming off as backward or ignorant, but I think asking questions in good faith shows that we’re willing to listen and learn.

But most importantly, just treat them with the same respect you’d treat anyone else! Gender identity isn’t really that big of a deal, and after you get to know some trans folks you’ll come to that realization quickly that they’re just regular people!

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Pudutr0n@feddit.cl ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
This is not a comprehensive list, but you should probably avoid talking about your sex life.

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- proper@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  good advice for any workplace
  
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  - meco03211@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    But I’m a hooker
    
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  - Pudutr0n@feddit.cl ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    Yes.
    
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- PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  But how can I impress people with my competitive qualities? I had fourteen sex last night, and before that I did four sets of three sex at a time.
  
  I’m even the speedruns any% TAS WR holder at 3.19 seconds.
  
  Do my colleagues not need to know about this???
  
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  - Pudutr0n@feddit.cl ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    You can mention it by asking about office etiquette on Lemmy.
    
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- felbane@lemmy.world ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  oh hi mark
  
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Taleya@aussie.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Pick the one that’s been working there longest and ask them these questions. Check in they feel ok with how the workplace is trucking

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Libra@lemmy.ml ⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Respect them for who they are, and listen to them if they tell you you’re fucking it up, just like you would with anyone else. It’s almost as if trans people are just people. ;)

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Artisian@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
If you wanna go the extra mile, skimming an ally guide for 10 minutes, looking up some terminology and concepts, would reduce awkwardness by a fair bit. I certainly would have avoided a half dozen missteps if I did some reading.

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- Mastersmacks@reddthat.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  This is super helpful, thank you!
  
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HappyTimeHarry@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Im curious what could come off as a joke to you but would offend a trans person and not other (similarly aged) people.

If your joke might be offensive to anyone, its probably best to save it for outside of the workplace if you share it at all.

Not saying dont make any jokes, just that your jokes shouldn’t be referencing someones gender or appearance or at the expense of someone else in general.

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- stephen01king@lemmy.zip ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Its impossible to know if your joke might be offensive to others when you live different lifestyles.
  
  It’s like telling people not to serve food that might be prohibited by the religion of one of their dinner guests when they have never interacted with the religion before.
  
  What OP does here is trying to educate himself, which is the right move, in my opinion.
  
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- Septimaeus@infosec.pub ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I get where you’re coming from, and we’ve all seen bad faith “advice” seeking (sea lioning), but also most of us have interacted with people who are well-meaning yet know they have tons of learned behaviors they’ve never needed to question.
  
  For example, a friend had a boss in a male-dominated industry (construction) who, at the end of a client lunch with several cis men, bid them farewell with “bye ladies.” When they were back in the car she called him out on it “is ‘ladies’ supposed to imply something?” and he immediately admitted “dammit I know. I’m sorry.”
  
  She knew he knew as he said it that it wasn’t the right thing and just hadn’t considered it before, but it took situations like that to make him consider it in advance. And it sounds like he did. She said he began to make eye contact to check his wording in meetings, which she took to indicate it being present in his mind, that he was actually trying.
  
  I’m just saying asking and trying to consider little things in advance is ally behavior and should be encouraged unless it’s obviously in bad faith.
  
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  - HappyTimeHarry@lemm.ee ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I didnt think the poster was in bad faith, i was just genuinely curious as im not really around environments like that these days so i kind of assumed it would be something sexist or creepy.
    
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Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Your job is to train them. They’re people. You’re a person. Just go with that

I think if you love as a person them you’ll be good.

That’s what I do and it’s worked out pretty great!

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southsamurai@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Generally, keep humor work related, and it’ll be fine no matter who it is. Well, there’s always that asshole that thinks you have to be a robot at work, but with that sort, it doesn’t matter anyway.

Beyond that, either stay neutral with pronouns, or use those that a person introduces.

I promise you, just those two things are going to go a long way in establishing respect and camaraderie.

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- sem@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Humor is the big one. I would start thinking about the jokes that co-workers make, and if everybody would think they’re funny. Not just trans folks, but any kind of joke that has a butt of the joke or a stereotype might be good to start getting away from.
  
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  - southsamurai@sh.itjust.works ⁨20⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Agreed completely :)
    
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shaggyb@lemmy.world ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
If you struggle with pronouns, apologize casually when the pronouns come up.

As a fellow old, the kids don’t seem to necessarily get it that my brain is wired pretty hard not to change pronouns, but they do seem to appreciate the effort and the discussion that it’s a challenge rather than just fucking it up with no explanation.

Otherwise, be mindful that they take a lot of shit for parts of themselves that are background attributes for the rest of us. They can get pretty tired of it. A friendly person who regards them as just people may be the best thing they can get from anyone.

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FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Treat them like any other person. Their gender/identity should have absolutely zero impact on the ability to do their job. So you don’t even need to ask this question. If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and scared of bringing up an offensive topic, then that’s an issue with you, not with them. There’s nothing that you say that should be offending them since it’s absolutely irrelevant to work.

