Any woman that wouldn’t be interested in anime and BG3 probably wouldn’t be lasting prospect for anon anyway and that’s OK. Find a partner that has similar interests to you (and hopefully isn’t too crazy) and you’ve got a decent chance for something that can last.
Anon goes on a first date
Submitted 5 days ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/3966a697-2873-45c8-989d-823bec5a60eb.jpeg
Comments
LNRDrone@sopuli.xyz 5 days ago
Vibi@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 days ago
Sooo true! Every friend I have that has a partner/so has or is playing BG3 together. I love hearing them talk about their adventures and always giggle when they get to the romantic side of things - never any jealousy, just cheering each other on 🤭
AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 5 days ago
They dont even have to have similar interests only one. Its more like anime and gaming is a veto for a lot of women and even men from my understanding. People think youre wierd if you do those. I know someone who looks like your typical gym bro so he gets a lot of attention from women but then they get turned off instantly becuase of his hobbies.
slaacaa@lemmy.world 4 days ago
I think anime is much more “icky” for women than gaming. Gaming has gone fairly mainstream now, but anime is still associated with weirdos
SorteKanin@feddit.dk 3 days ago
Can confirm. My wife is a gamer and we watch anime together. Life is great :)
Cethin@lemmy.zip 4 days ago
I think it depends on how OP said it and what exactly they said. There’s a certain type of anime viewer that women (rightfully) are worried to be around. I’m sure this wasn’t the only thing that happened, but when they said anime it confirmed everything she was thinking.
SirEDCaLot@lemmy.today 5 days ago
This is why people fail at dating and relationships. They look at it like fishing- that your goal is to tempt a big fish into biting. That is wrong. Dating is a SEARCH. In your area there is somewhere between a few thousand and a million potential partners of your desired gender and age and other characteristics. You aren’t trying to persuade the first one you see to like you, you’re trying to find the one who already likes you but doesn’t know it yet because they haven’t met you. The person you are compatible with will like you for who you are. So when this girl rejects him because she doesn’t like anime, he should not take that as a personal failing. He should smile and say okay on to the next one.
And if you’re into stuff like anime put that shit in your profile. That will attract the right people and screen out the wrong ones. That’s not ‘making a bad impression’, the people for whom anime is a turn off are people who you wouldn’t want anyway if you are an anime fan.
isolatedscotch@discuss.tchncs.de 5 days ago
In your area there is somewhere between a few thousand and a million potential partners of your desired gender and age and other characteristics.
reported for misinformation
tetris11@lemmy.ml 4 days ago
All the adverts that I see on my sidebar tell me otherwise
Mac@mander.xyz 4 days ago
lol true.
There are that many women, sure, but 80% are unavailable, then 10% of the rest are MAGA, and of the final amount maybe 1% are actually compatible. lol
Cornelius_Wangenheim@lemmy.world 4 days ago
That’s a nice sentiment, but there is almost certainly a mismatch in supply and demand for men who are anime and video game nerds.
ThirdConsul@lemmy.ml 4 days ago
As a gay man, I have a novel solution to the problem.
TonyOstrich@lemmy.world 4 days ago
I don’t disagree with your statement about trying to find someone that shares similar interests and that one meshes with. As you said the mentality that one is trying to “catch” another person is pretty toxic and not the point I am responding too.
Although as an aside, I would critique the behavior of the other person. Dismissing someone based on past experiences with others that share a similar characteristic, or on preconceived notions of something is pretty shitty. I personally always try and give someone the benefit of the doubt and at least a couple of chances to shine. First encounters are often awkward AF and it can’t always be sparks and magic. (That’s an awful lot as an aside, I know 😅)
The one point you made about the potential number of matches is what I really wanted to comment on. It can often be frustrating and disheartening to have someone make a statement that comes across as if finding a partner is almost guaranteed as long as effort is put fourth (I know because I’m there). For reference my city has a population of about 900k people. I recently pulled some stats from the census and Pew Research to estimate what the actual pool of potential partners was like.
Things like number of people in my age range, percent of people in that age range that don’t want kids, percent that are in the market, etc. I also tried to avoid stacking percentages that have high correlations like education and political affiliation. The result I got was about 35 people at any given time. The half life on that number refreshing is about 18 months as well.
