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I'd choose 4 tbh

⁨244⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/a3a28824-4ce3-463d-8989-e7b7162cdb12.jpeg

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Comments

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  • FreshLight@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    That is by far the shittiest version of the “which pill/superpower/xyz ?” that I’ve seen.

    “No more fat”, “Have many followers” and fucking “Increase 5cm height” nearly gave me an aneurysm. This meme is a good pick for the community.

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    • Valmond@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Yeah what does even “no more fat” means? You can’t eat fat any more? Or all the fat is removed from you (which would kill you)?

      Also, get me a -5cm height for my 198cm, that would be perfect.

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      • Rusty@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        It means that all your hard drives would be converted to NTFS from FAT32

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      • white_nrdy@programming.dev ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        203cm clocking in, and I completely agree with you

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    • ryedaft@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      I think “many followers” means being famous?

      And the “increase 5cm” has a strategic new line. I thought for about 0.3 seconds that a rude had snuck in.

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      • AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        No, many followers really means that. It also implies that you’ll need a much larger bathroom.

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    • redwattlebird@lemmings.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      Hey now… I’d totally take the extra 5cm. Maybe 15cm.

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      • FreshLight@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

        I would, too. It’s just… At least write something like “increase own height by 5cm”.

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  • Shieldtoad@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    If you choose 6, your life will be like that of Sam the Slug.

    Image

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    • hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      I thought it’d be more like in general. Like you’re happy with your overall life situation, even if you still get sad occasionally.

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      • gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        monkey’s paw curls

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  • Allero@lemmy.today ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    That calls for a monkey’s paw

    1. There’s literally no more fat in your body. Your cells burst, you die immediately.
    2. You’re not able to gain weight, but you still lose it. Every time you sweat, breathe out, go to the restroom - you lose weight. In a matter of month or two, you die from exhaustion.
    3. Now you can’t buy groceries and really anything you want or need and are forever reliant on others to provide you with anything you didn’t yourself produce.
    4. The height increase is achieved by all your organs instantly extending, causing internal injuries and disabilities and now many physical stresses can kill you.
    5. You’re so strong you cannot adequately measure it, and have to be very careful not to break everything around you.
    6. You’re always happy. You’re never able to grieve, or reflect, or do anything. You’ve lost any reason to progress, or even really sustain yourself. You die in bliss on the streets.
    7. Followers are invading all of your personal life. They doxx you, follow you everywhere, try to document every moment of your existence. You cannot have peace and solitude ever again.
    8. You forgot your ex. You also forgot every good moment in your life you ever had together, and are left wondering what is that void in your brain. You will never know what happened. But someone, somewhere out there who is your ex will.
    9. Inflation came strong, and now everyone has millions upon millions of dollars. Too bad they’re only worth a few rolls of toilet paper.
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    • JcbAzPx@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      There are people who cannot grow or simply don’t have any fat cells. It’s a surprisingly debilitating condition, but you don’t immediately die from it.

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      • Allero@lemmy.today ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

        Fats are a normal component of any cell membrane, and if we’re talking no fats whatsoever, there would be no membrane to speak of.

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    • Kuma@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      This is what I thought too when I read them, the last one (money) was the only one I didn’t see any problems with. It made me think about the post about picking a superpower and the first comment was your side effect for using it but this was the other way around, pick your side effect haha

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    • Enzy@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      Oh definitely 1 then

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  • jsomae@lemmy.ml ⁨21⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I’d pick 9, 9, 9

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  • BMW_stick@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    5, 6 & 9

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    • Nalivai@lemmy.world ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      The only way

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  • shneancy@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    1. feels like a trap, once you butn through all your fat you’ll be impossibly unhealthy

    2. is a trap too, if you stop gaining weight from eating then you might trap yourself in the same situation as above

    3. unless you hunt for food, bad idea

    4. decent option, but it doesn’t mention if there’s any pain during the growth period

    5. good option, as lomg as you have control over your strength

    6. very bad option, sounds nice but you will go insane

    7. doesn’t say if online or IRL, having many followers IRL is not desirable

    8. dangerous, erasing any meaningful memories is dangerous

    9. the only good option with no consequences i can think of. i’ll take 3 of those

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    • atlien51@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Bro sat here and broke down each option 😭 love it

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    • iAvicenna@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Mostly agree, easily can reduce it down to 4,5 modulo fine print. I don’t agree with the last if a lot of money means billions and if you want to keep it all for yourself. Wanting to own billions is a mental disease imo.

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      • shneancy@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        oh nah lol, i’d just keep a decent amount of money to live comfortably + bit extra for the occasional adhd “new hobby” shopping spree. if “a lot” means billions, the majority of it i’d most likely donate to charities or give away to friends and random people, i have no desire to hoard wealth

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      • LarsIsCool@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        In somewhat of the spirit of the IRL followers. Getting millions of coins dumped on your head is also not preferable.