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- JeSuisUnHombre@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  I think some politics is healthy to talk about in certain work situations. Definitely not the red vs blue tribal nonsense, but discussing and understanding material conditions
  
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  - FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    The only politics that should be discussed at work are policies that directly impact the business. For example, company has many conversations and meetings around impacts from Trump’s tariffs. No one gives an opinion on what their politics are. Not a single one. We discuss the impact on ths business and how we can mitigate them. It ends there.
    
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- howrar@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  When someone starts complaining about what bathroom everyone is using, you can’t just ignore it and hope it goes away. It’s your job as their superior to address these issues.
  
  Similarly,
  
  Their gender/identity should have absolutely zero impact on the ability to do their job.
  
  Making this stance clear requires talking about gender identity and politics.
  
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  - FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I think you’re talking about a completely different situation. All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t talk politics at work. You’re talking about someone creating a disturbance and making people uncomfortable. Obviously the company would want to take care of that. That’s a completely different situation.
    
    I don’t understand your second point about having a conversation about gender identity. What do you mean? I don’t see how that applies to my reply.
    
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Nikls94@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Since there already are a lot of good answers, do it like in Full Metal Jacket “I don’t look down on you if you’re x, y, z or something - you’re all equally worthless”

m.youtube.com/watch?v=tHxf17yJsKs&pp=ygUiZHJpbGwg…

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- MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca ⁨19⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Full metal jacket is a fantastic movie, but not really an example of inclusivity. A later line goes:
  
  “Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don’t look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?
  
  Sir, no, sir!
  
  Are you a peter puffer?
  
  Sir, no, sir!
  
  I bet you’re the kind of guy who would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I’ll be watching you!”
  
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  - Nikls94@lemmy.world ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    m.youtube.com/watch?v=DgpTHwrH7bA&pp=ygUdRnVsbCBt…
    
    I don’t know man, that last line feels like an insult tailored specifically to harass a gay person in the way that they specifically are an asshole.
    
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  - offspec@lemmy.world ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Honestly I’m just glad people are calling out selfish lovers ffs
    
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termaxima@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
The thing most people get wrong is mentioning someone’s assigned gender (the one they were supposed to have) instead of the one they actually are. Being reminded constantly of the one thing you absolutely don’t want to be is really disheartening, even when it’s not done on purpose.

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- Randomocity@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  It’s minor but I probably wouldn’t say supposed to have sounds like they are wrong
  
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  - Rentlar@lemmy.ca ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Your comment highlights one of the difficulties I find with going between treating someone exactly as you would anyone else, while also dealing with particular sensitivities or sensibilities of that person. Even trying to describe how to be less offensive, includes wording that can sound offensive to some, justifiably so based on experience.
    
    But all in all, I think most people will recognize good faith efforts and accept quick apologies and corrections when we make mistakes. We’re not perfect.
    
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  - termaxima@programming.dev ⁨20⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I edited it to “presumed to have at birth”.
    
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jawa22@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Just treat them with respect like anyone else. There are 3 topics to avoid in any work place for anyone: religion, politics, and sex life. That’s just a good general rule for all forced mixed company situations.

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Kurious84@eviltoast.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Yeah keep all your jokes to yourself. Keep it business

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- Linktank@lemmy.today ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  “Just stop having fun at work”
  
  Great advice there.
  
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  - sem@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    /s
    
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Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Well, I think it’s of upmost importance to hire a private security firm to guard the bathrooms. Anyone entering or exiting those bathrooms will now be required to submit to a genital confirmation. We’ll have tighter security on those bathrooms than TSA guarding the airports from unauthorized water bottles, and 2 inch pocket knifes.

Because as we all know, urinating into a toilet, surrounded by makeshift stall walls, can be the most offensive thing in the world if you don’t share the same set of genitals as everyone else in the world! Especially since those stslls intentionally leave a gap, so we can spy on others as their peeing. That’s how important these genitals in bathrooms are! Gotta follow all the correct protocol for emptying your bladder!

I say all this to say that yesterday I peed on a tree outside, and nobody gives a shit.

As for your coworkers? Just make a concentrated effort to remember what they prefer as their gender so you don’t say “she” instead of “he”.

The only one that confuses me is “they”, but it’s still refering to just one person. Luckily I don’t know anyone like that, because that one I’m sure I’d constantly accidently fuck up.

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- SolOrion@sh.itjust.works ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  The only one that confuses me is “they”, but it’s still refering to just one person. Luckily I don’t know anyone like that, because that one I’m sure I’d constantly accidently fuck up.
  
  I ran into a person a long time ago on Lemmy that asked that people use ‘its’ as pronoun. So it/its. Even for second person- so not you/yours, it/its. Absolutely broke my brain.
  
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  - Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I saw that once on fetlife, but I assumed that was a sex thing. The whole profile was based around this guy being degraded, and humiliated, but he kept refering to himself in the 3rd person as “it”.
    
    I didn’t realize that was another gender identity. I just thought it was a fetish thing.
    
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