So all of that before even getting into whether we have the same hobbies or interests, if they find me attractive, and other important factors. It also doesn’t help that a lot of my hobbies and life are very heavily male dominated. What few women do exist in the space are usually already in a long term relationship. Even if they are not, I’m absolutely not first pick. I’m not ugly, I’m about average in looks and I do my best to present myself as best I can. Similarly I’m not super successful, but I’m not struggling either. However, when the ratio of men to women is so imbalanced even being in the top 20% or 10% in terms of desirability isn’t enough.
So when someone says there is someone out there that is perfect for me or another person, I believe that statement to be true unequivocally in the same way that I believe alien life does, has, or will exist. However I am not likely to ever meet either for the same reason; space is too large, and time is too vast.
All that to say, I can understand why someone like the OP (whether real or not) might feel that way. Logically you are absolutely right and I don’t disagree, but we are all still unfortunately human and that craving for love, sex, affection, etc. is annoyingly strong and even needed.
Taleya@aussie.zone 4 days ago
Atup. There’s a lotta guys who think dating apps are akin to ordering a woman online and then finessing the edges and they always get ragingly shitful when they find out women are actually people and don’t want that bullshit.
(This is outside of transactional hookups where people just wanna fuck)
hydrospanner@lemmy.world 4 days ago
There’s a lot of flawed logic on all sides.
And that’s not even accounting for the inherently deeply complex and illogical stuff that goes along with dating too.
When I was actively pursuing online dating years ago, some of my best dates were the one and done dates where we both seemed to know early on that we probably weren’t interested in each other as long term partners but were mature enough to acknowledge that without taking it personally and enjoy a much more relaxed rest of the date. On one of those occasions, my date even suggested that while I wasn’t a good match for her, if I were interested, she’d give her roommate my number, thinking we’d be better.
In the end it never happened, but it just shows that just because one or both halves of a date may not want a second date, that’s not a failing of either one, necessarily.
Zos_Kia@lemmynsfw.com 4 days ago
Yeah I’d Anon had asked first and she had replied “Taylor swift and watching reality TV” how would he have reacted?
rumba@lemmy.zip 3 days ago
“Taylor swift and watching reality TV” how would he have reacted?
Can’t speak for anon, but TS is more enjoyable than one would expect. I downloaded Eras for my wife, expecting it to be long and boring, and watched the whole damn thing and recommended it to my friends that would not have considered watching it.
Reality TV is fine, get a steam deck and game while they watch it. It’s so scripted you can stay caught up and gasp at the right moments without looking up.
SirEDCaLot@lemmy.today 3 days ago
You’re missing the point.
It sounds like you took my post as ‘anime fans aren’t all losers’. I didn’t say that.I was trying to say that it’s okay she rejected him for that and he should be happy that he won’t waste any more dates on a person who considers his hobbies a turn-off.
kemsat@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Between 1000 and a few million??? Lmfaoooo
Even if you’re in a massive city, it’s still probably gonna only be like 1000 people out of the total dating pool that you’ll get to maybe meet. And only like 20 of those 1000 would want a second date.
someacnt@sh.itjust.works 4 days ago
Surely you mean 1% chance of finding 1 out of 1000
lemonmelon@lemmy.world 4 days ago
You missed the other commenter’s point entirely. They’re referring to the total size of the dating pool and the need to filter that down to something that is both more manageable to interact with and more likely to lead to interactions with interested parties. The goal shouldn’t be “as many dates as possible”, rather “as many potentially compatible dates as possible”. Without winnowing down the size of the potential search group, one would be far less likely to have a meaningful, favorable encounter on any hypothetical date.
Maggoty@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Anime is such an innocuous interest too though. It’s not like hunting, or veganism, where you may be asking someone to make a big change in their life. If she has a problem with something like that then she’s going to be looking for someone to be with a lot longer than green text guy.
frayedpickles@lemmy.cafe 4 days ago
Depends on how old they are. I definitely view anime different from like…a 22 year old. Someone from my generation who is super into anime would be a big old red flag, potential for a full neck beard.
However, this person is not from my generation, so I think you’re right, it seems much more common today.
wabasso@lemmy.ca 4 days ago
It’s not necessarily an easy problem to solve. I think the woman should have given him a chance and generally everyone should avoid reacting so strongly to “dealbreakers” on a first date.