        Related: www.youtube.com/watch?v=saj7b5C6TCM

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    • Buddahriffic@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Except how do people generally get money from taking pills? Hint: it’s not often because they are happy with the results.

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      • shneancy@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        i don’t think a pill can give you more followers either (not without first setting up a cult and/or a drug enterprise)

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  • mosiacmango@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    1 & 2 are the pill, unless 2 also stops you from putting on muscle mass. That or “no more fat” taken too literally will just kill you, as humans need at least 4-5% body fat to live.

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    • vrighter@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      1 and 2 are definitely not the same

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    • Xanis@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Super strong likely means mass and/or density, which means more calories needed to maintain. Unless it’s some magic. Either way, that and money means you can eat until you’re happy. The only two pills I’d want out of those given.

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    • BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      I prefer being the monkey paw in these scenarios. Way more fun and you can be creative.

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    • tiramichu@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      The way 2. is written is basically a death sentence.

      What they presumably meant is “never exceed your ideal weight no matter how much you eat”

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  • frog@feddit.uk ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I think 5 and 9.

    i don’t really want the rest.

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    • Stovetop@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Agreed, those are my only two choices as well.

      • I feel like the first two are basically the same thing and are also asking for a monkey’s paw sort of scenario to happen.

      • I don’t want to stop shopping because there are things I want that can’t be obtained for free.

      • I’m not the tallest, but I don’t feel any particular need to be any taller.

      • I don’t want my emotions regulated to always be happy, because then you basically never truly are.

      • Followers are overrated and creepy.

      • And I’d never want to forget an ex because I’d end up losing a lot of good memories in the process.

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    • Gutek8134@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      5 only says you gain strength, controlling it may be a difficult task

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    • tobis@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      5 could monkey’s paw kill you like most of the rest of these. I think 4 8 and 9 are your best bet if you have to pick 3 and you want to survive.

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  • HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    2, 6 and 9.

    9 would go towards building affordable housing in my area, which would make 6 happen.

    2 just 'cause.

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    • Atomic@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      #2 is straight up torture. No matter how much you eat, you cannot stop losing weight. Your body no longer retains nutrients as it passes right through you

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      • samus12345@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

        Depends on if the descriptions are jackass genie rules or not. If it’s being genuine, it means you won’t gain any excess weight beyond what’s healthy. 1 and 3 seem like descriptions ripe for abuse as well.

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      • TheDoozer@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

        It says you can’t gain weight. I’m already overweight, and about max for what I can be to keep my job (military) and not totally break down. So if “can’t gain weight” means this is my max weight and no matter what I do I can’t go past it, that makes a comfortable hard stop for future efforts toward dieting.

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    • oplkill@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      2 is slow death. Body always losing weight and you will no longer get it

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    • kiagam@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      You loved one dies, you feel happy. You are in logical despair but can’t feel it.

      I’ll pass

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      • JackbyDev@programming.dev ⁨20⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        You can be happy and sad at the same time. It doesn’t say you can’t be sad.

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      • HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

        8 is the ex dying. I didn’t choose that number.

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  • wolframhydroxide@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    1 is the monkey’s paw answer and a trap. Fat is necessary for survival. Fats literally make up the outside of every cell in your body.

    2 is still dangerous, because it might just be tapeworm eggs.

    Is 3 just a servant who shops for you? Or is it just that you are no longer addicted to compulsive shopping?

    4 Will cause you the most agonizing pain of your life as virtually every body and muscle gets ripped apart and re-knit, and as someone who’s 6’4, it has its upsides, but having literally everything made for people shorter than you REALLY sucks, from doorways and light fixtures, even to rollercoasters which nearly remove your legs because of awful design (or just won’t close over your shoulders)

    5 is nice. Go with 5. It’ll be painful, but potentially worth it in a pinch, as long as it also grants you control of that strength.

    6 is another trap, since small amounts of stress are actually really important, and in order to be constantly happy, your brain would lose the ability to feel it unless it continually increased the dopamine drip. Eventually, you would kill for the ability to stop.

    7 I mean, sure, if that’s what you want. Would be nice to know what kind of followers? Are they going to be religious and try to pull a Life of Brian on you?

    8 is the worst, because you have no control over the extent of the memory wipe. This is existentially terrifying

    9 is the safest, but then you go and read that post about why winning the lottery means you’re fucked.

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    • renamon_silver@lemmy.wtf ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      2 would eventually kill you, just more slowly than 1. Unless you never forget to eat and are always able to.

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      • AA5B@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        How. Two is just don’t gain weight. It doesn’t say anything about losing weight or about healthy nutrition. For those of us with a tendency to gain, this is all positive.