That being said, Anon can also consider not bringing up anime and video games right off the bat. It doesn’t mean you can never share this. It may be just fine given more context (you are moderate about it, still open to other things, etc.). We all make snap judgments that we regret later. It’s ok for you to help your dates avoid these (barring serious things like hiding if you have a kid).
Katzastrophe@feddit.org 4 days ago
I’m sorry, but dealbreakers are dealbreakers for a reason. And dealbreakers aren’t stuff that should be treated like it can be changed easily. Dealbreakers are things like political alignments, interest in having children, marriage and other stuff.
And asking women to give a guy they don’t like “just a chance” has not done anything ever for anyone, seriously. The amount of times I hear about women giving the “weird guy” a second chance has always ended in the guy either seriously overstepping boundaries or taking the later rejection even worse. I have yet to meet a “weird guy” who hasn’t done something seriously heinous later down the line.
And I am certain you didn’t mean it that way, but saying “It’s ok for you to help your dates avoid these” makes it sound like you’re advocating for invalidating womens opinions, as if they can’t make decisions for themselves and need help from a man to make the “right” one.
henfredemars@infosec.pub 5 days ago
Dating scene is terrible. Sometimes dates just don’t work out. You can’t base your worth on such things.
Also anon, she’s allowed to decide she’s not interested based on anything you did or did not say. That’s kind of how dating works.
Pregnenolone@lemmy.world 4 days ago
As someone who is a bit older than the average 4chan user, but used 4chan when I was that age: don’t change your hobbies for a girl/boy.
I get the reason people think this way - but you’ll never be able to hide who you truly are. Find someone who likes you for who you truly are.
And no, not showering isn’t who you truly are. Shower.
SlimeKnight@lemm.ee 4 days ago
Be the best version of yourself.
Best version showers and wears deodorant.
Gullible@sh.itjust.works 4 days ago
This feels like you’re just rephrasing “don’t watch anime”
andros_rex@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Keep in mind this is a 4chan green text, so the faux pas may have been mentioning Boku No Pico or something less innocent than “anime”
It’s not necessarily about “changing who you are,” it can be about the way you express those hobbies. Some people are definitely unfairly biased against video games and anime, but some people have encountered people who explore those hobbies in an unhealthy way.
Eg, when I am dating, I do avoid people who list gaming as their primary interest, even as a gamer myself. I might message someone who has a particular game I like mentioned in their profile, but rarely. Having gaming and anime listed primarily/only just has not been a good indicator - especially when it is left as generic as “gaming” and “anime.” Balder’s Gate 3 is normie-af and I doubt was the problem.
They can be very isolating hobbies too in how they are pursued - sometimes as a form of escapism for deeper issues. I wasted most of my twenties being a bang maid and mommy for my husband as he rotated through FIFA and Ubisoft releases, and I don’t think my experience is necessarily unique. He had a pastor who almost went through a divorce because of a World of Warcraft addiction. That’s the kind of thing that’s going to flash through most heterosexual women’s minds. It is painful to come home after work to a grunt and a pile of dishes and the flash of the screen. This is not to say that all or most gamers are like this - if you do game and have a partner, you should sit and think to yourself about how it does relate to the time spent on other types of hobbies.
Another aspect is that receptive/passive hobbies can be less interesting to talk about? Listening to someone rehash a show is usually going to be less interesting then watching the show. Remember that a first date especially needs to have a lot of push and pull. If they haven’t watched the show, a brief this is what it is this is why I like it, what shows do you like? With games, try to find out what games they like first and match their power level. The Sims and farming games are safe and common - and if you make someone feel comfortable by listening to them talk about their Sims legacy challenge, you can talk about the benefits of your Smash main.
But also, the technical aspects of someone else’s hobby are just not something that most will want to listen to, without already having a connection. I’d love if I could make genitals flush by showing off my Hush runs or the fact that one time in Nethack I actually got a character through the mines and to the castle.
MuffinHeeler@aussie.zone 4 days ago
And use soap
MadBob@feddit.nl 4 days ago
don’t change your hobbies for a girl/boy.
Change yourself for the enbies is what I’m hearing?
Pregnenolone@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Yes.
But for real I have fixed it
someacnt@sh.itjust.works 4 days ago
I feel like hiding/changing self is oftentimes easier than finding someone who likes one as-is. Most people are quite stereotyped and prefers being normal.