        My most pressing health concern under my control is my weight. As an adult already overweight, I would be very happy to at least never weigh more than I do now

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    • Mojtaba@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Umm well i didn’t need the 1 and 2 and 3 so i was about to take 7 9 5 but after seeing that i am scared to even choices anything

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  • khannie@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Number six when something bad happens:

    Image

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  • robocall@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Everyone’s going to pick 9, right?

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    • Atomic@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      You are now a proud citizen of Zimbabwe, you own trillions of useless bills.

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      • Amir@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

        Still better than none

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  • TheDoozer@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    2 (as long as that means I can’t go past my current weight, not that every time I poop, sweat, or pee I lose weight I can never regain) 5… and I guess 9. I’m doing okay, and I’ve never had a strong need for “a lot of money.”

    5 isn’t even because I want to have super strength, it’s more to be able to compensate for my jacked up joints and being overweight.

    I would trade any of the three of these for “cure my sleep apnea” though.

    1 sounds tempting, as long as it’s just the insulation, you know? I don’t know a whole lot about biology, but I feel like if you immediately removed all fats from your body, your cells would just die (all the lipids disappearing). But if you could remove all the fat listed in the “body fat percentage” and made it so I could still get some fats quickly (for a healthy amount), I’d take that over 2. Once it’s there, it makes it so hard to get rid of, but I feel like if it was gone in one go, I could keep it off.

    Wow, my decisions for “magic pills” would be kind of depressing to 20-year-old me. At least with the exception of my health I’m reasonably content.

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  • PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    I think some of these need clarification 😅

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  • RandomVideos@programming.dev ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I am underweight so 2 would probably kill me. 4 would make my gender dysphoria worse. 7 would be a nightmare since i have social anxiety

    Why is there no estrogen pill?

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    • Mojtaba@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      I think because they want us to suffer. especially the underweight people because it have two pills

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    • Noodle07@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Because those are real and you can take them for real ❤️

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  • andros_rex@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Isn’t 8 that Jim Carry movie?

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    • JcbAzPx@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

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    • AfroMustache@lemmynsfw.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      Mfw when I watched it with my ex lmao

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      • andros_rex@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

        The last movie me and my ex watched was Synecdoche, NY which basically gave him permission to toss me out like an old newspaper, since he read the message of that film as “other people are interchangeable background characters in your life.”

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  • iamdefinitelyoverthirteen@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    1. Just 9.
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  • BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Revenge of the MonkeyPaw:

    1 you are allergic to eating fat and can no longer eat any fat whatsoever.

    2 your body has lost its ability to process nutrients, making you starve to death.

    3 you’re banned from every store on earth.

    4 only your neck gets 5cm longer.

    5 but only in your dreams.

    6 you can not feel anything but happiness - no pain, anger, sadness, nothing but joy.

    7 and you’re awaiting your trial as you’re a KKK NeoNazi kult leader.

    8 you get Alzheimer’s disease.

    9 but you cannot access it because the government froze your account due to being investigated in a money laundering scheme.

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    • JiminaMann@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Ah yes my favourite trend of monkey paw: removing the fking benefit instead of giving side effects, while making things worse

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      • BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        Oh, right! The monkey paw does it to someone else most of the time, like “you get the money but someone else dies and the money is compensation or inheritance”

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  • TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    5,6,9 easy.

    Some are void if you are always happy.

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  • oppy1984@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    2, 5, 9.

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  • double_quack@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    I would take 5 as “emotional/mentally”

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    • chatokun@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      My issue with 6 is that it feels like a monkey paw. There are times we shouldn’t be happy, like tragedies happening to others, deaths ,etc. While being overall happy in life sounds great, always happy sounds like a cognitive issue.

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      • EtherWhack@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

        To me it it gives a cliché lobotomy vibe

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      • moopet@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

        You could do that with any of them. Super strong? Crushes friends when trying to hug them, etc.

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  • HerrVorragend@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    2, 6, 9

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    • GuyFawkes@midwest.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Skinny, happy, and rich - perfect combo!

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  • TheEighthDoctor@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    1. is just MDMA
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  • samus12345@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    I only want 5 and 9.

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  • Alloi@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    if i chose six, i wouldnt need any of the others.

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  • Zahtu@feddit.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Easy: 3x Pill No. 9 please.

    One for me, and the other two i will use to either: a) give to Close Friends and/or Family B) a complete Stranger from the streets C) keep in storage for my Offspring when they are in a Pinch of losing the family wealth that i built

    No one says you gonna take the pills you Pick. Certainly that way you could also Take 2x No. 1 for your worst enemies (or CEOs)

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  • rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    9 thrice

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  • atlien51@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Stop shopping??? Dafuq

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  • Caitlyynn@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    None please

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  • AA5B@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    2, 6, 9. Health, happiness, comfortable life.

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