Pregnenolone@lemmy.world 4 days ago
“Easier” is a copout in the long term if you’re giving up your happiness for someone else. “Normal” is a spectrum and not absolute.
I get it though - loneliness sucks arse. For plenty of people desperation makes them want to make radical changes. I promise though that a lot of people get stuck thinking they’ll only have one opportunity at happiness
Deceptichum@quokk.au 5 days ago
Shouldn’t your dating profile already mention your interests to avoid this situation?
Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 5 days ago
It probably would but this it’s completely fake so it didn’t
echodot@feddit.uk 5 days ago
Damn for 4chan, can’t be bothered to properly flesh out their fantasies
NakariLexfortaine@lemm.ee 5 days ago
Playing devil’s advocate here:
People also absolutely suck at reading profiles. They skim, see some things they like, and go for it. There’s a terrifying amount who don’t even read, just go based off pictures.
Apytele@sh.itjust.works 5 days ago
Honestly I loved anime growing up but I went on a date with a guy in college who spent the entire date talking about anime in a manner that communicated his big tit fetish on the first date. Like. I would have loved talking about Inuyasha or fma among a few others I remembered really enjoying. But nope. Anime tiddies. So when I read this I’m like… Are you sure it was the anime dude or was it maybe actually something tangentially related to the anime?
Otoh if it really truly was the anime anon dodged a bullet anyway.
PieMePlenty@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Maybe anon only watches loli hentai but played it down to ‘anime’.
BugleFingers@lemmy.world 4 days ago
This is the problem I’ve encountered. Anime is fine, it’s like any other show/entertainment but it really can attract the wrong type of people. It’s why I don’t put it in my profile. The person I’m seeing has plenty of “horror” stories like yours too and said they avoid people with that in their profile now even though they like it cause of how weird or obsessive people can get about it.
Kinda sucks cause IMO one of the best parts about it is the ability to create other worlds/universes that live action struggles to do. (Think ATLA anime vs Live action)
PresidentCamacho@lemm.ee 4 days ago
Ive always felt the same, throughout my life I’ve had dumb asses for friends who would say “oh shit Anon here watches alot of anime” and i feel encouraged to downplay it for fear of being associated with weirdos they may have past experiences with.
Being older now i recognize that would be on them for judging based on a label. I don’t hide that I watch anime, but I cant say I don’t still feel odd talking about it. Especially because its just like any other show to me, its good or it isn’t, I’m not some huge anime person, I just love a good story, i don’t care about the medium.
Taleya@aussie.zone 5 days ago
I literally had a birthday picnic last sat with a bunch of incredibly attractive and intelligent women who would not shut the fuck up about bg3. Dude lost nothing of value
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 5 days ago
I was at a house party a couple years ago and had like a 45 minute long conversation about attack on titan with a group of women who did not seem to fit into the anime demographic at all. I didn’t even initiate it. The whole time in my head I was like “wtf is happening right now.”
FireRetardant@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Ive met girls who spend most of their free time gaming complain things like “all he does is game, hes going no where”. Some people have dumb standards for first impressions or are just straight up hypocrites.
That said, in our hyper competitive online dating bullshit timeline, OP should have thought of one of their more interesting skills and hobbys, even if they don’t do it as often. Something like “sometime i cook a nice dinner on fridays” or “i like to ice fish in the winter” could have gathered more interest than just games. Even sticking to the gaming genre but mentioning a weekly board game meet sounds more attractive than solo gaming. It isn’t necessarily the most fair but we gotta sell our selves even more when trying to connect digitally. There is no body language or other aspects to observe, your handful of pictures and texting is all you got to make a shot, for example, I game more than i ice fish, gaming is less commitment in time, energy, and money, but ice fishing is the more interesting and skill diverse hobby so I’d choose that over gaming for first impressions
Taleya@aussie.zone 5 days ago
Ironically, you’re treating dating like a strategy game. Don’t.
If you have to lie about who you are, you’re gonna get a shit deal
slaacaa@lemmy.world 4 days ago
He killed the vibe with talking about anime, gaming has gone quite mainstream, and is not perceived as nerdy anymore, as 10-20 years ago
Taleya@aussie.zone 4 days ago
Buddy wait until you hear about how anime is perceived nowadays…
Etterra@discuss.online 4 days ago
Pro tip: if this is your date’s reaction to your honest self then it was never gonna work out. You’re better off ditching their dead weight and moving on.
sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 4 days ago
Yup, better to dodge a bullet on the first date than to catch it when you’re emotionally invested.
Empricorn@feddit.nl 4 days ago
Non-joke response: be true to yourself. OP is fine for liking anime and video games, their date is fine for disliking the same. But don’t feel like either one should change or hide themself whether for a single date, or their “one true soulmate”! Either scenario, it’s not a lasting strategy. Find someone who likes you for you…
CheesyFox@lemmy.sdf.org 4 days ago
if i were to guess, i’d say that for people it’s not a problem with those hobbies in particular, but rather with the fact that the question implies you to say the most exciting things you do in a free time, therefore if you answer “anime and playing games” they consider you boring and uninitiative.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Idk “what are your hobbies” sometimes means “what do you do after work” and sometimes it means “what do you love to do when you can scrape together the time, money, and energy?”
rational_lib@lemmy.world 4 days ago
If you’re not a normie, don’t match with hardcore normies. Usually it’s pretty easy to tell.
sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 4 days ago
Yeah, OP dodged a bullet here.
samus12345@lemm.ee 4 days ago
If she doesn’t like those things she’s not worth bothering with. Keep looking.
phlegmy@sh.itjust.works 4 days ago
Nah, it doesn’t matter if she likes those things or not. It’s about whether or not she supports you having hobbies/interests that she doesn’t share.
Glytch@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Exactly. You’re never going to share 100% of your interests with a person, but you can still listen to them when they talk about the interests you don’t share. Anon’s date was a jerk for not even trying to engage with anon’s interests.
B312@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Fake: Anon had the courage to talk with a girl Gay: anime
Walk_blesseD@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 days ago
I feel like bg3 is gayer tbh
Cyth@lemmy.world 4 days ago
I mean have you SEEN Astarion? I’m not straight enough to say no to that!
Rentlar@lemmy.ca 5 days ago
Would anon want to be with someone full-time that they had to keep silent about their harmless hobbies?
Kitathalla@lemy.lol 5 days ago
You could replace “keep silent about their harmless hobbies” with a great many other things, and people will say yes. The hobbies thing is relatively tame compared to a great deal of self-directed changes/decisions based on the partner.
Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 5 days ago
It’s not just girls, some people just really don’t enjoy anime… me being one of them. I have tried and tried to like it to no avail.
So if a girl was really into anime, that would turn me off because I would assume I would have to at least listen to a lot of anime in my life.
Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 4 days ago
There’s anime (“Hellsing is pretty good, Gundam’s pretty cool too”), and anime(“KONICHIWA SENPAII~~❤️UwU NANI!?!?”)
Lots, if not most, people who like anime are in the first camp (sub in anime that people watch these days - I am deeply out of touch and know it shows). Lots, if not most, people think of the second camp when they hear someone say “I like anime”.
Wouldn’t necessarily lead with it as a hobby in a dating scenario unless you’re talking TV and movies in general already. But that’s just me, and I haven’t had to think about dating strategy for a loooong time.
rumba@lemmy.zip 3 days ago
The trick to being into anime, gaming, and being able to date is to find partners who enjoy the same things.
RedFrank24@lemmy.world 4 days ago
I mean… Did they not say what their hobbies were before they met? How do you go on a date with someone without knowing anything about them?
Trollception@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
OP, don’t take dating advice from Lemmy. That’s my biggest tip I’ve got for ya.
Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 days ago
I had a first date yesterday and we spent the entire time talking about anime and videogames. Sounds like OP just had bad luck.
wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 5 days ago
Anon realizes that normie women typically suck.
2ugly2live@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Did he put that in his hobbies? That’s like going out with someone who likes hiking and being mad when they mention their favorite trail. Anon dodged a bullet.
therealjcdenton@lemmy.zip 5 days ago
You mentioned you like anime, the chances for you being a pedophile and the chances of you assaulting her DRASTICALLY rose, she did the right thing by gtfo
Sergio@slrpnk.net 5 days ago
The bad ending:
> learn not to talk about anime and gaming
> change hobbies instantly for a woman
> long-term relationship but miserable
Blackmist@feddit.uk 5 days ago
Pros: Having sex.
Cons: Has to know the names of everybody on Love Island.
SatanClaus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 days ago
I feel personally attacked. Love Island is wonderful trash okay? 🤣